Aftershock
by n00btmntfan
Summary: After Donatello's un-mutation and Shredder's death, everybody struggles to pick up the pieces and move forward with their lives. April, Kirby, and Tang Mei (Tang Shen's sister) work to find a way to re-mutate Donnie, while Karai has vowed to take down the rest of the Foot Clan from the inside. They will be forced to work with the Kraang to succeed - if success is even possible.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**Author's Note: "Aftershock" is a sequel to my fan-fics "The Girl Next Door" and "Donatello's Demise." You will probably have an easier time understanding the sequel if you read the first two, but if you don't want to take the time to, I have written a synopsis which highlights the main points of "The Girl Next Door" and "Donatello's Demise."**

**If you do want to read them, check out my profile for the links. **

**Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, all related characters, and all derived works are the intellectual property of Nickelodeon, Viacom, Eastman, and Laird. This story is for entertainment purposes and not for monetary gain. In no way should this story be taken to be anything other than a fan-based expansion of and commentary on the original work. n00btmntfan is in no way associated with the makers of TMNT.**

* * *

In "The Girl Next Door," a Japanese woman named Satou Atsuko moves into the apartment directly downstairs from April. Satou is a computer programmer, collector of traditional Japanese weapons, and an avid disciple of ninjutsu. After an unfortunate encounter with April's mutated father, Atsuko befriends April. April, who is struggling with being torn between Donnie and Casey, confides in Atsuko more and more. However, unbeknownst to April, Satou Atsuko used to go by a different name—Tang Mei. Tang Mei was the older sister of Tang Shen.

Shredder and Splinter, it turns out, had made a childhood pact when they were in school: Splinter, who was enamored with Tang Mei, and Shredder, obsessed with Tang Shen, agreed that they would help each other win the object of their affection. However, Tang Mei ended up marrying a man named Kobayashi Kenshin. Splinter accepted this and moved on—only to discover that Tang Shen had loved him the whole time. When Tang Shen chose Splinter, Shredder saw it as a violation on Splinter's part of their childhood contract. When Shredder finally decided to finish Splinter off, he decided to make Splinter suffer first. So, he captured the Kobayashis and made Tang Mei watch while he killed Kenshin and their sons Kenji and Suki. Then, he planned to capture Splinter and make him watch while he raped the woman who had once been the object of Splinter's affection. However, when Shredder failed to capture Splinter (thinking him dead in the fire), Shredder dealt with his anger by repeatedly raping Tang Mei over the one year he kept her prisoner.

After she had been captive for a year, Tang Mei managed to escape. She changed her name and sought a new life, devoting herself martial arts and learning advanced computer programming. Years later, she gets a job offer in New York and moves there—into the apartment below April's.

Donnie is working on a supercomputer to help him find the retro-mutagen, and April hopes to enlist Satou's help in the matter. However, April's life is complicated by the triangle she feels stuck in with Donatello and Casey. On the one hand, Casey makes her giddy with excitement and she really likes him (plus, there is the bonus of his not being a giant turtle), but on the other, she feels that she owes Donnie for all of the things he has done for her since they met. Eventually, after much agonizing over it, April ends up dating Casey—however, their relationship ends up being rather short-lived.

The day after Casey and April become an "item," Casey is captured by Karai, who has learned of Casey's own sordid past. As a recovering alcoholic, Casey is very vulnerable to relapse. Using that against him, Karai asks him to help her capture April. Unable to resist the alcohol, Casey agrees to help her in exchange for satisfying his addiction.

Eventually, Satou figures out that April is connected to Splinter—whom Satou partly blames for Tang Shen's death as well as her own torment at Shredder's hands. Satou is with April when the Foot Clan, using Casey's tip, track April down. Satou thinks that April is part of a trap set by the Shredder, and wanting to escape she ends up knocking April out—who is then promptly taken away by Karai.

Satou realizes her mistake and manages to find the turtles using April's t-phone. The turtles think that Satou is with the foot—and by the time they figure everything out, it's almost too late. The turtles then rush off to save April, leaving Satou and Splinter alone in the lair. Satou and Splinter reconcile.

Meanwhile, Shredder is planning to rape April as another way to punish Splinter. He almost does, but then the turtles burst in to save the day. Michelangelo is grievously injured and April is severely traumatized; however, it is unsure whether Shredder survived the encounter.

When Satou and Leonardo go to find Casey, they discover the truth. They give Casey two days to either tell April himself or to just break up with her and never speak to her again. Casey is too ashamed of the truth and so he chooses the latter option. Donnie, who learns the truth from Leo, decides that April deserves to know the truth too, since she is so upset by Casey's mysterious dumping of her.

Furthermore, April has started to suffer from PTSD; her father is the only psychologist who will believe the strange situation is true. Donnie doubles his resolve to fix Mr. O'Neil so that Kirby can help April recover. Donnie swears to April that he will never rest until he finds a cure. Then, to his surprise, April declares that she loves Donnie and they kiss.

The story ends with Satou Atsuko reclaiming her identity as Tang Mei. The turtles adopt her as their aunt. She decides that she will finally heal from her old traumas and resolves to help April overcome her PTSD.

In "Donatello's Demise," we see April and Donnie's relationship off to a rocky start as she goes through PTSD and he works feverishly to perfect the retro-mutagen. Mei still feels a little unsure about who she is, but spends a lot of time with her new family, and steadily makes peace with her past. She helps April with coping and assists Donnie with his super-computer project so that he can develop the mutagen.

At Michelangelo's suggestion, Splinter asks Mei if she would like to move into the lair with them. Mei thinks about it for several days and then agrees. The super-computer is finished, and now Donnie can work on the retro-mutagen in earnest.

Things take an unexpected turn when April is approached at school by Casey, who has finally decided to stop avoiding her and tell her the truth. Unfortunately for him, April already knows, and she is furious with him. Nevertheless, talking with him triggers a panic reflex in April, and she spends the rest of the day terrified that this is all a ploy so that Shredder can get a hold of her again. The symptoms of her PTSD and this fear make her lose control, and she ends up going to her apartment and tries to kill herself by slitting her wrists.

She is found later that evening by Mei and Donnie, who rush her back to the lair. She has lost a lot of blood, and because of her unique DNA, there is nobody in the city who could be a proper donor. Donnie breaks down, out of ideas – fortunately, Mei steps up to the plate and suggests that they use Donnie's equipment to synthesize blood for April. They are successful, but April is in a coma for seventeen days.

During that time, Donnie perfects the retro-mutagen and they test it on a hostile to see if it works on a complete organism. After turning Fishface back into a human, they realize that it's totally safe and plan to use it on Kirby.

After the test run, the turtles get back to the lair to find April awake. Everyone is ecstatic, except that Donnie has an unexpected reaction of anger at first. After a while, he is able to forgive her, and for a little while, it looks like everything will go back to normal.

Then, when Donnie and Mei are trying to administer to retro-mutagen to Kirby, Donnie accidentally injects himself with it and gets turned back into a regular turtle. Splinter withdraws from everybody; Mikey has a spectacular breakdown.

Unsure of what to do and unable to turn to Splinter for help, Leo steps up to the plate and decides on a course of action. He decides that they will use Karai to communicate with the Kraang for them, since the Foot and the Kraang are sort of frenemies. To reach Karai, they decide to use Casey.

Unbeknownst to them, Karai has been having dreams about Mei ever since she first saw her – she doesn't know who Mei is, but feels like she should know her. She offers Casey anything he wants in exchange for more information about Mei, but he refuses to help her. Nevertheless, she leaves him with a number "just in case," and he finds himself unable to throw it away.

When the turtles approach him, Casey provides them with the phone number and they contact Karai. The plan is set in motion, and Karai begrudgingly agrees to help them. However, Shredder's scouts have gotten pictures of Mei. He explains to Karai who she is, lying and saying that Mei's husband helped Splinter kill Tang Shen. He explains how he killed Mei's husband, and that Mei is probably looking for revenge. Furious, Karai promises that she will capture Mei so that she will no longer pose a threat.

After setting up a trap for Mei and capturing her, Karai refuses to listen as Mei tries to tell Karai who she really is. Karai believes she is lying and ends up delivering Mei to Shredder, but Karai feels incredibly guilty and doubts herself.

Shredder, being the terrible excuse for a human being that he is, gloats over Mei and asks her where he can find Splinter and the turtles. When she refuses to help him, he beats her and the scene cuts away, but it is obvious as to what is happening. In the meantime, Baxter Stockman is hacking into Mei's phone, and is able to trace the location of the lair from there.

When Mei's phone is hacked, it sends out an automatic distress signal with coordinates. Kirby, who has been un-mutated, helps them figure out where to go – Shredder's lair. Splinter, Leo, Raph, and Mikey rush off to the rescue, leaving April, Kirby, and Donnie in the lair. Kirby has purchased a gun off the black market so that he can protect April; when April points out that guns are illegal in New York City, Kirby quips that so are sodas larger than 16 ounces.

While Splinter and the turtles arrive at Shredder's lair and rescue Mei, they discover that Shredder has already left and has gone to the lair. Splinter sends the turtles ahead and he stays behind to help Mei escape.

Shredder and Karai arrive at the lair and find it deserted. They venture in slowly and hear a gunshot. Karai sees April in the dojo and runs in to capture her, while Kirby keeps shooting at Shredder (and missing.) April and Karai struggle – Donnie helps by biting Karai on the Achilles' tendon, and when she is thrown off balance, she bumps into the picture of Splinter's family. She has the horrible realization that Mei was telling the truth.

Leo, Raph, and Mikey arrive at the lair and immediately attack Shredder. Hearing sounds coming from the dojo, Leo runs in and finds Karai staring at the picture. He asks if she will help them. She says she will, but only if she gets to kill Shredder. They all head back out into the main lair, where Shredder is unfortunately gaining the upper hand. Sometime during the fray, Kirby gets thrown across the room and lands next to the turnstiles; his gun lands next to him.

Splinter arrives just in time to get everyone out of a sticky spot, leaving Mei near the turnstiles. However, Shredder grabs hold of Karai and threatens to kill her unless they let him leave.

Mei grabs Kirby's gun and fires twice. The first shot knocks off Shredder's helmet; the second kills him.

Afterwards, Kirby and April take Mei to the hospital, since none of them have the expertise to treat her extensive injuries. When April and Kirby return to check on everyone, they report Mei's injuries. Karai asks to talk to April, and April extends a hand of friendship, much to Karai's surprise.

They all put together a 'welcome home' party at Mei's apartment. Karai finally gets to talk to Mei again, and she is shocked when Mei forgives her.

Karai decides to return to the Foot Clan to work under cover to tear the rest of the Foot Clan down as well as try to get help from the Kraang.

The story ends with April promising Donnie that she will wait for him, no matter how long it takes.

(Oh yeah, and something I forgot to mention during this synopsis is that Mei and Splinter sort of kind of might be forming a relationship - they know they care about each other in more than a familial way, but it's complicated.)

** On to the sequel!**


	2. Chapter 2

Leonardo sat alone in the den. It seemed like a totally different place. Three of their favorite games were gone, totally destroyed, and while Aunt Mei had footed the bill for a state-of-the-art television for them, it didn't feel right. Nothing could replace Donnie's homemade ham television.

So much had changed. In less than half a year, everything Leonardo had come to understand as normal had come tumbling down around them like an earthquake. He had always known that Shredder was a seriously bad dude, but the last few months had shed light into corners so dark that Leonardo wished he had never seen them. Somehow, Shredder's abrupt and violent death did not seem like enough justice had been done.

"Do you think that he's in hell?" Michelangelo had asked Splinter a few days ago.

"Hell is what we create for ourselves," Splinter replied.

"Then I'm pretty sure he's in hell," Raphael snarled. "And I hope he's having done to him what he spent his whole life doing to others."

Splinter did not make any comment in response. He had simply left the room without another word.

As he sat alone thinking, Leo wondered if Splinter was mourning Shredder's death. They had been really close as children. All through their teens and even some into adulthood. Splinter had said more than once that they were as close as brothers. Leo tried to imagine what Splinter was going through.

He had watched someone he loved turn into one of the worst monsters in the world.

Yes, justice had finally been served to Shredder in the form of a nine-millimeter bullet, but the pain that Shredder had caused them was far from being over. Everyone was still suffering.

Perhaps, most profoundly, the ones who had still loved Shredder up until the very end.

Leo took his phone and checked for text messages or missed calls. It had been over 36 hours since he had last heard from Karai. Eleven days ago, she had returned to the Foot in order to destroy them from the inside. It was a delicate balance for her to pretend that she was still loyal to everything Shredder stood for while actively seeking to destroy it. Leo worried sometimes whether she had really processed everything. At a time like this, she needed her real family more than ever.

He longed to send her a message, to check up on her. But he had promised to wait for her to contact him, and her last message had said "if you don't hear from me within 48 hours," so he still had twelve hours to wait.

"It's three in the morning, you dork," Raphael said, startling Leo.

Leo looked up from his phone to see Raph standing at the end of the hall that led to their rooms. "So what are you doing awake, then?"

"Nothing," Raph snapped, but then his expression grew sheepish. He held up one of his sai. "The spire isn't perfectly straight, and it's throwing the whole thing out of whack. It's been bothering me for a while, but since Donnie always maintained our weaponry...I was going to go into his lab to see if I could find something to help me figure out how to do it."

Leo frowned in confusion. "Splinter would know what to do. He's the one who taught Donnie."

Raph's face grew flushed.

Leo had noticed that Raph had been finding several excuses to go into Donnie's lab lately. "I think I understand, Raph. Come and sit down."

As if to prove how topsy-turvy everything had become, Raph walked over to the couch and sat down. "Any word from Karai?"

"Not yet. But it's a sensitive operation."

"I'm still not sure we should trust her."

Leo groaned internally. They had hashed over this topic more times than he cared to remember. But Leo figured that in light of how much had changed, Raph probably needed the skepticism as some kind of an anchor.

The two of them sat there silently for a while.

Suddenly, Raph started chuckling softly. "You remember that time that Donnie set up a spy-camera in your room?"

The question was completely unexpected, but Leo started laughing at the memory. "I think so. We were what...nine?"

"Yeah. Me, Donnie, and Mikey decided we wanted to be spies, and we were gonna spy on Splinter. But since you wouldn't play we spied on you instead."

"I was so mad!" Leo said, laughing. "You guys were such jerks."

"You deserved it. You thought you were so much more mature than us."

Leo's spirits sank slightly. He considered saying that it was because he _was_ more mature than them, but decided against it. _Someone_ needed to be mature. He poked at his phone again, just in case he had somehow missed a message from Karai.

Raph sighed. "You are, though."

Leo almost jumped. "Huh?"

"More mature than us. You've been able to keep it together this whole time, Leo...I just—I don't get it. How do you do it?"

Leo was astounded that this conversation was happening. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Mikey disintegrated when we lost Donnie. I completely lost it. But you kept it together—kept all of us together."

"I just—someone had to lead. So I did. I guess I've always been that way."

Raph scoffed. "You're such a dork." His words seemed affectionate rather than derogatory.

"Raph, there's something else that I've been thinking about."

"What's that, chief?"

"We're going to do everything in our power to get Donnie back. But there's a chance we might fail. A good chance."

Raph tensed up.

"At some point, we might just have to accept that he's gone."

Raph buried his face in his hands. "I know," he muttered. Lifting his head again, he smacked his fists against his legs. "I know, Leo." He sighed heavily. "Just don't tell that to Mikey."

Leo frowned as he remembered Mikey's catastrophic meltdown. "Or April."

Raph scoffed. "April?" He folded his arms. "She's so optimistic nowadays that it's sickening. I don't get it—she went from so depressed she tried to kill herself to bright and happy ray of sunshine."

"It's not that simple, Raph," Leo said. He sighed. He hadn't been able to talk to April very much in the last few days, but she was so feverishly involved in the research for a cure for Donnie that it was practically all she talked about. "Yeah, she's happy. She has her dad back, Shredder's gone...but when it comes to Donnie – right now her hope is all she has. Let her have it."

Raph nodded and pulled out one his sai. He fidgeted with it, occasionally trying to spin it, but shaking his head the more he tried. Leo glanced at the presumably defective sai in Raph's hand. It looked fine to him – but he also knew that the intimacy between a ninja and his weapon made even minor flaws hugely noticeable.

After a few minutes of silence, Raph put the sai away. "Any news about Aunt Mei?"

"Not since Tuesday when we all brought her flowers." Leo raised a brow. "You know, three days ago."

Raph nodded imperceptibly and stared at the floor.

"I miss her too."

Raph scowled and opened his mouth as if to contradict Leo's assessment of the situation, but then he sighed and shook his head.

Aunt Mei had become such a huge part of their lives in such a short amount of time. For the first time in his life, Leo finally began to truly understand what having a mother might be like, and he knew for a fact that his brothers felt the same way. They had grown accustomed to her soft footsteps and the sound of her voice, to the way that she devoted time and attention to them, to the obvious change in Splinter's outlook on things. Up until Donnie's un-mutation, Leo couldn't remember a time that Splinter had been happier.

Donnie. His un-mutation had changed everything. Within seventy-two hours of the incident, Kirby had been un-mutated, Shredder had been killed, Karai had become their ally, and Aunt Mei had been grievously injured. All of them had been permanently affected.

Was it really only seventeen days ago?

"Six to nine weeks," Raph muttered. "Six to nine _weeks _she'll be stuck in that wheelchair!" He punched the couch.

"Only four to seven, now," Leo said, in what he hoped was an encouraging voice. He knew it was a mistake the minute the words left his mouth.

"That's not the point! A broken pelvis. A broken _pelvis,_ Leo! Like it wasn't bad enough that he practically broke every other bone in her body. Nobody said how that happened. I don't even _want_ to know how that happened…" He buried his face in his hands.

"But you have an idea anyway. Nobody had to say anything," Leo said softly. He laid a hand on Raph's shoulder. "We all do. Even Mikey."

"The one thing I _don't _get is that we all know _why_ it happened, and we've all decided to sweep it under the rug."

Leo frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

Anger flared up inside of Leo. Raph didn't just _distrust _Karai. "How can you blame Karai for this?"

"How can you _not_?"

"Everything she did was because of Shredder!"

"It wasn't like she was a robot! She could have chosen to listen to Aunt Mei _before _the Shredder raped and beat her within an inch of her life."

"If anyone has the right to be mad about that, it's Aunt Mei, and _she _forgave Karai. If _she _did, then none of us have any right to hold a grudge."

"Whatever," Raph snapped. He got up. "I'm going to bed." He gestured to Leo's t-phone. "Let me know if you need any backup."

"Thanks," Leo said curtly.

With that, Raph stomped back to his room.

Leo sighed. He knew that Raph still distrusted Karai, but he didn't realize that Raph actually blamed Karai for Aunt Mei's injuries.

It was probably the only thing that Raph and Karai had in common at this point.

But both of them were wrong. If it was Karai's fault, then it was Aunt Mei's fault for letting herself be captured. That would make it Leo's fault for letting Aunt Mei go alone. The fault would stretch on and on and on, all while overlooking the real culprit: Oroku Saki. But none of this mattered. This wasn't about blame anymore. It was about healing.

And given Raph's willingness to provide backup for Karai in spite of everything, perhaps the healing was already beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

April's vision blurred. Her eyes had gone over the same lines of chemical formulas about a hundred times, and it still didn't make sense to her. None of it made sense.

Hoping to uncross her eyes, she looked up from the book and surveyed the room. Her dad sat on the one end of the couch with his head tilted back; all of the papers had slid from his lap and he was snoring softly. On the other end of the couch, Mei sat with her head propped up against several throw pillows. She too had fallen asleep.

From her place at Mei's dining room table, April couldn't see the clock. But she didn't have to in order to know that it was past midnight. It couldn't be good for Mei to fall asleep on the couch like that while her injuries were still healing.

As April wearily glanced back over the formulas, she found herself wishing that Donnie could be there to help her out. Her heart twisted at the thought. She missed Donnie. It was seventeen days now since he had be un-mutated.

Seventeen days. The same length of time that April had been in coma.

And like the coma, the seventeen days felt like an eternity.

The thought made her wince involuntarily as phantom pain shot through her arms. She had almost _died._ And it had been her own fault. With multiple vicious strikes of a knife, she had spat in the face of everyone she loved, hurt everyone she loved…

..hurt Donnie.

She didn't blame herself for the accident – she had tried to several times, but her dad and Mei had helped her get past that particular distorted perception of reality. But she regretted that the last days of Donnie's sentient life had been filled with so much grief and turmoil.

Because of her.

_I'm so much stronger now, Donnie,_ April thought, as she mindlessly doodled on her notepad. _Healthier. Happier, even. I'm getting better. _

_I wish I could share that with you. _

She was startled out of her thoughts by a particularly loud snore that her dad issued.

It startled Mei, too – she moaned softly as she woke up and looked around. "April? What time is it?"

"No clue," April muttered.

"Why are you still here? You need to be rested for your visit from the social worker tomorrow."

April's stomach tightened. _The social worker!_ CPS had started sniffing around when April was reported missing from school; with some quick computer hacking, Mei had made it appear that April's father had pulled her from public school and was now homeschooling her. Nevertheless, it had not been fast enough – even though Mei had back-dated it – and April and her dad had been notified that a social worker would be coming to interview them. "Oh my gosh. I forgot."

Mei glanced down at April's arms. "Well, don't forget to keep your sleeves rolled down when she comes."

April followed Mei's gaze. It had been so warm in the apartment that she'd rolled up her sleeves, revealing the ugly raised scars that had been deep, life-threatening gashes a few weeks ago. The social worker would certainly take interest in such a thing – and that was the last kind of interest that April wanted. Hastily, she pulled down her sleeves. "Good catch." She looked back up at Mei, who was suddenly staring off into space, a tiny hint of panic in her eyes that vaguely reminded April of the time that Mei – going by the name Atsuko then – had struck her unconscious. "Are you all right?"

Immediately, the panic was gone. April wondered if she had imagined it.

"I'm fine," Mei said. "Just tired."

April had a strong feeling that Mei was keeping something from her.

"Kirby?" Mei said loudly. "You and April ought to be going."

April's dad snorted and sat bolt upright. "Huh?" His eyes fell on the clock. "Dang it. Come on, April, let's get packed up."

"Just leave it," Mei said. "You'll be back tomorrow, and we don't want the social worker to see this stuff anyway."

"Good point. Let me help you get to bed."

"I can do it myself."

"Now, you know that the doctors said you need to wait at least another week before moving to and from the wheelchair without assistance."

Mei frowned.

April hated seeing Mei like this. Somebody as fiercely independent as her could not have found accepting this much help easy.

"April, go on home and get some sleep," Kirby said. "Between the two of us, you need to look healthier."

April wanted to stay and help Mei, too, but she had discovered that Mei did not like multiple people fussing over her. "Okay. Good night, Mei. Love ya."

Mei's lips formed a smile. Since her jaw was wired shut due to the fracture she'd sustained, her smiles were limited – but April could see in Mei's eyes how much it meant.

With that, April headed home, trying not to think about how much she was dreading tomorrow.

* * *

Mei watched as April left. The door clicked shut.

"Your daughter is a gem, Kirby."

"I know. Maybe that's why the Kraang are after her."

"You know, I still haven't met the Kraang."

Kirby shuddered. "Count yourself fortunate. Hey, you've seemed…off tonight. How are you doing?"

"I don't understand it," Mei whispered. "I felt no fear at the time. So why – why am I so fearful now?"

Kirby was silent.

"I've started having nightmares again. Like I used to. About Kenshin and the boys, everything – _he –_ did to me in Japan, _and _what happened two weeks ago. Even though he's gone."

"Well, in the moment, the brain has no time to process fear. Afterwards, when there is safety, the brain tries to resolve the issue – deals with the fear as if it's happening again. It's precisely because you are safe now that this is so difficult for you."

Mei sighed. That did not exactly help her. She had thought that ending Shredder's life would somehow undo all of the hurt she had suffered at his hands. Instead, it just seemed like he had been put out of his misery while she was forced to continue suffering.

"When was the last time you had a nightmare about the incident?"

Mei scoffed. "Which one?"

"Any of them."

"I only seem to have them when I'm alone." Alone, like she had spent most of her life after losing Kenshin and the boys. She had learned a way to cope with the nightmares – a way that involved being totally shut off from as much human contact as possible. But now, she had grown accustomed to being around people – people she loved, and people who loved her – and being alone with her reawakened fears was almost unbearable.

"Mei, can I ask you a question?"

Mei shrugged.

"Do you think poorly of yourself because you weren't afraid in the moment, but you are now?"

"Yes." Water collected at the fringes of her vision. "It doesn't make sense."

Kirby nodded. "Feelings usually don't. Being afraid now doesn't make you weak, or a coward, or anything like that. It's a sign that you were able to put your fears on hold long enough to survive the trauma. You're safe now – and we can work on dealing with those fears, right? You have meditation, that book about cognitive therapy I got you, and we can try other stuff, too." He was quiet for a moment. "I can't stay all night, Mei. I really wish I could, but April – well, two nights ago she had night terrors. She denies it…but I know that's what happened. I need to be there for her."

"I understand."

"Do you want me to call Splinter? I'm sure he could stealth his way up here."

"No. There's no reason to bother him."

"I don't think it'd bother him. I think he'd bend over backwards for you, to be honest."

"I know. But I also think he'd blame himself for this, somehow. He's been blaming himself for this whole Shredder mess for years." She felt a surge of guilt.

_In your darkest hour…_

She had blamed him, too. Finally, she had realized the blame was misplaced. Splinter had said that he had forgiven himself – but in order to forgive something, there had to be guilt.

He most assuredly still assumed the blame. She suspected that he blamed himself for her injuries, too – there was no need to pile on guilt over her emotional trauma, too yet.

Mei squeezed her eyes shut; a bead of water escaped. She sighed. "I thought that I was finally done with fear."

Kirby nodded and gently patted her on the shoulder. "You know, earthquakes do a lot of damage. Sometimes, the aftershocks cause more damage than the initial quake."

"So that's what this is? Aftershock?"

"It's one way of looking at it. We're all going to be experiencing it in some fashion or another. What's happened in our lives, here – it's just way too astronomical for any of us to escape the after-effects. Heck, Mei, I'm giving you all of this advice here, but I'm still having nightmares myself. About the Kraang, about being a mindless mutant..." Kirby shuddered slightly and drew a deep breath. "But as long as we hold onto each other, we'll get through this. All of us. We just have to ride it out, and wait for the tremors to stop."

Mei nodded, and used her good arm to wipe tears out of her eyes.

"Ready to try to get some sleep?"

"Yes."

Kirby helped Mei get changed into her pajamas – he was very gentlemanly, keeping his eyes averted as much as possible. Then, he helped her get comfortable in bed. He pressed her new cell phone into her hand. "Call if you need anything."

Mei nodded. "I'll need April to help me with my bath tomorrow."

"Sure thing. Once we've got the whole mess with this social worker figured out, I'll send her over." He chuckled. "I had to pick out all of this curriculum so I can prove that she's getting a good education at home. You know, I'm actually excited kind of excited about homeschooling her. She'll be able to have a more flexible schedule – which works perfectly for her ninja training and all of that. Gives her more time with her friends, too."

Mei closed her eyes. "Good night, Kirby."

"Oh yeah – sorry. Good night, Mei. Don't hesitate to call." He left, and the door knob clicked loudly.

Clicked like a lock she had once heard every night for months on end.


	4. Chapter 4

The lab was eerily silent.

Splinter lingered in the doorway, observing the dark, quiet room. Usually, the place was filled with the humming of electronics, but since Mei's hospitalization, it had been quiet – everything was turned off except for the algae tank heaters, and they barely made any noise.

He flipped on the lights. The silence was interrupted by the hum of fluorescent tubes flickering on. He ventured in, looking to see if his un-mutated son was hiding in here anywhere. He hadn't seen the little turtle anywhere else this morning, and even without his sentience, the Donatello still seemed to prefer the lab.

Splinter allowed himself a moment of reminiscence. How many times had he walked in here to find Donatello neck deep in some ridiculous experiment? He barely understood half of his son's activities, but as he scanned the metalworking station, he felt a surge of affection.

Donatello had certainly taken his metallurgy to an entirely new level, but Splinter remembered setting up the very first basic station together. He needed to find a way to fix dents and bends in the weapons as they occurred, and naturally, his son had taken an interest in helping.

"Whatcha gonna do next?" Donatello had asked, watching as Splinter placed Leonardo's katana in the bed of hot coals.

"I will straighten it with this hammer," Splinter had replied.

"So first you get it reeeeal hot, and then you smack it?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"Where'd you get all this stuff, anyway?"

"You would be shocked at what this city discards."

"Yeah, but that funny foldy thing? It's awesome! Who would throw that away?"

"It's called a 'bellows.'"

"Oh yeah. I knew that, I just forgot for a minute. How does the 'bellows' work?"

Splinter wondered how Donatello did not forget more, considering how much information swam around in that head of his. "I told you already. Fire needs air to become very hot; the bellows pumps air into the fire."

"Ohhh…why?"

Splinter pulled the blade out of the fire. "Watch out, Donatello – the blade is extremely hot."

"Leo!" Donnie bellowed. "Get in here! Master Splinter's gonna smack your hot katana!"

Splinter was never a person who laughed very much, but he remembered nearly doubling over with laughter at the remark. He had almost dropped the katana.

"What's so funny?" Donatello had asked, his face wrinkled in confusion.

"Oh, Donnie-bo," Splinter had said, still chuckling. "Never mind. Just – never mind."

_Donnie-bo. _

Splinter's heart twisted at the thought. With Donatello gone, it would be his responsibility to fix damaged weaponry now. It would only be a matter of time – perhaps only a few training sessions – before something would need repair.

He was not sure he would be able to do it. Not with the pain so fresh.

He walked farther into the lab, looking for his son. "Donatello?"

There was a slight shuffling in response to Splinter's call; it seemed to be coming from the bookshelf. Splinter walked over to find Donatello perched on top of one of the books there – an extremely tattered copy of _The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire._

He choked back an outburst. "I see you still like that book, Donatello."

_Oh, Donnie-bo. _

He remembered coming home with the discarded library copy of the book. He had been greeted an extremely excited 5-year-old Donatello. "Master Splinter! You got me another book?"

"Yes. It's a bit big, though, and some of the words might be tricky for you."

"Nah. I'm a big boy now, and I already finished reading that book of words you gave me last week."

Splinter had been dumbfounded. "The dictionary?"

"Yeah! I really loved it. Do they make one for Japanese, too?"

"Yes, but that might be a bit harder to find here in America."

"'S okay. I'll wait." He snatched the huge book from Splinter's hands and made a slight _oomph _noise as he took it. "I'm gonna read this now. _Arigat__ō gozaimasu,_ Splinter-san!" With that, he had run to the other room as fast as his little legs could take him.

Donatello had always been so intelligent, so _passionate _about learning.

And now he was reduced to a mindless animal.

Splinter held back tears. Tears were a distraction; they inhibited the ninja's ability to be ready at all times, to maintain awareness at all times. How often had he told his sons to suppress tears? He prided himself on his ability to "keep it together," as Leonardo might say. But lately, he felt like he was falling apart. Months ago, when he had met Mei, he hadn't been able to hold in his grief – the worst parts of his past were dredged up for him, all of the self-blame and sorrow. Michelangelo had almost died, and the thought of losing his little Mikey-bo was too much to bear. He had almost lost control when April tried to kill herself, but he managed to hold it in for the sake of his sons.

But Donatello – to _actually_ lose his son – he hadn't felt grief so profound since losing his wife and daughter. Now that there was a glimmer of hope, he was able to pull himself back together, able to forge on. After all, he had forged on when there was no hope – certainly he could do it now.

And just as he had his sons to help him with that grief, he still had three of his sons to help him now – sons that would make any man glad, ninjas worthy enough to make any sensei proud.

"Enjoy your book, Donnie-bo," Splinter whispered, letting Donatello return to whatever it was he was doing. He couldn't bear to stay and watch anymore.

He returned to the dojo to meditate; it was still only a little past four, and training wouldn't be for another hour or so. How he had let the boys convince him to push to morning training session from five to five-thirty was a mystery. Perhaps recent events had made him soft.

As he assumed the lotus position, he silently focused on the mantra _Acknowledge; let flow. _They were the words that had gotten him through much grief. Acknowledge the pain. Let it flow back into the energy of the universe. Do not fight it – simply let it be, and release it.

He felt himself becoming more at peace, more and more peaceful, peaceful and at one with the universe, drawing from its energy, drawing power and strength…

"Sensei?"

Abruptly, he snapped back into the present. He always hated it when his sons interrupted him; it made him feel like he was a diver surfacing too quickly. He opened his eyes and looked at Raphael. "You're up early, my son. Training is not for another hour or so."

"I couldn't sleep," Raphael said. He scratched the back of his neck. "And besides, my sai is kind of messed up. It's all out of balance. I was wondering if you could take a look at it before training gets started, so that I'll be on my best game."

Splinter stood up from the floor and took the offending sai from Raphael, cringing at the thought of having to repair the weapon without Donatello at his side. He spun it around several times and inspected the spire to be sure it was straight; he found its center of balance and held it on one finger.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with it.

"You are sure that this was the defective sai?" Splinter asked, looking sideways at his son.

There were bags under Raphael's eyes. He frowned. "Is there nothing wrong with it?" He pulled out the other sai and traded it for the one that Splinter had.

Splinter ran the same check; this sai was in perfect condition, except for a few scratches in the metal. He looked carefully at Raphael. "You are correct. There is a balance problem."

"I knew it. So how do I fix it?"

"Perhaps through meditation."

Raphael raised his eyebrows. "I'm no expert, but I don't think that's how it works."

"You mistake me." Splinter handed the sai back to Raphael. "The balance problem is not with the sai, but within you."

Predictably, anger exploded across Raphael's face. "I don't have a balance problem – maybe you're the one with the balance problem!"

"You have not been sleeping well, you eat much less than normally, and your training has suffered. It is obvious that you are out of balance."

Raphael bit his lip for a moment. With a snarl, he flung his sai across the room; they clattered to the floor. "How the heck am I not supposed to have a balance problem? _Everything _is out of balance – everything! You expect me to just turn off and not care, like you do?"

Splinter's own temper rose – unlike Raphael, however, he had learned to keep it in check. "Do you think I do not care, Raphael?" His own voice sounded dangerous to him, like a whetted knife ready to strike. He forced himself to reel in his anger: _acknowledge, let flow…_

"You sure don't _act _like it! You're all Mr. Peace and Focus, and you don't _care _that everything around you is falling apart!"

"This is where your trouble with balance is, Raphael. If you look closely, you will see that things are not falling apart, but coming together. It is only inside of you that things are 'falling apart.'"

"Gaah!" Raphael rushed Splinter, raising a fist to strike.

Splinter deflected it and flipped Raphael onto the floor. Raphael lay there, face down, his breathing ragged and full of rage. He started beating his fists on the floorboards.

Splinter remained quiet, vaguely reminded of Raphael's spectacular three-year-old temper tantrums. Now, as then, he waited until Raphael had exhausted himself. Fortunately, this only lasted a few minutes as opposed to an hour or more.

When Raphael was finally still, Splinter knelt next to him.

"It's not _fair,_ Master Splinter," Raphael whispered.

"No, it is not." Splinter made his voice purposefully tender. "It is terribly unjust. But it is the reality of the situation. Sit up."

Raphael sat up. "How do you do it? How do you stay – balanced?"

"Meditation, though that is only part of it. The other part is that I redirect my focus. I think not about what I have lost, but about what I have. I try to think instead about my other sons – think of the joy that they bring me – the joy that _you _bring me, Raphael."

"I'm sorry," Raphael said hoarsely. "For saying you don't care. I – I've never been good at meditating. Not like Leo is."

"Leonardo still struggles to master it as well. He is not as good as you think."

A small smile crossed Raphael's face. "Really?"

"Really."

"Will you help me get better at it?"

Splinter put a hand on Raphael's shoulder. "Do you really need to ask such a question? Here. We will work on it now."

They both assumed the lotus position. Splinter was about guide Raphael through centering himself when Leonardo burst into the dojo.

"It's Karai. She has bad news."

Splinter sighed. Balance would have to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I thought I wouldn't even have a chapter done today, but I actually ended up finding some time this evening. You would not believe the day I've had - I've felt like Superwoman. I got a ton of writing done for another project, did a bunch of housework and other chores, and then I still had the energy and inspiration for this...**

**I know it's a tad shorter than usual, but I thought you'd like the update. :) Enjoy.**

* * *

_Bad news._ The words rattled around in Raphael's head like they'd just punched him in the face. Any bad news from Karai could be seriously bad news. There were any number of things that could be wrong, but there were two that leapt into the forefront of Raph's mind.

It could have been that Baxter Stockman rediscovered the coordinates to the lair, but the expression on Leo's face was not one of alarm, but defeat.

That could only mean –

Raph clenched his fists. He didn't want to think about what that meant.

"She said that she talked to the Kraang," Leo said. He pulled out his cell phone and read the text message he'd received. "'Made nice with the Kraang. Will owe them one, have bad feeling about that. Asked about whether it was possible to duplicate a mutation exactly.'" Leo's voice wavered for a moment; he drew a deep breath. "'Kraang said it was impossible.'"

_Impossible. _The word punched Raph so hard in the stomach that he was surprised he wasn't laid out flat on the floor.

"It is as we feared, then," Splinter said, his ears drooping. "Donatello is lost to us."

"I don't think that's what that means at all," said a cheerful voice.

Raph whipped his head around to the dojo entrance. Mikey stood there, holding Donnie balanced on his shoulder.

"Mikey…" Leo's voice made him sound like he was walking on eggshells. "How long have you been standing there?"

"About since when you said that the Kraang said it was impossible to exactly duplicate a mutation," Mikey replied, utterly casual.

Images of Mikey's breakdown flashed through Raph's mind. Mikey was clearly in denial here – when it finally sank in, he'd go berserk again, for sure. Raph was torn between being angry at him for ignoring the facts and desperately wanting to protect him from them. "And how do you figure that's not what that means?"

Mikey shrugged. "They said you couldn't _exactly _redo a mutation, but they didn't say you couldn't get _close._ I mean, we might be able to get Donnie, but he'd have a British accent or somethin', or be even smarter, or be less annoying."

"Yeah, but it could also not be him at all," Leo said.

"The question is whether it is ethical to try at this point," Splinter said. His voice was so sad that it made Raph's guts twist. He hated himself for accusing Splinter of not caring.

Mikey frowned. "Why wouldn't it be? Wouldn't it be worse if we didn't do anything?"

"Michelangelo, if we were to get 'close' to Donatello but it was not him, would that be right?" Splinter shook his head. "We must not tamper with this. The results could be dangerous."

"I can't believe you guys!" Mikey shouted, so loudly that Donnie pulled into his shell and tumbled down from his shoulder. Mikey caught him in his hands. "You're just ready give up? Just because the _Kraang,_ those stupid squishy brainy _freaks_, said it's impossible? What if they're wrong?" His voice leapt up to a higher pitch. "You know what Donnie would say if he could talk right now? He'd say, 'There's no such thing as a universal negative, Mikey! Now stop touching my stuff, you're ruining everything!'" He fell silent and squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth.

_Mikey... _Raph felt like he'd been punched in the stomach again.

"Look, Sensei," Mikey continued, his voice raw, "you're always telling us not to attack before we have the whole 4-1-1, right? What if we don't have all the info? It's just a text. And maybe the Kraang are still honked at Karai and they're being big fat liars. What about that, huh? You guys can just give up on Donnie if you want to, but I'm not gonna."

"Mikey, you're just gonna make it worse for yourself when it turns out we can't fix him," Raph said.

Mikey narrowed his eyes. "I can't believe you, dude! I can't believe how easy you're giving up! The Raph I know isn't a quitter like you." He thrust a finger at each of them. "You're all quitters!" With that, he turned and ran from the dojo.

"Mikey, wait!" Leo called.

"Let him go, Leonardo," Splinter said. He drew a deep breath; Raph watched his troubled expression subside back into calm.

Mr. Peace and Focus.

_How does he _do_ that?_

"Perhaps we should cancel today's training."

"That's probably a good idea, Sensei," Leo said. He bit his lip. "What if Mikey's right? What if we don't have all the information?"

"I assure you, we do not." Splinter stroked his beard. "Michelangelo's words were, in fact, wise - I should have seen that as well. When will Karai be coming back to meet with us? She may be able to give us more useful information. A simple text message cannot tell the whole story."

"The Kraang said it was impossible," Raph said, crossing his arms. "What's the point in getting our hopes up?"

Leo put his hands on his hips. "Pessimist, much?"

"Just realistic. It's time we accept that Donnie's gone and move past it."

"Raphael, one can both accept the current state of things and hope for the better outcome," Splinter said.

"One might, but not me. I don't see the point in dragging this out when we all know it's not going to work anyway."

"Ah, I see you have added 'fortune-teller' to your repertoire, along with ninja." Splinter's tone was light.

"Very funny, Sensei. Hilarious. You don't really think there's a snowball's chance in – Florida – that we could find a solution if the Kraang can't, do you?"

_Florida? _Leo mouthed.

Raph glared at him.

"I do not _think_ anything," Splinter said. "I simply _know _that we have incomplete information. Leonardo, will you ask Karai to come at her earliest convenience?"

"Hai, Sensei," Leo said. He immediately pulled out his phone and started texting her.

_Karai. Hmph, _thought Raph. Could they really trust her to have their best interests at heart? Since Shredder died, she hadn't betrayed them yet…

He thought of Aunt Mei's injuries and scowled.

_Yet._

"And…done," Leo said. He put his phone away. "I'll let you know when she gets back to me. I'm, um, gonna go talk to Mikey."

"Tell him that I will come see him shortly," Splinter said.

Leo nodded, then left the room.

"Do you still wish to learn about meditation, Raphael?"

Raph turned to look at Splinter. Mr. Peace and Focus. So calm, so under control…

It wasn't _fair. _

"No."

"Very well then. We shall spar instead." He had barely finished speaking before he started his first attack.

It was _hard. _ Raph dodged just in time, but he could feel a breeze from Splinter's fist moving so quickly. Raph's instincts kicked in. He performed the appropriate counter attack, then dodged as Splinter countered that.

"I thought you said training was cancelled!"

"Did I?" A ghost of a smile flickered across his face.

They continued to spar. Raph could hardly think about anything else. He had to focus all of his energy, because when he didn't, Splinter would land a blow. Still, it made him angry. Why now? Why, in the middle of all of this, did Splinter think this was a good idea? Didn't he have to meditate or something?

Like a knife slicing through Raph's anger, a phrase popped into his mind.

_The joy _you_ bring me, Raphael. _

A warm feeling spread through his chest at the thought. That's what this _whole thing_ was. Redirecting focus. Sure, it was redirecting Raph's focus, but he realized that Splinter was redirecting his own focus as well.

Raph was actually _helping _him to be Mr. Peace and Focus.

A ghost of a smile flickered across Raph's face as he dodged the next strike.

_I love you too, Splinter. _


	6. Chapter 6

Leo cringed involuntarily as he knocked on Mikey's door. "Mikey? It's Leo."

"It's open," Mikey said, sounding moody.

Bracing himself, Leo opened the door and walked in. Mikey sat on the bed, fiddling around absentmindedly with his nunchuks. He didn't look up. Donnie was sitting at the foot of the bed, and looked curiously at Leo as he walked in. "So. Um, listen, Mikey."

"I'm not gonna give up," Mikey said, a strange growl to his voice.

"You been taking talking lessons from Raph?" Leo sat down on the bed next to Donnie. "I came in here to tell you that you're right – we can't give up based on what we know now."

Mikey's whole face lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah. Even Sensei said so. I bet if you'd stuck around, he'd have told you himself."

"I'm sorry. It's just…sometimes I feel like me an' April are the only ones who believe we can change this."

"I know. It's hard to look at the situation and be hopeful at the same time. It's especially hard for Raph…" He paused, realizing that it wasn't just Raph who struggled. "And me. But, after you left, Splinter said it's completely possible to accept the present reality and hope for the best. We have to accept that Donnie is – is gone – for now…"

"He's not _gone,_" Mikey said, folding his arms.

"I know, but his mind is – "

"No, that's here too. Right there in that little turtle noggin of his."

Leo sighed. "That's not what I mean…"

"Donnie is still in there! I'll prove it to you. Look, he responds to me. Hey, Donnie! Donnieeee…Donnie!"

The little turtle didn't move at all. Leo's heart broke a tiny bit. "Mikey…"

"No, no, no…it's not his name he responds to. Check this out. Hey, Donnie, what's this button do?"

Immediately, Donnie whipped his head around and stared at Mikey with what could only be described as a look of terror.

"See?" Mikey said. "That's exactly the look that Donnie always used to give me if I asked him that."

"I – I don't believe it," Leo breathed.

"I told you he's in there, Leo." As Mikey spoke, Donnie's attention wandered. He laid his head down and closed his eyes. "Watch, he'll do it again. Hey, Donnie, can I touch this?"

Once again, the turtle looked at Mikey with fearful eyes.

Leo laughed – not just because it was funny, but because it meant that maybe, just maybe, his brother really truly wasn't gone. "Hey, Mikey, stop touching Donnie's stuff!"

Donnie looked at Leo this time.

"See?" Mikey said. "If we're in his lab, he freaks out even more. One time, he hid in his shell, and another time, he bit me."

Leo's t-phone buzzed; immediately, he pulled it out to check. "It's from Karai. Splinter told me to ask her when she can come so we can get a little more information. Huh. She says she wants to meet at Aunt Mei's tonight."

"We're gonna see Aunt Mei tonight? Sweet!"

Leo felt more than a little uncomfortable. As far as he knew, Karai hadn't seen Mei since the welcome home party they threw for her two weeks ago, and since Raph's dislike of Karai was largely triggered by Mei's injuries…

Still, Raph had been on his best behavior for the party, and he'd probably put on a good face tonight, too.

But if Karai was there to bring bad news…there was no telling how that would effect him.

"…and we'll have to make some of those awesome rice rolls that she and Mom used to make…"

Leo's focus returned to the present. "Mom?"

Mikey blushed. "Well…I mean…if Splinter's our adopted dad, and Mei's our adopted aunt, and Karai's our adopted sister…then that would make Tang Shen our adopted mom, right?"

"I…guess…but, we never even knew her."

"I know, but…I guess I never thought about Tang Shen as anybody but Sensei's wife, but now…I think I know what it mighta been like if she'd been around, you know? And she woulda been our mom. She woulda cooked for us and read us stories and sung us lullabies and stuff."

It was true enough. But thinking of Tang Shen as his adopted mother made his stomach go sour. To think that he still liked Karai – Tang Shen's daughter,_ his sister_…

_But we're not biologically related, _he told himself.

What was wrong with him? What kind of sicko even tried to justify that kind of thing? He needed to get his head on straight, and fast.

"I know it's a little weird. Don't tell Sensei – it'll make him sad."

As if he just remembered that Mikey was sitting there, Leo clapped Mikey on the shoulder. "It makes perfect sense to me, Mikey. And I don't think Splinter would mind. I think it would make him glad to know you think that about her."

"What would make whom glad about whom?" Splinter knocked on the door as he entered.

"Oh, yeah, Mikey – Splinter told me to tell you that he was gonna come talk to you," Leo said.

"Sorry for yelling, Sensei," Mikey said, his face immediately apologetic.

Leo stood up. "I'll go practice my kenjutsu now. Oh, Sensei, Karai texted me back. She said that she'd meet us at Aunt Mei's tonight."

Splinter raised an eyebrow. "Oh? That is good."

Leo didn't need to ask about Splinter's facial expression. He knew that Splinter was worried about Karai's and Mei's first meeting in two weeks just like he was.

As Leo left, he heard Mikey's voice behind him. "Check it out, Sensei – hey Donnie! What's this button do?"

_I'll make this right, Donnie,_ Leo thought, setting his teeth._ No matter what the Kraang say. We'll find a way. Somehow. _

_I promise. _

* * *

"Okay, Mei. Tilt your head back just a little." April poured the big cup of warm water over the top of Mei's head, rinsing out the last few shampoo bubbles. She took a bottle of conditioner and squeezed a blob into her hand, then started working it through Mei's raven locks. "I really love your hair, you know that?"

"I do," Mei said wearily. "You tell me almost every time you help me with this."

"Well, it's because it's awesome."

_It's because I'm trying to cheer you up. _

April knew that Mei hated the fact that she couldn't bathe alone. She knew what that felt like – when Mei had helped April bathe, April had felt totally humiliated.

"Thank you," Mei said softly. "Oh. I forgot to ask. How was the social worker?"

"Oh, that! It went fine. She seemed totally convinced that everything was just fine, and wished us luck! Then Dad told me that I had to work on trigonometry."

"I'm so glad to hear that. And how is your father's search for employment going?"

"He still hasn't heard anything back from the institutes he applied at, and his old job is already filled. He said he's about ready to start working retail again."

"Well, it's good that he's willing to keep his options open."

April poured more water over Mei's head to get the conditioner rinsed away. "All right. You're clean now." She handed a big fluffy towel to Mei and allowed Mei to dry off whatever she could with her good arm.

"I appreciate your help, April," Mei said. "I'm sorry that you have to do this, but I do appreciate it. The thought of having a stranger help me…"

"It's all right. I want to help you. You helped me, after all."

Mei smiled weakly. "And I'd help you again in a heartbeat."

"What outfit do you want to wear today? What about that grey skirt and that comfy shirt with the cherry blossom design on it?"

"Whatever you pick is fine, April."

"Okay. I'll be right back." April ran to Mei's room and went to the closet. She pulled out the soft jersey cotton skirt and the shirt. She wanted Mei to wear clothes that were comfortable, but not schlubby. If she felt pretty, maybe it would help her mood.

As April was pulling a fresh set of undergarments out of the drawer, her phone went off. Leo was calling her. She unlocked the phone and answered. "Hey, Leo." She cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder so she could keep working. "What's up?"

_"Hey, April. Do you think Aunt Mei would be up for a lot of company tonight?" _

"Umm, I can ask her. How much is 'a lot'?"

_"Like…everybody. Including Karai. She's found out some developments, and she wants everyone to hear them, I guess."_

April's heart leapt. "About Donnie?"

There was a long pause. _"Yeah." _

The tone of his voice made her mouth go dry. "Is – is it…"

_"We just don't have enough info to go on. Karai will explain everything, I'm guessing. Is Aunt Mei okay with it?" _

"Let me check." April tried to ignore the feeling of lead tied to her feet as she went to the bathroom. "Mei, is it okay if everybody comes here tonight?"

"As long as everybody understands that I am in no way going to be a good hostess."

"I'm pretty sure they'lll understand if you don't prepare them a twenty-course meal, or any meal, for that matter."

_"Mikey said he'd make something,"_ Leo interjected.

"Mikey will bring the food," April said. She gave Mei an evaluating look. "Do you think you're up to it? Karai said she has some news."

"Miwa is coming?" Mei's eyes lit up. "I mean, Karai?"

"That's what Leo said."

"Then yes. Absolutely."

"She said it's fine, Leo," April said.

_"All right. See you tonight, around nine," _Leo said.

They exchanged goodbyes and hung up. "All right, Mei," April said. "I've got your clothes picked out. Are you all dried off?"

"Mostly," Mei said. The brief expression of joy was gone from her face, replaced with something like depression.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I have – I have had a hard time sleeping lately."

April frowned. Was Mei having nightmares? "Why?"

"I am not sure. Will you stay for a bit and help straighten up the place?"

"Absolutely," April said.

After Mei was all dressed and ready for the rest of the day, April went to the kitchen to make lunch. She peeked out into the living room area to make sure Mei was all right.

Mei was staring at her weapons. A single tear clung to her eyelashes.

April wanted to ask what was wrong, but thought better of it. It could get tiring having people checking on you every moment.

She knew that firsthand.

Still, she hated seeing Mei like this. Mei, who was so strong and independent.

_Everything will be better eventually, _April thought. _You'll get better, and we'll get Donnie back, and everything will go back to normal. _

If there even was such a thing as 'normal.'


	7. Chapter 7

"All right, the pizza is ordered and should be here soon."

April turned off the vacuum cleaner and looked up at her dad. "What?"

"I said the pizza's ordered," Kirby said, shutting the door to Mei's apartment behind him.

"Thanks!" April said. She was trying as hard as she could to think about this evening as a fun opportunity for everybody to reconnect, ignoring the possibility of very bad news.

Kirby shook his head and lowered his voice. "You should be thanking Mei. She's just about the only one around here with any real money at this point. Speaking of whom…where is she?"

"In her room, resting. She said that she hasn't been sleeping very well. Dad, I'm worried about her."

Kirby gave April a sad smile. "It's hard to be in her shoes right now. We just need to give her space when she asks for it, and be there when she needs it." He surveyed Mei's apartment. "It looks great in here! You've been working hard."

"Yeah, I even dusted all her weapons off."

"Did you get your assignments for today done?"

April squirmed. "Mostly…but I thought since there was so much happening today…"

Kirby folded his arms and sighed. "Okay, I'll let it go today, but you seriously better start cracking down on your studies tomorrow. I haven't known Splinter that long, but he's got the right idea about studying."

"The guys don't _study_, Dad."

"They absolutely do. They _study_ martial arts. You've seen how hard he makes them work – I'll be going easy on you compared to him."

April rolled her eyes. She was starting to think that this homeschooling thing wasn't going to be as much fun as she thought it was. "Fine." She noticed an assortment of envelopes in her dad's hands. "What's that?"

"Mei's mail. Looks like a lot of get-well-soon cards, based on the envelopes. I imagine they're missing her at work."

"They must. She got another delivery of flowers this afternoon."

Kirby sighed.

"What is it, Dad?"

"I know that from a logical standpoint, it makes perfect sense that the university filled my position on the research team. Between being held by the Kraang and then being…that thing..."

"You'll find a job, Daddy." April threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

There was a loud rhythmic tap at the window.

April glanced at the clock. "It's a bit early," she muttered.

Kirby set his jaw and placed his hand over his hip. April knew that was where he carried his gun.

"Seriously, Dad, you know that ninjas can dodge bullets," April hissed.

"Yeah, well, the Kraang can't."

"I'm sure it's fine." April went to open the window.

"I'll get it." Kirby pushed her out of the way and motioned her to stand back. Rolling her eyes, she obeyed. He laid the mail down on the table and tiptoed over to the window. Cautiously, he drew the blinds, unlocked it, and opened it.

Mikey jumped up like a Jack-in-the-box. "Howdy-ho, Mr. O!"

Kirby yelped in a decidedly unmanly fashion. "Mikey!"

"I brought some stuff," Mikey said excitedly, handing a cooler to him.

Red in the face, Kirby pulled the cooler into the apartment.

"What'd you make, Mikey?" April asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only the best thing to be invented since the pizza gyoza!" Mikey put his hands on his hips.

_Oh, no…_ April cringed internally.

"Pizza _chumaki!_"

"Pizza _what?_" Kirby said.

"Relax, my test subject loved 'em." Mikey bent down to pick something up. When he stood up, he was holding Donnie in his hands. "Idn't that right, bro?"

Donnie had a few pieces of sushi rice stuck on his face.

"Come inside before someone sees you, Mikey," Kirby said, in a voice that April recognized as impatient. After Mikey climbed through the window, Kirby pulled it shut, locked it, and pulled the blinds. "Why are you here so early?"

"I thought I'd help out with gettin' stuff ready." Mikey opened up the cooler and pulled out a package wrapped in foil. "Plus, I wanted someone's opinion other than Donnie's. That dude'll eat anything nowadays." He went to the kitchen and set Donnie down on the counter.

April cringed again as she followed Mikey to the kitchen. She picked Donnie up for a moment and pulled the sticky rice off of his face. He gave her finger an affectionate nibble. _Maybe it's a good thing you're not sentient right now, sweetie. _She set him back down on the counter. "Why didn't you ask Leo or Raph?"

"Are you kidding? They never try my stuff!"

"We'll be happy to try your pizza chew-mocky," Kirby said. April recognized the voice that he once used when she, at the age of seven, attempted to prepare him dinner. She giggled slightly.

"_Chu-ma-ki_," Mikey said, deliberately sounding out the word with perfect Japanese inflection. He opened up the foil package.

About a dozen neatly formed rice rolls were inside.

"Wow, that's a lot," April said, trying not to let too much dread into her voice.

"Dude, I made like five of these things. They're awesome."

April picked one up. "Did you use the Tang's method of preparing the rice?"

"Yupperoni pepperoni," Mikey said. "I was gonna make 'em traditional, but we didn't have any cucumbers. Or daikon. Or…anything other than pizza stuff, really."

April examined it closely. The center appeared to be filled with a smear of pizza sauce, a thin stick of pepperoni, and a thin stick of mozzarella. _Doesn't look half bad,_ she thought. Closing her eyes and bracing herself, she bit into it.

It was everything she loved about rice rolls and everything she loved about cold leftover pizza rolled into one sweet and savory package. "Mmmm—oh, _yum_."

"I know, right?" Miked squealed, jumping up and down. "It's like East meets West and they're having a swee-ee-eet party in your mouth!"

"Huh," Kirby said, after swallowing a bite. "That's really different, but I like it."

"You should try 'em with sriracha." Mikey produced a bottle of the violently orange-red liquid from the cooler.

"I'm not sure how Mei's going to feel about you tampering with cuisines," April said past a mouthful of the roll. She swallowed. "You know how she hates Americanized Japanese food."

"She doesn't _hate _it, she just thinks it's nonsense." Mikey re-wrapped the rolls and transferred them to the fridge. "If there's anything I'm used to, it's bein' told I'm full of nonsense."

Kirby leaned over and whispered in April's ear. "There's an understatement."

April stifled a giggle.

"'Sides, I brought some plain sushi rice and some extra _nori—_that's the seaweed stuff," Mikey said, in response to Kirby's puzzled look, "so that we can raid her fridge and make some stuff she'll like."

"She can't have anything that's not through a straw, remember?" Kirby said. "Her jaw is still wired."

Mikey's shoulders slumped. "Oh, yeah." He perked up slightly. "We can make her a sushi smoothie! I am such a genius."

Kirby grimaced.

"Speaking of Mei, I'll go see if she's ready to come out," April said. She paused, trying to think of something that might bolster Mikey's mood even further. "Mikey's _nonsense_ probably woke her up from whatever nap she was trying to take."

Mikey grinned and blew a raspberry at April.

"Take her mail," Kirby said, pointing at the table.

April grabbed the handful of mail and walked down the short hall to Mei's room. She tapped on the door. "Mei? Can I come in?"

There was a pause. "Hai," a weak voice said.

April opened the door and walked in. "Are you okay?"

Mei said something hoarsely in Japanese.

"Um…what?"

Mei gasped, sat up, and looked around as if she was just remembering where she was. "Oh, April. I'm sorry. I was…asleep."

April frowned. She sat down on the bed and put a hand on Mei's shoulder. "Are you sure you're okay? You look like you've been crying."

Mei reached up and touched her face. She pulled away her hand and rubbed it on her pillowcase, which was damp in places. "Oh."

"What were you dreaming about? Were you having a nightmare?"

"No," Mei snapped. "Why do you keep asking me about nightmares?"

April sighed. "Because I'm still having them."

Mei's face softened. "I'm sorry, April-chan." She drew a deep breath. "I haven't been able to help you with your meditation very much lately. We've been focusing on this chemistry business so much…I've neglected you."

_It sounds like you're neglecting yourself, too. _"When was the last time _you_ meditated?"

"This afternoon," Mei said. She was quiet for a moment. "This fractured rib makes deep breathing very painful, though."

"Why don't you take those painkillers they gave you?"

Mei shuddered slightly. "I tried them once. They – broke my concentration."

"What do you mean?"

"It is hard enough to find mental clarity without your mind being clouded by chemicals."

"I guess…but I hate for you to be in pain."

"Please," Mei said, her voice harsh. "If I could not deal with pain, I would have died a long time ago."

April held back tears of anger. A surge of hatred flashed through her.

_You really should have shot him more times_.

"What is that?" Mei pointed to the mail in April's other hand.

"Oh. This is your mail. Looks like there are a lot of get-well-soon cards in here."

"Thank you, April-chan."

"Well, um…Mikey's already here, and everyone else should be coming soon. You ready to get up?"

"Yes, that sounds good."

As April helped Mei into her wheelchair, she found herself silently praying that tonight would actually be fun, if only for a little while.

Mei deserved at least that much.


	8. Chapter 8

Mei grunted in pain as she shifted into her wheelchair.

"Are you _sure_ you don't want those painkillers?" April said.

Mei sighed. April did not understand what it was like to have narcotics in one's system. Certainly they helped the physical pain, but they also dulled Mei's concentration and made it too easy for unwanted memories to surface in her mind. "Yes, I am sure."

April ran a few brushstrokes through Mei's hair to smooth it out after her nap. "Do you want to put on makeup?"

"No, thank you."

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"Fine. Nothing excessive."

April lightly applied some foundation and eyeshadow.

_At least my bruises will not be as noticeable, _Mei thought, wincing as the cosmetic sponge covered the aging green-purple bruises along her jaw line. The thought made her glad, since it would diminish Splinter's and her nephew's reaction to her appearance. Every time they saw her, she could see the flash of dismay in their eyes. It ranged from a light reaction in Michelangelo to outright, barely stifled rage in Raphael .

_The better I look, the better Miwa will feel about this. The better everyone will feel._

She wouldn't have to be reminded of the devastation that Shredder had wreaked on her body.

On her spirit.

_"…by the time I am through with you, I will scatter the shattered fragments of your spirit to the ends of the universe!"_

Mei shuddered involuntarily.

"Sorry, did that hurt?" April asked, clearly unaware of what was inside Mei's head.

"Only a little," Mei said, her throat feeling dry. "Would you apply a little extra concealer and foundation over the bruises?"

"Sure."

After April had put Mei through a significant amount of preening, she turned around the wheelchair so that Mei could look at herself in the mirror.

All things considered, she actually looked quite decent. The clothes that April had picked out for her flattered her figure, even sitting down. The makeup was applied quite expertly, considering that April hardly wore makeup herself. Between the makeup and two weeks of healing, the bruises were barely visible. April had even pinned up Mei's hair.

Despite the wheelchair, despite her pain, she actually felt attractive. Desirable, even. She allowed herself a childish moment of wondering whether Splinter would think the same thing.

"You look gorgeous," April declared.

"I do. Thank you so much. I am so lucky to have a friend like you."

"Yes, you are." April grinned widely. "But not because of this. Because I'm going to save you from the sushi smoothie that Mikey's planning on making for you."

Mei laughed. Happiness was already starting to seep through her. "What was it that I heard Leonardo say once? 'Oy'?"

"That sounds about right."

"Well, then. 'Oy.'"

April laughed too. "Are you ready?"

Mei nodded, and April wheeled her out of the room and down the short hall.

Michelangelo peeked out of the kitchen. "Hi, Auntie M." He hurried over to her and hugged her a little too tightly for comfort. "Wow, you look really pretty! Sorry I didn't bring you any flowers or anything – the florists hadn't tossed any of the day-old bouquets yet. Oh, check it out!" He spilled out all of the words as if in one breath, bouncing on his heels with excitement. He held out the small roll for her to examine. "Pizza _chumaki_!"

Mei couldn't contain a smile at Michelangelo's exuberance. "Pizza _chumaki_? Really?"

"They're actually pretty good," Kirby said. He stood near the window, peeking out through the blinds. "How are you feeling, Mei?"

"Delightful, thanks to your daughter," Mei said.

April beamed.

There was a tap at the window and Kirby flinched. "Seriously, how do they do that? I was just watching and didn't see them…" He opened the window and Raphael and Leonardo climbed in, followed by Splinter.

"Karai's not here yet?" Leonardo said.

April put her hands on her hips. "Hello to you too, Leo."

Leonardo stuck his tongue out at her and then gave her a big hug. He looked at Mei, a smile on his face instead of the usual expression of pained concern. "Hey, _Obasan_." He hugged her gently.

_Somebody's in a good mood,_ Mei thought, thinking she had a fairly good idea about what was fueling Leonardo's excitement.

"_Konban wa_," Splinter said, bowing his head slightly. "You look well tonight, Mei."

Mei felt her face get hot, but she was not sure if it was the compliment or the greeting in Japanese. Something about the way he wished her 'good evening' made her think of Kenshin.

Or perhaps it was simply the way she felt now reminded her of how she used to feel around Kenshin.

She tried to push the thought from her mind. "Thank you. So do you."

"Mm, yes. I even brushed my fur for the occasion." Splinter smiled wryly.

Mei laughed, perhaps more loudly than she should have. _For heaven's sake, _she thought, _I sound like a stupid teenager._ Her face grew even hotter. She hoped that the makeup would help conceal the fact that she was blushing.

Splinter's expression, however, indicated that he was thoroughly pleased with her reaction.

April raised an eyebrow. "You actually…brush your fur?"

"Duh, April," Michelangelo said.

"Yeah, you lived with us for how long and never noticed the brush in the bathroom?" Raphael said. "What'd you think, that it was just there for decoration?"

"I guess…I just never thought about it." April looked like she wanted to ask another question, but then shook her head. "Well, then. Let's see, we've got Mikey's pizza rolls, some actual pizza will be arriving shortly, and there's soda in the fridge. I guess we're just waiting for Karai."

"I'm worried that she isn't here," Leonardo said. He scratched the back of his neck. "She said around nine."

"It's only five past," growled Raphael. "Seriously."

"What's your problem, Raph?" Within seconds, the two were engaged in a glaring contest.

"Enough," Splinter said, an edge of danger to his voice. The boys immediately settled down, but Raphael crossed his arms and scowled silently.

Mei sighed. She suspected that Leonardo's good mood and Raphael's bad attitude had the same source. She had not known her nephews for a full year, even, but from the short time she had known them, she had decided that Raphael seemed like the type to hold onto things. It was likely that he still distrusted Karai, if not actually blaming her for Mei's capture. She considered saying something to him, but decided that maybe she should let that particular sleeping dog lie. He seemed on edge already, and she had learned that he had a rather short fuse.

The intercom buzzed.

"That'll be the pizza," Kirby said. "I'll go get it."

"So Auntie M, are you hungry?" Michelangelo said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"I suppose." Mei was not hungry in the slightest, but Michelangelo seemed so excited that she did not want to disappoint him. "I'll take one of the strawberry nutritional shakes that are in the fridge."

"If you want sushi –"

"Don't you think that half the fun of sushi is the texture? Blending it would spoil that. I will just have to wait until they unwire my jaw to try your new culinary creation."

Michelangeo's expression drooped. "I bet Donnie woulda been able to make somethin' so you could heal faster."

There was a moment of silence. Mei was suddenly acutely aware of Donatello's absence. She had almost trained herself to anticipate it. Now it felt like it was a scab that had been scratched open again.

"Michelangelo," Splinter said, "we should focus on the present. I would like to sample one of the pizza rolls, if you do not mind."

As if a switch had been hit, Michelangelo lit up again. "Sure thing!"

With that, the moment passed. Life seemed to resume in the room.

Leonardo and Raphael worked up the courage to try the pizza rolls, too. Leonardo had just finished eating his when there was a tap at the window. "It's Karai!" His voice was just a little too high-pitched. He ran over to the window.

Mei could not contain a smile.

Of course, her over-the-top reaction to Splinter's moderately amusing statement was not much better than the leap of an octave in Leonardo's voice.

She glanced up at Splinter, wondering if he had taken notice of Leonardo's behavior. However, he looked at the window with an expression of anxiety on his face – anxiety mixed with longing and sadness.

Being reunited with his daughter under such extreme circumstances was clearly weighing on him. She could understand some of it – after all, being reunited with her niece had come at a huge price to her. She knew the pain, the never-ending ache that came from losing children.

However, he had coped with it through acceptance. She had turned to denial and forced her past into a tiny locked box.

Now that the box had been opened again, however, she did not care how high the price was to free Miwa from Oroku Saki's clutches. She had lost her sons to that monster - if there was any chance that she could save her niece from him, no price was too high. Despite all the trauma and pain she was suffering now, she knew that the beautiful young woman about to come in through the window was worth it.

She did not regret her choice to let herself be captured. No matter how horrible the nightmares were, or how bad the pain had been – Miwa was free.

That was all that mattered, and that was what soothed her pain.


	9. Chapter 9

Karai drew a deep breath. She glared down at Bradford from her place on her false father's seat of honor – the self-styled throne he had created for himself in the old cathedral, as if he were creating a shrine to himself.

She was not happy to see the bony dog-mutant here. Bradford was supposed to be gone for the evening. She only had twenty minutes left before she would need to sneak out to meet the turtles. "What are you doing here this time of night, Bradford?"

"There's a man here bearing the Foot standard," Bradford said. "He's demanding to see you."

"Nobody demands to see me."

"Enough of this!" A harsh voice rang from behind the main doors. A man burst in through them. He stared down Karai for a moment.

Incensed, Karai stood up. "Who are you, exactly?"

"I will ask the questions. You are Oroku Saki's daughter, yes?"

Karai bristled. "Yes."

"And I suppose you fancy yourself the heir to your father's position as the head of this clan?" The man continued to advance down the aisle.

"Yes, I do."

The man burst out in a cruel laugh. "Now, this is rich. A woman – not even a woman, a little girl –thinks she is suited to oversee one of the most powerful clans in all of Japan!"

"And who are you, exactly?"

"I am Oroku Daiki. My father was the head of this clan until he learned that Oroku Saki was rightful heir to that position."

Karai's mouth fell open. A few yards away from them, Bradford's did the same. When she realized that he was still there, she pointed to the door. "Bradford! Get out of here."

Oroku's eyes followed the mutant as he left. "I have seen that your father's reports of mutants have not been exaggerations. Anyway, since your father has left no suitable heir – "

"I am his heir!"

"You?" shouted Oroku. "You're a woman, the daughter of a filthy half-breed!"

Rage boiled in Karai. "My mother was not a half-breed! Three generations were between her and her grandfather!"

"And yet you forebears did not even have the honor to change their name, so that all Japan could know that they were Chinese. As far as I am concerned – as far as this clan is concerned – your mother is a half-breed. And so are you."

"Call me that again," Karai said, whipping out her tanto. "I dare you."

Oroku just laughed. "Foolish child." He drew a long katana and struck a defensive position. "You don't even have half my training, half my skills. Put that little toy away. If you want to play grown-up, act like it."

Seething, Karai sheathed her tanto.

"That's better."

"I will not concede my position to you."

"Of course not. You are not capable of it. You have no position. Even if you were Oroku Saki's daughter."

Karai's heart started racing. How much did this man know? "What are you talking about?" She tried to sound un-intimidated and folded her arms, just in case her hands started to shake.

"Of course, he never told you." Oroku flashed a toothy, malicious grin. "You aren't unfit for this position just because of your mother. It's your father, too."

"Oroku Saki is my father."

"Certainly that is what he told you. He told you many things, except the truth. You are Hamato Yoshi's daughter – he took you from that burning house when he couldn't have the filthy half-breed woman he lusted after."

"You are a liar," Karai said, enunciating each word carefully. She tried to stifle the rage that the words _half-breed_ triggered in her.

"I was there. I was one of the soldiers who came to provide back-up for Master Shredder, if necessary. I saw him claim you from the wreckage. We all did. Of course, we were all charged with silence, a silence I have held unswervingly until now. But I will be condemned to the darkest underworld the day I let a Hamato lead this clan. I dedicated years of my life to expunging that foul bloodline from the earth."

Karai didn't even know what to say. It was entirely possible that she would have to run.

"You know what I find interesting? You and Master Shredder were both captured by Hamato Yoshi. Yet he was killed, and you were not."

"I escaped. I am not Hamato Yoshi's daughter!"

"You are, no matter how much you deny it. Now, because you were raised by Master Shredder, I am giving you two choices. One, you swear your allegiance to me and live. Two, you resist me or defect to your disgusting parentage, and I will kill you in the most creatively painful way you can imagine."

Karai swallowed. She was about to utter the biggest lie of her life, and it was going to have to be the most convincing one yet. But she was _kunoichi,_ and deception was something she had been trained in her whole life. "The Shredder was my father. He raised me. He loved me." She suppressed the anger in herself, ignoring the fact that even now, she still desperately wished that he had felt even the smallest amount of love for her. Immediately, she followed it up with a truth to strengthen the lie. "And I loved him." She dropped to her knees and touched her forehead to the floor. "I will die for the honor of the Foot Clan. I swear my unwavering allegiance to you, Oroku-san."

Oroku finally sheathed his katana. "Please. I invite you to call me by more commonly known name. I am the Ronin – though now that this matter has been resolved, you may call me Master Ronin."

"Hai, Master Ronin."

"I will be back in the morning to further discuss your duties to me. As a token of respect to the man who raised you, I will let you manage the Foot's dealings in New York."

"Thank you, Master Ronin."

The Ronin turned and left, leaving Karai alone with her pounding heart. She looked at the time. If she left now, she would potentially raise suspicion. But if she waited much longer, she'd be late.

Better to keep them waiting than to risk jeopardizing her mission. She waited an additional fifteen minutes and then left as stealthily as possible. She ran as fast as she could across the rooftops, still hoping to avoid detection. When she finally reached the roof of April and Mei's apartment building, she sat to catch her breath for a few minutes.

Less than a month, and her world had been turned upside down twice. First, with the horrific revelation of her true past, second, with the realization that other people knew about this all along. On top of this, her whole task had been made significantly more complicated. Would she still be able to help the turtles find a cure for Donatello? What was going to happen to her? Shredder's wrath had always been partially constrained – _maybe he loved me at least a little – _but this Ronin character had no reason to hold back. From the sound of it, he resented her altogether.

All of this, on top of the fact that she was already nervous about seeing everybody again. She knew that they had – at least most of them – forgiven her, and yet she still felt like she was to blame.

And she still wasn't sure of how to talk to Splinter or Mei. It was awkward, every single time.

She drew a deep breath and thought of Leo. He would be her anchor in this – the one who had always extended a hand of friendship to her, no matter what. She thought of April, too – April, who had declared herself to be Karai's friend so quickly, even after their less than friendly history.

Trusting Hamato Yoshi? That would take more time. The name had been said to her like a curse so many times that she still couldn't repress something of a reaction of anger every time she heard it. And Mei…Karai still felt responsible for every horrible thing her false father had done to that woman.

Finally, she had calmed down enough to climb down the fire escape to Mei's apartment window. She tapped lightly on the window, and immediately heard Leo cry, "It's Karai."

A few moments later, the window was open and she crawled inside. She immediately blushed when she saw that all eyes were on her. "Hello, everybody."

"Hello, Karai," Splinter said softly. Karai thought that he said her name oddly; she could tell that he desperately wanted to call her _Miwa_. But there were too many changes in her life already; how could she change that too, the name that practically made her who she was?

The name had been given to her by a monster, but it was still her name. She defined who Karai was, not the Shredder.

And yet…how much of him lived on in her?

She pushed the thought from her mind and bowed to Splinter. "Hello..." What did she call this man, anyway? Father still seemed so foreign to her, and not once had she been able to say it to him without feeling supremely awkward.

The turtles called him Master Splinter, even though he was their father.

Maybe she would go with that for now. "Hello, Master Splinter."

No. That was the wrong thing to say. His eyes widened for a moment, as if surprised that she had chosen that particular appellation, and she thought she saw a hint of disappointment, too.

She turned her gaze to Mei. Mei seemed genuinely happy, and even looked worlds better than two weeks ago.

In fact, everybody seemed happy, for the most part.

"So, long time no see," April said. "I haven't seen you since when…the night you left? I wasn't there the one time that you dropped back in at the lair." She extended her arms for a hug.

Yes. A hug. That was something that Karai desperately needed, and she felt perfectly safe accepting one from April. She walked over to April and returned the hug, albeit gingerly.

Physical contact was not something she got much of growing up, except from nannies and other caretakers. She was never sure whether she should put her arms over the other person's shoulders or under their arms. Fortunately, April took the lead and eliminated the choice for her.

"Hey, Karai," April said quietly, so that only she could hear, "would you mind waiting to share your news until after we've eaten? I want for us to be able to have a little fun first, you know? Especially Mei."

Karai swallowed. She had completely forgotten about the fact that she had come here to explain to them in full her conversation with the Kraang. Now she was nearly bursting with the news of the Ronin's appearance, and desperately wanted guidance on that. She wasn't sure if _she _would be able to "have fun" while holding all of it in.

Her eyes fell on Mei's bruises, and she decided that she could do it – for Mei's sake, if no one else's.

"Sure," she muttered.

As they pulled apart, the front door opened and Kirby came in with six pizza boxes neatly stacked on top of each other.

"All right!" crowed Mikey. "Pizza time! Yeah, boy!"

"So, Karai," Leo said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "do you want some cola or something?"

Honestly, Karai wanted nothing more than a cup of hot tea and a rock to crawl under, but something in Leo's expression touched her. "Sure, Leo. I'd like that."

Leo positively beamed. "I'll get it for you!" He stumbled slightly on his way to the kitchen, as if he were not a highly trained, graceful ninja.

A particularly loud scoffing sound came from the general direction of Raphael. Karai looked over at him. His eyes were firmly fixed on the floor.

He still didn't trust her.

_Good,_ Karai thought. Distrust was something she understood. Grudges were something she understood. In a way, Raphael made more sense to her than anyone else in the room.

"All right, everyone ready to eat?" Kirby asked.

They all gathered around the table. Karai had Leo on one side of her and April on the other.

Maybe, with her friends around her, she would be able to have fun for a little while.

"Karai, you gotta try this! It's pizza, but it's sushi!" Michelangelo pushed a plate of what appeared to be sushi rolls with pepperoni and cheese in the center.

She took a bite and was surprised at how good it was. It was sort of like the pizza gyoza April had given her, back when they were still enemies. It was interesting how the cuisines of two countries, bred together, could be…

_Half-breed. _

The pizza roll turned to ash in her mouth. She swallowed it, and she may as well have swallowed bees for how easily it went down. "It's really good, Michelangelo." She put on the best smile that she could.

"I know, right?"

As everybody started eating and engaging in conversation, she desperately tried to focus on the present and not replay the Ronin's words in her head over and over. She tried not to think about the fact that he knew about her parentage. She tried not to think about the fact that her father – no, not her father – had been a monster of the highest degree. She tried not to think about the fact that he had never loved her. She tried not to think about the fact that she truly had loved him, and tried not to think about the fact that she hated him, too, more passionately than she had ever hated Hamato Yoshi.

And mostly, she tried not to think about the fact that in spite of everything, she really did miss the Shredder.


	10. Chapter 10

She had called him "Master Splinter."

Up until now, on their few meetings, Karai had called Splinter "Father," albeit haltingly, like a child learning to speak for the first time.

And now, he had been reduced to "Master Splinter."

Splinter struggled not to let his disappointment show. He understood why his sons called him that, though he often wished he had taught them to call him 'father.' But this girl – once the little girl he held in his arms, that he dreamed of hearing her learning to say 'father' – to hear her call him "Master Splinter" so impersonally…

He couldn't even compose a coherent thought.

Drawing a deep breath, he centered himself. _Acknowledge, let flow…_

She was here with them now, and she was no longer an enemy. He had his daughter back, at least, in a way.

It was enough.

For now.

He watched as she took a bite of Michelangelo's culinary creation – a creation which surprisingly, had been quite good – and noticed that something in her expression was off. Something was bothering her. The news she had come to bring must have been direr than any of them thought. He repressed the urge to run to her as to a child with a skinned knee, to take her in his arms and tell her it would be all right.

While they ate, Leonardo, April, and Michelangelo dominated the conversation. Karai hardly said anything beyond 'yes' and 'no,' Raphael stared at the table as though he would detonate if he looked anywhere else, and the rest of them simply couldn't get a word in edgewise between the three teenagers who were clearly determined to have a good evening, no matter what.

Not that Splinter would have even known what to say if he could find an opportunity to talk. Instead, he spent most of the time exchanging glances with Mei in response to the teenagers' behavior.

He was gladdened to see that she looked so much better. In fact, she looked lovely – though he could not get over the fact that from some angles, she reminded him forcefully of Tang Shen. When he thought of Tang Shen, he couldn't repress a slightly guilty feeling, as if by having feelings for Mei he was somehow betraying his wife.

This – relationship, or whatever it was that they had entered into – was not going to be easy.

After all of the food was gone, and thanks to Michelangelo, none of it was left, April asked if anyone wanted to play a game.

There was a general consensus from the table. Even Raphael shrugged in assent.

But Karai slammed her fists on the table. "No! No games. There isn't time for this nonsense."

April was crestfallen. She took Donatello, who had been sitting on her shoulder, and held him in her hands. "Is – is it about Donnie?"

"Forget Donnie!" Karai glared at April. "We have much, much more important things to worry about."

Raphael looked up from the table for the first time since Karai's arrival. His face looked like murder incarnate. "'Forget Donnie?' Why, you little – "

"Raphael!" Splinter banged his fist on the table.

Shaking with barely repressed rage, Raphael glued his eyes firmly on the table again.

"Clearly, something has changed," Splinter said, keeping his own emotions in check. "Karai, what has happened?"

Karai hung her head. "A man came to see me this evening. He called himself the Ronin."

_The Ronin. _Splinter suppressed fear for his daughter's life. The Ronin was well known for his ruthlessness, and Splinter knew for a fact that the man bore a staggering amount of blood – Hamato blood, at that – on his hands. Dozens of Splinter's relatives in northern Japan had met their fate at the end of the Ronin's blade.

Splinter put a hand over his face. He should have known this madman would surface as soon as there was a vacuum of power. "Oroku Daiki. I know this man. He is dangerous, and an incredibly skilled swordsman."

"He said his father was the clan's leader before Fa – before the Shredder took over."

"It is true. My daughter, did he harm you?"

"He threatened me," Karai said. "I had to swear my allegiance to him, or the whole jig would have been up. He – he called me a half-breed, because of Mother." Her temples bulged slightly as she clenched her jaw.

Splinter bristled at the insult. He bit his lip; the small amount of pain allowed him to stay focused. In all honesty, he should have seen this coming. The thought that somebody like the Ronin would let a woman lead – particularly a woman of Karai's heritage, however far removed – was downright ridiculous. He should have thought of it, and he should have warned his daughter.

"That's mild," Mei said. "I've been called far worse. Wear it as a badge of honor, Karai."

Splinter too had been called far worse for his choice to marry Tang Shen. "Your aunt is right, Karai. We must choose to rise above such things."

April frowned in confusion. "I don't understand…why would he call you a half-breed?"

Leonardo looked at April. "'Tang' is a Chinese name, April. And Japan and China…aren't exactly famous for getting along." He kept his voice low and even; Splinter recognized it as the voice he used to try calming his brothers down. In a way, he was trying to keep the whole table from exploding.

"So, this Ronin – what does he want?" Mei's voice was gentle, taking on that same peculiar affectation that Shen's always had when she was trying to calm people down.

"I don't know," Karai said. "He told me that I could be in charge of the Foot's dealings in New York, because of the Shredder. But…he knows. He knows that I'm not Shredder's daughter. He said he was there the night that Shredder took me."

Splinter clenched his fists. He remembered looking out the window on that night, and seeing at least fifty men surrounding the house as Shredder had made his entrance.

The Ronin had been among them.

He suppressed a desire to tear the man limb from limb.

"I don't know what's going to happen now," Karai said, burying her face in her hands. "I don't know what he wants me to do, and…I don't know if I'll still be able to work with the Kraang, or if I'll be able to take down the Foot, with him leading it now. I – I –"

"Karai, listen to me," Leonardo said, calmly and deliberately. "We'll figure this out."

"Yes," Splinter said. "We will develop a plan. But we cannot act until you have learned more of his plans. Are you sure you are able to do this, Karai?"

Karai sighed. "I don't know if I have a choice. I still don't know if I erased all the evidence of the lair's location from Stockman's lab or not."

"That does not matter. We can relocate if necessary. If you do not think you can do this, then nothing matters more to us than your safety." In fact, Splinter wanted nothing more desperately for Karai to come home with them that night and never go back to the Foot Clan again. Even though it was her choice to make, her identity to decide…

She was still his little Miwa.

"I guess…I need time to think. But he wants to see me in the morning."

"I am not sure if you should. You must not underestimate this man. He has all the training of a ninja and a samurai, and on top of this, he fancies himself the reincarnation of Kono Michiari."

Leonardo tilted his head. "Like, the literal reincarnation, or just like a modern-day version of him?"

"Literally. He truly believes that he is Kono Michiari reborn." Splinter frowned. Oroku Daiki's madness made him even more unpredictable, and more dangerous. The more he thought of it, the less he wanted Karai anywhere near this man.

"Kono Michiari?" Raphael said, looking up from the table. "That samurai who single-handedly drove off an armada of Mongol ships?"

"That _would_ be the only history lesson you ever paid attention to, Raph," Leonardo said.

"Hey – the guy went berserk with rage and killed like a hundred dudes. You can't deny that's totally epic."

"Unfortunately, Raphael," Splinter said, "the Ronin is anything but 'epic.' He calls himself that because he has all the formal training of a samurai, but has broken their honor codes by being a ninja. By their standards, he is _ronin_: a rogue samurai. And, rather than seeking to defend Japan from the invasion of the Mongolians, he sees himself as the one who will purify Japan of all clans inferior to the Foot – particularly, my clan." Splinter shook his head. "I fear the plans he has for you, Karai, if he knows that you are Hamato."

Karai threw her hands up in the air. "But F – Spli – Father, I can't leave the Foot Clan now – not with this madman in charge! Who knows how much damage he'll do? And besides – what about Donatello?"

"Oh, now she cares about Donnie," Raphael said, his voice growly.

"I never said I didn't!"

"Everyone calm down," Kirby said. "Clearly, there's a lot happening here, and we all just need a few minutes to process it."

There was a minute of silence around the table. Splinter made eye contact with Kirby and nodded, by way of thanking him. Kirby gave a quick nod back.

"It's obvious that we need a plan," Leonardo said. "I'm with Master Splinter on this. Whatever the Ronin has in mind for you, it can't be good. But you still have to meet him, or this whole thing falls apart."

"I'll do it." Karai said, looking at Donatello. "I don't know how much damage I can do to the Foot now, but I'll still be able to work with the Kraang. Hopefully."

"I do not think that you should meet the Ronin alone, Karai," Splinter said.

"That's just what I was thinking," Leonardo said. "Me, Raph, and Mikey will be on site in case anything goes wrong."

"Are you crazy? He knows about you guys – apparently the Shredder was keeping him informed on everything. If he sees even a glimpse of green – "

"Relax, we got this," Michelangelo said. "We got mad stealth skills."

"And even if he does see us, as far as he knows, we're there to scope him, not help you," Leonardo added.

"Yeah, but he's already suspicious," Karai said. "He told me that he thought it was weird that Shredder was killed but I wasn't. I'm on seriously thin ice."

"We're coming with you, Karai, and you can't stop us."

"Really? 'Cause you could stop me pretty easily," Raphael said.

"What's your _problem?"_ Leonardo snarled.

"What's _your_ problem?"

"Enough!" Splinter banged his fist on the table again. "The three of you will go with Karai. End of story."

"Hai, Sensei," the three boys chorused immediately, though Raphael's was more of a mutter than anything.

Karai nodded. "Okay. But I don't know what time he's coming in the morning."

"We'll just go with you as soon as we're done here, and sort of keep watch until he shows up," Leonardo said. "I mean, if that's okay with you."

Something in Karai's expression softened. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"So, Karai – I don't want to be rude or anything," April said, "but if all this business with the Ronin is new, then what was the thing you wanted to talk to us about before?"

"Oh, that," Karai said. Her eyes returned to Donatello. "I talked to the Kraang early this morning, asking them if there was any way to reduplicate a mutation exactly, but they said it was impossible."

April's face fell.

"That can't be the whole story, right?" Michelangelo said.

"I honestly don't know," Karai said. "I'm sort of on thin ice with them, too. They said that they would work with me again, but that I am 'what is known as "indebted" to Kraang.' So who knows what that means. Anyway, I told them that I want to reduplicate Xever's mutation, and they said that an approximation might be possible. But, 'it is only that which is known as "hypothetical."' I'll have to work with them a little more on it."

"So…the best we can hope for is an 'approximation' of Donnie?" April asked.

"I just don't know. The Kraang said that they would research it, and I'm still willing to work with them in case there's a chance…but that's what it sounds like right now."

Splinter sighed. An "approximation" of Donatello would still not be Donatello. His chest hurt at the thought.

"But there's still a chance they're wrong," Michelangelo said. "Even if they can't find a cure, then you guys can, right?" He looked back and forth between April, Mei, and Kirby.

"We can try," Mei said, "but I am still not sure. I need to get at Donatello's computer, but I can't until, well, until I'm out of this wheelchair."

"Are you feeling better?" Karai asked, her voice small.

"I am." Mei smiled. "Especially now that I've seen you."

And with that, somehow, the evening shifted back into a pleasant one. They ended up playing a round of cards before Karai decided that she needed to go. After she and the boys had left, Kirby declared that it was time for April to go to bed. April protested, but finally she gave in.

"Teenagers," Kirby muttered. "Mei, do you need any help tonight?"

"I will be more than happy to help you," Splinter said.

"That would be nice, Yoshi. Thank you."

Splinter smiled. "Of course."

"All right. Well, if you need anything, call me," Kirby said. With that, he left.

There were a few moments of silence.

"I'm glad you stayed," Mei said. "I was hoping you would. We have not really had much of a chance to talk to each other alone since…well, since the party."

"I know, and I am sorry. Would you like to sit on the couch?"

"I would like that."

Splinter helped Mei onto the couch and then sat down beside her. On the other side of the room, Donatello was sleeping on the floor. Something about it made Splinter remember a night that he and Tang Shen sat together on the couch while Miwa slept.

When Mei took his hand and squeezed it, he felt another pang of guilt, as if he was betraying his wife. But Tang Shen was gone; it was something he needed to acknowledge once again, and focus on the present.

Whatever his past had been, whatever the future would be, he was happy in this moment.


	11. Chapter 11

"…why are you looking at me like that?"

Leo jumped slightly, realizing that Karai was talking to him. "Like what?"

Karai frowned. "You're looking at me funny."

"No, I'm not. I'm just concentrating on what you're saying, that's all."

"So how do you plan on doing this? Whatever you do, you'll have to be careful. Bradford has a sharp sense of smell, when he actually decides to pay attention."

"Yeah, Fearless Leader," Raphael added. "Did you think of that?"

The four of them were lingering in an alley not too far from the old cathedral-esque building that was the Foot's headquarters.

"Ooh, I know." Mikey thumped his fist on top of the closed dumpster next to him. "We could roll around in the dumpster! Then he'd just smell trash, and be all like, 'Dude, who forgot to take the trash out?'"

"Good idea, genius," Raph said. "You first." He grabbed Mikey and started to lift the dumpster lid.

"Hey!" Mikey squirmed, struggling against Raph's pull.

"Cut it out, Raph," Leo said. "We are not rolling around in the dumpster."

"But Mikey really wants to!" Raph continued trying to force Mikey into the dumpster. "He said so."

"I never said that," Mikey protested. "Stop it stop it stop it stop it…"

"Cut it _out_!" Leo broke them apart. "You guys are making too much noise. We're ninjas, remember? And we have a mission."

"Yeah," Raph said, folding his arms. "Operation 'save Karai's butt 'cause she can't do it herself.'"

"Excuse me?" Karai said.

Leo's face got hot. "He doesn't mean it, Karai."

"Yeah, I do," Raph said.

Leo grabbed Raph and dragged him to the other end of the alley. "Get this straight, Raph." He kept his voice low. "I don't care what you think about Karai, but treat her with respect."

"Get out of my face, Leo." Raph yanked his arm out of Leo's grasp.

"Stop acting like a jerk, and I won't be in your face anymore."

"Stop acting like a stupid sap, and I'll stop acting like a jerk."

"How am I a sap?"

"Because you're too busy making eyes at Karai to see that this could be a trap!"

"I am not _making eyes _at her," Leo hissed. He glanced over and saw that Karai and Mikey stood next to each other, watching them. He lowered his voice even further. "This isn't a trap. We can trust her."

"Well, trusting Karai sure did Aunt Mei a lot of good."

"What's your deal, Raph? Aunt Mei forgave Karai."

"Well, maybe Aunt Mei is a sap, too."

"What about Master Splinter? Is he a sap?"

"Maybe he is. He's so hung up on the fact that she's Miwa that he can't see that she's a huge threat. And I see those faces you make at her. You're just as bad as Donnie was around April."

Leo's face started burning in a mixture of anger and embarrassment. "I do _not _make faces at her. And you want to talk about Donnie? Karai is risking her life here, just so she can help Donnie! That's got to count for something."

Raph's eyes shifted over to where Mikey and Karai were standing. "I've got a bad feeling, Leo. I don't think we should go with her."

"Fine. You don't have to. But Mikey and I are."

"I guess you'll need backup then, huh?"

Leo was nonplussed. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Then I'm coming." Raph planted a finger on Leo's chest. "But when this whole thing goes south, don't say I didn't warn you." He then raised his hand, slapped Leo lightly on the face, and started walking back to where Mikey and Karai stood.

Leo stood there for a moment, totally lost between anger, embarrassment, and utter bewilderment.

_Raph…why are you such a pain? _

He turned around trotted after him, slapping the back of Raph's head as he passed him. Raph punched Leo's shoulder by way of acknowledgement.

Karai popped one hip out to the side and put her hands on her hips. "Well? You two boys ready to play nice now?"

Raphael narrowed his eyes at her and said nothing.

"Yeah, we're good," Leo muttered. "So…we need to come up with a plan."

"Well, while you two were having your little tea party, Michelangelo and I came up with an idea."

Leo raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Mikey said. "Since Rahzar never goes to Karai's room, we'll hang out in there until the Ronin shows up. Then we'll get all ninja-y and stealth down to the main hall to watch."

"Plus, this way if the Ronin is planning any night attacks for me, you'll be there to help me fight him off," Karai added.

"In your room?" Leo couldn't help but get a stupid giddy feeling at the thought of spending the night in Karai's room. Yeah, his brothers would still be there, but he'd get to see the inside of her room…

_Wow. Maybe I am as bad as Donnie was. Get it together, Leo. She's your sister, remember?_

"Yes."

"That sounds like a decent enough plan. All right. Let's do this."

Like shadows, the four of them scaled the building and crept in through a window. They landed in a huge, completely empty, dusty room.

"This is your room?" Mikey said. "Dude, that's sad."

"My room's just down the hall," Karai said. "Wait a second…" She pulled out her phone and unlocked it. "Huh. That's weird. I thought somebody called me." She fiddled around with it for a few more minutes before stashing it. "Okay. So my room is the fourth door down on the left. Let's go." She gestured toward the door.

"Why don't you go first?" Raph said, frowning. "This is your home, after all."

"What are you suggesting?"

"I'm suggesting that you seem awfully willing to let us waltz into whatever's waiting on the other side of the door. What were you doing on that phone?"

"Checking to see if I had messages," Karai said.

"The heck you were. Do you think I'm some kind of idiot?"

Karai drew a sharp breath and started to cry. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I – I know I'm a terrible person, and I know that I betrayed Mei… I just…I just want to make it right…"

"Don't cry," Leo said, running to Karai's side and putting an arm around her. "None of us blame you."

"Raphael does," Karai said. She sobbed. "Why don't you just admit it, Raph? Admit that you hate me!" Her voice rang out in the musty silence.

"Shh, keep it down, Karai," Leo said. He glared at Raph, but then he was surprised to see that Raphael's expression had softened.

"I don't _hate _you," Raph said. "It's just...we've been enemies for so long…I'm not sure how to…"

"You think I don't know what that feels like?" Karai pushed tears from her eyes. "I've had to change my whole outlook on things. Everything I thought was true was upside down. Now I'm trusting you guys with life, here. The least you could do" – she sobbed again – "is trust me."

"Dude," Mikey said, nudging Raph's shoulder.

Raph sighed. "I'm sorry, Karai. Here, look – I'll go first, okay?"

Karai sniffed. "Really?"

"Yes, really. As a sign of _trust."_ He said the word like it was against his better judgment.

Karai went over to Raph and threw her arms around him. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Yeah," Raph muttered, shrugging off the embrace. "I guess let's get this over with." He went over to the door and opened it slowly.

"Well, look at that," Leo said. "An empty hall. Good thing you were so worried about us, Raph."

Raph scowled and walked out into the hall. Mikey followed him, and Leo went next.

They had gotten a few paces down the hall when Leo realized Karai hadn't followed them yet. "Hey Karai, are you coming?"

Karai stood in the open doorway, a peculiar expression on her face. "I'm sorry, Leonardo. Some loyalties run too deep." She slammed the door shut. A hissing sound filled the hall.

Leo started gasping and choking. "What – " The air grew thick with gas. The world started to spin.

"I told y –" Raphael collapsed to the floor with a loud _thud_.

The next thing Leo knew, his face slammed into the cold floor and the world went black.

* * *

Leo opened his eyes. Daylight stabbed into them, as if it was trying to lance his brain. Dizzy and nauseous, he pressed his eyes shut again and tried to draw a deep breath.

He couldn't breathe in through his mouth. He went to feel whatever it was that was over his mouth, but his hands couldn't move either. He opened his eyes in a painful squint, and realized that he was lying on the floor in the main hall of Shredder's lair. Raph and Mikey were there too, bound at the ankles and wrists. A large piece of duct tape was over each of their mouths.

Betrayal swept over him. _Karai…_

He had trusted her. Trusted her in spite of everything. Forgiven her, tried to be her friend, and she had stabbed them in the back.

_Some loyalties run too deep._

How could she? How could she still be loyal to the Foot? How could she want to work for Oroku Daiki? After everything the Foot had done to her, after all the lies that Shredder had told her…_why? _

Leo exhaled through his nose. Raph had tried to warn him. Raph had been listening to his instincts like a real ninja should, while Leo had been running around with his head in the clouds. The last time Raph told Leo that Karai was bad news, he had been right, but Leo hadn't wanted to listen.

Now Leo's brothers were once again paying the terrible price for his foolishness.

_It's all my fault. _

Leo squeezed his eyes shut again, then tried opening them a little wider. Slowly, his vision adjusted to the brightness of the light.

The hinges on the main door complained loudly as they swung open. Leo looked up to see Karai, Bradford, Xever, and a Japanese man who must have been the Ronin walking in.

"To prove my undying loyalty to you and to the Foot, Master Ronin," Karai said, "I have brought you a token of my allegiance. Hamato Yoshi's disciples."

Raphael woke up and started thrashing around immediately, straining against the ropes. He was yelling against the duct tape, producing an incoherent muffled scream of rage.

Mikey was awake, too, but he didn't struggle much beyond a few wiggles. He sniffed loudly, and moisture collected in the corners of his eyes.

That was it. Karai could hurt or betray Leo all she wanted, but the _second _that she brought his brothers in the line of fire, all bets were off. He was going to make sure that she would never hurt his brothers again.

_Sorry, Karai. Some loyalties just run too deep. _


	12. Chapter 12

Leo's pulse thudded angrily in his ears as he watched them approach. Xever and Bradford hung back at a distance, but Karai and the Ronin kept moving forward.

The Ronin laughed lightly as he walked up to the three turtles. "Turtles who fancy themselves men. Delightful. And here I thought that you had gotten me something valuable, like the _Kuro Kabuto_."

"The turtles took Shredder's helmet when they killed him. I'm sure we can use them to find it."

"Tell me, Karai, how did you manage to catch them? I heard that they were more than the Shredder himself could keep contained for very long."

"The Shredder was never Hamato Yoshi's daughter," Karai said, her voice glossy with confidence. "I told them what you told me, and told them that I was ready to defect. That was how I lured them here. It's amazing how stupid and gullible they are." She looked right at Leo.

_Karai!_ _I trusted you! _Even with the duct tape, Leo couldn't keep himself from yelling at her.

"They foolishly assumed that blood was more important than upbringing," Karai continued, her voice colder than ice. "I brought them here so that I can prove to you that it is not."

"Interesting," Ronin said. "So these turtles are not your allies? The fact that they are your true father's disciples means nothing to you?"

"They are my enemies."

"I see." The Ronin drew his katana. "So then…you don't mind if I perform a little experiment."

"Kill them if you want. I don't care."

Despite his boiling blood, Leo didn't strain against the ropes the way that Raph did. He was going to save his energy for the crucial moment.

And when it came, he was going to make Karai pay.

Ronin hovered his katana blade over Leo's throat. Leo just glared back up at him.

Then, Ronin did the same to Raph. Leo tensed up, and noticed that Ronin glanced back at him.

_What 'experiment' is he doing?_

Ronin hovered his blade over Mikey's throat next. Mikey whimpered slightly. "Interesting," he whispered.

Leo tensed up even more, his heart racing. Next to him, Raph tensed visibly.

"Very interesting," Ronin said. He lightly dragged the tip of the blade along Mikey's face, leaving a long red line behind it.

_Mikey!_

Leo couldn't help it. He fought against his restraints, yelling obscenities against the duct tape. Raph did too, thrashing even more fiercely than before.

The Ronin laughed and sheathed his katana. "Ah, a favorite. The little brother, perhaps? How delightful." He stared at Karai, then kicked Mikey's face.

_He's testing her, _Leo realized. That was the experiment. He was checking to see if she would have a reaction when he hurt any of them.

Karai didn't even act like she'd seen it. "Have I proven myself to you?"

"It's a start. You see, Karai, I have been given a glorious sign from the gods."

Karai raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes. The day I heard that the Shredder died, the heron lighted on my windowsill."

"The…heron?"

"The gods have sent this heron to me before, when he took one of my arrows and flew out over Hakata Bay. I acted then – I engaged the Mongols in glorious battle, and then the gods sent the divine wind to drive their armada away. Ah, my sweet _Nihon _was safe then. So imagine my dread when I woke centuries later and saw that my nation was safe from without…but rotting from within." Ronin kicked Mikey again.

Karai didn't flinch. Leo clenched his jaw.

"I dedicated my life to purifying my nation. I have spent years destroying the Hamato clan, and to my knowledge, all of them are dead save two: you, and your father." He walked around the turtles, pausing in front of Raph. "And…whatever these things are." He kicked Raphael, watching Karai carefully.

Karai's complete non-reaction made Leo want to scream. These were his _brothers _she was hurting. _Her _brothers.

"So imagine my surprise when I learned of the Shredder's demise and the heron showed itself to me the same day. I realized then that I needed to find the divine wind that could drive all the remnants of the Hamato clan from this entire planet. And it has come to me – not in the form of a typhoon, but access to a power no one ever thought possible before. A power which – thanks to the Shredder's actions here in New York, is now available to me." He took a few more steps.

Pain temporarily blinded Leo as the Ronin's foot swiftly kicked his head.

"The Kraang."

Karai's mouth fell open. "The Kraang?"

"Yes." The Ronin walked away from the turtles and headed up to the throne that Shredder had fashioned for himself. "The Kraang are specialists of genetics, yes? This is how they make the mutants?"

Karai's face was uneasy. She glanced at Leo, almost as if she was asking him for help.

Leo glared back at her. She was on her own for this.

"Yes, I guess they are," Karai said. "I know they specialize in technology."

"And you have a rapport with them, do you not?"

"Yes, though it is a bit shaky."

Ronin sat down on the throne. "Excellent. I still have your unwavering allegiance, and you will be my hand in New York City?"

Karai strode over to the dais and knelt. "You do, and I will."

"Then I want you to go to the Kraang. You will work with them to develop the technology to locate anyone in the world who bears the genetic markers of a Hamato, as far as the fifth generation. And then, we will slaughter every last one."

Leonardo's stomach froze. This was practically genocide.

"But Master Ronin, you said that Hamato Yoshi and the turtles were the only ones left."

"That I _know_ of. But you must understand, we thought Hamato Yoshi dead for over a decade. It occurs to me: how many others were able to survive? How many fled for sanctuary in other countries Or how many left Japan decades past and now have descendants in America? As long as the Hamatos exist, this world will be blighted and my sweet nation cannot be safe. So, we must kill them all."

"All except me, right?" Karai asked, a hint of fear in her voice.

Despite his anger, Leo felt a pang of sympathy for Karai. She was so lost and confused – she had done this to guarantee her own safety, and it was starting to look like this would not help her at all.

_Why didn't you trust _us_ to keep you safe, Karai? Why didn't you trust us the way we trusted you? _

"That depends," the Ronin said. "Are you willing to help me kill them? Are you willing to betray your own blood? Are you willing to bring me Hamato Yoshi's head on a pike?"

"I am," Karai said firmly. "I have no loyalty to them. All of my loyalty is to the Shredder, to the Foot."

"Excellent. How long do you think it will take the Kraang to develop the technology that we need?"

"I'm not sure. It takes the Kraang a while to do anything. Besides, I'm still…mending fences with them. I don't know how long I'll need, but…I suppose eight weeks is a good estimate."

"Eight weeks. I've waited this entire life to fulfill a purpose as glorious as my last's. I can wait eight weeks more."

"It's only a guess, though. It might be more or less."

Eight weeks? The Kraang could develop technology way faster than eight weeks. Why would Karai want that much time?

_Unless…_

_"…to prove my loyalty to you and to the Foot." _

Was it possible that she hadn't actually defected at all? By the time eight weeks were up, Aunt Mei would be out of the wheelchair. Was this all part of an elaborate scheme on Karai's part to keep the Ronin temporarily at bay?

It didn't matter. If it was, she should have told them – or him, at least, before she put his brothers in such danger. Mikey's face was still bleeding, and any shot she had ever had at gaining Raphael's trust was gone now.

Leo knew for certain that he would never be able to trust Karai again. The damage had been done, and it became irreparable the instant that the Ronin had drawn Mikey's blood.

"Very well," the Ronin said. "I plan return to Japan to manage affairs there. Eight weeks from now, I shall return, unless you have the solution sooner, in which case you will alert me immediately."

"Of course, Master Ronin."

"In that time, you will devote all of your energy to finding Hamato Yoshi. I do not want him alive. I do not even want all of him. I just want his head. If you happen to procure it before my return, you may store it in the freezer for me. Understood?"

Leo's stomach somersaulted. This guy wasn't just crazy, he was loopier than a Coney Island roller coaster.

"Understood," Karai said.

"Oh, and Karai? You may start your participation in the purge now." He gestured toward the turtles. "Kill them."

Karai bowed. "Yes, Master Ronin." She rose from her kneeling position and walked purposefully toward the turtles. "Xever. Bradford. Retrieve the turtles' weapons."

The Ronin leapt up from the throne. "Stop. What are you doing?"

"Killing them in honorable combat," Karai said, her voice hesitant.

"Does a hunter kill his prey in 'honorable combat?'" Ronin descended the steps that led up to the dais. "No. Because a man does not fight animals. He simply kills them. All Hamatos are little more than animals – and in this case, quite literally."

"This goes against everything my father – the Shredder – taught me about honor."

"You are an animal too. Animals kill each other all the time. You have no need for honor."

Karai clenched her fists. "I am a member of this clan!"

"Whatever you are to this clan is only what I permit you to be. Now kill them, before I retract my generous offer to let you live."

Karai drew her tanto and strode over to Leo's side. She raised the blade and made to strike.

_Now. _This was the moment that Leo had been waiting for. Tying his ankles wasn't enough to make him defenseless.

He whipped up his feet as Karai struck downward. The blade of her tanto neatly sliced the cord that bound his ankles. Then, with a quick sideways kick, he knocked the blade out of her hand. He leapt up to his feet and did a sweeping kick, knocking her legs out from under her. She fell, and her head hit the floor with a painful _clunk. _

She didn't move. Apparently, he had knocked her unconscious.

_That was just a little too easy…_

He stomped on the handle of her tanto, flipping it up into the air. He stepped forward, just catching the blade in his hands. In a minute, he had sliced through the cord around his wrists. He ripped the duct tape off of his face and ran to free his brothers.

The sound of a katana being drawn made him turn around. The Ronin charged. Xever and Bradford were running to join the fray as well.

This was starting to look more and more impossible.

_If I live through this, Karai, I swear…_

Leo turned back to his brothers, sliced through the cord binding Raph's wrists and pressed the tanto's grip into Raph's hands. Then he whirled around just in time to face the Ronin. He dodged the blade and swept the Ronin's feet from under him.

Ronin had barely hit the ground before he launched up from the ground in what looked like a nearly impossible aerial flip. It was like something out of one of those ridiculously overblown martial arts movies. Within seconds, the blade was headed straight for Leonardo's face.

Leo had seen ninja masters stop blades with their bare hands before, grabbing the flat of the blade between their palms and using a twist to wrench the weapon from their opponent's hands. Not once had Leo ever successfully done this.

But it was his only choice.

He reached up and attempted the move. The blade sliced through the wrappings on his hands and cut a deep gash into his palms. He twisted his wrists anyway, trying to rip the katana from Ronin's grasp.

Ronin's grip was too tight. The blade was almost to Leo's face when a blur of motion was at his right. Raphael's kick landed right on the Ronin's elbow, finally knocking the weapon loose of his hand.

Adrenaline prevented the pain in Leo's hands from even registering. He quickly flipped the katana so that he was holding it properly. As he squeezed his hands around the grip, bright red blood ran from his hands like he was wringing out a washcloth. He was able to turn in time to deflect a strike from one of Rahzar's sharp claws.

The Ronin was sparring with Raph. He was landing way too many hits – Raphael was losing defensive ground. Xever came up behind them, swinging open his butterfly knives.

"Booyakasha!" Mikey cried. He spiked something. In an instant, purple smoke obscured the world from view.

Using the smoke screen as cover, Leo dodged Rahzar again and started running. He emerged from the cloud of smoke and saw Mikey already running for the exit. Raph emerged too, just dodging a volley of ill-aimed shuriken. The three of them made it out of the building before the smoke cleared and went for the nearest manhole cover.

"Leo, you're leaving a ridiculous blood trail," Raph said. "They'll know we've gone down here."

Leo looked down as his hands. 'Ridiculous' just about was the best term to describe the amount of blood running from them. He must have cut open an artery.

However, there was water flowing through this pipe. It carried the blood that dripped into it away.

"Yeah, but they won't be able to track us much further. And we'll take the pond entrance to the lair, just in case. They won't find us." He started running for what he knew was the closest sewer pond to this location. The sooner they could lose any trackers, the better.

Raph and Mikey followed him. "In that case," Raph said, "I'd just like to point out that this is _all your fault, Leo!_"

Leo felt too defeated to even reply.

Because, yeah.

_Yeah, it is. _


	13. Chapter 13

With a noisy splash, Leo and his brothers clambered up out of the sewer pond and into the lair.

"Okay," Leo said. It was the first thing he'd said since they escaped. "Is everyone all right?"

"Are you _kidding_?" Raph said. "Look at us! Look at _you_!"

Leo's hands looked like a gore fest – the water thinned out the blood and created the illusion that there was twice as much. The cut on Mikey's face also looked far more spectacular than it actually was. Raph didn't appear to be bleeding anywhere, but ugly bruises were raised all over his body.

"I can't believe that Karai's defective," Mikey said, with a little sniffle. "I mean, I thought she was our friend."

"_Defected,_ Mikey," Leo said. "And there's actually a chance that she's still on our side – "

"Do you even hear yourself?" Raph yelled. "She gassed us, tied us up, and was going to _kill us! _How can any of that be considered 'on our side'?"

"What is going on out here?" Splinter emerged from the dojo. He looked at them, and his whole face shifted into an expression of horror. "What happened? Where is Miwa?"

"I'll tell you what happened, Sensei," Raph said. "Karai stabbed us in the back. She's actually working for Ronin."

Splinter blinked. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. He looked at Leo, raising his eyebrows in question.

"That's certainly what it looks like," Leo said. He sighed. "She gassed us as we were going in – "

"You came in through the water with those injuries?" Splinter said, as if he had just noticed this.

Leo was taken aback. "Well, yeah, I was leaving a trail, and we didn't want them to be able to follow – "

"Come. We need to get those cleaned and treated immediately. I do not want them to get infected. Now, tell me the rest of the story."

All of them went to Donnie's lab. Splinter rifled through the medical supplies, not saying anything as Leo – frequently interrupted by Raphael – tried to explain what had happened.

Occasionally nodding, Splinter poured hydrogen peroxide over their cuts and treated them with antibacterial gel. "Yours does not need stitches, Michelangelo. Leonardo…how did this happen? Did you try to stop the blade with your hands?"

Leo cringed. "Mmyeah."

"What?"

"Hai, Sensei."

Splinter sighed. "The last time we tried that, I still landed the hit and you got splinters from the bokken. It was a foolish decision to try this in actual combat."

"Really?" Raphael said. "After everything we just told you, _that's _the foolish decision you want to point out?"

"Raphael! Be silent."

Still fuming, Raphael pressed his lips together.

Splinter turned his attention back to Leo. "You need sutures." He walked over to the medical supplies and dug around until he found what he was looking for. Then he came back, opened the sterile packaging, and started to stitch the wound. He had to keep blotting it with gauze because of the bleeding.

"I didn't have much of a choice, Sensei," Leo said, feeling more and more foolish all the time. Raphael was right, after all. The poor decision to stop the blade with his hands paled in comparison to his decision to ignore Raphael and trust Karai. "It was my first instinct. You're always telling us to trust our instincts…"

"Yeah, well, you should've trusted mine, too," Raphael quipped.

Splinter said nothing this time. He continued to focus on the wound.

"Leo," Mikey said, "do you really think there's a chance Karai's not defective?"

"A small one," Leo answered, not bothering to correct Mikey this time.

"Oh?" Splinter said.

"Yeah. Well, she said she was doing it to prove herself to Ronin, to show her loyalty, and then she looked right at me."

"She also said we were gullible idiots," Raph said.

Unfortunately, she hadn't been wrong. Leo's face prickled with heat at the thought. "Anyway, she also told Ronin it would take eight weeks for the Krang to develop the technology – but we all know the Kraang can move faster than that. There's a chance she's gaming him."

"Yeah, him _and _us."

"Raphael," Splinter said, "I understand your anger. But we must not make premature assumptions."

"What? Are you serious? She was going to kill us!"

"Yeah, but did you notice how easy to cut the cords were?" Leo said. "And why would Mikey still have a smoke bomb?"

"Probably because Karai didn't want to dig around in his shell for it," Raph said. "I can't blame her there."

Master Splinter finished the sutures, placed gauze over the cuts, and wrapped them tightly with medical tape. "You should both take antibiotics, as a precautionary measure. I still think we have plenty of the ones that Donatello made. Now – you mentioned that the Ronin wants Kraang technology? What does he want it to do?"

Leo hesitated. "He wants it – he wants to be able to sweep the globe to find anyone related to the Hamato clan in any way, so that he can kill all of them."

Splinter shook his head. "He truly is a madman. He must be stopped. If Miwa – Karai – has indeed joined forces with him…" His voice wavered. He drew a deep breath before continuing. "Then we must not let this plan succeed."

"You guys forgot your weapons," said a feminine voice from the lab door.

All four of them wheeled around. Karai stood in the doorway, holding a large bag. When she dropped it on the floor, it gave off a metallic clatter.

"You have some nerve – " Raphael started.

Karai put her hands on her hips. "Look, I know what you're thinking. I'm not on Ronin's side. I just had to – "

"Prove your loyalty to him?" Leo said, boiling with anger at the sight of her. He walked over to her. "What about your loyalty to _us? _You _betrayed_ us!"

"It had to be convincing," Karai said. "A man like Oroku Daiki would be able to tell if you were acting."

"So you're saying that you're perfectly capable of acting, but we aren't? You should have told us!"

"Oh, please, like you would have gone along with it."

"Yeah, because it was too risky. You had _no _right to risk my brother's lives like that. _None." _

"But it worked. Ronin trusts me now. He – "

"I hope it was worth it," Leo said. "I hope his trust was worth it, because you lost ours. All of it."

"You know it was worth it. How am I supposed to work with him if he thinks I'm a liability? If I can't stay with the Foot, I can't work with the Kraang, and we can't find a solution for Donnie. How is that not _worth it_?"

Leo's temper abated slightly. There was something of a cold logic to it. "Well, yeah? Maybe your plan worked, and maybe it didn't. But I'll tell you what did work. You wanted the betrayal to be real so that Ronin wouldn't be suspicious? Well, it was _real. _More real than you realize. You betrayed me, you betrayed Raph, you betrayed Mikey. You put my brothers in danger. That betrayal was real, and it's not going to go anywhere."

Karai bit her lip and blinked several times. Her eyes were shiny, but there were no tears.

Not that tears would have meant a single thing to Leo now.

"I did what I had to do," Karai said. "Ronin is flying back to Japan this afternoon. He won't be bothering us for eight weeks, which gives the Kraang plenty of time to work on the retro-retro-mutagen. Mei will be out of the wheelchair by then, and she can be doubly sure that all traces of information about the lair's coordinates are wiped from the Foot's systems. Then we can all go underground."

"Oh, so you're not going to tell the Kraang that they need to make genocidal technology?" Raph said. "You're not going to put Splinter's head in the freezer?"

Splinter raised his eyebrows.

"After all," Raphael continued, "it would help convince the Ronin that you're really on his side."

"Of course I'm not. Ronin is a disgusting excuse for a human being. You've got to believe me."

"Yeah, well, the last time I believed you, that didn't go so well. The last time Aunt Mei believed you, that didn't go so well either, did it?"

Karai drew a short, sharp breath and squeezed her eyes shut. Then she wheeled around and left the room.

With a sigh, Splinter went after her.

Leo didn't know whether he felt sorry for her or not.

"Dude, that was a bit harsh, don't you think?" Mikey said.

"Are you crazy, Mikey?" Raph threw his hands up in the air. "Did you like, miss today or something?"

"I believe her. She said she did it for Donnie. I'm okay with that."

"Mikey, she put us all in terrible danger and didn't even tell us she was going to do it," Leo said. He folded his arms. _She hurt you. _

His heart twinged.

_She hurt me._

"But like she said, it had to be convincing and stuff. You 'member that year we made Raph that bangin' mutation day present? I blew the secret the minute we'd finished. You know how awful I am at keeping secrets. I woulda screwed this up, big time."

"Then she could have at least told me and Raph."

"But you and Raph wouldn't have done it."

"Exactly," Raph said. "Because we're not crazy! It's a miracle that we even got out of there alive."

"Come on, Leo. Karai's your friend! You've gotta believe her, right?"

Leo sighed. He put a hand on his forehead. "I believe her. But that doesn't mean I trust her." _Never again. _"She's proven that she doesn't care about our safety."

Mikey hung his head. "I just – she's…" He looked up. "I trust her." He jumped up from where he was sitting and ran out of the lab.

Leo shook his head and looked at Raph. "I guess that's Mikey for you. Raph, I'm really sorry."

"Didn't hear that – what?"

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"I. Am. _Sorry._"

"Oh, you're sorry."

"Yes. I should have listened to you. I just – I wanted to trust her so badly, and I thought that after she joined us, that…things would be different."

"Do you feel completely and totally miserable about this?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"In that case, we're good. Just stop being an idiot over her. Even if she wasn't totally evil, she's our sister."

Leo poked at the bandages on his hand. "You noticed that, huh?"

"Oh no, no, it wasn't noticeable at all. Are you _kidding_ me? You act like a lost puppy around her. You put Donnie to shame."

"I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you kinda are."

Leo started walking out of the lab.

"Where are you going?" asked Raph.

"My room."

All he wanted was to be alone.

* * *

Karai stood in the dojo, looking at the picture that Splinter had on his mantelpiece.

_I don't belong anywhere. _

She'd belonged, once. She had belonged perfectly with Hamato Yoshi and Tang Shen. When she was taken from them, and raised by the Shredder, she belonged perfectly with him.

Now, she belonged nowhere.

She thought that maybe she was starting to find a place in her new – old – family, but clearly, she had shattered that. None of them would want anything to do with her now. Even though she had done it for them. She had done everything in her power to make sure that they'd have a fighting chance at escaping. The cords were tight enough to keep them restrained, but the material wasn't very resistant against being cut. She'd made sure that they had a smoke bomb to get away. She'd even faked being knocked unconscious so that Leonardo would have time to free himself.

But none of that counted, because she really truly had betrayed their trust. Even if she'd done it for a good reason, she'd betrayed them.

And Leo…

He'd been her friend from the first, and she'd ruined that. He'd accepted her unconditionally all this time, and this was what had broken their trust? She thought for sure that he'd see it from her point of view when she explained it. After all, he had let go all of her past transgressions. What made this so different?

This time, he'd really trusted her. He never had before, and all of those offers of friendship were despite his distrust. Now that he really had trust, her violating it was a much greater sin.

Now none of them would forgive her.

Good. She understood grudges.

And yet…

The thought of them all hating her made her want to vomit. Tears started to well in her eyes – real tears, this time.

"Karai?"

Immediately, she blinked the tears away. In a moment, they were gone. She turned around to see Splinter standing a little way behind her.

"Don't worry, Master Splinter. I'll be leaving soon."

Splinter shook his head. "I do not want you to leave, my daughter. I understand why you did what you did."

"You do?"

"Yes." Splinter frowned. "This is not to say that I approve of it."

"You must hate me."

"No. I love you, Karai. I have always loved you, and I always will. But surely you understand how difficult it is for us to trust you now."

Karai nodded. "I don't belong here, do I?"

"There is always a place for you with me, my daughter. Come here." Splinter extended his arms.

Karai ran into them and buried her face in his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around her, surrounding her with unconditional love – the love of a father for his daughter, a love as inviolable as the law of gravity.

"We will find a way past this," Splinter said, in a voice that was calm and soothing.

And despite everything, despite the emotional turmoil inside of her, despite the anger and distrust she had caused, she believed him.


	14. Chapter 14

Mei rose early.

She had woken from horrific nightmares of Shredder whispering in her ear, telling her that he owned her and that she would never be free. She reached for her sai upon waking, but her casted arm reminded her that she was not supposed to be making sudden movements.

_They're just aftershocks,_ she told herself. _They'll pass eventually._

But considering that even after fifteen years, she had occasional nightmares _before _falling into Shredder's clutches again, she found herself doubting that her sleep would ever be peaceful again.

Despite warnings not to move herself to her wheelchair for another week or so, the thought of staying in bed until April came made her shudder. After the nightmare, bed seemed like the least safe place she could possibly be.

She painfully dressed herself, grabbed her laptop and some of the research that she was working on for Donnie, and set up camp at the dining room table. Well, it wasn't so much a dining room as a dining area, but she had always thought of it as a dining room. She sometimes wished that it was in the kitchen, so that she didn't have to wheel herself back and forth so much.

Thinking of a kitchen table, of course, made her think of the table standing in a kitchen a few miles away, deep underground. It had only been two days since their pizza dinner, but Mei already missed her family dearly. The short amount of time that she had lived there had been so happy. She had finally started to find balance.

She desperately wished that she could walk, so that she could go to her strange, smelly new home. She never thought she would actually miss that peculiar – and sometimes downright repulsive – odor. But she did miss it, because she had come to associate it with love and safety.

She took her new cell phone out of her pocket and went to her contacts list. She scrolled down past her co-workers and other contacts until she reached the 'H' section, where five names looked back at her. She almost tapped on _Hamato Yoshi (Splinter)_ when she hesitated. Did she really want to bother him? Usually, that ridiculous cheese phone – who said Donatello didn't have a sense of humor – was reserved for emergencies. She didn't want to panic him, after all. Besides, he might have been training the boys.

Then again, when he had called her the other day, describing the fiasco with Miwa, he had seemed so downcast. Maybe he needed to talk to someone as much as she did right now.

There was a tap at the window.

Mei jumped. The sudden motion made her gasp at the pain that shot through her still-recovering bones and muscles. She was surprised that somebody would risk coming here in daylight, but since the sun was still peeking over the horizon, it wasn't as risky, perhaps. She wheeled herself over to the window and peeked out through the blinds.

Karai perched on the fire escape.

Mei hesitated. She had trusted Karai before, despite her better judgment. While she didn't blame Karai for what she did, while she had forgiven her for it, in light of recent events, Mei wasn't sure what to think.

She was fairly certain that Miwa – Karai – was actually on their side. What she wasn't sure of is that Karai would act with everyone's best interests in mind.

Mei reached up to unlock the window and struggled to open it for a minute. She could only manage to open it a crack. Fortunately, Karai slipped her fingers through the gap and opened it the rest of the way, then crawled inside.

"_Ohayō_, Karai," Mei said. "What brings you here today?"

Karai stared at her for a moment. Without so much as a _good morning_ in return, she asked, "What was my mother like?"

The question startled Mei. "Why don't you sit down? I'd offer you tea, but…"

"I can make it," Karai said. "Where's your kettle?" She walked into the kitchen and started opening cabinets like she owned the place.

Mei told her where all of her tea things were, and watched as Karai went about setting the water to boil.

Karai closely examined the variety of teas that Mei had. "What was her favorite tea?"

"She liked oolong best," Mei said. "She always said that green tea was too grassy and black tea was too bitter."

Karai pulled out the canister of oolong tea from Mei's cabinet and started measuring it into tea balls. Mei felt a pang of sadness. Growing up alone with that man it was a wonder that Karai had any soul left at all, yet here she was, trying to connect with her lost mother as much as possible.

Whether it was genuine love and curiosity or a twisted obsession, however, remained to be seen.

Soon, the tea was ready, and the two of them went over to the seating area. Karai looked at the wall of weapons. "They're beautiful."

"Thank you."

"So…were you and Mother disciples of ninjutsu?"

"Not really." Mei took a sip of tea. "We weren't part of any ninja clan. Though our father did hire a man to teach us a little jujutsu, and we were both interested in the tessen. It wasn't until after…after things happened that I studied martial arts in more detail."

Karai stared into her teacup. "April's tessen. That was my mother's, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

Karai nodded.

Mei tried to make sense of the expression on Karai's face. It was stony and cold, the face of a kunoichi in combat, betraying no emotion whatsoever. "Are you jealous?"

"No. Yes. Maybe." Karai took a tiny slurp from her tea. "She deserves it more than I do."

"Are you jealous of the fact that she has the tessen, or the fact that she deserves it?"

"I don't know. How did my mother meet Splinter?"

"Why don't you ask him?"

"He…it's that…I spent my whole life thinking that he was my enemy, that he was the reason she was dead. I want to be able to talk to him, but it's so hard. With you, I didn't even know you existed until recently, so I guess…it's easier."

"I know what you mean. For years, I was convinced that all of this – whole mess – was Splinter's fault. That if it hadn't been for him, Shredder would never had come for me. If it hadn't been for him, Tang Shen wouldn't have been a casualty in their fight. I believed that with all of my heart. Do you know why?"

Karai looked up from her tea.

"It was because the Shredder told me it was. Over and over again, that man lied to me, telling me that it was actually Splinter's fault. And eventually, after it was repeated enough times…I believed it. After I found out that Splinter was alive, and started talking to him again, I learned that he blamed himself, too. And that was when I realized that all of us were blaming the wrong person. It was Oroku Saki all along who deserved the blame."

"I know that," Karai said. "I see that. I believe it. But I don't feel it."

"It was easier for me." Mei set down her teacup. "I knew Splinter before. I had seen how happy he made my sister, and I knew that he was capable of kindness. I had that to fall back on. You don't have anything, though, and that makes it harder."

Karai was silent for a moment. "So, he made Mother happy?"

"Very much so. She liked him from the time we were all in elementary school together. It wasn't until the last year of high school that they actually became involved, though. By that time, I was already married to Kenshin."

"Really? But are you that much older than mother?"

"Only a year and a half, actually. I married at nineteen."

"And Mother and Splinter?"

"They waited a little longer. They were both right around twenty-three."

"So…how did they meet?"

"We actually both met him at the same time. We were new to the school, and one of the students was making fun of us for our heritage. Splinter came over to us" – Mei laughed at the memory – "and he punched that student right in the face. From that moment, I think, Shen was rather taken with him."

As Mei told various stories of their childhood together, she gauged Karai's reactions. Any time that Mei mentioned the Shredder, Karai visibly tensed, but the rest of the time, she was as impassive as ever. They had been there for at least an hour when there was the sound of keys jingling at the door.

Karai jumped at the sound.

"It's April," Mei said softly. "She helps me get up in the morning. Usually."

"I should leave," Karai said. She stood up and started over to the window.

April walked in. She started when she saw that Mei was already up. "Mei! And…Karai?"

"I was just leaving," Karai said curtly.

"You don't have to," April said.

"Have you talked to Leo lately?"

"Yeah, after training yesterday."

"And you don't want me to leave?"

April shut the door behind her and dropped the keys on the table next to the door. "No. I only got his side of the story. I'd kind of like to have your side, too. Mikey seems to think your heart was in the right place."

"Mikey is an idiot. He'd believe anything."

Mei frowned. "That seems like a harsh thing to say about the one advocate you have. If you want us to trust you, maybe you shouldn't say things like that."

"Maybe you shouldn't trust me," Karai said, no longer impassive. Her face reddened.

"Karai, what you did, you did to help us, right?" April said. "But, you see where you went wrong, don't you?"

"I know why none of you trust me now. But I also know I made the _right decision_. Ronin is convinced of my loyalty, which is all that matters. Now we can set to work on tearing his precious clan apart. I'm sorry that the turtles got hurt, but I don't regret what I did. I will do whatever it takes to make this thing succeed."

"Look, Karai…it's great that you want to help Donnie, but I don't want to lose any of the other guys along the way."

"Oh, please. Leo would die in a second if he knew it would save Donatello."

"Maybe." April pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "But he'd make sure that nobody else got hurt in the process. And it would be _his _decision. When you let his brothers get hurt, and you took that decision away from him…well…"

"Yeah, I know. He doesn't trust me, never will. Nothing will ever be the same now. I got that. Now, I have to go."

"Karai, wait," Mei said.

But Karai didn't wait. She simply let herself out through the window and vanished up the fire escape.

"Well, this is a big steaming mess," April said. "I haven't seen Leo scowl this much since…well, ever. And Master Splinter is so out of it, _Mikey _tagged him in training yesterday. Right in the face with his nunchuks. Actually, Mikey tagged everybody yesterday. He even beat Leo in one-on-one sparring. He's the only one who's not totally messed up about this."

"What about you? Are you 'messed up' about this?" Mei said.

"I don't know what to think. I think she's on our side, but, she's…she's dangerous, Mei."

"I agree."

April scowled. "You know what else is dangerous? Risking un-setting your fracture by trying to get into your wheelchair by yourself. Why didn't you call me?"

"Please, April, I'm a grown woman."

"Yeah, well, being a grown woman doesn't mean you won't make stupid mistakes."

"I wanted to look at some of the research from yesterday. I've found something really interesting."

April's whole demeanor changed. "What?"

"I was looking at those printouts of the mutagen and retro-mutagen molecules." Mei wheeled herself over to the table and pointed to the documents. "Look at this. Every chemical in the mutagen appears in the retro-mutagen, just in smaller quantities and bond pairs. Except…here. This cluster here in the mutagen molecule. Not one of these chemicals appears in the retro-mutagen. I'm thinking that they must be directly responsible as agents of change."

"I can't believe we missed that," April said. "How long have we been combing over this?"

"There is just so much to look at. Without the computer…it is just too hard."

There was a moment of silence, during which Mei's empty stomach complained loudly.

"Are you hungry?" April asked. "I'll make you a smoothie. I saw this recipe that has oatmeal in it…it's supposed to be really filling."

"Why not? As long as it's not a sushi smoothie."

April grinned.

As April walked into the kitchen, Mei sighed. This was indeed a big steaming mess, and not just the recent events with Karai. It seemed like every time they took a step in getting it cleaned up, it kept expanding.

Maybe it would never be resolved.

Maybe the aftershocks would go on forever and ever.


	15. Chapter 15

"All right, Miss Satou. Open and close for me. How does that feel?"

Mei slowly worked her jaw open and shut. Despite the stiffness in her joint, she felt completely liberated. "Amazing."

"Good," the doctor said. "Very good. After four weeks of food through a straw, I bet you're ready for a hamburger, huh?"

Mei smiled. "I don't like hamburgers."

The doctor chuckled in reply. "Fair enough. You're probably better off that way. Now, a word of caution. Don't eat hard or crunchy food for another couple of weeks."

"Does pizza count? My friends like to eat it a lot."

"Depends on how burned it is. Seriously, though, I'd avoid the crustier parts. After a couple of weeks, you should be able to eat whatever you like, but for now, eat soft foods in small bites."

The doctor shuffled a few x-ray printouts and laid them up against the lit screen. "All of your other injuries look like they are setting properly – I'm especially pleased with how well the fracture to your skull is healing. Of course, you were very fortunate that it was so minor. Ribs are on the mend nicely, clavicle is healing well. And I'm guessing it won't be but another three weeks or so until you'll be out of your pelvic cast. Then we'll be able to put you through physical therapy. Your prognosis looks really good. Have you seen your gynecologist recently?"

Mei shuddered. She didn't even want to think about that – she had left that particular appointment shaking and scared. The fact that it was a doctor – a female doctor, even – didn't ease the sense of violation. "Yes. She said that everything is healing properly."

"Now, Miss Satou, I'm sorry to ask again, but I'm concerned about you. Are you going through any kind of trauma counseling?"

"A friend of mine is a psychologist. He's helping me out."

"Is he a trained counselor?"

"No, but…"

"I really think you should see a counselor. I can't encourage that enough. In cases like this, the mental damage is often worse than the physical."

"I know. I've got it taken care of. Thanks."

The doctor held his hands up. "Just doing my best to take care of you. What you do or don't do is your business. All right. I think we're done here, then. You go see Karen at the front desk – she'll set up your next appointment for you."

The doctor wheeled Mei out into the waiting room and gestured to the receptionist. After wishing her a pleasant day, he retreated back to his office.

Kirby stood up from the chair he had been sitting in and put a magazine back down on the table. "So, are you able to chew again?"

"Yes," Mei said. She was so relieved to see a friendly face. As much as she knew seeing the doctor was for her own benefit, she couldn't help but feel trapped. "He said it should only be another three weeks before I'm out of all of my casts."

"That's great, Mei. That really is. Do you want to have everyone over for pizza to celebrate your ability to eat solid food?"

"I'm not sure how much I want to see people."

Kirby frowned. "Okay. Fair enough. Let's get you home."

One New-York-traffic taxi ride later, Kirby wheeled Mei into her apartment.

"Tell me honestly, Mei. In the last two weeks, have you talked to anyone besides me or April?" He took off his shoes and set them on the shoe mat by the door, then helped Mei take her shoes off.

"Splinter and the boys brought me flowers a few times, but other than that, no."

Kirby frowned again. "You're isolating. I don't think that's good for you. You need to be around people, Mei."

"I just…I hate being alone, but being around people is so hard, too." Mei wheeled herself toward the kitchen.

"Well, what about Splinter? Why don't you have him come over tonight?"

"Why would I have just Splinter come over?"

"Well, he's a friend you've known for a very long time, and a heck of a lot less exhausting than the turtles are. Plus, you know, I thought maybe you might like some time alone with him."

"What makes you say that?"

Kirby looked at her sideways. "You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Say what?"

"What is going on with you two? And don't say 'nothing' – I'm trained in analyzing behavior. I notice that he stays behind to visit with you on occasion, not to mention you act completely different around him."

Mei sighed. "We…we aren't sure, really. Things are hard for him because he was married to my sister, and I think that sometimes, he still sees her when he looks at me. And I…half the time we talk, I end up thinking of my husband…well, my late husband."

Kirby nodded. "It is hard, isn't it? I've tried dating a few times since I lost Renee, but, it just never felt right."

"Renee? Was that April's mother?"

"Yeah. I missed her for years. Still do miss her. But for a while, I tried dating around. There was this one woman – we had been dating for a few months, and she told me she loved me. I said it right back to her – except that I didn't use her name when I said it."

Mei put a hand over her mouth. "No."

"Yes."

"You called her by your wife's name?"

Kirby cringed slightly at the memory. "Yup. I said, 'I love you too, Renee.' It was our last date." He laughed. "I tried seeing a few other women, but it never worked out. Then I got bald and nobody wanted to date me anymore." He winked.

Mei grinned. "I am sure that you could still find somebody. You never know. Shave your whole head to look like one of those 'bad boys' on TV. I hear the American women love 'bad boys.'"

Kirby laughed. "Kirby O'Neil…Irish mafia." He shook his head."Oh, well. I have to be at work in forty-five minutes or so."

"How is that going?"

"Reminds me of being in college, working retail at night. I seriously hope an actual job in my field opens up soon."

"I do too. Thank you for taking me to the doctor, Kirby."

"No problem. If you need anything, call April. But seriously, Mei, you should call Splinter. I think you guys need each other. You've been hurt by the same person, and banding together – even just as friends – is going to help you get past that."

* * *

Later that day, April walked home. After a nice afternoon of training, hanging out with the turtles, and doing her homework in the lair, she'd gotten a text from Mei. She was almost to the front steps of the apartment building, and she dug into her pocket for her key. She had just started up the stairs when a figure stepped into her peripheral vision.

"Hey, Red."

April whipped her head around. Casey Jones stood there, a timid expression on his face. It was not an expression she'd ever seen on him before – he was usually so confident and cocky. "Go away."

"Listen, I want to talk to you. I promise I'm not here to do anything that will hurt you. I just…I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Last I heard, you'd just gotten out of a coma."

April folded her arms. She didn't necessarily want to talk to him, but something in his tone tugged at her heartstrings. "Yeah, a little over four weeks ago."

"You look good. I mean, you look healthy."

"Thanks." April rolled her eyes.

"So, are you ever coming back to school?"

"Nope. I'm homeschooled now. I kind of like it, actually."

"Oh. Cool. Hey…I hate to do this to you, but…I'm failing trig. And…Jen is so disappointed. My foster parents have done so much for me, and I want to make them proud, you know?"

"You've got a lot of nerve, Jones."

"I know I do. But if you knew how badly I want to make Jen and Sean happy, you'd understand."

April's head felt fuzzy for a moment – or maybe it was just clearer – that same feeling she always got of pure instinct.

This time, she hated it.

Because this time, she knew that Casey was telling the truth.

She didn't want to give him a second chance. He didn't deserve a second chance.

_He did help them contact Karai. He did help them fight off the Foot when they were ambushed at the radio station. _

_He was just another victim in Shredder's game. _

"Do you know what Shredder tried to do to me?" April asked.

"I have a pretty good idea. And I am so, so sorry, Red. I've never felt worse about anything in my life. If I could take it back – "

"Well, you can't."

Casey hung his head. "I know."

April hesitated. Nothing would make her feel better right now than to stomp on Casey's stupid heart. But she had a feeling that she'd feel miserable about it afterward, especially since she knew that he was being honest about this.

Maybe making peace with Casey would help her get past this whole thing.

"Why don't we meet tomorrow after your school gets done?"

Casey's whole face brightened. "Really?"

"Yeah. But don't tell my Dad or Mei. They probably won't be happy that I'm helping you."

"Mei – that's Atsuko, right?" He smiled. "She was willing to give me a second chance. Hey, did you guys ever get things figured out with Donnie?"

"No. But we're getting there. We've found some stuff that might be helpful, and the Kraang are working on it too."

"Oh, good. I mean, good that you're working on it. So, um, where do you want to meet?"

"Tomorrow, at Murikami's. Seven-thirty. My dad will be at work by then, so he won't know about it."

"All right. See you then, I guess?"

"Yeah. See you then."

Shaking her head, April went in through the main entrance and up the stairs. She thought about what Leo or Raph might say if they knew she was doing this. Leo would probably disapprove, and Raph would downright blow a gasket.

She pulled out the key to Mei's apartment and unlocked the door. "Mei, I'm here."

Mei was sitting at the table with papers spread out in front of her. She gave an absent-minded wave in April's direction.

"How was your doctor's appointment? Did you get your jaw unwired? Mei?"

"Karai brought this over this afternoon," Mei said. "She talked to the Kraang, apparently. They said they'd done some research on the problem, but were still unsuccessful. But she asked for a printout of their results and brought them. Look at this."

April walked over and looked at the papers. They were covered in zeroes and ones. "That looks like a lot of gobbledygook."

"It's binary," Mei said. "If there's anything I understand, it's binary."

"Right, because it's computer language."

"I've been looking at this whole problem from the wrong angle. The retro-mutagen molecule actually forms a perfect binary sentence when you break down the chemicals in it. It creates this sort of code – and that same code appears in this research that the Kraang did."

"So…you think the Kraang have had retro-mutagen all along?"

"Maybe. And it looks like they've tried inverting the code exactly, without much success. But I wonder – remember that chemical cluster that we found two weeks ago? I wonder what would happen if we integrated that code into the retro-mutagen code? I don't know if all the chemicals would bond properly – we'd have to find a way to balance the equation, which will be like twenty-equation matrix, but…it's a possibility."

April's heart practically skipped a beat. "I don't believe this. We're actually getting somewhere with this research. This is incredible."

"I know. Hopefully the Kraang will be able to fill another piece of the puzzle."

"So, is this why you called me?"

Mei's cheeks reddened. "No. I actually was wondering if you'd be able to help me with makeup again."

"Oh. Sure, okay." April looked at the clock. It was almost six-thirty. "You'll be washing it off in a few hours, though."

"Oh, I know. I just want to wear it this evening."

"Okay."

"I was wondering if you could help me with a nice outfit, too?"

"Sure, I guess. Do you have something in mind?"

"Well, ah…I have this kimono that I bought about five years ago for formal occasions. It's lovely, but it's difficult enough to put on without all of the casts."

"Oh, is that the one in the garment bag? That dark green one with the beige stitching?"

"Yes. Actually, the only time I wore it was for this party I had to attend with everyone else in my office back in Japan. Everyone was dressed – what is it that you say – 'dressed to the nines'?"

April laughed. "So why are you getting dressed to the nines tonight?"

Mei blushed again. "Ah…"

"Come on, Mei. Just tell me!"

"Fine. Splinter is bringing dinner here for me to celebrate the fact that I can eat solid food again, and I want to look nice. You know, for the celebration."

April tilted her head as something occurred to her. "'For the celebration,' huh? Not, say, for Master Splinter himself?"

Mei put on a dignified expression. "Certainly not. It would simply be rude to be underdressed for such a thing."

"He's bringing dinner. How is that a big deal?"

"Will you help me or not?"

"Yeah, I'll help you. But just so you know, you're not fooling anyone."

Mei pursed her lips together as if she was trying to keep herself from smiling. "I do not know what you are talking about."

"Sure you don't. Come on, let's get you all gussied up. You know, for the _celebration._"


	16. Chapter 16

She had greeted him at the door, wrapped in a beautiful blue-green _rinzu _kimono. The deep purple obi and accents emphasized the deep brown color of her eyes. Her eyeshadow picked up the theme; deep plum shimmered on her eyelids.

She had been beautiful. Breathtaking, even. But she would have been beautiful if all she had to wear were old rags.

"I hope you have come hungry, Hamato-san," she had said playfully.

Splinter bowed. "I have."

She laughed – a musical laugh that nearly took his breath away. How had he grown up alongside this woman and never noticed it before?

"That is very unfortunate, because all there is to eat is the food that I have prepared. You may be disappointed."

"No. It will be delicious, I am sure."

"Tell this to my mother, who has been hovering over my shoulder all afternoon, criticizing my every move. Come inside."

Splinter smiled. He removed his shoes and followed her inside.

Her house – or her parent's house, since she still lived with them, was simply furnished. He was tremendously nervous, since he had yet to meet them. "Where are your parents?"

She giggled. "Oh, I convinced them to go out for dinner tonight, so that they would not have to eat my horrible cooking."

Splinter raised his eyebrows. "Do they know that I am here, at least?"

She laughed even harder. "No. No, they do not. It's good that you are a fighter, considering what my father would say if he knew I had brought you here."

"I am not sure if this is such a good idea. I do not want to dishonor your father by coming to his house without his consent."

"Let me worry about my father, Hamato-san."

"Tang Shen, we've known other for how long? Please, call me Yoshi."

Shen had beamed. "Of course, Yoshi. And you of course, must call me Shen."

Splinter remembered nearly every detail of that night, the night that had marked the beginning of their courtship. He remembered the way that Shen smelled like cherry blossoms on the spring breeze, the way that her body swayed so gracefully as she brought food to the table, the look of longing in her eyes as they said goodnight.

So when Mei drew back the blinds to her apartment window dressed beautifully in a formal dark green kimono, Splinter's heart almost stopped.

The situation was completely different. The color of the kimono was different, too – more evergreen than blue, and sash was beige instead of purple.

But Mei's features were so similar to Shen's – in particular, her smile – that for a split second, Splinter felt like he was looking at a ghost from his past.

The spell was broken the moment she spoke – her voice was deeper, and not nearly as musical as Shen's was.

"I am so glad you came, Yoshi."

"As am I," Splinter replied. He set down the bags he was carrying on the table. "Our fare will be simple, but should meet the requirements of 'easy to chew.' I brought everything we need to make _ochazuke_."

"That sounds perfect."

As Splinter started boiling water for the tea, he tried not to think about the fact that he used to make _ochazuke_ on nights that Shen was too weary to cook. He portioned out some of the rice he had cooked earlier into bowls and sprinkled on the toppings he had chosen. In a few minutes, everything was ready and he took the bowls over to the table.

Mei had already wheeled herself over to the table. She smiled a radiant smile at him, which he could not help but reflect.

"You look beautiful tonight, Mei," Splinter said. "I feel quite underdressed."

"You look perfect to me," Mei replied.

_Perfect. _

Here he was, a giant rat, and she thought he looked perfect. Once he had become accustomed to his new form, he had never been self-conscious. Of course, several weeks ago, when Mei had asked him if he wanted to regain his human form, he suddenly began to worry if his appearance bothered her.

Apparently, it did not. The thought warmed his heart.

After dinner, they moved over to the couch where they sat and talked for a while. There was a lull in the conversation, and Mei leaned her head over and rested it on Splinter's shoulder. He undid her elaborate hairstyle so that he could run his fingers through her silky blue-black hair. "You are so beautiful," he whispered.

Mei smiled. "Such idle flattery won't get you anywhere."

"I mean it, Shen." The instant the words left his mouth he realized his error. He could feel Mei tense up slightly. "Mei. I am – I am so sorry, I did not mean – "

Mei pulled away from him. "No, it is fine. It is perfectly understandable. I just – when you look at me, do you see me, or do you see her?"

"Both," Splinter said, burying his face in his hands. "I know who you are. I understand you are not her. But…I…there are moments…when past and present become blurred."

"Just tell me that you care for me because of who I am, not who she was."

"I care for you, I do. I have seen the way you love my sons." In fact, it had been how much she cared for his sons and how much they cared for her that had drawn his attention in the first place. "I appreciate so many things about you…your fighting skills, your proficiency with electronics, your intelligence."

They sat there in awkward silence for several minutes. Splinter did not know what else to say. As much as he cared about Mei, more often than not, he found himself thinking about Shen when he was with her.

He would always love Shen more than anyone else.

She had said that she would accept his second-best, but Mei deserved better than that.

"Maybe," he said softly, "maybe…we are not ready for this."

Mei drew a deep breath and released it slowly. "We aren't, or you aren't?"

Splinter closed his eyes. "I am not."

"Maybe," Mei said. "But there is no hurry."

Splinter thought he detected a hint of hurt in her voice. "I am sorry."

"We both knew this would not be easy. And, as you have said, I look a great deal like my sister. We both lost our spouses suddenly – I think that makes it even harder. I watched that monster kill my husband, and you watched Shen die because of the fire that he started."

Splinter felt like a knife was being twisted in his side. "Mei…I have not been completely honest with you."

The truth was too painful.

"About what?"

"I told you that a beam of the house fell onto Shen, that she died in the fire. But…it was only a half-truth."

"What? Then –"

"I was unable to defend myself from Shredder's attack, and she – she interposed and took the blade for me. It was not until after she passed that the beam fell."

Mei was silent.

"I didn't tell you because…for years, I have hated myself for this. My failure in the fight is what took her life."

Tears ran down Mei's face. "Before your wedding, my sister once told me that she would rather die than live without you. The choice was hers, Yoshi."

"It was not a choice she ever should have been forced to make."

"It was a choice the Shredder forced her to make. Not you."

Splinter wrapped his arms around Mei and hugged her gently. "He killed her because of me. He hurt you because of me. Everything he did was because of me."

"Yoshi," Mei whispered, "the man was mad. Your feud with him did not force him to do anything. It was all his choice. Maybe you share in the blame, and maybe you don't. Just accept that it happened."

_Acknowledge; let flow. _

Of course. He once again – for the thousandth time – had to acknowledge his past, make peace with it. He had to focus on what was in front of him, at the positives. His sons. The woman next to him. Miwa's safety.

It was time to stop letting the Shredder live in the dark recesses of his mind, time to let the guilt and blame go.

It was time to fully embrace the present.

Splinter gently ran his fingers through Mei's hair again. "This is not going to be easy, Mei."

"No. It won't be. But we will make sense of it. That is, if you still want to."

Splinter drew a deep breath in through his nose. Her hair smelled sweet – a smell that was distinctly hers, and no one else's. There was no question that he cared for her – Mei – not some shadow of his past that he was projecting on to her. It didn't make his feelings any less confusing, nor did it erase the pain of his past. But it was something concrete to hold on to, something that proved to him that this was worth pursuing despite the obstacles ahead.

"I do."

* * *

A knock dragged Karai out of sleep. She glanced at the clock. It was far too early. She threw a robe on over her pajamas and opened the door to her room, throwing an evil glare the man who waited on the other side of the door."Do you have any idea what time it is, Xever?"

Xever scowled. "Yes. It's four-eighteen."

"In the morning," Karai hissed.

"Don't complain to me. Your friends the Kraang want to have a little chat with you. Blame them for the early wake-up call."

"Tell them I'm coming."

Karai slammed the door. She quickly dressed herself in her ninja gear and headed down to the main hall. A massive holographic projection already hovered above her. After dismissing Xever, she sat down on the throne and glared at the Kraang who had been chosen to communicate with her. "I was sleeping."

"The time of human sleep is not understood by Kraang," the Kraang said. "Kraang only knows that humans are erratic."

"Forget it. What do you want?"

"That which is known as the 'retro-retro-mutagen' which the one called Karai has requested is that which is known as 'complete.'"

Karai sat up straight. "And it works?"

"Simulations with the DNA provided have been successful. Kraang cannot determine more without the subject."

Karai grinned. "Bring a sample of it to me. I'll do the testing."

"No. Karai is that which is known as 'indebted' to Kraang. Kraang will deliver the 'retro-retro-mutagen' to Karai if Karai delivers the one known as 'April O'Neil' to Kraang."

Karai's stomach plummeted into a bucket of ice. Maybe there was a way that this could work. Maybe, if she gave April to the Kraang, she could get the turtles to rescue her. It wouldn't be the first time the turtles had foiled a Kraang plot, and the Kraang certainly wouldn't suspect Karai of being involved.

"Give me a couple of days, and I will deliver April O'Neil to you on a platter."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's note: All right, everybody. I am sorry this took me a little longer than usual to update. For some reason I had a real block on this chapter, plus I had lots of IRL stuff going on. Sorry it's a little on the shorter side, too. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Leonardo extended his arm out in front of him and bent back his wrist to stretch the sore muscles in his forearm.

"Still aching from the beat-down I gave you there, chief?" Raph said, looking up from his comic book.

The three of them sat in the den together. Mikey, as per usual, was about three feet away from the television screen. Leo and Raph occupied the two couches.

Leo made a face at Raph. He switched to his other arm. "No, I just didn't spend enough time in cool down this morning."

"Dudes, when are we eating lunch?" Mikey said, not turning his head away from the television. "It's almost noon."

"Well then, why don't you do something about it?" Raph said.

"Come on, Mikey." Leo got up from the couch. "Let's find something to eat."

A noise sounded from the turnstiles. Leo looked over to see Karai walking in. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach, not hungry at all.

"What are you doing here?" Raph's tone was cold enough to freeze boiling water.

Karai held up some bags. "I brought some lunch. Pizza gyoza."

Mikey leapt up from the floor. "You're the best, Karai."

"Hmph," Raph muttered. "She's probably just bringing us food because she wants something."

A few weeks ago, Leo would have bothered to contradict Raphael. But he had a nasty feeling that Raph was actually right.

"Fine, you caught me," Karai said. "Consider this an olive branch."

"Ew, there's an olive branch in there?" Mikey asked, wrinkling his face.

Leo shook his head. "It's going to take a lot more than food to make up for that stunt you pulled."

"I know," Karai said. "But I have another mission, and I absolutely cannot do it without you guys."

"Why should we trust you?"

"Because the Kraang have finished the serum to fix Donnie, and they won't give it to me unless I do something for them first."

Leo raised his eyebrows. He could feel his heart beating faster. "They really finished the retro-retro-mutagen?"

"Yes. But…remember how they said I owed them? Well, they want me to make good on that."

"What do they want?"

Karai bit her lip for a moment. "April."

"No way!" Raph said. "We are _not _handing April over to the Kraang."

"Not permanently," Karai said. "If I deliver April to them, they'll give me the serum. Then you guys can go rescue her. Or she can rescue herself. She's pretty good with that tessen now."

Leo rested his chin in his hand. Part of him wanted to agree immediately – they would have Donnie back. That thought almost overwhelmed the rest of his reasoning. But then – how could they know this wasn't just another trick on Karai's part? What if the situation she was leading them into was far graver than she let on?

"I don't know, Karai," Leo said. "The Kraang have gotten their tentacles on April before, and it wasn't pretty. I'm not sure if we can ask her to do this."

"Leo, you know she'd agree."

"I know. And that's the problem. She'd go right into this without considering the risk. Considering that the Kraang need April to complete their invasion plot, we'd be risking at lot more than just April. We could put hundreds of lives in danger."

"Yeah? And Donnie's not worth that to you? What would he say if he knew you were too afraid to help him?"

Leo clenched his fists. "You don't get to talk about him like that – like you know anything at all about him. Do you really think Donnie would want April risking herself for him?"

Karai folded her arms and scowled. "Why don't you ask him? Oh, right, you _can't._"

"I don't _need_ to. He's my brother. I know what he'd say. He'd say _absolutely not._"

"But Leo," Mikey said. His lower lip quivered and he had those big sad eyes that even Master Splinter couldn't always resist.

Leo's heart broke. He wanted to get Donnie back every bit as much as Mikey did. But this…surely Donnie wouldn't want this. "No, Mikey. It's too risky."

"But we've kicked the Kraang's butts before. We saved the world, remember? I'm sure we can handle it."

"Yeah, we think we can handle it," Raph said. "Except we don't know if Karai doesn't have more planned for us than she's telling. For all we know, she could be sending us into a trap, like last time."

"Look, I know that I should have told you last time, but I swear that I am giving you all the details this time," Karai said.

"You haven't given us any details." Raph pointed an accusing finger at Karai. "All you've said is that we need to hand April over to the Kraang."

"Well, I was _hoping _that I could work out the details with you, instead of making them up myself."

"Hey guys!" April said, walking past the turnstiles with a stack of pizza boxes. "I brought…oh. Hey, Karai. Looks like you guys already have lunch planned."

"April!" Mikey shouted. "The Kraang can fix Donnie, but Leo says we can't!"

"What?" A dangerous cloud gathered in April's brow. She scowled at Leo.

"That's not the whole story, April," Leo said, holding his hands up defensively.

"The Kraang won't give me the serum unless I give you to them," Karai said.

"And," Leo cut in, "it's too risky."

"I'll do it," April said. "You guys can get me out, right?"

"See?" Mikey said. "April and Karai are on board! What's wrong with you guys?"

Leo put a hand on his face. He knew that April would do this. "Raph? You're with me on this, right?"

Raph nodded gruffly. "For once."

"Mikey, April, we absolutely cannot trust Karai on this. We can't even know for certain that the Kraang really can fix Donnie."

Karai closed her eyes. Leo could tell from the way that her posture shifted that he had hurt her – and the fact that she was holding it in instead of flaunting it like she did with Raph made him suspect that she was genuinely hurt. He felt sick to his stomach. He didn't want to hurt her – but after what had happened last time…

Mikey still had fine scars on his face from where the Ronin's blade had cut him.

Feelings didn't matter. Facts did. And the facts clearly stated that Karai was untrustworthy.

"Well, I trust her," April said, walking over to Karai. She grabbed Karai's hand. "And we're going to do this with or without you, Leo."

"April, you can't."

"You can't stop me, Leo."

"Look, April," Raph said. "You weren't there when Karai turned on us. She changed the playing field and we paid the price."

"So you got a few cuts," April snapped. "Are you going to let that keep you from saving _Donnie_? I can't believe you guys. Karai and I haven't known Donnie as long as you have, but obviously, we care more about him than you do."

_You don't understand. I have to worry about my whole team, not just Donnie._

Raph raised clenched fists. "Just try saying that again, O'Neil."

April narrowed her eyes. "I think that Karai and I care more about Donnie right now than you do."

With a yell, Raph charged April. Leo grabbed him and held him back, accepting a punch to the gut on April's behalf. As Leo pushed Raph back, their eyes met.

Raph's eyes were tormented. _She doesn't get it,_ they seemed to say.

_I know,_ Leo thought, hoping that Raph would be able to understand him.

"What is going on out here?" Master Splinter's voice rang through the lair.

Everyone started talking at once.

"Quiet!" Splinter said, smacking his staff on the ground. He walked down the steps from the dojo and into the den. "Leonardo. Explain."

Leo drew a deep breath and pushed past everyone else so that he could stand in front of Master Splinter. "Karai says that the Kraang have developed the serum that can un-mutate Donnie, but they won't give it to her unless Karai hands April over to them. April, Karai and Mikey want to go through with it – handing April over, and then us turtles rescuing her."

Master Splinter ran his hand down the length of his beard. "And you and Raphael do not agree?" His tone indicated a simple question.

Leo was relieved. He had feared that Splinter would have taken their side immediately, since, as Raph pointed out, Splinter had a weak spot when it came to Karai.

If Leo was honest with himself, he had too, up until Karai's betrayal. He reminded himself of Mikey's injuries. "As much as we want Donnie back, we have to consider all the risks, Sensei. We wouldn't just be putting April at risk – we know that the Kraang want to use her to take over the world. And…Karai…how do we know this isn't some kind of trick?"

"I see," Splinter said, still stroking his beard. "This is indeed a dilemma. I fear that we must find a different way to take the serum from the Kraang."

"What?" Karai said. "This is the simplest solution. Besides, what if the serum needs more tweaking? If the Kraang see the turtles taking the thing that only I'm supposed to know about, they'll get suspicious, won't they?"

"Wait a second – the serum might need more tweaking?" Raph said. "They don't know if it works?"

"Well…" Karai looked at the ground. "They said that it needs to be tested. I was going to test it on Xever, and if it works, use the rest for Donnie."

"Why didn't you say that?" Leo said.

"I told you that I wanted to hammer out the details with you. I didn't think I'd have to work so hard to convince you to save your own brother."

"Leo, Master Splinter," April said, "it's the only way."

Leo sighed. "Fine. We'll do it."

April and Mikey cheered. But all Leo could think was that if this went sideways, all of the blame was on him for going along with it.

The price of being a leader.

"Leonardo, may I have a word with you?" Splinter asked. The two of them walked over to the corner of the room. "You seem unsure of your decision."

"It's just – I want to be able to trust Karai, but…"

"It is difficult. I understand."

"Yeah. But Karai's right. This is our only option."

"Then you must plan, my son. But this time, plan for the unexpected. Be on your guard – as somebody famous once said, 'Trust, but verify.'"

Leo grinned. "I like that. Who said that?"

Splinter shook his head. "A president, I think. I admit American politics have never been of much interest to me – I cannot exactly vote."

"Thanks, Master Splinter." Leo walked back over to the den, where everyone was already digging into the pizza and pizza gyoza. "All right, team, let's coordinate this caper."

Raph rolled his eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

**Errata: Last chapter I said "un-mutate" Donnie instead of "re-mutate" Donnie. Oy. I was not paying attention, apparently. Also, I have been spelling "Murakami" incorrectly. Darn my English hearing! Somehow the 'a' in Murakami got turned into a schwa in my head, and then I turned that into an English short 'i,' hence I was spelling it Murikami. Of course, this is also what happens when American voice actors say Japanese words. We English-speakers love our schwas, you know. **

**Brought to you by the schwa: the absolute laziest vowel on the map. **

**[raises hands defensively] No, I am not a nerd!**

**[hangs head] Okay, yes I am. **

**I guess I really need to re-mutate Donnie so I won't be alone on that. **

**Now onto the story!**

* * *

Drawing a deep breath, April prepared to walk into Murakami's. She saw that Casey's rusty old bicycle sat outside, so she knew that he was inside waiting for her. She didn't know whether she'd been relieved or annoyed that the Kraang handoff wasn't happening until three in the morning. On the one hand, it she could keep her commitment to Casey. On the other hand…she could keep her commitment to Casey.

Chimes rang as she walked in. "Hi, Murakami-san."

Murakami turned his head and his whole face brightened. "April-chan! Welcome, welcome. Do you wish to have the pizza gyoza?"

Casey, who was sitting at the corner of the bar, looked over at her with a feeble smile and a wave.

"Actually, I think I'll have something else," April said, thinking of the many pizza gyoza she had eaten at lunch. She ordered another of her favorite dishes and went to sit by Casey. "Hey, Casey."

"Hey." Casey shoved his textbook and notebook out of the way so that they wouldn't be right in front of her.

"So. Um. How have you been?"

"Good, good. You know, hockey team's doing great. Jen and Sean are good."

"Good." April pushed her bangs out of her face.

Casey drummed his fingers on the counter top. "Yeah."

Murakami set a platter of pizza gyoza in front of Casey. "Yours will be ready soon as well, April-chan."

"Thanks, Murakami-san."

"So, how are the turtles?" Casey asked in hushed tones. He glanced back and forth as if concerned somebody would hear them, when the only person even remotely within earshot was Murakami.

"Okay, I guess," April said. She hesitated. How much did she want to tell Casey? "We might be getting Donnie back soon."

"That's great! I bet you miss him."

"So, you're _excited_ that your competition is going to be coming back?"

"Competition? Dude, he's already your boyfriend, so he's not really competition anymore. If neither of us was…well, then he'd be competition. And we both know that anything that ever could have happened with us…is gone. April, I just want you to be happy."

_He really means it. _A feeling of warmth spread through April's chest. She hadn't expected to ever feel even the slightest bit of affection for Casey ever again, but here she was, seriously considering forgiving the jerk.

She thought back to the few times she and the turtles had hung out with him. They all had so much fun. The turtles had been happy to have a new friend. And Casey had been accepting of them, despite their strangeness.

She was willing to give Karai a second chance, and Karai had been the one who manipulated Casey in the first place. Why not forgive him, too?

April frowned. Karai wasn't as much of a liability, considering that she couldn't be bought with alcohol. Casey was still a loose cannon in that regard – even if he had straightened himself out, there was still the chance that he would lapse again.

Still, Casey's concern for her softened the callus of her grudge.

_Maybe someday, Casey, I'll forgive you. Maybe we can all be friends again. _

_Don't count on it. _

"Thanks, Casey."

Murakami set down a bowl of soup in front of April.

"Thanks, Murakami-san!" She drew the bowl closer to herself and picked up the spoon. "_Itadakimasu." _

"Ita-what?" Casey said.

"It's Japanese. It's something you say before meals, I guess. Granted, I've never heard Mikey say it without three slices of pizza already stuffed into his mouth, and only then if Master Splinter's around. Let's check out your homework as soon as we're done eating, okay?"

All in all, the evening wasn't as horrific as April had feared. The small talk over dinner was strained, at best, but once they started in on trigonometry, April got the idea that this was the first time Casey actually paid attention to the math instead trying to charm her. They went over "Oscar Had A Hold On Arthur" multiple times, revisited the Pythagorean theorem a few times, since Casey _still _hadn't managed to memorize it, and talked about polar notation. It was actually really productive.

"So, when can we do this again?" Casey asked.

"Um." April scratched her head. When _would_ they be able to do this again? "I guess…I'll call you?"

Leo would kill her for this, she was sure of it.

"Okay. I'll wait for your call then. Oh, here." He pulled an envelope out of his bag. "Jen said to give this to you. It was a big deal for her to trust me with this, so…yeah."

April opened the envelope. There was a hundred dollar bill inside. "You're kidding, right?"

"Per session," Casey said. "She wanted you to know how much this means to her – you know, the tutoring. Her number's on a slip in there – if you wouldn't mind calling her and telling her that you received it, I'd appreciate it."

April hesitated. She had a funny feeling that maybe Jen was trying to buy some kind of forgiveness for Casey – after all, Jen had come to see her at school that one time. She wasn't sure whether she should take it. On the other hand, her Dad's savings were starting to dry up and his job wasn't nearly as high-paying as his job at the university.

"Thanks. Yeah, I'll call her."

"Well…see ya, Red. Can I still call you Red?"

In spite of herself, April smiled. "Yeah. You can call me Red."

Casey grinned. His whole face lit up. "Thanks." With that, he stuffed all of his books into his bag. "Hey…do you want me to walk you home?"

April considered this for a moment. Surely Leo wouldn't approve – but then, if things were left up to Leo, they wouldn't be doing the tradeoff for the retro-retro-mutagen. "Sure. Why not?"

On the way, April called Jen's number and thanked her for the payment. Jen sounded a little surprised and asked why the number was blocked, but April just said that it was a security precaution.

After she hung up, Casey paused. "Thanks for that. It means a lot."

"Well, thanks for walking your bicycle so I don't have to jog to keep up with you."

"There is room for you to sit on here, you know."

April frowned. "Yeah…I don't think…"

"Yeah, I get it. I totally do. Anyway, we're almost there. I'll walk you all the way to the steps."

It suddenly occurred to April that Casey had known where April _lived_ this whole time. Yet when Karai had forced him to give up her location, he hadn't given away her residence. That would have been the simplest answer to Karai's interrogation, and it would have been devastating to April's safety.

Yet he hadn't. Somehow, in the midst of his betrayal, he still had protected the biggest part of her safety.

"I've got it from here, Jones. Thanks."

"Okay," Casey said, mounting his bicycle. "I guess…I'll see ya around."

April watched him ride away, once again considering forgiving him. She shook her head and went up to Mei's apartment to see if Mei needed anything, told Mei about the plan, and then headed up the one floor to her own apartment so that she could get some shut-eye before the big sting went down.

* * *

Unfortunately, April did not sleep well at all. Her sleep was riddled with nightmares – some of the worst that she'd had in a while now. She strongly suspected that her meeting with Casey was to blame. Maybe she wasn't ready to forgive him after all.

As always, her first impulse when she woke from the horrific dreams was to find Donnie. That was usually followed by a crushing sense of sadness, knowing that Donnie was unable to help her now, that he was just a little turtle. But tonight, she felt a spark of hope. If this went well, she'd be talking to Donnie again in no time at all.

Maybe Donnie would be able to help her figure out the whole forgiving Casey thing, too. He was always good at stuff like that.

_Oh, Donnie. I miss you so badly. _

April prepared herself for the caper – she took a shower, which sort of amused her. She might have been getting ready to be handed over to the Kraang, but she sure as heck wasn't going to go into it smelling bad. Unlike Mikey, personal hygiene was a point of pride for her.

She got dressed in her favorite outfit and started to tuck her tessen in the waistband when she remembered that the plan was that she leave it behind. Leo had said that the chances of losing it were good, and since it wasn't an easily replaceable weapon, she would use the plain, undecorated tessen which Mei had recently ordered for her.

April liked her tessen better, but since it was so special…and considering how many close calls she'd had when it came to losing it…it made sense.

She retrieved the new, boring tessen and tucked it into her waistband. She had barely finished getting ready when there was a tap on her windowsill. She opened the blinds to find Karai waiting for her.

She opened the window.

"Ready to do this, April?" Karai said.

"Yeah, I guess so. Now or never, right?"

"Hey, I wanted to thank you...for sticking up for me. I know that things haven't been the same since, well…"

"It's all right, Karai. I know that everything you've done is for Donnie. Even if your methods are…questionable."

"Yeah. Well, I promise you that there won't be any surprises this time. Everything that is going to happen has been mapped out down to the minute."

"Of course, plans don't always hold up the best for us," April said.

"True. But I promise that I don't have any hidden tricks. The turtles will be able to get you out, as long as they can get past the Kraang defenses. Which are probably going to be pretty thick."

"I know, we went over the plan already. We do the drop, the Kraang take me to their lab, and the turtles infiltrate to bust me out. I still wish that they could bust me out before I get to the lab, though."

"But it can't look like I set the turtles on them or anything."

"Yeah, yeah. We went over that too." April hugged herself a little. "I'm not gonna lie, Karai. I'm kind of nervous about this. Last time the Kraang had me…I got hooked up to a giant machine and we almost lost Leo. I don't want that to happen this time, too."

"Then you'd better put up a heck of a fight once you're in there. Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we've got to make this convincing. So…"

April cringed. She hadn't been looking forward to this. "Okay."

"Sorry."

April stood as still as she could while Karai delivered punch after punch. She held up her arms so that she could get some bruises that would pass as defensive injuries. The worst was when Karai landed a hit on April's face – even though April knew Karai was holding back some, it still hurt like heck.

"Okay, that should do it," Karai said.

April put her hands behind her back. "Tie 'em up."

Karai lashed April's wrists together tightly. "And I have to put the tape on your face…"

"I know. Just do it."

Karai's expression was steely as she put the finishing touches on the illusion that she had captured April by force. It was an expression that suggested that ninja-like suppression of emotion that she'd seen so often from Master Splinter and the turtles.

However, April could still tell that Karai wasn't enjoying it.

"Well, you look like a perfect kidnapping victim. Let's get you delivered to the Kraang."

April would have made a sarcastic remark, but the tape prevented her from doing so. Instead, she just furrowed her brow.

As Karai hauled April roughly out of her room, April found herself really glad that she had elected not to tell her dad about the incredibly dangerous mission they were embarking on. He never would have gone along with it.

But one thing she was sure of was that if the Kraang didn't kill her, her dad was going to when he found out about this.

* * *

**Author's note: I really hope that April's change of heart toward Casey makes sense...it seems to fit with her character arc. After all, she did forgive Karai. I just worry that it's out of character...hopefully it works. **


	19. Chapter 19

April started sweating bullets when Karai took the bag off of her head and dropped her in front of the Kraang. There were at least twenty droids, five of whom were suited up to look like humans. They stood in front of one of their stupid white vans.

April was no coward, but she was starting to feel like one. Her knees felt a little shaky. She was willing to do this for Donnie, but she really wished she didn't have to. But then, who exactly looked forward to being captured by the Kraang?

_I'm starting to wish I'd sided with Leo on this one…_

"I have what you asked for," Karai said. "Now give me the serum and the printout of the formula, like we agreed."

April watched as the Kraang handed over a large stoppered beaker to Karai as well as several sheets of paper. The effervescent liquid in the beaker shimmered like liquid hope.

"The one called Karai may have difficulty reading the formula," one of the Kraang said.

"Yeah, well, leave that to the one called Karai," Karai quipped. "Now, here's my end of the bargain." She kicked April toward them; April stumbled and fell to her knees in front of them.

_Thanks for that, Karai. Way to convince 'em. _

The Kraang droids advanced and hemmed in around April. She closed her eyes so that she didn't have to watch them. Instead, she cringed as several cold metal hands seized her and threw her roughly. She opened her eyes to confirm that she had indeed been tossed into the back of the van. Several Kraang droids climbed in with her, shut the door, and the van started moving.

April sweated uncontrollably the whole way. Because she desperately needed something to occupy her mind besides the fact that she was being held captive by the Kraang, she found herself wondering whether she'd applied enough antiperspirant to combat how sweaty she was. Desperate to distract herself further, she wondered how exactly antiperspirant worked in the first place. She'd have to ask Donnie.

_Donnie. _

That thought steadied her. What she was doing meant that Donnie would be back. The guys would bust her out and everything would be just fine.

"Kraang," one of the Kraang said. "Sedate the one known as April O'Neil with the sedative that is for the sedating of humans."

_Sedative?_ April hadn't counted on this. She was perfectly captive already. Why did they need to sedate her? Cold panic shot through her as the Kraang nearest to her placed the needle of a syringe gun into her arm and squeezed the trigger.

The world went black.

* * *

The next thing April knew, she was strapped to a table. She'd been changed into some kind of white outfit – it looked sort of like long underwear. April shuddered to think that the Kraang had undressed her while she was out. All of her clothes were gone – even her bra and underwear, by the feel of it. The sense of violation was unbearable. The last time she'd been strapped to a table…Shredder had sliced off her clothes and almost done the unthinkable.

April realized that she was shaking. _No. I'm going to be okay. The turtles saved me last time, they'll save me this time. It's going to be okay. _ Slowly, she looked from side to side. The room was strangely void of Kraang. Maybe they were all off fighting the turtles?

The room she was in definitely was some kind of medical lab. It was cold, and the table she was strapped to was the centerpiece. Above her loomed something that looked like those lights over chairs at the dentist, except that it had a long needle attached to it, as well as several other unpleasant looking instruments.

She looked away. Hopefully, the turtles would be here soon. Her eyes fell on something else, though – a small cart on the other side of the room. It had her clothes on it, neatly folded, and she saw a glimpse of metal.

Her tessen.

She had to get off of this table and get over there before the Kraang came back. She wiggled against the restraints and strained her neck to see exactly how she was tied.

Her wrists weren't strapped down. There was a series of tight belts that went straight across the table, and that was it. They were so tight that she could barely move, but maybe…just maybe…

She arched her back as much as she could and tried to scoot backward. She was able to move higher up on the table by a fraction of an inch.

That was all she needed. Soon, she was wiggling under the restraints in the most bizarre – and deadly – game of inchworm that she had ever played. She worked up an even fiercer sweat than before, fueled by fear and physical exertion. Soon, her head hung over the edge of the table. Then, her shoulders.

Finally, after what seemed like years, she was able to free her hands. She used them to push herself the rest of the way up and out of the restraints. She fell from the table to the floor with a soft _thud. _

Her heart raced. She couldn't believe it. She ran to retrieve her tessen when she noticed a display panel on the wall. It had a perfect diagram of her, along with what looked like a diagram of a DNA helix.

_They've gotten my DNA. _

Her stomach twisted.

If they needed her mental energy to help mutate the planet, what were they going to do with her DNA? Perfect the mutagen? This was bad, this was really bad…

If Donnie were here, he would be able to erase this information from their hard drives. Heck, maybe even Mei could do it. But even though April always had stellar grades in her computer science class, she was not enough of an expert to hack alien tech.

Maybe if she blew up the computer?

She knelt down to what looked like a removable access panel and used her tessen to pry it open. There were a lot of wires in there. Donnie might have been able to make sense of it, but to her, it was just a jumble.

_Well, here goes nothing. _

She stood back, fanned out her tessen, and threw it so that it sliced right through the wires. A shower of sparks exploded from the wires and the terminal went black. She cringed as she waited for the alarm to sound.

However, there was no alarm. She sighed in relief.

Unfortunately, she couldn't retrieve her tessen for fear of electrocuting herself. Instead, she went and put on her boots, tucked her folded clothes under an arm – she wasn't about to let the Kraang keep them and harvest more DNA from them – and ran to the door. To her surprise, it opened.

_Huh. Maybe they expected the sedative to last longer? _

Once out in the hall, she heard the mechanical _whir_ of Kraang droids approaching. She ducked behind a bulkhead, hoping that they wouldn't notice her.

"Kraang," one of them said, "what is the status of the project that is the project for harvesting the DNA of April O'Neil?"

"The status is that which is known as 'complete,' Kraang. The one known as 'April O'Neil' will be removed to Dimension X for further testing at a time that is later than the time that is now."

_Dimension X?_ April shuddered. _Where are you, guys? You'd better get here soon…_

The same Kraang droid continued talking. "What is the status of the project that is known as 'The Ronin's Project'?"

_The Ronin's Project? _

"DNA isolation of genetic markers that mark that which is known as the 'Hamato clan' is still in that which is 'development.' Device for the earth-wide scanning for said genetic markers is nearly that which is known as 'complete.' Kraang estimates it should take two weeks of earth time."

April clapped her hands over her mouth. That was the project that the Ronin had wanted Karai to do – to isolate the genetic markers that defined the Hamato clan and use it to find every last relative – to how many generations was it? – so that the Ronin could wipe them out.

Karai had said that she wasn't going to tell the Kraang to do this project. She'd promised that she wasn't going to work with that creep. She'd said that the eight weeks was to keep Ronin off their case – not to actually develop the tech for them.

_Karai, what sick game are you playing? _

Maybe there was a good reason for it. Maybe Karai hadn't told them about it yet, maybe she…

Who was April kidding? There was no way that this was anything other than another betrayal on Karai's part. From what Leo had said, Karai had sworn up and down that she wasn't going to get involved with this…and clearly, she had.

What's more, she hadn't informed them of her change of plans.

An alarm started going off. A metallic voice sounded from above. "Be alert for that which is known as 'intruder.'"

The klaxon blared against April's eardrums. It seemed that the turtles had finally arrived.

The two Kraang droids abruptly turned and ran back the direction that they had come. April had a suspicion that the turtles were probably in that direction too. She ran after them as quietly as she could, trying to think like a kunoichi. She dodged behind bulkheads and ducked into recesses in the walls as she progressed.

Soon, she heard the sound of Kraang gunfire and a distinct shout of _Booyakasha! _

_About time. _

She broke into a full run, not even caring when a couple of Kraang droids saw her. She rolled to the floor to dodge a blast, then jumped up again and kept running. She was coming up to a split in the hall. Unsure of which way to go, she called out. "Leo! Raph! Mikey!"

"April?" It sounded like Leo.

April immediately ran down the hall where his voice came from. A blast of laser fire sizzled past her head. She kept running, like running was the only thing she had left.

Finally, she burst into a tunnel junction where what looked like an entire company of Kraang droids was fighting the turtles.

Mikey saw her. "April! 'Sup, dawg?"

Unfortunately, a large number of the droids turned to face her. "Kraang," one of them said, "be advised that the one known as April O'Neil has esca – "

The droid collapsed to the floor in a shower of sparks. In a second, Raph pulled his sai out of the droid's head and grabbed April by the arm. "Time to go!"

Raph led the way with Mikey and Leo taking up the rear. Soon, they had all broken free of the lab and ran for the nearest sewer manhole. Once they were underground, they all sighed a breath of relief.

"I don't believe it," Leo said. "That went off without a single hitch."

"You know, except for the dozens of Kraang droids that we had to fight," Raph said. "And the fact that it took us two hours to find April."

"Two hours?" April asked. The sedative must have been extremely powerful.

"Hey, April, why did you change clothes?" Mikey said.

"I didn't change, Mikey…the Kraang changed me while I was unconscious."

Mikey grimaced. "That's just plain creepy, yo."

"Still, all in all, it went perfectly" Leo said. "Now we just have to rendezvous with Karai to test the serum."

_Karai. _April's stomach twisted.

"Yeah, Leo? About that? The plan didn't exactly go off without a hitch…"

Leo deadpanned. "Karai didn't get the retro-retro-mutagen?"

"No, she got it. But the Kraang got a sample of my DNA. And…even worse…"

All three turtles stared at her with intense looks.

April hung her head. "The Kraang are working on the Ronin's genocide project."

"What?" growled Raphael.

April looked up. The expression on Leo's face made her want to cry. He looked like she'd just stabbed one of his katanas straight through his heart.

"Why would they be doin' that?" Mikey asked, scratching his head. "Karai said that she wasn't gonna…" His voice wavered. "Maybe there's a reason for it."

Leo closed his eyes. "Let's just get you home, okay, April?"

"I want to stay at the lair tonight," April said.

Leo simply nodded, and motioned the way. He offered an arm to April as they went. "She lied to us. Again."

"Liars lie, Leo," Raph said. "It's just what they do. For all we know, she didn't even get the retro-retro-mutagen. Maybe it was something else."

"Maybe we should just ask her," Mikey said. "I mean, it could be a misunderstanding."

After that, nobody said anything. They walked the rest of the way to the lair in silence.


	20. Chapter 20

Leonardo couldn't believe it.

He just couldn't _believe _it.

He had just started to have the tiniest bit of faith in Karai, and then this happened. She was actually playing along with the Ronin's game.

Mikey, of course, wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. That was something that Leo had always loved about Mikey – he was so generous.

But it also kind of made him an idiot.

Leo put a hand over his face. He was starting to think more like Raph, and he wasn't sure whether or not that was a good thing.

They walked into the lair, where Splinter sat on the couch, apparently meditating, and Karai paced across the den. She looked up and smiled at them – she _smiled_. Leo frowned in return.

Karai tilted her head. "What happened?"

Splinter looked up and rose from the couch and walked over.

"April found out something very interesting," Leo said. "April?"

April flushed. "Um…well…I…"

"The Kraang are working on the Hamato genocide project," Raph said gruffly. He pointed a finger at Karai. "You said you weren't gonna tell them to."

Karai's mouth fell open. "Are you serious? They're working on it?"

"Stop playing dumb, Karai. Stop playing _us_."

"But – I didn't tell them to. I swear I didn't."

"And we're supposed to trust you _how?" _Leo said.

Karai held up a beaker full of shimmering liquid. "I got the retro-retro-mutagen for Donatello, just like I said I would."

"Yeah? How do we even know that's what that actually is, huh? How do we know that's not part of the Ronin's scheme, too?"

"You really think I'd work with that _lunatic?" _

There was a moment of silence. Finally, Splinter drew a deep breath and sighed. "Karai, all evidence here suggests that this is precisely what you are doing. I do not doubt that you have what you think is a good reason – "

"I did _not_ tell the Kraang to start working on that project. Ronin must have gone over my head somehow."

"Yeah, that would be a perfect excuse if we didn't know he made you his liaison with the Kraang," Leo said.

_I can't believe I started to trust you again, Karai. _

"I'm telling you," Karai said, a note of desperation in her voice, "I didn't do it! Ronin might be crazy, but he's smart enough that he could find a way to talk to them directly. He must not have actually trusted me to go through with it."

"Well, you can hardly blame him for not trusting you," Raph said.

"STOP IT, EVERYONE!" Mikey threw his nunchuks down on the floor.

Everybody stood stock still and stared at him. Mikey's face was red and his eyes were watery, but on top of that, there was a look of desperation and anger that vaguely reminded Leo of Mikey's breakdown after Donnie was un-mutated.

_That's all this is,_ Leo realizes. _He just wants Donnie back, and trusting Karai is the only way he can get that._

_That's the only way any of us can get that._

"We. Are. A. _Family," _Mikey said. "We hafta trust each other. If we don't have that, then what do we got? Nothin', that's what – just a sad sack of sorry losers."

"Just stop it, Mikey," Raph said. "You have no idea what's really going on here."

"I do too!"

"Mikey's right, you know," April said. Her voice was quiet, but somehow seemed even louder than Raph's shouting.

Leo drew a deep breath. "Karai, will you help us destroy the Kraang's project?"

"If that's what it takes, I'll go in and destroy all the research by myself," Karai said. "I swear that I'm telling the truth. You don't have to trust me, Leo. Just believe me this one time."

"Trust, believe – sounds kinda like the same thing to me," Raph said.

"You don't have to trust somebody to believe them," April said.

_Yeah, but it sure helps. _Leo put his hand on his face for a moment. "Okay, Karai, fine. I believe you this time. I'll even believe you when you say you actually got the retro-retro-mutagen." He ignored the look of disbelief on Raph's face and looked over at Splinter.

Splinter nodded.

It didn't necessarily make Leo feel any better, considering that Raph had mentioned that Splinter was, well, a bit of a sap when it came to Karai. At first, Leo had been furious over the comment, but now, he realized the truth in it. He could hardly fault Splinter for that, though.

He had a terrible sinking feeling inside. How much of his willingness to give her a second – third – chance, despite not trusting her, was because he still sort of liked her? How much of his anger at her was because he liked her and she had hurt him? For the first week or so after Karai's initial betrayal, he thought he was done with any kind of feelings for her whatsoever.

And it was just as well, considering that she was his _sister._

But slowly, the feelings crept back in, unbidden. He found himself wishing that maybe, somehow, she would prove herself trustworthy again – though he had no idea what that would entail – and that their friendship would be able to grow again, not stunted by distrust or fear.

And who knew where that friendship might lead…

What he just giving her this third chance because he was desperate to find a reason to trust her again? Was he just thinking with his stupid teenage hormones, or was he actually using his brain? He'd screwed up his leadership on account of Karai more than once – heck, practically since he met her – and it had gotten his team into too many close calls.

But this time, it would be different. They'd be going into the Kraang base as a full team – surely five of them would be able to outsmart any betrayal Karai might have in store for them.

Particularly if one of the five happened to be the smartest turtle in the universe.

"April," Leo said, "do you know how long it will be before the Kraang have the Ronin's tech ready for him?"

April nodded. "They said that they have the scanning device ready now, but that it will still take them about two weeks before they have the genetic research complete. At least, I think that's what they said…it all sounded, you know, _really _Kraang-y."

"All right, then. Karai, you and I are going to go test the retro-retro-mutagen on Xever. If it's a success, we'll re-mutate Donnie. He can come with us on the mission and be doubly sure that all of the data on April and all of the data for the Ronin's project is totally wiped from the system. Then we'll blow the scanner – and the whole place, if we can."

Mikey's face shone. "Donnie's gonna come on the mission with us?"

Leo's heart sank. He hadn't wanted to plant false hope in Mikey. "Assuming the serum works, yes. If not…we'll improvise, okay?"

"Leonardo," Splinter said, "even if the serum is a success, Donatello may need time to rebuild his strength. He may not be in any condition to fight."

"That's why we're bringing April, too. And that's why Karai and I are going to test the serum on Xever before daybreak. We need to give Donnie at least a week of recovery, and I don't want to push the deadline on this at all."

"Hmm." Splinter's expression was disapproving.

"Look, Sensei, I know it's a risk, but if I can have Donnie with me on this mission, we're much more likely to succeed. Nobody knows how the Kraang operate like Donnie does."

"Very well," Splinter said. "Go, then."

"That retro-retro-mutagen better work, Karai," Raph said. His voice had an edge to it. Raph probably meant it as a threat, but Leo could hear the touch of desperate hope in it too.

"Well, the Kraang are pretty good at everything except for perfecting the mutagen and killing you guys," Karai said. "I think it will work just fine."

"Come on, Karai," Leo said. "Let's go to Donnie's lab. Bring the beaker."

"You know, that's a weird name for those things," Mikey said. "They look nothing like beaks."

Once Leo and Karai were in the lab, Karai shut the door behind them. Leo's stomach went cold, and he mentally prepared himself to reach for his katanas.

Karai set the beaker down on Donnie's desk. "Thank you," she whispered. She threw her arms around Leo and hugged him.

He flinched. His mind was torn between the desire to return the embrace, embarrassment and excitement, and the keen need to be prepared for any trickery she might be up to. He could feel himself blushing furiously.

Karai released him from the hug. She cleared her throat. "So. What do we need to do?"

"Well, we need to get Donnie's dart gun, and load up a couple of syringes with that stuff."

"Where are the syringes?" Karai said.

"I think they're in that top drawer. Donnie keeps a lot of medical type junk over there." Leo saw the dart gun sitting on top of a cart on the other side of the room. He was hesitant to turn his back to Karai, so he slowly walked over to the dart gun, keeping his body at a partial angle to her so he could keep an eye on her.

She, on the other hand, seemed to have no problem turning her back to him.

_Of course she trusts me,_ Leo thought. _She trusts me to be a total schmuck. _Angry heat rose to his face.

After they had finished the preparations, they left the lab. "Well," Leo said, "don't wait up for us, I guess."

April was already passed out asleep on the couch. Mikey sat next to her, nodding slightly. Raph sat on one end of the other couch reading a comic book or something, and Splinter sat solemnly at the other end of the couch, stroking his beard, obviously deep in thought.

He turned his head to them. "Good luck, my children."

Leo nodded. "All right, Karai. Let's go."

The two of them jumped the turnstiles and headed to the surface.


	21. Chapter 21

Karai and Leo walked together in silence. She could sense that he was still mad at her. How could he not be? She hadn't exactly been straightforward with him…well, ever.

Even so, despite the anger, he still believed her. She was actually dumbfounded that he was willing to believe her at all, when two only weeks ago, she had gassed him and his brothers and put them all in terrible danger.

Not that she deserved his belief.

Why? Why hadn't she just told them the truth, the way she'd told Mei? Why couldn't she bear to tell Leonardo what had really happened? Was she really that desperate for his acceptance? Not that it did her any good to lie about it – if he found out that she had lied, he would be even angrier than if she had simply told him about it in the first place. And it's not like they wouldn't have understood her reason for doing it…

She should have listened to Mei, instead of giving in to her fear that the turtles would never trust her again if she told them about it.

When she had gone to see Mei, all bruised and bloodied, Mei had urged her to tell the truth to the others. She had practically begged Karai to tell them.

Karai drew a deep breath.

This was all under control. She was in control of it. In fact, this was even better than her original plan to destroy the device alone. She was much more likely to succeed with everyone helping. As long as Mei made good on her promise of silence and the Kraang didn't let anything slip before the team destroyed them, nobody would ever have to know that she had told the Kraang to start Ronin's project. The turtles would never even know that she'd gone behind their backs – they would believe that it was all the Ronin's doing, and eventually all of this would just be a blip in their history. Maybe, years in the future, she would be brave enough to tell Leo that she'd lied. Maybe they'd even laugh about it.

Karai sighed. No, they probably wouldn't. This was something she'd take to her grave.

Why did she care whether Leo trusted her or not, anyway? It always made her uncomfortable that he trusted her so easily before, so why was it ten times worse now that he didn't trust her at all?

"Everything okay?" Leo asked.

Karai couldn't bear to look at him. "Yeah." The silence between them that followed seemed like a massive chasm. "Leo, what's your favorite color?"

Leo raised his brow. "Take a wild guess."

"I just – I wondered if your mask was blue because of that, or for some other reason."

"Oh," Leo said, his voice softer. "Um, yeah. Sensei had found four colors of fabric, and I picked blue because I liked it."

"So is Raphael's favorite color red?"

Leo grinned slightly. "No. I'm pretty convinced that black and blue are his favorite colors, usually when on the person he's beating up. Mikey's favorite color is green, and Donnie's favorite is ultraviolet."

"Isn't that outside of the colors that humans can see? Wait – can you guys see ultraviolet?"

"No. That's why Donnie picked the purple. It's the next best thing." Leo's grin widened, then faded. "I really hope this stuff works. I miss him."

"It's going to work, Leonardo." _It has to. _

"Yeah." Leo sighed. "So, what about you? What's your favorite color?"

Karai thought for a moment; one color stood out to her as the one that brought her joy. She thought of all of the times that Shredder took her to see the beautiful blooming cherry trees in the spring. Those were always the best times between them. He would catch blossoms that fell and drifted on the breeze and give them to her, and he told her stories of how her mother always wore sakura in her hair during the springtime. "Pink. Pale pink."

Leo's brow shot up. "Pink? You?"

"Not to wear or anything like that," Karai snapped. "But…it reminds me of a happier time in my life. But I guess that was a lie, too. Shredder always told me that Mother loved to wear cherry blossoms in her hair, and he'd catch falling ones for me and put them in my hair. Once a year we would go out together…it was the only thing we did together besides ninjutsu."

_Didn't he love me at least a little? _

Leo bit his lip for a moment, then put his hand on her shoulder. "Karai…I never said this, but…I'm sorry for your loss."

Karai wrenched her shoulder out of Leo's grip. "Why? He was a monster. He deserved to die. He – "

"You loved him," Leo said softly. "I know how I would feel if I found out that Master Splinter had lied to me, and then he died before I had any chance to talk to him about it."

"What do you care? I lied to you. You don't trust me."

Leo frowned. "I still care about you, Karai."

_Tell him the truth. Tell him the truth right now…_

"Leo…"

* * *

_Karai sat on her father's preposterous throne. Once Mei was healed so that they could all go underground, once the Kraang had finished making the retro-retro-mutagen for Donatello, she would never sit on it again. _

_She would burn this place to the ground. _

_Yes, the Ronin would still be a threat. Yes, they would still have to take down the Foot Clan some other way. But she would be done with all of that forever – no more of this hideous business of being a double agent. Trying to sort out her feelings over the discovery of her true parentage was difficult enough without having to act like she was still the Shredder's daughter. _

_And she would finally be able to settle into her new family and repair some of the damage she had inflicted six days ago. She had hoped that going to visit Mei would help – instead, she had just ended up asking Mei about Tang Shen and having tea, and then April had shown up. Then she had simply left, after telling April that nothing would be the same now. _

_And it was true. Leo would never trust her again. _

_She felt the loss of his trust more keenly than she ever thought she would. _

_She returned her focus to the papers that Bradford had given her a few minutes ago. What was all this garbage, anyway? Reports from the Purple Dragon and various other gangs that had been working for Shredder? _

_The next thing she knew, somebody had gripped her head and put a katana to her throat. _

_"I am deeply disappointed, Karai," said a horribly familiar voice. The blade of the katana just barely pressed into her flesh – it was so sharp that she could feel it cutting her already. _

_"Master Ronin," Karai whispered. "I – I thought you had returned to Japan!" _

_"No," the Ronin whispered in her ear. "You see, I thought I would stick around to ensure that my orders were being carried out. Apparently, they are not." He drew the katana away from her throat and punched her so hard she fell from the throne. The papers scattered everywhere. _

_Karai leapt to her feet, drew her tanto, and took a defensive stance. _

_The Ronin's eyes were a mixture of cold, calculating fury and pure madness. His whole stance was terrifying – his movements as he advanced toward her were slow and jerky, like a rabid animal. He bared his teeth for a moment. "Why are the Kraang not working on my project?" He swung his katana and knocked her tanto from her hand. "Are you afraid that you will be included in the great purging as well? Is this why you have not communicated my glorious purpose to them?" _

_Karai panted in fear as she ran to retrieve her tanto. But suddenly as graceful and agile as a swan, the Ronin flipped through the air and cut her off. He punched her again, laying her flat out on the floor. He poised the tip of his katana over her throat._

_"If you can talk to the Kraang," Karai said hoarsely, defiantly, "then why don't you tell them to work on the project yourself? Why do you even need me?" _

_"Ah, that is a good question, is it not? The answer is simple. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to think that the Hamatos' demise comes entirely from within, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are the lowest, vilest form of human being on the planet – the kind of human that betray one's own family in the name of something so petty as self-preservation. I already know this to be true about the Hamatos – so why are you holding back, Karai? Do you think that I will kill you too? I have sworn to let you live if you do my bidding, and I am a man of my word." _

_"How – how can I know that you are?" _

_"Call the Kraang right now, and I will not paint the floor with your entrails." _

_"Okay. I'll do it." _

_Ronin sheathed his katana. _

_Karai hesitated. She could run now, but if she did, she wouldn't be able to continue communicating with the Kraang. The Kraang still hadn't finished the retro-retro-mutagen. But if she stayed and did what the Ronin asked, the turtles would never forgive her. Not even if she told them right away, not when only six days ago she had betrayed them. _

_On the other hand, if she stayed, there would be four turtles to hate her instead of three. _

_She had promised to get the retro-retro-mutagen for Donatello, and she was going to keep that promise, no matter what. _

* * *

"Leo…" Karai said, her heart aching. _Just tell him._

"What is it, Karai?" Leo asked.

The concern on his face was real. Genuine. And if she told him the truth now, she would lose that. He would hate her. He wouldn't forgive her this time, not even if she explained how the Ronin was ready to kill her if she didn't cooperate.

"I was just wondering…what's your favorite food?"

Leo looked confused and disappointed for a moment. Then he deadpanned. "You seriously have to ask that question?"

"Well, you have to like something besides pizza."

"I do. But you asked what my _favorite _was. So what's your favorite food?"

"I don't really have one," Karai said. "Though there was this one place in Tokyo that made the best green tea ice cream ever."

"Did Shredder take you there?"

"What? No. But I had a nanny for a while who did. Then her family got on the Foot's bad side…and I never saw her again."

They reached the access ladder that led up to the surface.

"Well," Leo said, "any idea where Xever is this time of day?"

"As a matter of fact, I do – he's exactly where I told him to be."

Leo grinned. "All right then. Let's do this." He started to climb the access ladder.

As she followed him, Karai felt a strange sense of relief. This mission – making sure the serum worked safely – this was something she could do to rebuild Leo's trust.

_I swear I'll never lie to you again, Leonardo. _


	22. Chapter 22

Leo paced the den.

"Dude, you're going to wear a whole in the floor," Raph said.

Leo wheeled around to face Raph, who sat on the couch. "It's been almost eight hours, Raph, and we still haven't heard how Xever reacted to the serum."

"But you said he looked totally fine," Mikey said, playing the arcade game that didn't get smashed when Shredder had broken into the lair.

"Yeah, he _looked _fine, but Karai had to get him to Dexter Stockboy so that he wouldn't suffocate without his water tanks. She said she was gonna call as soon as she knew that – "

"Well, I've got good news and bad news," Karai said, as she walked through the turnstiles. She wore a smile. "The good news is, it worked. The bad news is, Stockman successfully reattached Xever's robotic legs."

"It really worked?" Raph said, his mouth open.

"Yeah. I don't know what the Kraang were talking about when they said they couldn't reduplicate the mutation. He looks exactly the same, acts exactly the same…I even asked him a bunch of questions. He's completely indistinguishable from the mutant he used to be. Maybe there's something different on a molecular level, but as far as I can tell, he's exactly the same."

"Is it true?" A shaky voice came from the dojo doorway. Splinter hurried down the steps. "The serum truly reproduced his mutation?"

Karai smiled proudly. "Right down to the length of his hideous teeth."

Leo didn't know what to say. He ran over to Karai and threw his arms around her. So what if she'd lied to them a couple weeks ago? So what if the mission was a risk? It was a success. They were going to get Donnie back.

As far as Leo was concerned, she was forgiven.

Well, maybe he didn't _completely _trust her, but he certainly forgave her. Trust…she'd have to earn that. But at least he knew now that she really did have their best interests at heart, even if she was a bit of a loose cannon.

She awkwardly pulled back from his embrace. He realized that it was the first time they had ever hugged – or sort of hugged. His face got hot and he stepped back too.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Mikey said. He looked like he was about to detonate. "Let's give him the stuff and get Donnie back!"

"No," Splinter said. "We should wait for Kirby. He may only be a psychologist, but he seems to be fairly knowledgeable in medical things as well. I would feel more comfortable if he were here to help with this."

"Then let's call him!" Mikey bounced on the balls of his feet.

"I'm on it," Leo said. His hands were shaking with excitement as he pulled out the phone to dial Kirby.

* * *

Splinter's heart raced as he watched Leonardo call Kirby. Soon, he would hear his Donatello's voice again.

Donatello. His little Donnie-bo. So many years ago, when Splinter had been on the brink of despair – not even aware that the turtles were sentient beings – Donatello's first words had brought him back from the edge.

That voice had saved him from despair, and he could not wait to hear it again.

"All right," Leonardo said. "Mr. O'Neil said that he doesn't have to work today, and that he'll be here in a couple of hours."

"Hours?" whined Michelangelo.

"Yeah, hours. He and April and a taking Mei to another doctor's appointment."

Splinter was jolted from his private thoughts. _Another appointment?_ He knew that she had been seeing the doctor once a week or so, but she had just been to the doctor the day before last. Oroku Saki truly had devastated Mei's body.

Splinter drew a deep breath, forcing down the anger that rose in his throat, choking him like bile. The Shredder was dead, no longer a threat. He would never hurt Splinter's loved ones again.

Ever.

He focused on the task at hand. "Let us prepare things, then. Raphael, Michelangelo. You clean Donatello's room for him. As I recall, it was a mess. You know how much he appreciates order in his lab – an orderly room will be a pleasant place for him to recover."

"Really, Sensei?" Raphael said. "We'll totally mess up his organization system."

"He explained it to me once," Leonardo said.

Everyone looked at Leonardo.

"What? We made a bet. Loser cleans the winner's bedroom. I lost."

"Besides, I wanna help get the lab ready," Michelangelo said.

Splinter was about to re-assign Leonardo to help Raphael, when he remembered that if Raphael was tense with anticipation – which clearly he was – he would mask it with anger. Doubtless, a fight would ensue. Miwa seemed to be more comfortable around Leonardo than anyone else. "Leonardo, Mi – " He shook his head. "Forgive me. Karai. You go clean Donatello's room. Michelangelo and Raphael will help me prepare the lab."

With a quick bow, Leonardo and Karai went to work on their task.

"My sons," Splinter said, gesturing to Michelangelo and Raphael. He headed into the lab and flipped on the lights. The hum of the fluorescent tubes seemed like a joyful song, a welcome-home melody being played just for Donatello. The lab was already quite orderly, but such a procedure would probably be best if the room was as sterile as possible. He assigned various tasks – swabbing the exam table with alcohol, dusting off all of the electronics, mopping the floor with a strong bleach solution, and so forth. Splinter checked the bookcase to make sure that everything was in perfect alphabetical order, arranged by Library of Congress standards. Donatello would stand for no less.

Splinter smiled. _Oh, Donnie-bo. Your idiosyncrasies bring me as much joy as they do baffle me. _

Once the lab was what Donatello might call "spic 'n span," Splinter called Raphael and Michelangelo to prepare a welcome-home banner to hang in the kitchen. Michelangelo was nearly ready to detonate with excitement, and though he tried to disguise it, so was Raphael.

Splinter had to admit that he was every bit as excited as his sons, though a small voice nagged at him, _this might go horribly wrong. _If that happened, he wasn't sure how his family would react.

He wasn't sure how he would react.

So he hoped for the best and forged on, letting the future worry about itself.

* * *

"If Donatello's so organized, why does it look like a bomb went off in here?"

Leonardo looked up from the stack of papers that he was gathering up from the floor. Karai was holding what looked like a piece of a broken bo-staff. "Because he spends most of his time organizing in his lab instead of in here. Why don't you make the bed? Be sure to do it hospital style, and fold back the blanket exactly ten inches from the head of the bed."

Karai shook her head. "Ridiculous." She tossed the piece of bo-staff into the trash bag and started making the bed.

"So, um…"

"What?"

"You were asking me all those questions earlier, about my favorite color and stuff. I was just wondering why."

Karai sighed. "I guess…I know I hurt you, Leo, and I'm trying to make it right."

Leo smiled. "You've gone a long way, just by getting the retro-retro-mutagen." He hesitated. "Can I ask you some questions?"

Karai shrugged by way of assent.

"So, what's your favorite animal?"

Karai was silent for a few moments while they worked. Then she scowled. "You'll laugh."

"No, I won't."

"Well, one of my favorite nannies had turtles. She always let me play with them."

Leo's heart practically skipped a beat. "Turtles are your favorite animal?"

"The closest thing, maybe. I never gave it much thought. Though I do think that koi are beautiful."

Something about the way that Karai said the word 'beautiful' made Leo's face get hot. _Stop it, Leo. You can't trust her, and she's your sister, so just stop it…_

"What's your favorite animal?"

"Huh?" Leo realized that he had stopped working for a minute. "Oh. I always thought that cats were cool – they're graceful and balanced. But Splinter wouldn't let us get one."

"Maybe because he is a rat?" Karai smiled wryly.

Leo chuckled. "Probably. The only pet we ever had was Spike – Raph's turtle – who got mutated."

"That must have been hard." Karai carefully pulled back the blanket. "I can't believe there's a ruler on the nightstand just for this purpose."

Leo raised an eyebrow at the abrupt subject change. "Oh, that's for a lot of things. He spaces his perpetual motion thingies exactly four inches apart."

Karai smoothed out the blanket and arranged the pillow dead-center. "It's hard to lose somebody you care about – the first time it happens. After a while, it gets easier."

"What do you mean?"

"That nanny with the turtles – she was the one whose family crossed the Shredder. It gets easier because you stop caring about people as much. By the time I stopped needing a caretaker, I didn't even care about my last one. I thought I'd never care about people again. That's what makes all of this so weird."

"All of what?"

"Caring about you. About your brothers. I really didn't want to hurt you, Leo. I'm not sorry for what I did – I had to do it – but I am sorry that it ruined things between us."

Leo's heart raced a little faster. _Things? _Like what things?

_She's your sister, get over it… _

Leo cleared his throat. "Well, once we have Donnie back and the Ronin's project is destroyed, I think that – things – will probably start getting back to normal."

"Leo, I – there are things I've done – things that you'll hate me for."

"Hey – whatever you did in the past is in the past. Whatever Shredder told you to do is his fault, not yours."

Karai hung her head. "Yeah."

Leo placed the stack of papers he had been collecting on the small desk that Donnie had in his room. He already felt himself starting to trust Karai again, which he was sure wasn't a good thing. Still, she had delivered on the retro-retro-mutagen thing.

They continued working on organizing Donnie's room in silence.


	23. Chapter 23

April could hardly contain her excitement. She couldn't focus on the homework in front of her at all. When her dad walked in the door of Mei's apartment, April jumped up from the sofa, scattering her American History homework everywhere.

"Ready to go?" she said.

Kirby frowned at April. "Mei's appointment went just fine, April. Nice of you to ask her."

Mei wheeled herself in. "Oh, she's just excited, Kirby. I think we all are. I wish I was out of this thing so that I could come down to the lair, too."

"I have to admit," Kirby said, "I don't know how convinced I am that this retro-retro-mutagen is going to be the solution for Donatello. After all, it worked perfectly on Xever – but it was designed with Xever in mind, not Donnie. The results might not be the ones we're looking for."

"It'll be fine, Dad," April said. "I have a good feeling about this. It's going to work."

"Are you sure that's one of your 'feelings,' and not just wishful thinking?"

It was April's turn to frown."Don't be such a pessimist, Dad. Let's go, already."

"You know, I have half a mind to make you stay behind. I can't believe you would go on that mission without even telling me."

"You're still mad about that?"

Kirby threw his arms up in the air. "You're still covered in bruises, April! What if everything had gone wrong?"

"It didn't, though. Dad, please let me come. I promise I'll run everything by you from now on."

_Except if I think you'll say no, and it's something that absolutely has to happen…_

Kirby looked at her skeptically for a moment. "Fine. You can come. Mei, do you need anything before we leave?"

"I'm fine, Kirby," Mei said, smiling. "Go bring back my nephew. I want to hear from him as soon as possible."

"Again, I'm not sure how hopeful we should be," Kirby said.

"Let's just _go,_" April said.

Soon, they were on their way through the sewers. April was practically skipping. She couldn't wait to see Donnie, couldn't wait to hear his voice, couldn't wait to tell him how much she loved him…

"April, even if it works, there might be complications," her dad said.

April stopped dead in her tracks. "Why do you have to be like that, Dad?"

"Because I don't want you to get your hopes up, April."

April rolled her eyes and resumed skipping through the tunnels.

When they finally arrived at the lair, Mikey launched off the sofa and ran over to Kirby. He threw his arms around him. "I'm so glad you're here, Mr. O!"

Kirby gingerly returned the hug. "Let's just hope this works."

April surveyed the room. Everyone looked like they were about to detonate with excitement; only Splinter maintained a semblance of calm. Raph sat on the couch with Donnie balanced on his shoulder.

"Everything is prepared, Kirby," Splinter said. "We just need to administer the serum."

Raph stood up and started to take Donnie to the lab.

"Just a moment," Splinter said. He drew a deep breath. "Given the drug's…side effects, I think it will be wise if only Kirby and I are in the lab."

General protest went up around the room.

"Master Splinter," April said, running to him, "that's unfair. We all want to be there for this. _I _want to be there!"

"Yeah," Leo said. "I know how much pain the serum causes – I saw how it affected Xever. I can handle it, and so can Karai."

"And you think you can handle seeing your brother in so much pain?" Splinter countered. "Besides, if he wakes immediately, too many people will overwhelm him. My decision is final."

"And I back it up," Kirby said.

April groaned. It wasn't fair. She'd been waiting so long for this…

"We will come get you as soon as he is ready for company," Splinter said. He walked over to Raphael and took Donnie from him. Raph scowled, but said nothing. Then, Kirby and Splinter walked into the lab and shut the door behind them.

Everyone in the room exchanged glances.

Then it was a mad scramble to see who could get closest to the doors first. When they got there, they all scuffled over who got to place their ear over the place where the door met. April almost got it, but Raph actually _punched _her out of the way. She was about to protest when Leo shook his head at her.

Then they all fell totally silent, straining to listen.

"Dang it, Donnie," Raph muttered.

"What?" Leo whispered.

"Remember how we used to complain about all the noise? He did something so that when the doors are closed, barely any sound can get through. I can't hear a thing."

They were all silent again for a few minutes, everyone straining to hear.

"I'm gonna get a glass," Mikey said, bolting off to the kitchen.

Not seconds after he was gone, the muffled sound of screaming came from the other side of the door. Everyone jumped collectively.

Raph clenched his fists.

"Good thing Mikey left," Leo muttered.

_Hang in there, Donnie. _April closed her eyes. _It'll be over soon. _

* * *

"So, how likely is it that they all have their ears pressed up against the door right this minute?"

Splinter set Donatello on the exam table, not bothering to look at Kirby. "Extremely. They will not hear much, though. Donatello did his best to soundproof these doors so that his experiments and welding would not disturb the rest of the family. Usually, only very loud sounds make it through."

"Yeah, but if they're right next to the door, won't they hear it if he starts screaming?" Kirby said.

Splinter cringed. Yes, they absolutely would. But it would be muffled, and it would still be better than for them to witness the transformation. They would not have to see the expression of pain that would erupt across Donatello's face as it resumed its customary form. None of the turtles remembered just how excruciating the mutation process was – but Splinter did. It was painful enough to make him black out, and he had a high pain tolerance. "That is outside of our control. If it upsets any of them, Leonardo will restore calm."

"All right." Kirby looked at the beaker. "So…any idea of how much of this to use?"

"I have witnessed that even a small amount of regular mutagen can transform a creature. I suggest that we use the same amount that Leonardo and Karai used on Xever."

"Donatello's so much smaller than Xever, though."

"In his present state, perhaps. But he is the same size once mutated, if not slightly heavier because of his shell."

"All right," Kirby said. "So…how much of a dose is that?"

"Here." Splinter remembered watching Leonardo and Karai prepare. He grabbed the small syringe and filled it completely, then tapped out the bubbles and squeezed a small amount out to be sure there was no air inside. He was about to hand the syringe to Kirby when he realized that Donatello was his own responsibility. "I will administer it. I simply need you to be at the ready, in the event that something goes awry."

Kirby nodded.

Drawing a deep breath to steady his trembling hands, Splinter took the syringe over to Donatello. "Take hold of his foot and keep him from pulling it back into his shell. I am going to administer it in the muscle of his leg."

Kirby obeyed, making sure that Donatello's leg was fully extended.

Drawing another breath, Splinter pressed the needle into Donatello's flesh and depressed the plunger, then quickly pulled the needle out so that it would not break off by accident.

The little turtle started squirming immediately, making hissing noises. It was almost a full minute and nothing had happened, except that the creature was clearly in pain.

Kirby frowned. "Is it…?"

_Please. Please, my son. Come back to me._

Then, there was a cracking sound as the turtle's shell split and fell away. He grew at an exponential rate, and his limbs stretched out. His new shell developed rapidly, expanding and making crackling sounds as it grew. He was almost halfway to his mutated form when he started screaming and thrashing around wildly.

"Hold him!" Splinter ran to keep Donatello from falling off the table. Kirby steadied Donatello's head and neck with one hand and held onto his arm with the other. The turtle continued to grow and change, assuming the familiar features that defined him.

Moments later, the mutation was complete. Donatello was back. Not a single thing about him looked different than before the accident. Splinter even caught a glimpse of the gap in Donatello's teeth.

Donatello was still moaning in pain, and his eyes looked around wildly, full of fear.

"Shh, my son," Splinter said, holding back tears of relief. "You are safe."

Donatello looked at Splinter for a moment. Something like a ghost of recognition crossed his face. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. After a moment, his face relaxed and he laid his head down on the table. His breathing became quiet and soft, as if he was sleeping.

Splinter took Donatello's pulse. It was at a normal rate. Splinter closed his eyes in relief. "He is asleep now, I think."

"Looks like he needs some time to recover from the ordeal," Kirby said.

"Indeed. I do not think we should wake him. Let him come to naturally. Go tell the others what has happened. I will wait here until he wakes."

"All right. Call if you need anything."

When Kirby opened the door, he was assaulted by the clamor of five teenagers desperate to know what had happened. The doors slid shut again and the room was filled with nothing but the soft sounds of humming fluorescent lights.

Splinter drew a chair over to the table and sat down, holding Donatello's hand. Softly, he began to sing the lullaby he had sung to his boys all those years ago.

About ten minutes later, Donatello drew a sharp breath and opened his eyes.

"Welcome back, my son," Splinter said, unable to keep a tear from escaping.


	24. Chapter 24

**Well, readers, I'm sorry this took so long. Also, I'm sorry it's a little short. I'm going through some issues right now, so thanks for bearing with me. Enjoy!**

* * *

Splinter could hardly believe it. A few weeks ago, he was convinced that he would never see his son again, yet here Donatello was, waking up. "How do you feel?"

Donatello blinked and stared at the ceiling.

"Donatello?"

Donatello blinked again.

"My son, can you hear me?"

Nothing.

Splinter rose from his chair and leaned over the table. He passed his hand over Donatello's face.

Donatello's eyes did not trace the movement.

Splinter took Donatello's shoulders and gently shook them.

No response.

Splinter's pulse thudded in his ears. Had the serum not worked? Did Donatello simply need more recovery time? He had seen the recognition in Donatello's face. It had been there. It was real. So why was he not responding?

He drew a deep breath, regaining his focus and calm.

Maybe Donatello just needed more time. After all, Miwa – Karai – had not said how long it took Xever to go back to normal. Splinter went to the doors and opened them just wide enough to poke his head out. "Karai, will you please come in here?"

There was a pause as everybody gave him a stunned look. Then, as if an explosion had gone off, April and his sons burst out at the same time.

"Wait – Karai gets to see him and we don't?"

"What happened? Is he okay?"

"I want to see Donnie!"

"No, seriously, what happened?"

"Is Donnie back, Sensei?"

_"Yame!" _Splinter said. "I wish to speak to Karai about Xever's transformation."

"What went wrong?" Raphael asked.

"Nothing has gone _wrong. _ I simply need to ask her some questions. Kirby, you come too."

Karai hesitantly got up and walked over to the lab. Kirby followed suit. Splinter slid the door open a little wider and gestured for them to come inside. Once they had walked inside, he slid the doors shut.

Karai looked warily at Donatello. "What is it, Father?"

"How long did it take Xever to wake up from his transformation?"

"Well, we had to put him in water as soon as possible. He was unconscious for a little while, but when he woke up, he had some unpleasant things to say."

"But he was speaking and lucid as soon as he woke?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Splinter sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Donatello is awake, but he is not responding. I do not know what to do."

"I admit, I was afraid of this." Kirby shook his head. "Xever's transformation was perfect, right? But it was just the physical transformation. Xever maintained his right mind when he was mutated the first time, so he maintained it this time. Donatello's mind – his, well, _soul,_ if you will, came as a result of his first mutation. If all this serum can do is reduplicate the physical transformation…"

Panic prickled at the back of Splinter's mind. "But the brain is a physical construct, and all creatures have a unique soul. If the physical transformation is exact, then his brain is reduplicated, is it not?"

"Yeah, but…Splinter, the physical brain and actual thought processes…it's a mystery to us how that even works. They aren't the same thing. A body isn't like a computer."

"So…it didn't work?" Karai's voice was small and strained. Splinter looked over to see that she was standing next to Donatello.

Splinter walked over to her. "Perhaps he just needs more recovery time."

"But if it didn't work, then we still need the Kraang. We can't sabotage Ronin's experiment without blowing everything." She hugged herself. "I failed."

Splinter wrapped his arms around her and held her. "You did not fail, brave child. You did all that was in your power." She stiffened at first, then relaxed into his embrace.

"I guess we need to figure out what to do now," Kirby said.

"We let him rest. Someone will need to watch over him. I must speak with my other sons."

"I'll watch him," Karai said. "That way you can talk to them, and Mr. O'Neil can talk to April."

Splinter frowned. "If he comes to and sees you, he may not react very well. He may not be aware of what has transpired around him while in his un-mutated form."

"I can handle it."

"Very well." Splinter gestured to Kirby and the two of them went out into the den.

"What's going on?" Raphael demanded. He and the others stood in the middle of the room. April was pale and Leonardo looked sick. Michelangelo appeared to have been crying.

"My sons, come into the dojo with me," Splinter said.

"What _happened?" _Leonardo asked.

"Come with me, and I will tell you."

"April, let's stay here and talk, all right?" Kirby said. April burst into tears.

Splinter walked to the dojo, breathing deeply as he went. He could hear his sons filing in behind him. What would he tell them? He should have been preparing them for this instead of making welcome back banners.

He should have prepared himself for this.

On some small level, perhaps he did not want to be prepared for this. Perhaps he had deluded himself with false hope.

He turned around. His heart broke when he saw his sons' faces.

"Sensei, is Donnie dead?" Michelangelo said, bursting into tears.

"No. No, Michelangelo, he is not. He is simply…not back."

Raphael clenched his fists. "It didn't work, did it?"

"It did work," Splinter said, "but only partially. His physical form has returned, but he seems to be catatonic. Kirby believes it may be because the serum can only duplicate physical mutations."

"So…we failed," Leonardo sighed.

Failure. The leader believed that everything rested on his shoulders, even that which was totally beyond his control. Splinter understood that – how often had he blamed himself for this over which he had not control? It was only with age that he had come to understand that for certain things, no blame could be assigned.

In such a disappointing situation, blame and sensations of failure would be nearly everyone's first reaction.

"No," Splinter said. "No one has failed. The serum itself did not fail; it only did that which it was capable of doing. And perhaps, with time, Donatello will return to us. If not, all is not lost. Perhaps, with further research, we may be able to bring Donatello's mind back."

"But Sensei," Leonardo said. "We only have two weeks before the Kraang finish the Ronin's project. Do you think they can solve this problem in that amount of time? Plus, we'd need to let them actually research Donnie, and we can't do that."

"I agree. Clearly, our only recourse is through the research that Mei, April, and Kirby have been working on."

There was a long pause. Raphael, who had been staring at the floor throughout all of this, looked up. "Is Donnie in pain?" His voice was startlingly compassionate. "We heard him screaming."

Splinter ran his hand down the length of his beard. "He was in pain during the transformation, but he appears to be perfectly relaxed now. I see no reason to think that he is suffering."

Raphael nodded, and returned his gaze to the floor.

"Can we see him, Sensei?" Michelangelo asked.

"Yes." Splinter gestured to his sons and left the dojo. He walked slowly, hoping to give his sons the time to brace themselves. Seeing Donatello's vacant body could be more upsetting to them than his unmutated form had been. Silently, he prayed for strength for his sons – and himself.

April and Kirby were in the den. April sobbed into Kirby's shoulder.

"We are going to see him," Splinter said. "You may come if you wish."

"Do you want to go, April?" Kirby asked softly.

April nodded, sniffing loudly. The two of them got up from the couch and followed the procession into the lab.

Karai looked up. She had been watching Donatello with unmistakable pain in her face. Splinter pitied her. She had taken all of the risks – staked the turtles' trust – to get this cure for Donatello, and it had not worked. For her, the sensation of failure must have been worse than for the rest of them.

Everyone gathered around the exam table where Donatello lay. Nobody said anything, but Michelangelo took Donatello's hand and held it. April clung to Kirby and wept into his chest.

Donatello stared at the ceiling, blinking occasionally.

After several minutes, Leonardo spoke, causing everyone to jump slightly.

"The Kraang aren't of any use to us anymore." Leonardo stood taller, an air of decisiveness in his mien. "We can't take Donnie to them and there's no way that we can have them find a solution based on guesses. Karai, we have printouts of the formula that they made for us, right?"

Karai nodded.

"Then that will have to do. Mei, Kirby, and April can keep working on the solution. In the meanwhile, I think it's time that we cut ties" – he drew one of his katanas for dramatic emphasis – "with the Kraang and the Foot for good."

"I'll second that," Raphael growled.

"Booyakasha," Michelangelo said, a peculiar edge to his voice. He picked up Donatello's hand and pantomimed a gesture with it. "Turtle power!" he said, in his best Donatello impression.

Splinter could not suppress a smile. If anyone else had done it, it would have been tasteless. But since it was Michelangelo, well…

That was really all one could say about it. It was Michelangelo.

"Okay, team," Leonardo said. He sheathed his katana. "We need to make a plan. First, I say that we wait at least a few days, just in case Donnie does snap out of this. Doing this will be ten times easier if we have him with us to get at the Kraang computers. We'll need to do recon to find out where the Ronin's project is being made, and then…well, then we'll plan our raid."

"Then we must ready ourselves," Splinter said. "We have much work to do."


	25. Chapter 25

"How do you feel today, Donnie?" Leo stood next to the exam table where Donatello lay. After the last several days, the table had been padded with comfy cushions. They had set up a table on which to put fun things – some of Donnie's perpetual motion decorations, a vase of flowers, and about a half-dozen get-well-soon cards from Mikey.

Donatello made his usual reply. That is to say, he made no response whatsoever.

Leo shook his head and tried to pretend that he hadn't actually been hoping for a response in the first place.

Over the last five days, they had discovered that Donatello would swallow water reflexively, and if they put soft food in his mouth, he would chew and swallow that reflexively too. He would even sit up if pulled into an upright position, and if encouraged further, he would stand up too. Once standing, though, he would simply stand there, totally vacant. However, if one pulled on his hand and guided him, he would walk wherever he was led.

Leo sighed. He, Raph, and Mikey had teased Donnie hundreds of times about being a computer or being a robot, and now here Donnie was, reacting to little nudges and tugs as if they were pushing buttons on a machine.

Clearly, Donnie's brain was working, at least on an autotom – automat – autonomic? – level.

Donnie would have known the right word. And there he was, lying a few inches away from Leo, totally unable to communicate or think. Everything else about him was the same. Every little detail. But what made Donnie _Donnie_ simply wasn't there.

"How can you not be in there, bro?" Leo whispered.

Donnie blinked.

"Blink twice if you understand me." It was something they had all tried at least once, but a small part of Leo kept hoping that if they didn't stop trying, maybe it would work one of these times.

Of course, it didn't. Donnie just stared at the ceiling. After about twenty seconds, he blinked once.

Leo buried his face in his hands. If only there was some way to _reach _him…

What was it that had gotten the unmutated turtle's attention?

Leo sat bolt upright. "Hey, Mikey, stop touching Donnie's stuff."

No response whatsoever.

Donnie was even more gone now than he had been as a regular turtle.

Leo clenched his fists. Maybe they should have just left well enough alone. Leo and Splinter had both questioned the ethics of trying to duplicate the mutation when it was possible that it might not work at all. But they had been so sure – so confident that this would work, since it worked on Xever – that they didn't stop to think about how it could go so terribly wrong.

And while Raph hadn't actually come out and blamed anyone, it was obvious that he definitely thought they should have just let Donnie be.

_At least as a regular turtle, he could be happy, _Raph had said.

Leo closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Donnie. I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm pretty sure that Donatello would have wanted us to try, even knowing it could go wrong."

Leo jerked his head up and turned around. Karai stood at the lab doors.

"I mean," she continued, "I didn't know him, but he certainly seemed like the stubborn type."

"Stubborn doesn't cover the half of it," Leo said. "What are you doing here?"

"I came because I found out the location of the Ronin's project."

"What? How?"

"I'm supposed to be overseeing it, remember? I demanded to see the progress, and they took me there. It's in the northwest corner of the new TCRI building, on the eighth floor.

"Great. Busting into TCRI is one of my least favorite things to do. Last time I did, I almost didn't make it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I would have died if Raph hadn't caught me…something he doesn't like to let me forget. I still can't believe how quickly they rebuilt that. We really messed it up."

"I guess it's time that we really mess it up again," Karai said. She smiled. "You're definitely the turtle for the job."

Leo felt his face got hot. "Uhhm, thanks…"

_Pull it together, Leo._

"Let's go get the others and make some plans."

"Sounds good."

As Leo followed Karai out of the lab, he desperately tried to ignore Karai's delicate curves.

_Donnie, I'm sorry I ever made fun of you and April…at least you actually had a chance with her._

* * *

"…and so he's just totally vacant, like an empty house." April wiped a tear from the end of her nose. She shook her head. "I'm sorry. We're supposed to be going over trigonometry."

Casey reached across the table and patted April's hand. The two of them were sitting at a corner table in Murikami's. "It's okay. I just can't believe that you took the time out to spend with _me_."

April sniffed. "I just…I needed to get away from it, you know? I've spent so many hours sitting in that lab with him…now I really know how he felt while I was in a coma."

Casey hung his head. He was quiet for a moment. "April, I'm really sorry about what I did. If I could take it back…"

April looked into Casey's eyes. She had once promised herself that she'd never hold a grudge again. Why should Casey be the exception to that rule? What was the point of holding on to her anger? She had enough problems without allowing hatred to build up inside of her. "I forgive you, Casey."

Casey jumped. "What?"

"I said, I forgive you."

Casey's whole face lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

"You have no idea how much that means to me, Red."

April let out a deep breath, suddenly feeling a thousand times lighter. "No, I think I do."

They spent the rest of the evening working on trig. Afterwards, April called Jen to report that Casey had indeed come for tutoring, and the payment had in fact arrived. Then Casey walked April back to her apartment.

"I can't thank you enough, Red," Casey said. "My foster parents are actually starting to trust me again. Oh, and you'll be glad to know I haven't touched the bottle in weeks."

"I've got to hand it to you, Casey, you've really turned it around."

Casey turned around and started walking backwards so that he could face her as they went. "Ta-dah…I've turned it around again!"

April giggled in spite of herself. "You think you're funny."

"Hey, you laughed." He turned around to face forward and fell in step beside her. "Yeah, it's been tough, but I've really been trying."

"Mm. The only problem is, you don't really seem like yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the Casey I knew was full of sarcasm and snappy comebacks…this Casey is not much like him."

"What, the turning around thing wasn't enough for you?"

"I just mean…you're really subdued."

"Yeah. I've had a lot on my plate. For what it's worth, you seem different, too."

"I feel totally different." April stopped walking for a minute. "Almost like I'm a different person, getting to know myself again."

"Funny," Casey said softly, facing her. He took her hand. "That's kinda exactly how I feel, too."

April's skin prickled uncomfortably. He was giving her _that _look…that one that he'd had on his face right before they kissed for the first time. She drew her lower lip into her mouth and took a step back, pulling her hand away from his.

Casey blushed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "So…are the Kraang going to keep working on a solution for your boyfriend?"

April relaxed slightly. The way he said _your boyfriend_ indicated that he was acknowledging that he and April were strictly just friends, and that he wasn't in fact hitting on her.

Or at least he wasn't doing it on purpose.

"Actually, we've run into a major problem with that. You remember Karai, right?"

"That b –"

"Yeah, that's the one. She's actually on our side now."

"What? You let her – "

"I forgave _you_, didn't I?"

Casey threw up his hands. "Yeah, but _she _was manipulating _me._"

"Well, Shredder was manipulating her." April hesitated, trying to decide if she really wanted to tell Casey the full story of what was going on.

On the one hand, he might be a weak point.

On the other hand, the trial they were coming up against was kind of an "all hands on deck" situation, and April remembered hearing Mikey say that Casey was a pretty decent fighter. There was a chance that they could use his help.

"She's actually Splinter's daughter, and she's on our side now," April said. "She's helping us take out what's left of the Foot…and unfortunately, what's left of the Foot involves this super-evil guy called the Ronin. He's working on an evil plot with the Kraang, and we have to destroy that. Whatever hope there is for Donnie…"

There was a period of silence. April fought against tears. Even if there was still a chance that she, Mei, and her dad could figure something out, it still seemed completely hopeless.

"I'm really sorry, Red. I wish I could help."

"Unless you're a chemistry genius, there's not much you can do to help Donnie. But we might need extra help when we take on the Kraang…that is, if you're game for it."

Casey's face transformed. A glimpse of his old self peeked through. "Are you kidding? Fighting aliens? That's wicked awesome!"

April could not keep herself from grinning. _Oh, Casey. _"I don't know for sure that we will need you, or even if the turtles will go along with it, but I'll let you know if we do."

"Sweet!"

"Oh…hey…we should probably get going. Isn't Jen expecting you soon?"

"Oh, yeah…let's go."

They resumed their journey back to the apartment. After they'd said goodbye, April headed up the stairs to Mei's apartment.

* * *

Fong shivered involuntarily when the new leader of the Foot Clan walked into the room. The Ronin's eyes were cold – colder than ice, more terrifying than Shredder's ever had been.

"So, uh…Shredder's daughter ain't around, is she?" Fong said, fighting the cold feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"No. You asked to speak to the leader of the Clan, and you are speaking to him."

"That's good. I mean, I've got some info on her…for the right price."

"The right price?" the Ronin hissed. An instant later, he had Fong pinned to the ground with a knife to his throat. "Tell me, and I'll let you live. How is that for a price?"

"Okay, okay!"

The Ronin stood up. "Your information. Proceed."

"Well, one of my guys was roughing up merchants, and he was passing between places when he heard these two kids talking about those weird alien things."

"The Kraang?" Ronin's eyes lit up with a terrifying madness.

Fong shuddered. "Yeah. Them. They also said some stuff about Karai – how she was Splinter's daughter and on their side and everything, and how they were gonna smash some project the Kraang were working on."

A cold smile crept across the Ronin's lips. "Indeed. Very interesting. What else?"

"Well, then the kids walked away."

"And your man, of course, followed them."

"What? No, he was working his circuit."

The Ronin bared his teeth. "You imbecile. I could have used that information. You have hindered me in my purpose." He drew a long katana.

Fong swallowed. Shredder had threatened him similarly on countless occasions. "Now, now…let's not crazy here."

"Crazy?" Ronin said softly. "No. I am burdened with glory." He charged forward and plunged his katana into Fong's gut.

Fong screamed.

Then the Ronin pulled the sword out and swung it at Fong's neck. Fong couldn't do a thing, couldn't stifle the panic that seized him, couldn't even pray to his gods…

Sharp pain came to an abrupt end, and Fong knew no more.

* * *

**Is it bad that I had waaay too much fun writing this chapter? **


	26. Chapter 26

Leo closed his eyes and drew a breath to brace himself.

It was still five days since they'd tried to re-mutate Donnie. After Karai had come to see Leo in the lab, the two of them had worked out a potential plan for infiltrating the building. Then, they had all agreed to meet at Mei's apartment for dinner and then discussing the plan. They were all full – probably uncomfortably full, since Mei had ordered enough pizza to feed several small elephants…or a few hungry teenagers.

"All right, everybody," Leo said, wishing that he'd had one less slice of pizza. "Now that we've all eaten, it's time to talk business."

Kirby, Splinter, Raphael, April, Karai, and Aunt Mei all looked at him, their faces solemn. The empty pizza boxes on the table had a few lone crumbs in them, and Michelangelo was busying himself with the task of picking up and eating the crumbs.

"Mikey, are you paying attention?" Leo put his hands on his hips.

"Uh-huh."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh!"

Leo shook his head. "Okay. So, here's the deal. A team – me, Mikey, Raph, and Karai – is going to break into TCRI tomorrow at sundown. Meanwhile, we'll have a ground team – that's April and Master Splinter – keeping the Shellraiser warm and providing us with backup if we need it. Aunt Mei, you and Kirby will need to be on standby here by your phones, in case we have any computer questions for you."

"Wait, you're doing this tomorrow at sundown?" Aunt Mei said.

"Yeah. Karai and I decided it's not safe to wait anymore."

"No. This is perfect. The doctor moved up my cast removal – I'm getting my pelvic cast off tomorrow, and all of my other casts are already removed. I won't be of any use to you remotely – but let me come in with you and I'll see what I can do to short out their computers."

"Obasan, do you have any idea how dangerous that will be?"

"I do, and I will still do it."

"Absolutely not," Splinter said. "You will be too weak, Mei."

"That is why you will stay with me, Yoshi," Aunt Mei said. "If we are going to do this, we must completely sabotage their computers, or we may as well not do it at all."

Splinter frowned.

"If we were dealing with non-alien computers, I could walk you through the steps to wiping them without being there. But I'll have to hack these from scratch. I cannot _tell_ somebody how to do that."

Leo bit his lip. He really did not like the idea of Mei being on site, but she had a point. Why even bother with this if they weren't going to be sure that the computers were totally wiped? "Well…okay…but Sensei, you'll have to be with her at all times."

Splinter looked at Aunt Mei. "Are you sure about this? You do not even know how well you will be able to walk."

"Yeah, your legs are going to be really weak from disuse," Kirby said. "They might even put you on a walker to get started."

"Do you see another option?" Aunt Mei folded her arms.

Kirby shuddered. "I – I could go…I'm not as good with computers…but I spent enough time with the Kraang…"

"No offense, Mr. O'Neil," Leo said, trying to decide what to say next. _No offense, but, you'll probably have a nervous breakdown?_ _But we need someone with Donnie levels of genius, and you don't come close? But Aunt Mei is the next best thing to Donnie? _"But I'm thinking Aunt Mei is a better candidate for the job."

"Better candidate? Leo, she won't be able to run if there's trouble!"

"That's why Master Splinter will stay with her. Sensei can handle anything the Kraang can throw at him."

Splinter closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Leonardo…"

"Hey, it was her idea, Sensei. I can't help it that she's right."

"Very well. But this leaves April alone on the ground."

"I can go with April," Kirby volunteered.

Leo gave Kirby a long, evaluating look. Kirby was sweaty and pale just thinking about this. There was no way he would hold up under pressure. The Kraang were clearly too much of a trigger for him. Leo, after watching April's response to being captured by Shredder, was starting to understand just how irrationally PTSD could affect its victims. April had mentioned that Kirby had alien abduction nightmares. "Sensei…can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Use my room if you need somewhere quiet," Aunt Mei said.

Splinter and Leo went down the short hall into Aunt Mei's room. Leo had never been inside it before. He had expected a lot more decorations, but the walls were rather bare. The only furniture was the bed, a vanity, and a dresser. "Okay, Sensei…I don't know how to say this, exactly, but…"

"Kirby is not psychologically fit for the role he volunteers to play," Splinter said.

Leo sighed in relief. "So it's not just me."

"No."

"Okay, but how do I tell him that?"

"I suggest that you be honest."

"How do I do that without…being a jerk?"

Splinter ran his hand down the length of his beard. "Hmm. Something you must learn as a leader is to balance both honesty and tact. Chances are that Kirby himself does not truly wish to be involved in this mission. Appeal to his reason and his background as a psychologist. His own fear of the mission will do the rest for you."

"Okay, but what do I _say?_"

Splinter smiled slightly. "That is for you, as the leader, to decide. They are waiting for us."

Leo drew a deep breath. "All right. Let's go then, I guess."

"Never guess, Leonardo. Even when you yourself doubt, you must be sure."

"Thanks."

Leo and Splinter returned to the dining area, where Karai had pulled out a diagram of the area and was showing it to the infiltration team.

"Sorry, Leo," Karai said. "I thought that this way we wouldn't waste any time."

"Good idea," Leo said. "Mr. O'Neil, I appreciate your willingness to come on the mission, but I'm concerned that…I'm concerned that being around the Kraang might be a…um…a trigger event? A thing that could set off your bad memories from your first capture by the Kraang. We need everyone to be sharp, and I'm afraid that you wouldn't be…well…sharp."

_Oh, great job, Leo. Way to appeal to reason and be tactful and all of that._

Kirby sighed. "You're right."

Leo started. "Um, well, I mean, I really appreciate that you volunteered anyway. It was really noble."

"So who's going to be with April?"

Leo frowned. It would be best if they had two on the ground, but the only alternative would be to pull, say, Mikey or Raph from the infiltration team. Leo couldn't do without either of them. April could hold her own all right…but still…

"I know somebody," April said. She stared at the table. "But no one's going to like the idea."

Leo racked his brain. There wasn't anyone else that knew about them that could possibly be considered an ally. Except…

_Except…_

"You mean _Casey_? You're kidding, right?" Leo said.

"Mikey said he's a good fighter. And he's changed. He's really turned it around."

Raph folded his arms and glared at her. "And you know this _how?_"

April stared at the table. "He came to me asking for help with homework, and I've been helping him out. I told him a little about what's going on, and he said he was willing to help…"

"You did _what?_" Leo threw his hands up in the air. "April, are you crazy? If there's anyone we can't trust, it's Casey!"

"Well, maybe we can't totally trust him, but we can't totally trust Karai either!" April hastily glanced at Karai. "No offense."

Karai smirked. "None taken."

"Yeah, but Karai won't instantly flip because somebody waves booze in her face."

"What Casey did was my fault," Karai said. She sighed.

Leo suddenly felt a pang of remorse for what he said. "Karai…I didn't mean…I just mean, he's a liability."

"And so am I," Karai said. "You know it, Leo."

"It's not like we'll be giving Casey the location of the lair, Leo," April said. "Besides, he's known where my apartment is for months, and he never gave that up to the Foot." April glanced at Karai again. "Did he?"

"No. He just gave up your location that specific night. Of course…that was really all we were looking for."

"We can _trust _him, Leo."

"Are you loopy?" Raph said. "Casey is a traitor!"

"But you're willing to work with traitors," Karai said. "You've proven as much by working with me. And the things I've done were a lot more personal than what Casey did."

Raph scoffed. "Well, maybe so. But two traitors on one team sounds like we're just asking for it."

"I think we should trust Casey," Mikey said. "'Sides, we need the help."

Leo sighed. He remembered back to the rooftop when they'd enlisted Casey's help in contacting Karai. Mikey had forgiven Casey so easily. He'd even said…what was it? _Shredder only stabbed me. He got you way worse._

Casey was a victim of Shredder, just like the rest of them.

"Okay. We'll take Casey as ground support."

Raph's mouth fell open. "Leo – "

"I _said,_ we'll take Casey as ground support, Raph. That's final. Unless you _want _April to be alone on the ground."

Raph grumbled unintelligibly.

"All right, then. We have our plan. We'll meet in the alley behind Meatburger just as the sun is going down tomorrow. Let's get a good night's rest, okay?"

Everyone agreed and decided to call it a night. Just as Leo, Karai, and the other turtles were ready to leave, Splinter declared that he was going to stay behind and talk to Aunt Mei for a while.

Leo realized that Splinter stayed behind to talk to Aunt Mei with increasing frequency. Yeah, it had only happened a few times, but then there was that one time that Splinter had gone by himself to make dinner for her.

Maybe it was just that Splinter liked having another adult to talk to. It had occurred to Leo on some small level that Splinter probably tired of being around teenagers all the time.

But Leo had a funny feeling that there was more to it than that. He'd noticed the discernible difference in his Sensei's behavior since Aunt Mei had become a part of their lives. Sure, maybe it was just that he was happy to be reunited with a friend from his past…but then there were all those glances that the two of them exchanged…and Sensei seemed so _happy_ when Aunt Mei was around…

Well, Leo thought, whatever it was, it was Sensei's business, not his.

The rest of them climbed out onto the fire escape and headed back to the lair.

* * *

Splinter paced until everyone else was gone, then he sat down opposite Mei. "Mei, I wish you would not do this."

"You and I both know it has to be this way, Yoshi." Mei brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Besides, you support Karai's presence there."

"Yes, and if you were fully healthy – agile and capable of fighting, I would not only support your presence, I would insist upon it. But Mei…please. I cannot – " He took her slender hand in his. "I cannot bear even to think of losing you."

Mei was silent for a moment. Then she drew his hand to her lips and kissed it. "Yoshi, if this fails, then we do not even know how many people will die. My life would be small payment if it were to keep them safe. If it were to keep Miwa safe. You safe."

Splinter's heart wrenched. Shen had died to keep him safe, too – when he had had no way to defend himself and she took the Shredder's blow that had been meant for him. And then…she had disappeared beneath the burning rubble of the house that had become her pyre.

Mei shared the same selflessness as her sister. That selflessness had killed Shen and had grievously injured and scarred Mei.

Both times, Splinter had been able to do _nothing. _

"No, Mei. I must keep you safe. I would sooner die – "

"Yoshi." Mei's voice was soft and soothing, and for a moment, it sounded like Shen's. "You _will_ be there to keep me safe. But we both know that this is a risk worth taking."

Splinter choked back a sob. "The last time you took a risk, Mei…"

"I took that risk willingly, too. And it was worth it."

"_Iē_! I can't _lose_ you! Not you too!"

"If you are the man that I know you are, I will be safer than anyone else in that building."

"And if I am not?"

"Then we will die together, surrounded by sacrificial love. There are worse ways to die, Yoshi."

Splinter rose from his side of the table and came around to Mei. Her threw his arms around her and held her tightly. "I swear I will let nothing happen to you."


	27. Chapter 27

Jell-o.

It was the only thing that Mei could think of to describe the way her legs felt beneath her. While she'd had time to start building up strength and doing physical therapy with her arms, they had done minimal work with her legs. Even the little bit that they had done after the cast was removed made her feel like she had partaken in a triathlon.

Nevertheless, she slipped into the form-fitting black outfit that she used for her kunoichi training. The soft, breathable, flexible fabric allowed her wonderful freedom of movement, even if it wasn't necessarily traditional. Plus, the dark clothes would help her be less conspicuous – and considering that she had been given crutches, she needed to be as inconspicuous as possible.

As she tucked her sai into her waistband – hopefully she would have no cause to use them – she found herself feeling no small amount of trepidation.

The Kraang.

She had never actually seen them, but she had been regaled with enough stories of them by her nephews. These were the creatures that possessed the mutagen that had changed her brother-in-law into a rat, that had changed Kirby into that horrific bat-creature…

Yet if it hadn't been for them, her four nephews would simply be turtles in a bowl in the sad, cold apartment of one very lonely Hamato Yoshi. And without the turtles, without April's befriending them, there was no way Mei ever would have found Splinter again.

Whatever horrors the Kraang might bring, Mei owed them thanks for at least that much.

She hooked her crutches under her arms to support her Jell-o legs and left her bedroom. Kirby and April waited for her in the living room.

"I love the super-spy look," April said, with a grin.

"Yes, all super-spies have crutches, I'm sure." Mei lifted one of her crutches and nudged April with it. "I suppose they could be serviceable weapons in a pinch."

April stood up and put one arm behind her back. With the other, she stroked an imaginary beard. "For the ninja, _anything _can be a weapon."

Mei chuckled. "You seem awfully calm, considering we are readying to invade the enemies' nest."

April shrugged. "Honestly, I'm going in fighting, not being a captive, so that already makes this better."

"I wish you wouldn't do this, April," Kirby said, deep frown lines in his face.

"Dad, think of all the people that will die if this goes sideways. They need me."

"I couldn't stop you anyway. Either of you. Well, I guess go. Mei, since you're not exactly at ninja strength, do you want to take my gun?"

Mei looked at the weapon and was assaulted by the visual of shooting Shredder. Thinking about that night…about what she had just been through…

It made her stomach toss.

"No. I have my sai and several throwing knives."

Kirby frowned. "All right. You two…be safe."

April planted a kiss on Kirby's cheek and then headed for the door. Mei followed, and they made their way to the elevator down the hall.

"I figure we'll take a cab to just a few blocks away from Meatburger, since it's quite a ways," April said.

Mei's wobbly legs made her think that even a few blocks sounded like a sizeable distance, but she nodded. Once down to the street, they hailed a taxi. They said very little on the ride, but halfway there, April took Mei's hand and squeezed it.

April _was _apprehensive, no matter how in-control she was acting.

Once they were dropped off, they stuck to the shadows and made their way for the alley. Mei started putting more and more of her weight on her crutches, and her armpits began to ache.

This was not an auspicious beginning to the evening.

When they arrived in the alley, the Shellraiser waited for them. April hurried ahead to the door and tapped on it. The door opened.

"C'mon, dudes, where've you been?" Michelangelo said.

"Sorry," Mei said, as she finally made it to the door. "It has taken a little longer than I anticipated. Help me up, Michelangelo."

Michelangelo pulled her into the Shellraiser. The large vehicle was already crowded. Karai, Casey, Splinter, the three turtles, and now Mei and April too were all inside.

"Here, Auntie M," Michelangelo said. "You sit at Donnie's station."

Once Mei sat down, she was not sure if she would be able to stand again.

"Are you all right, Mei?" Splinter put his hands on her shoulders.

"I am well enough."

"Okay," Leonardo said, as he pulled the Shellraiser into motion. "We'll pull into a spot near the back of TCRI. Their back door is where they accept deliveries. Me, Raph, Mikey, and Karai are going to scale the building until we get inside the right location, and we'll do a little stealth Kraang disposal."

"Alien hunting!" Michelangelo shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. "Yeah, boy! Just like a video game!"

"Can it, Mikey. Remember _your_ job?"

"Oh, yeah. Me an' Raph are gonna…um…"

"We're gonna clear a path back down to the delivery door for Mei and Splinter," Raphael said, smacking Mikey on the head. "And we're gonna make sure they get back up to the floor with the project safely, genius."

"And stealth is _key,"_ Leonardo said. "Meanwhile, Karai and I are going to hide out near the project, to keep the area clear of Kraang – and keep them from setting off any alarms. April, Casey, you two wait out here unless we signal for backup…in which case, you'll do whatever we tell you to."

Casey flipped down his hockey mask and smacked what appeared to be a cricket bat into his palm. "You got it." He leaned over to April. "I so totally want to smash some aliens…"

"Alien hunting, dude," Michelangelo said. "It's the bomb."

Mei gave Casey a good look. He'd dressed up in hockey gear – his mask had been painted to look like a skull – and he had two hockey sticks strapped to his back as if they were swords. She wondered if this was a getup he'd had for a while, or whether this was something he'd put together just for the occasion.

"Everybody clear on what we're going to do?" Leonardo asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Raphael said.

"Everybody else?"

The rest of the group chorused their agreement.

Soon, they pulled into the dark alley behind the building next to TCRI.

"Let's move," Leo said. "Sensei, you and Aunt Mei wait here about twenty minutes and then make your way to the delivery door. If it opens and it's not Mikey and Raph…"

"We shall improvise," Splinter said.

Leo nodded. "All right then." Then he, Karai, and the rest of the turtles left the vehicle.

"Twenty minutes," Mei said. She pulled out her phone and set a timer.

It was oddly quiet in the old subway car. Nobody seemed to know what to say, and the whole situation was too tense for making small talk. When the timer went off, Splinter helped Mei out of the Shellraiser and they made their way to the back door.

They pressed their backs against the wall and waited.

"We may need to move quickly," Splinter said, in a voice so soft Mei could barely hear it. "Are you ready?"

Mei nodded her head.

They waited for several more minutes.

"What is taking so long?" Mei whispered.

Splinter put a finger to Mei's lips. His ears pricked up, alert. His eyes darted back and forth.

Mei held her breath and strained her eyes in the darkness. She remembered hearing Splinter say that he had better hearing and night vision as a mutant than he had as a human.

Something moved at the periphery of her vision.

Splinter tensed.

A throwing blade whizzed through the air. In an instant, Splinter drew his katana and deflected it.

At least ten men emerged from hiding – men, real men, not robots. Their movements were too fluid, too silent to be machinery.

All of them bore the emblem of the Foot.

* * *

Silent, shadowlike, Leo crawled in through the window that Karai had sabotaged on her visit to investigate the project's progress. Though the corridors were brightly lit, everything inside was eerily still.

Something in Leo's intuition clamored.

_Trap. _

Raph climbed through the window next. He started to stride forward, but Leo put his arm out to stop him.

"It's not right. Something's wrong."

"What're you talking about?" Raph whispered. "Seems normal to me."

"Where are all the guards?"

Raph scowled. "You don't think – "

"I've got a bad feeling."

Mikey came in through the window next, followed immediately by Karai.

Karai looked around. "Where are the guards?"

"That's just what I was wondering, Karai," Leo said, folding his arms. "Is there anything you'd like to tell us?"

"You think this has something to do with me?" Karai hissed.

"Well, let's see…" Raph said, feigning concentration. "What happened last time you sneaked us in through a window? Oh right."

"Look, I'm just as confused as you are," Karai said. "The project has top priority, so there are supposed to be guards here."

_I'm supposed to be overseeing it, remember? _

Leo's stomach flipped. When Karai had said that, it hadn't even registered, he'd been so distracted by Donnie and so eager to destroy the project. But she had said before that Ronin had gone behind her back to start the project. According to what she'd said, she supposedly had no interaction with it at all.

No. Maybe it was nothing. After all, she was initially supposed to be the one who spearheaded it – maybe after Ronin went behind her back she went in and took charge.

_There are things I've done – things that you'll hate me for…_

Was she leading them into another trap?

It didn't matter if she was. They still had a mission to fulfill, and they were going to do it, with or without Karai's help or hindrance.

"Mikey, Raph," Leo said. "You know what to do."

Raph raised his brow."Leo – "

"Trap or not – regardless of who set it – we have to pull this off. Go let Splinter and Aunt Mei in. Stay frosty, guys."

Raph nodded briskly and nudged Mikey. "C'mon, genius." They disappeared down the corridor.

"Alien hunting," Mikey whispered. "Booyakasha."

"You really think this is a trap?" Karai said.

"I _know_ it's a trap," Leo replied. "The question is, who set it, and what's going to spring it?"

"I don't know." Karai drew her tanto. "But we'd better be ready. Let's make our way over to the research room and make sure we clear it."

They made their way a short distance down the hall, still without encountering any resistance. When they reached the room, Leo peered in through the glass window in the door. "Two Kraang, working on something."

"Let's take them out," Karai said.

Leo counted _one, two, three _on his fingers and the two of them burst into the room. In a matter of seconds, they had knocked both Kraang droids to the ground.

"Wait a second," Karai said. "Aren't there supposed to be _Kraang _in these things?"

A high-pitched whirr emanated from the droids.

"Get back!" Leo shouted.

The droids detonated. The shock wave threw both of them back against the wall.

An alarm sounded.

"Leo, I swear," Karai panted, "this had _nothing _to do with me."

"At this point, I don't even think I'd care anymore," Leo grumbled.

An expression of profound hurt crossed Karai's face for a moment, then she scowled. "Fine. Whatever. What do we do now?"

"Keep the area clear, until Aunt Mei gets here."

"Kraang!"A mechanical voice echoed from the hall. "Fire on the intruders which are intruding upon Kraang!"

Karai tightened her grip on her tanto and set her jaw. "Alien hunting."

Leo narrowed his eyes and readied for the attack. "Booyakasha."


	28. Chapter 28

_Booyakasha, boo…ya…kasha…booyakasha, yeah, boy…_

Mikey clung to the walls and dodged and rolled. He and Raph hadn't been seen by any of those squishy brain blobs.

Like a bawss. Like an absolute, hardcore, ninja _bawss._

For some reason, though, Raph seemed really on edge. Like, more than usual. He wasn't just broody, he was like, actually concerned or something.

"Relax, bro," Mikey said. "Maybe all the Kraang are on lunch."

Whoa. What would that even look like? What the heck did the Kraang eat, anyway? _I bet it's super disgusting, whatever it is…_

He imagined a bunch of Kraang gathered around a formal dining room table, sipping from cups filled with mutagen and eating forkfuls of the most deadly substance in the universe…_anti-pizza. _Anti-pizza. If it ever came into contact with real pizza, the resulting explosion would destroy all pizza kind, leaving the world in pizza-less darkness.

"Leo thinks this is a trap of some kind, Mikey. Didn't you hear him?"

"Yeah, but that's Leo. He always thinks it's a trap. Like that one admiral dude guy from _Star Wars_."

Oh man. _Star Wars_ was the best. Why on earth Leo thought that _Space Heroes _was better was a mystery. Yeah, they both had spaceships, but _Star Wars_ had spaceships and that force thing that was all powerful and forceful…what was that called, again? The Power?

Still, Super Robo Mecha Force Five was pretty bangin' too…

"Mikey, listen." Raph opened the door to a staircase and they started moving down the stairs all stealth-like, like bawsses. "This isn't a joke. I've got a really bad feeling too. Why haven't we seen any Kraang at all?

"Umm…'cause we're that good? Oh! The Force, duh."

Raph deadpanned. "The Force is why we haven't seen the Kraang?"

"No, I was just tryin' to remember what that thing from _Star Wars _was called, an' I did."

Raph blinked a few times. "Let's just hurry, okay?"

"Fo sho, bro!"

"And pipe down, will you?"

"Whatever, Leo."

Raph smacked Mikey on the head, a little harder than usual.

"Okay, geez." Mikey rubbed his head.

They'd made it down about five floors – only three to go – when alarms started flashing and going off throughout the building.

"Now I know that wasn't my fault," Mikey said.

"Leo," Raph muttered, looking back up the stairs. "He's up there alone with Karai. If she set this trap…then he could be in serious trouble."

"Dude, Karai is on our side."

"Is she, Mikey? Are you willing to bet Leo's life on that?"

For a moment, Mikey hesitated. He wanted so badly to believe that Karai was their friend. She was their family, after all, and without trusting family, what was the point? But a tiny part of him flinched as he remembered lying on the floor, tied up, while Ronin dragged the point of a sword across his face. Even though Karai had been on their side, they'd still had to fight their way outta there.

Would Karai have gotten in Ronin's way if that had gotten messed up?

_Are you willing to be Leo's life on that?_

No gamble was worth losing another brother. Not even gambling on Karai's friendship. He'd known Leo, for like, ever, but he'd only known Karai for a couple years.

Totally not worth it.

He hated to admit it – and Karai was totally on their side – but she might have set a trap that could hurt them anyway, even if she'd done it for a good reason.

"You better go help them, bro," Mikey said. "I'll go get Aunt Mei and Master Splinter."

Raph nodded. "Watch your back." He offered Mikey a quick fist pump, then launched himself back up the stairs.

This wasn't just serious anymore. It had gone from serious to _super serial. _Mikey slipped into full ninja mode. So ninja that he didn't even have time to think about how bawss he was. He practically flew down the stairs. Hugging the wall, he flung the door open and slowly peered around the corner.

Everything looked clear enough, but his ninja senses were screaming at him. No…it wasn't clear. There was the faint whirring sound of a bunch of Kraang droids marching around. He just couldn't see them.

Still, he _had _to get to that delivery room. The floor map that he'd been struggling to remember popped into his head, crystal clear. He knew exactly where he needed to go.

And it was totally straight through that mass of droids.

He replaced a moment of fear with a thought of sheer awesome: _This is gonna be EPIC. _

He rolled into the room and pulled out his nunchuks. "_Booyakasha_!"

Laser fire immediately flew in his direction. He rolled to the floor and dodged behind a support pillar. Then he ran out, nunchuks whirling, and took out one of the Kraang droids. He flipped to dodge lasers and flung his kasurigama chain, wrapping it around three droids at once and knocking them to the floor. As he yanked back on the chain, the scythe ripped through the metal and dismembered the droids' legs.

Almost to the door.

He took out another droid, then yanked his head inside his shell to avoid another laser blast. He popped his head out and opened the door in one fluid motion and burst into the delivery bay.

A hundred Kraang droids where in there. At least. A hundred flippin' Kraang droids. And Mikey's entrance had been anything but graceful.

No problem. He and the guys had taken out this many before.

He…and…the _guys…_

He was all alone.

He froze for a moment. It wasn't until a wall of laser fire was flying straight toward him that he flipped out of the way and hid behind some of the massive delivery crates. His heart raced. Oh, man. Oh, man, oh man oh man…

Were Raph, Leo, and Karai in this much trouble? Should he call in April and Casey? Of course, they'd have to come in through the back door…

That was when he remembered that Splinter and Aunt Mei were on the other side of the delivery door. If he could get to them, he'd be saved. Splinter could take out all these jokers by himself, and he was just waiting out there, doing nothing, ready to fight.

Mikey peered around the crates, then jerked back his head as a volley of lasers flew through the air. He looked up. There were some rafters. If he could get up there, he'd have a leg up on the Kraang. _Heh_. He'd have _everything _up on the Kraang, not just one leg. He popped out his convertible kasurigama and flung the chain up to the rafters, then climbed it and swung the rest of the way up. The back of his shell felt hot and a dull pain registered.

He'd been hit.

But it was just his shell, he'd had way worse than that.

Once up in the rafters, he launched a few throwing stars down at his attackers. They collapsed to the floor.

Yeah, boy. _Nobody_ was as good at throwin' shuriken as him.

Well, actually…Donnie was better. Or he used to be.

Mikey shook the thought from his head and danced his way through the rafters. Once he saw the control of the door, he threw another shuriken that landed right in the controls. It shorted out and the door started rolling upwards.

Wait a second…was that the sound of a _fight _out there?

He dropped from the rafters and looked out into the darkness. There were a bunch of Foot-dudes out there, and Master Splinter was holding them off.

The Foot? Oh, man, oh man, it _was_ a trap…_geez why does Leo always hafta be right? _

And Mikey had just thrown a hundred or so Kraang droids into the mix for Splinter and Aunt Mei.

Perfect. Just flippin' perfect. Not even the tiniest bit bawss.

Splinter turned around in alarm. "Michelangelo! Get down!"

"Huh?"

Splinter knocked Mikey to the ground and collapsed next to him. A volley of laser fire soared over their heads, taking out the one ninja who wasn't quick enough to dodge the blast.

"Kraang," said one of the droids. "Cease firing that which is known as 'friendly fire' on those which are known as allies of Kraang."

Mikey sighed in relief for a moment, until the Kraang fired up the chainsaw-like things…there was a name for those sharp things on guns…he should have known what it was…

_Focus, dude. _

A scream sounded from outside.

"Mei!" Splinter flipped up from the floor and ran back outside, leaving Mikey alone to face the Kraang.

Well, at least he had a better chance of fighting them now that they weren't shooting everywhere.

He launched himself right into the middle of them, nunchuks whirling. He knocked several of them down, then looped a bunch more in his chain and pulled them to the floor.

"Michelangelo! Come!"

Mikey turned around. Splinter had Aunt Mei draped over his shoulder and was running for the door that led to the other room Mikey had come through. He cartwheeled and flipped his way through the wall of Kraang – a sharp pain registered somewhere in the back of his mind – and ran ahead of them to open the door and clear any Kraang inside.

Fortunately, most of them had gone to join the fray in the delivery bay. The two jokers who had stayed behind when down beneath the super-awesome fury of his 'chuks in a few seconds.

Splinter followed him in, still carrying Aunt Mei. "Block the door."

Mikey looked at the door for a second, wondering how he could lock it without some kinda secret password, but then he realized he could bar it with one of the broken droids' legs.

Raph would be totally proud of him.

"C'mon, Sensei, up the stairs!" Mikey pointed at the door that led to the stairwell.

Splinter didn't hesitate. He ran through the door, and Mikey followed him.

He almost tossed his cookies when he saw what was inside.

Foot-dudes. And lots of them. Some of 'em looked like they were real people, but others were definitely robots, with all their weird extra arms.

_Not cool. _

Splinter set Aunt Mei down. "Michelangelo. Guard her."

Mikey ran to stand in a defensive position in front of her.

She groaned when she leaned against the wall, and Mikey saw that the fabric of one of her sleeves was cut open. She was bleeding. Mikey felt himself getting hot, like he always did when he got mad.

_Those jerks HURT MY AUNT! _

Splinter – the bawssest of the bawss – ran up the stairs into the mass of ninjas. Robotic parts when flying and dudes screamed. Splinter K.O.'d most of the dudes and absolutely slaughtered all the 'bots. But another wave advanced down the stairs – all 'bots this time – and got the drop on him. A bunch of 'em made it down to the foot of the stairs.

Dang. Mikey had forgotten just how _good _the robots were. He whirled his 'chuks and flung his chain and did everything he could. With each blow, he thought _this is for my aunt._ He was down to two Footbots when one of them was seconds away from stabbing him…

A sai landed in the robot's head, and it collapsed to the floor.

"Be a dear and pick that up for me, will you?" Aunt Mei said, holding her other sai at the ready.

Mikey managed to smash the 'bot who was attacking him, wrenched the sai out of the other 'bot and handed it back to her. He looked up the stairs. Splinter had made it out of his tight spot and had made considerable headway up the stairs, and had smashed a bunch more Footbots.

"We should follow him," Aunt Mei said. "Help me up."

"You sure?" Mikey asked. "You're hurt, and you don't have your crutches."

"Do it. Now."

Mikey pulled Aunt Mei off the floor and put her arm over his shoulder and neck. "Easy does it, Auntie M."

Splinter had absolutely pwned the last Footbot in the stairwell when he looked down. "Hurry. We do not know when another wave will come."

"Guess you better ride piggy-back, Aunt Mei," Mikey said, pulling both her arms around his neck. He hooked his arms around her legs, and one she was in place, he started running up the stairs, honestly relieved that Splinter was leading the way, not him.

How did the Foot even know that they were here?

Mikey felt like he was gonna do the Technicolor yawn when he realized the most likely answer.

_Karai. _

No. No, no, nooooo. Not Karai. She was on their side, and she hadn't told the Kraang to start the project. She couldn't possibly do this. She was ready to diss the Foot and diss the Ronin and smash the project to tiny little pieces.

"Aunt Mei," Mikey said, still feeling like he was gonna hurl, "how do think the Foot knew we'd be here?"

"It does not matter at this point," Aunt Mei said. "We _have _to complete this mission."

She was right.

Besides, Karai wouldn't do this to them. She was their friend.

But a tiny part of him was still relieved that Raph had gone back to help Leo.

Just in case.


	29. Chapter 29

As he ran up the stairs, Raphael second-guessed his decision to leave Mikey alone. Yes, Mikey would be going straight to Master Splinter, and Splinter could handle anything, but what about the three floors and two rooms between Mikey and that delivery door?

He almost turned around.

No. Mikey could handle himself, and besides, he had better odds alone than Leo did with Karai.

Karai. What was she up to this time? Raph didn't believe for a second that she hadn't started the project herself, whatever the others thought. Maybe she did it for a good reason, at least in her mind, but she definitely did it. Raph thought he'd seen something in her face when she denied it – something that was off just enough to be disturbing. He'd kept his mouth shut because everyone else was convinced by her little charade, and nobody would listen to him anyway.

_Raph, you're being bitter,_ they'd say_. Raph, you need to stop blaming her. Raphael, you must control your temper. _

So he kept his mouth shut, like he usually did. Nobody listened to him the rest of the time, why would this time have been any different?

But, as usual, everything was going to heck in a handbasket, and Karai was once again at the center of it. _Big. Flippin'. Surprise._ But this time, she wasn't going to get the drop on them.

He reached the top of the stairs and burst out into the corridor. Laser fire sounded from around the corner at the end of the hall. If Raph remembered the schematics of the place, that was exactly where Leo and Karai should be. He doubled his grip on his sai and ran forward silently. When he peered around the corner, he saw that a door was open. The laser fire was coming from inside, but a contingent of Kraang – maybe twenty or thirty – was waiting in the hall, presumably to provide backup.

Raph smiled grimly. They weren't going to be providing any backup today. With a shout, he launched into the mass of robots. Two sai stabbed into two heads, and two Kraang droids hit the ground before the rest of the Kraang even realized what was happening.

Raph had made his way into the middle of them and had his sai at the ready when they finally wised up.

Just like he'd hoped, many of them were careless enough to start firing at him. He dodged the blasts and allowed the laser beams two take out several of the droids that were behind him. He dropped to the floor and did a low spinning kick, taking down four of the firing droids in one smooth motion. They were still firing as they fell, and their laser beams ricocheted off the walls and back into the group of droids. Three more droids went down.

Finally realizing the stupidity of their tactics, the Kraang fired up their chainsaw bayonets.

Raph had no problem with that. Close quarters combat was his thing. He hooked his sai around the wrist of one of the charging droids and flipped it to the ground, then immediately whirled around, jabbing his sai up into the systems of the next droid. There were only five left.

"Kraang!" one of them said. "Go for that which is known as 'reinforcements'!"

Raph threw a handful of shuriken at the fleeing droid. "Oh no, you don't!"

It collapsed to the floor in a shower of sparks.

The four remaining droids shrank back. "Oh, Kraang."

Raph brandished his sai. "Yeah, you better be afraid – "

Leo ran past Raph, katanas extended, and sliced through two of them. Karai followed him, taking down one more. The last one went down as Leo whirled around, taking off its head with a crisscross strike of his blades.

Leo glared. "Raph, what the heck are you doing here?"

"You're welcome," Raph said, folding his arms.

"Karai and I had it under control!"

"_Karai_ is exactly the reason that I came back." Raph turned to look at her. "What's your game this time, sister?"

"For your information, Raph, Karai has been – wait a second." Leo looked around. "_Where's Mikey_?"

"He's on his way to let Splinter in."

"You _left him alone?_ Are you crazy?"

"Mikey can handle himself – "

"Look out!" Karai shouted.

Raph whirled around. Dozens – no, hundreds – of Footbots were surging down the hall from the other direction. At least fifty of them branched off and ran down the hall toward the staircase.

"The Foot," Raph said. "Of course her highness Karai asked her henchman to be here. You got an excuse for why you betrayed us this time?"

"This wasn't me."

"Sure it wasn't –"

"Can we argue later?" Leo ran forward to meet the attack, swinging his blades in what, Raph had to admit – was a pretty impressive kata.

Blood sprayed across the floor.

Leo gawked for a second. "Holy cow! Some of these guys are…real."

Karai gasped. "Ronin's men. I don't have any soldiers who aren't robots."

"Well," Leo said, "don't bother helping me fight them off or anything!"

Raph hurled himself into the fray. He smashed one of the robots and then turned to fight one of the flesh-and-blood guys. It was really inconvenient actually – the code that Splinter had taught them of avoiding killing if at all possible meant that Raph had to focus on disabling some of the attackers while just flat out obliterating the others.

And he had to be able to make that judgment call in a split second.

Karai didn't seem to care, though. She actually killed several of the men. Her expression was cold and calculating, all except her eyes. There was a touch of fear there.

Was she afraid? Why would she be afraid of her own guys? Why would she be _killing_ the people who worked for her boss?

Was it all part of some elaborate scheme?

All Raph knew was that whether she was fighting with them now or not, he was still braced for when she'd flip and turn the tables against them. And it wasn't a question that she would, that lying traitorous…

Raph didn't have time to finish the thought. He dodged and avoided the strike of one of the Footbots, then knocked it off balance. Leo finished it off, then clean knocked out one of the real soldiers. They were actually doing a fairly good job of keeping the small army contained, using the hall as a choke point, when one of them spiked a smoke bomb that went off with an unusually bright flash and loud bang right in front of him.

Raph squinted. Not only was his vision messed up, there was smoke everywhere, and his ears rang so loudly that for a second, he thought he'd gone deaf.

A flashbang grenade, ninja-style. Of course, it didn't affect the robots at all, and dozens of them surged past. Many of them went down the hall toward the stairwell.

Toward _Mikey. _

The first fifty had gone that way, too.

_Mikey!_

How could he have been stupid enough to leave Mikey alone? Maybe he could handle himself against the Kraang, but the Kraang and the Foot? And if the Foot was here…were Aunt Mei and Splinter safe? Would Mikey even be able to _reach _them?

Still dazed, Raph stumbled after the robots. He thought he heard Leo shouting his name.

Someone knocked into him, and he fell to the floor.

He pushed himself up again, and through his shaky vision, he saw Karai lying in front of him, a throwing knife impaled through her shoulder.

His head, vision, and hearing started to clear. Leo was single-handedly holding off the advancing ranks of Footbots – he looked madder than Raph had ever seen him – and Karai was lying on the floor, clutching at the wound and moaning.

It took Raph another second to realize what had happened.

She'd taken a hit for him.

_She _had taken a hit for _him. _

"Karai!" he shouted. He helped her into a sitting position. "Karai, are you okay?"

"Yeah…it's nothing…"

But it wasn't nothing. She was hurt – badly – and she'd done it to protect him. She and Leo had been farthest from the blast, and they must have gotten their sight and hearing back faster. And one of the attackers must have thrown a blade at him, straight at the back of his head…

And Karai took it for him.

Her eyes widened. "Look out!"

Raph looked up in time to leap up and block another attack. "Karai, can you stand up? Can you still fight?"

Karai winced as she clambered to her feet. "I – I think so…" She stumbled back to the floor.

"Is she all right?" Leo shouted, a touch of panic in his voice.

"That's a no," Raph said. "Stay down, Karai – I'll cover you."

Karai smirked. "You can't even cover yourself."

Raph suddenly felt guilty. This whole time, he'd thought nothing but the worst of her, and she'd risked _dying _to save him. "Listen, Karai…"

"Raph!" Leo said. "I can't keep them back by myself for much longer!"

Apologies would have to wait. Raph turned to face the onslaught of Footbots, when he saw one of them raising its arm to spike something.

"Leo! Flashbang!"

Raph closed his eyes and dove away from the point of impact. It still messed up his hearing, but he could normally – except for the smoke screen. Several more Footbots pushed their way past. Raph and Leo struggled to close the choke point again.

"Karai, call Casey and April," Leo shouted hoarsely, still coughing from the smoke. "Tell them to warm up the Shellraiser. We gotta get out of here!"

Karai pulled out her phone and fumbled with it while Leo and Raph continued to hold off the Footbots. "They aren't answering!"

Raph gritted his teeth. Mikey was in danger. Sensei and Aunt Mei were in danger. April and Casey were in danger. Karai was badly injured.

All because of the stupid _Foot…_

Blind rage took him. Roaring, he redoubled his attack on the Footbots, screaming obscenities that Master Splinter would assuredly not approve of.

"We've got to retreat anyway!" Leo said. "Fall back!"

"No!" Splinter emerged from around the corner, his robe torn in multiple places. "We cannot leave until this is finished."

A few paces behind him, Mikey carried Aunt Mei on his shoulders.

"Where are the computers?" Aunt Mei said.

"In there," Karai said, pointing to the room. Mikey promptly followed her gesture.

"Miwa." Splinter ran to Karai's side and dropped to his knees. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine – just help them!"

"Yeah, a little help would be great right now," Raph said, pushing back against an attacking Footbot.

His expression dangerous, Splinter stood up and raised his blade. He joined them, taking down so many Footbots it was surreal. With the three of them fighting, the ranks began to thin. They had almost finished the robots off when they heard it.

_Clap. Clap. Clap. _

The sound came from behind them. Raph wheeled around.

The Ronin stood in front of the door to the room with the computers. Next to him, two of his henchmen held Mikey tightly, holding their blades poised in front of his throat.

"An excellent performance," the Ronin said, his eyes cold. "A noble attempt, indeed. As your reward, Hamato Yoshi, I present you with the soon-to-be-dead body of your beloved son. The purge begins now."

"No!" Raph ran to attack, sai raised, blind to everything except his target.

Preternaturally fast, the Ronin leapt forward and kicked Raph so hard in the head that he blacked out.

Somewhere in the fog of unconsciousness, Raph thought he heard the sound of screaming.

* * *

**Author's note: Hey, thanks to everyone who's reviewed, favorited, and followed this story! Also a special thanks to all the people who have followed and favorited _me! _You guys are the best, and thanks for sticking with the story for so long. Your support keeps me encouraged to write. Thanks!**


	30. Chapter 30

Mei grimaced as Michelangelo hoisted her up onto his back. The sides of his shell were unyielding – they dug into her legs, making for the single most uncomfortable – what did he call it? – piggy-back ride she had ever experienced. Furthermore, her hip joints hurt from the straddling position her legs were forced into, after weeks and weeks of being kept in one position by a cast.

Vaguely, she wondered if she was going to reinjure her pelvis.

But that didn't matter. They had to get the project sabotaged at all costs – countless lives could be riding on it.

She tightened her grip around Michelangelo's neck, still trying not to choke him. She could hear his breathing becoming labored. She longed to get down and walk, but her Jell-o legs would certainly not permit it. She had discovered that when they were attacked by the Foot outside the building.

Splinter had leapt into action immediately, a whirlwind of ninjutsu. Even in the dire situation, she could not help but admire how flawless his katas were, how precise every movement was, how not one bit of kinetic energy was wasted. After the initial ten men had been incapacitated, several more had arrived.

Then, the door had opened, letting out the sound of laser fire.

"Michelangelo! Get down!" Splinter shouted.

A bewildered "Huh?" was Michelangelo's reply. Splinter leapt forward, knocking Michelango to the ground, and a volley of laser fire soared out of the door, taking out one of the ninjas.

But the minute the Kraang had stopped firing, the remaining ninjas converged on her. She let her crutches fall as she pulled out her sai. With a fierce _kiai_, she managed to knock one of them back.

And her legs went out from under her.

Terror took over. Her body was too weak. Her mind flooded with images of the Foot coming to her house all those years, being taken to Shredder, all of the horrors of her past.

And she froze.

It wasn't until she felt a blade slice across her arm that she was able to do anything. Even then, all she could do was scream.

In an instant, Splinter came to her aid. He knocked the men back, each strike of his katana showering the pavement with blood. He cut down one of the attackers at the knee, slicing through both legs in a single furious blow.

Mei shivered as she watched him. Before, Splinter had been focused on taking the men out non-lethally, and certainly not by dismembering them. After all, his philosophy was to do the least amount of damage necessary. By his standards, this was excessive force. While he did not kill any of them, he did not seem to care whether the men would survive their injuries or not.

He reduced the attackers to a bloody, moaning mass of men on the ground. Without batting an eye, he picked up her sai, which she had dropped, and handed them to her. After she had tucked them back into her belt, he pulled her up from the ground.

He offered no explanation for his sudden burst of extreme violence.

He did not have to. Mei already knew the answer, and she was not sure about how she felt about it. She didn't have time to think about it.

"I have to carry you," Splinter said. His tone was startlingly soft coming from a man whose katana dripped blood on the ground.

Mei had nodded in response, and he had unceremoniously hoisted her up and slung her over his shoulder. It had not been by any means comfortable, but it left his sword-arm free. Then, he had run into the building, calling for Michelangelo to follow, and they had made their way past ranks of Kraang to stairwell, where Michelangelo had taken over the task of carrying her.

"Easy does it, Auntie M," Michelangelo had said, pulling her up onto his back.

Now, they were maybe halfway up the stairs. Michelangelo's breathing became more and more labored. Mei's level of discomfort made her wish that she was slung over Splinter's shoulder again.

Splinter was a flight of stairs higher than them. He dismantled the robots ruthlessly, clearing the path. When they finally reached the eighth floor, Splinter ran down the corridor and took out another advancing rank of Footbots.

When Michelangelo and Mei entered the corridor, she heard the sound of Raphael shouting curse words.

"Ooh," Michelangelo said. "That last one he said is like fifty pushups, at least. Raph's gonna be in trouble."

Mei rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but be touched by Michelangelo's innocence. "I think that's the least of our concerns right now."

From around the corner, Mei heard Leonardo cry out, "We've got to retreat, anyway! Fall back!"

"No!" Splinter rushed around the corner. "We cannot leave until this is finished."

Michelangelo rounded the corner too. Mei's eyes widened at the Footbot carnage that was everywhere. And there were still more coming – what seemed like an impossible amount of Footbots still tried to fight their way past Leonardo and Raphael. Miwa lay on the floor, clearly injured.

Mei's first instinct was to rush to her niece's aid. But she knew that the best way to do that was to focus so that they could get out of there and get medical help for Miwa. "Where are the computers?"

Miwa – no, Karai – raised her hand and pointed. "In there."

Promptly, Michelangelo ran to the room.. "All right, Auntie M, where do you want me to put you?"

Mei surveyed the place. It was filled with all kinds of equipment that she didn't recognize, but she saw something that looked like a main interface. "Over there." Michelangelo carried her over, where she slipped down off of his back. She wobbled as she tried to support herself.

"Whoa – let me help you." Michelangelo secured his arms around her waist, keeping her supported enough to work on the computer.

It took a few tries, but she had finally managed to crack into the system. With relief, she saw that it worked on some kind of binary code, not alien language. She started to scroll through the coding when Michelangelo let out a strangled yelp and was pulled away from her. She fell to the floor and the world turned sideways.

Five men had entered the room while their backs were turned. Four looked like regular Foot soldiers, but one of them was dressed differently.

_The Ronin. _

Seeing him made her blood freeze in her veins. Something about him seemed familiar to her, like she should recognize him from somewhere…

Two of his men held Michelangelo captive, their blades crossed in front of his throat. The other two stood at the ready in front of her.

Ronin tilted his head and looked at her. "The half-breed's sister?" He laughed. "Ah, yes. I remember you. There is less fear in your eyes now than the last time we met."

_The night her family was captured._ He had been there, _watching _as her boys and husband were slaughtered in front of her, a twisted grin on his face.

Hot, angry tears spilled onto Mei's face. Fear and rage competed in her mind. She spat a Japanese curse as if the word alone could cut him down where he stood.

Ignoring Michelangelo, the Ronin narrowed his eyes. His smile faded. "I see you remember me as well. Do not fear, I will not foul myself with you the way the Shredder did." He walked across the room and held the tip of his katana over one of her eyes. "I wonder, will you die with as little honor as your sons did?"

"Leave her alone!" Michelangelo's voice was desperate. "If you gotta kill somebody, kill me! Just leave her alone!"

Mei's heart raced. "No!"

That horrible, twisted grin crept its way back onto the Ronin's face. "It would be my genuine pleasure to cleanse the word of your filth, turtle." He motioned to his men. "Keep the half-breed here. Bring the turtle. We shall see how Hamato Yoshi and his unnatural sons react when the favored son is in peril."

The men started to drag Michelangelo toward the door.

Michelangelo's eyes met hers. "It's gonna be okay, Auntie M."

Mei's voice died in her throat.

Ronin turned back to Mei, his twisted smile replaced by a grimace. "If he dies honorably, I may consider letting you live. After all, I am not without mercy." He took a few steps away from her, then looked back. "Ah, but I forgot. He claims the name Hamato, and therefore cannot die with honor. But let him die first, knowing his sacrifice is entirely in vain."

Tears rolled down Michelangelo's face. "It's gonna – it's gonna be okay."

"Such a liar," Ronin said. "Typical of a Hamato." He strode out of the room, and his men dragged Michelangelo with them. His two remaining men came to guard her, weapons at the ready.

Mei squeezed her eyes shut, forcing away images of her family dying. She had been weak then, powerless. She had vowed never to be powerless again. And he she was, weak and powerless. Her training and weapons did her no good if her body would not work. If only her body could match the strength and fury in her mind…

_Her mind. _

_Perhaps…_

She had heard of great ninja masters who brought strength to their bodies through the sheer power of spiritual discipline and meditation.

_Mind and body are one. _

An image of Kenshin flashed through her mind. He looked at her, ready for death, and said one thing:

_Be strong. _

She drew a deep breath and focused on a silent mantra.

_I am strength. _

Exhale.

_I am strength. _

Inhale.

_I am strength. _

The words became her entire existence.

_I am strength. _

Adrenaline surged through her body. Her Jell-o legs became solid. Her arms rippled with power. The sai tucked into her waistband sang, calling for her potent hands to take them and fight.

_I am strength. _

With a silent exhale, she flipped up from the floor and drew her sai in a single fluid motion. The men were too startled to react, and she dropped them both within seconds. Drawing another deep, measured breath, she took a step toward the door to save her nephew.

Her legs gave out again, and she fell to the floor.

_I am strength, I am strength, I am strength…_

But her legs seemed to have given her all she was able to muster. No amount of mind power could negate the fact that her legs had basically been inert for a little over six weeks.

She couldn't walk.

But she could still crawl.

She propped herself up on her elbows and painfully made her way across the room. She was almost to the door when she heard Raphael shouting, then a loud clunk. She wriggled faster, until she was able to look out into the hall. There, just a few feet in front of her, the two men held Michelangelo captive.

Mei raised her sai and plunged it into the calf of the man nearest to her. He screamed as his leg buckled and he fell to the ground.

Michelangelo took over the rest. He stomped on his remaining captor's foot, then elbowed him in the gut, then flipped him onto the floor. Michelangelo struck a pose. "Booyakasha, fool!"

But Ronin turned and delivered a spinning kick straight to Michelangelo's chest. The turtle flew back into a wall with a sickening _thud_ and collapsed to the floor.

"You!" Ronin shouted, stepping toward her. "You filthy wh – "

Mei flung one of her sai at Ronin, forcing him to duck. But as swiftly as he dodged it, he kicked her so hard in the head that flashes of light danced in front of her eyes.

The word grew fuzzy.

Then black.


	31. Chapter 31

_Drip. _

A drop of blood mixed with machinery oil rolled from the tip of Splinter's katana and splashed to the floor.

His ear twitched ever so slightly at the sound.

The world had stopped, caught between heartbeats.

The Ronin stood about forty feet away from him. Their eyes locked across the distance.

This was the man who had killed hundreds of Splinter's clansmen, who had been there the night that Splinter's world burned down around him, who had watched and waited while Splinter's family was destroyed, and thought it _justice. _

And now, he sought to destroy everything Splinter had regained.

First Raphael. Then Michelangelo. Then Mei. All unconscious – possibly severely injured.

Miwa lay bleeding on the floor.

_Drip._

Blood and oil crashed to the floor like a gong.

Somewhere, Splinter's higher consciousness was telling him that revenge satisfied nothing, that murder was a great impurity, and that any life taken must be unavoidable, in pure self-defense, not cold blood.

Splinter tightened his grip.

_Damn _self-defense. _Damn _philosophy and morality.

His sword was thirsty. It cried and pleaded for blood, to bite into flesh and sinew, to sever and destroy.

It _demanded_ the Ronin's life.

"Sensei," Leonardo's hushed, tense voice dragged the world back into motion. "He's fast, but if we both take him…"

"Stay with Miwa," Splinter said.

"But Sensei…"

_"Stay!" _

"Yes, Hamato Yoshi," Ronin said, raising his katana. "Come fight me alone. Come fight the divine wind. Come and let me drown you in blood as my ancient foes drowned in Hakata Bay."

"You are no Kono Michiari, Oroku Daiki. He loved honor and nation. You love only yourself."

"What does a Hamato know of honor? I have never known a better fitting form for a Hamato than a rat."

Splinter closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, focusing all of mental energy into his sword, into his limbs. He shut out the sounds of the Ronin's taunting.

He opened his eyes as a tiny sound reached his hearing.

_Drip. _

With that, he charged down the hall, throwing a fistful of shuriken at his foe to distract him. The Ronin raised his sword and deflected all three of them – faster than anything Splinter had ever seen – and turned his blade back to Splinter.

They collided.

Strike for strike, parry for parry, they fought. Ronin slowly drove Splinter back toward Miwa and Leonardo. A high spinning kick knocked Splinter's sword from his grasp – while he was still off balance, the Ronin slashed his sword across Splinter's belly.

But Splinter stepped back in time. The sword only sheared through the fabric and barely scored Splinter's flesh. Splinter fought back, blocking the Ronin's strikes at the wrists.

Then it was Splinter's turn to kick.

He landed the blow right on the Ronin's breastbone, sending him flying back at least thirty feet. Ronin lay dazed on the floor for a moment. Splinter retrieved his lost katana and stole a glance at Miwa and Leonardo. Miwa was pale – too pale – and Leonardo applied pressure to her wound.

Splinter turned back to his enemy. The whole world was red, as red as the blood that was on Leonardo's hands.

His sword screamed to rend the Ronin into pieces, and Splinter ceased to be.

Vengeance was all that there was.

Splinter charged again, ready to strike the Ronin dead where he stood. He was nearly on top of him when the Ronin flipped up from the ground and slammed a fist over each of Splinter's ears.

Pain and ringing filled Splinter's head. The world spun and he staggered backward, unable to react as the Ronin retrieved his own katana. Splinter saw the Ronin coming for him. Splinter tried to respond, but his temporarily damaged sense of balance sent him careening to the floor instead.

He heard a shout just over the sound of the ringing in his ears, and Leonardo rushed into view, driving the Ronin back.

Splinter shook his head to clear it and unevenly climbed back up to his feet. He ran to Leonardo's aid –

Too late.

The Ronin kicked Leonardo in the head and Leonardo slumped to the floor.

"Stop!" the Ronin shouted, poising his katana over Leonardo's throat. "A blow to the head like that can kill a man. Perhaps it can kill a turtle, as well. But if you advance one more step toward me, I shall remove all doubt."

Panting, Splinter stopped dead in his tracks.

Ronin laughed. "Of course, give me one reason why I should not anyway."

"No!"

A blade whizzed through the air.

She had pulled the sizeable throwing dagger from her own chest and threw it at the Ronin. The Ronin ducked and raised his sword to deflect it.

At the last second, Leonardo roused and buried one of his small knives into deep the Ronin's foot.

The Ronin stumbled backwards.

Splinter's katana sang.

He charged the Ronin one last time and sank his katana deep into the Ronin's chest. The tip emerged from Ronin's back in a spray of blood.

The Ronin gasped and choked. "But – the gods…they…sent me…"

"Then know you have failed in your purpose." Splinter said each word as if he were driving another blade into the Ronin. "Die in the hell you have created for yourself."

Splinter ripped his katana up and out of the Ronin's chest, severing every crucial artery as he did.

Oroku Daiki slumped to the floor, gushing red.

Splinter spat on his dead body.

Blood rolled off of Splinter's katana like a satisfied purr.

_Drip. _

_Drip. _

_Drip. _

* * *

Splinter's full awareness of the world around him came back to him slowly as the bloodlust faded away. The first thing he realized was the look of awe and terror on Leonardo's face.

Then he realized what he had done.

He had killed in cold blood.

Shakily, he wiped his katana clean, further staining his robe with the Ronin's blood.

Certainly, there was no question that the Ronin had to die. He would continue to be a threat to Splinter's family as long as he lived. But Splinter had not fought from a stance of self-defense, or of justice for crimes.

It had been vengeance. Cold blood. Murder.

He had never been able – not even after all that Shredder had done – to feel that much blind rage and hatred. But Shredder was protected by childhood memories and what had once been a pure brotherly love. The Ronin had none of that. Both men unquestionably deserved death, yet Splinter had found no mercy in his heart for the Ronin – only vengeance.

Splinter sheathed his katana. "Make no mistake, Leonardo. Hell is what we make for ourselves." He looked at his wide-eyed son. "Be cautious, lest you fall into the same pit as your enemies."

_Lest you become a murderer, too. _

Leonardo nodded, swallowing as he did.

Splinter turned to see Miwa standing twenty or so feet away, wobbling on her feet, clutching at the bloody wound on her chest. By not removing the blade, some of the blood flow had been stayed. Now that it was gone…

"Miwa…" Splinter ran to her side and supported her. "Karai."

A weak smile played across Miwa's pale lips. "I…don't mind it…when you call me Miwa. Not…anymore." She closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest.

"Uggghh," Michelangelo's voice came from down the hall. "You get the number of that bus that hit me? Whoa…that bus is _wrecked._"

"Don't make jokes about it, Mikey," Leonardo said harshly. He went over to Mei. "Obasan. Obasan, wake up."

Mei mumbled softly in response.

Raphael groaned as he pushed himself up from the floor. "My…head…splitting…"

Everyone jumped as Leonardo's t-phone rang. Leonardo tapped the screen. "April, are you okay?" His brow shot up. "You guys, about a dozen Kraang vans just pulled up and two helicopters landed on the roof. We need to blow this popsicle stand."

"I…still need…the computers aren't wiped," Mei pushed herself up slowly.

"We don't have time," Leo said. "Just blow it up – literally. Do you think you can cross the circuits somehow?"

"I…maybe…"

"Sensei, you and the others get Karai to the Shellraiser. I'll stay here with Aunt Mei and we'll follow as soon as we can."

Splinter was torn between going with Miwa and staying with Mei. "Mei…"

"Go, Yoshi," Mei said.

"The fastest way will be to rappel down the side of the building," Leonardo said. "You run less risk of encountering the Kraang."

"Leonardo," Splinter said. "If it becomes too dangerous, leave whether the mission is completed or not. At this point, all that matters is our safety. Hai?"

Leonardo bowed. "Hai, Sensei."

Splinter gently carried Miwa over to the window. Raphael and Michelangelo tied a piece of rope around both Splinter's and Miwa's waists and set them up with a grappling hook, then helped them out of the window. Then they followed suit.

The whole way down, Miwa's bleeding continued. Splinter could feel blood from her wound soaking into his robe and fur. He fought down panic and mentally prepped himself for the first aid steps. They had plenty of things for first aid in the Shellraiser, but the sooner they could get her back to the lair and properly dress the wound, the better.

Once on the ground, they hurried to the Shellraiser. It was surrounded by the carnage of Kraang droids and Footbots.

Casey waited outside, his mask flipped up. "There you are. April! They're here!"

April opened the door for them. Her appearance was disheveled and she seemed to have a few minor injuries, but other than that, she seemed to be all right. Splinter sighed in relief. He did not know if he would be able to worry about losing two daughters in a single night.

"Oh, my gosh," April said. "She's so badly hurt."

"Yes. Get the first aid kit." Splinter stretched Miwa out on the floor of the Shellraiser. She was shivering now. He took several pads of gauze and put them over the wound, applying as much pressure as he could. "Is there a blanket? We need to keep her warm"

"Yeah, Donnie keeps one stashed behind that panel next to his station," Raphael said. He went to retrieve it, then stretched it out over her.

"Th – thanks," Miwa said.

"Don't you dare die, sister," Raphael said, his voice a mixture of anger and compassion. He turned to Splinter. "What do we do now?"

"Until we get more equipment, this is all we can do," Splinter said.

Raphael clenched his fists. "Leo and Aunt Mei better hurry up…"

A massive explosion went off. Clouds of purple smoke emerged from the eighth floor of the building. Splinter's heart nearly stopped.

Breathlessly, they waited. Surely Leonardo and Mei were almost to the Shellraiser.

They waited.

Two minutes passed like centuries.

Three.

Four.

"They didn't make it," April whispered.

Five.

Six.

Splinter closed his eyes and fought back tears. "We have to get Miwa back to the lair. Her injuries…"

"Casey, get inside," Raphael said. He clambered into the driver's seat as Casey came inside. The door shut. Raphael pulled the Shellraiser into motion, driving like a maniac.

Splinter drew a deep breath, silently repeating his mantra.

_Acknowledge; let flow. _


	32. Chapter 32

Splinter bore down on Miwa's wound with as much pressure as he could. The amount of blood loss was terrifying. An artery was probably severed. She would need transfusions.

A cold realization swept over Splinter. He didn't know Miwa's blood type. Or his own, for that matter. He had once, a long time ago, but it had long since slipped his memory. And he didn't know how to test for that information. Even if he could, the mutation prevented his blood from being suitable anyway. The only two people who had the tiniest chance of being compatible donors were Kirby and Casey, but Splinter did not know their blood types either.

Moreover, if an artery was severed, Splinter wasn't sure how to go about repairing that. He was skilled in basic _field _medicine. He could set bones, stitch up moderate wounds, treat burns, and the like. But most of it was just sufficient enough to get people to the hospital. Anything more advanced had always been taken care of by Donatello.

Donatello, who lay mindless in his lab.

Their only option was to take Miwa to a hospital. Yes, with a wound like this they would start an investigation. She was a minor, so social services would be called, and police involvement would be heavy. Yes, it was a risk.

But it was without question a certainty that Miwa would die if they did not.

"Raphael." Splinter looked toward the front of the vehicle. "I cannot do anything for this injury. We must take her to the nearest hospital."

"Mikey!" Raphael barked. "Get on the map and get us to the nearest hospital!"

Michelangelo plopped into his chair. "'Kay…we gotta go back the other way an' then turn up on the street we just passed."

"Up?"

"North."

"Right or left, Mikey?"

"Uh…right. No, left!"

"Which is it?"

"Left. Definitely left."

The Shellraiser lurched as Raphael wheeled it around.

"Oh man," Michelangelo said, making a retching sound. "I'm gonna – "

April grabbed a small trash can filled halfway with old pizza crusts and soda cans and handed it to Michelangelo just in time. Up front, Raphael retched slightly too, but did not vomit.

As far as Splinter knew, his sons were not that susceptible to motion sickness. He had been so distracted by Miwa that he hadn't stopped to consider his other children's injuries. They were upright and talking, so he assumed that they were all right. But to receive the blows to the heads that they had, there was no question that both Raphael and Michelangelo were concussed.

Splinter felt a pang of sympathy for them. Once Miwa was in the hospital, they would return to the lair and he would tend their hurts. Leonardo and Mei would need attention too –

Leonardo and Mei.

Splinter's stomach flipped.

_Acknowledge, let flow, acknowledge, let flow…_

He turned his attention back to Miwa. Her eyes were closed, and her head slumped to the side. Gently, he slapped the side of her face, keeping one hand on her chest to maintain pressure. "Miwa. Miwa, stay with us."

She mumbled softly as she opened her eyes and turned her head back toward Splinter. A tiny smile crossed her face, and in the softest of voices, she said one word. "_Tōsan…"_

Splinter placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Since the day you were born, I have waited to hear you say that."

_Please, please do not leave me now. _

Miwa closed her eyes.

"No. No, no, no." He gently slapped the side of her face again.

But her eyes stayed closed.

"Miwa. Miwa!"

The Shellraiser jerked to a halt.

"We're here!"Raphael shouted.

"April and I will take her inside," Casey said. He came over to Miwa and squatted down to lift her from the floor.

"No! I will do this!" Splinter shouted, blocking Casey's reach.

"Master Splinter, you can't," April said. "Let us! We'll call you as soon as we know anything."

_My little girl…I won't let them take you away from me…_

"Sensei," April whispered, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Let go. You know that you have to."

Splinter hesitated for only a second more, resenting the truth of the situation. He moved back, allowing Casey to lift Miwa up. April supported Miwa's head, and they carried her out of the Shellraiser and hurried in through the ER entrance.

Splinter stood at the door of the Shellraiser, watching until he could see the staff rush in with a gurney and take Miwa away.

It was all out of his control now. There was nothing he could do.

"Is…is she gonna make it?" Michelangelo asked, in a small voice.

Splinter looked at Michelangelo, feeling as though he just now remembered that his sons were still in the vehicle with him. He steadied himself before replying. "It is beyond our control now. We must focus on what we can control: the present. We are too conspicuous here, and we will block ambulance traffic. We must return to the lair and tend our own injuries."

"What, and just _leave _while Karai's in there?" Raphael said, shifting the Shellraiser into park and unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Raphael, I will not repeat myself."

Michelangelo fiddled with his phone. "Leo's not answering. I've called like five times. Shouldn't we go back to TCRI to look for them?"

Splinter considered this for a moment. There was a slim chance that Leonardo and Mei had not been killed in the blast. If this was the case, then they would definitely need help. Perhaps they should go back and look for them. On the other hand, the odds were astronomical, and his sons were hurt. He was hurt.

But if there was a chance – any chance at all – that they were alive…

"Mikey's right," Raphael said, standing up from his chair. "We gotta…" He toppled over and fell to the floor, smacking his head against one of the many monitors as he did.

Splinter hurried to Raphael's side. Raphael's eyes were closed. "My son. Look at me."

Slowly, Raphael opened his eyes, revealing unevenly dilated pupils. "I'm fine. We gotta go help them."

"You can barely stand."

"I'm fine." Raphael pushed himself up. "I just – " He retched.

Michelangelo slid the trashcan toward the front. Splinter handed it to Raphael, who promptly vomited.

"You are not well," Splinter said.

"I _was _fine." Raphael's voice was hoarse. "I was. And I'll be fine again. I just need a minute…"

The only thing keeping Raphael going up until this point was probably pure adrenaline, and now that Miwa was in the hospital and the imminent danger had passed, the effects were wearing off. The full side effects of the concussion were coming back with a vengeance. Michelangelo was probably no better off.

Was going back to look for Leonardo and Mei – who most likely had not survived – worth the risk of losing both of his other sons in the process?

No. No, it was not.

"If Leonardo and Mei have survived, then Leonardo is resourceful enough to get them out safely," Splinter said. "We must tend our own injuries."

"I'm _fine!" _Raphael insisted.

Splinter held up two fingers. "How many?"

"Seriously, Sensei? We don't have time for that."

"Answer the question."

Raphael squinted. "Three."

"We are going back to the lair. And _I _am driving."

"You don't even know how to drive this thing!"

"And _you_ cannot see straight." Splinter helped Raphael into his usual chair and fastened the seatbelt for him. "Michelangelo. Seatbelt."

With a pathetic sigh, Michelangelo fastened the lap belt that was on his chair.

Splinter sat down in the driver's chair and stared at the controls. It looked like a regular car, just with fifty additional switches. But there was what appeared to be a gear shift mounted on the console, and there were three pedals near the floor. He at least knew what to do with these things. It would be just like driving his old 1987 Daihatsu.

Which he hadn't driven in over fifteen years.

Not to mention the fact that this thing was a _subway car. _It wouldn't exactly be as nimble as a two-door sedan.

"Are you sure you can drive this?" Raphael said, in a tone that could only be described as snotty.

As Splinter fastened his seatbelt, ambulance sirens sounded. It was time to go, before anyone questioned the _giant graffiti-covered subway car_ that was blocking the street. Splinter depressed the clutch and shifted into what he hoped was first gear. The Shellraiser pulled into motion with considerable acceleration.

This was going to be nerve-wracking.

"Now, Michelangelo." Splinter shifted into second gear and gently applied the gas pedal. The Shellraiser raced down the street. "Direct me back to the lair."

* * *

When they pulled up to the turnstiles, Splinter was quite sure that he never wanted to drive again. But his relief at finally putting the vehicle in park and turning it off was short-lived. Raphael had been unusually quiet the whole way, and Michelangelo seemed progressively sleepier and disoriented.

Michelangelo unsteadily stood up from his seat, but Raphael did not move. He seemed to be sleeping – something he shouldn't do after such a severe blow to the head.

"Raphael. Wake up."

Raphael mumbled, but did not open his eyes.

Splinter went over to him and gently slapped the side of his face. "You cannot sleep yet. We should wait at least two hours."

"Aw, Sensei," Michelangelo said. He yawned. "We gotta stay up? All I wanna do is go to sleep."

"Which is precisely why you must stay awake. You know the risks of sleeping when you have a concussion."

"I'm not gonna get a coma. I just wanna sleep."

"You don't _get _comas, shell brain," Raphael muttered, finally opening his eyes. "You go _into _them."

"Well, excuse me, Dr. Coma-stein."

Splinter shook his head. Of course sibling rivalry would be enough to bring Raphael back to consciousness. "Come," Splinter said, helping Raphael up from the chair. He seemed to be injured more severely than Michelangelo, though both of them had ugly raised bruises. Splinter walked him from the Shellraiser to the sofa and sat him down. Michelangelo followed, not quite walking in a straight line. "Sit down, and stay awake."

"Aww…"

He went into the lab to look for something to help their pain. While he normally frowned upon the use of painkillers, he knew his sons well enough to know that their meditation skills were too weak to deal with something this severe. He rifled through their scavenged collection of half-used bottles until he found some acetaminophen.

As he turned to leave, he saw Donatello lying on the table. Nothing appeared to have changed, though he was awake now, while earlier, he had been asleep.

"Donatello?" Splinter asked, just in case by some miracle his son would respond this time.

No reaction.

Sighing and forcing himself to deal with one problem at a time, Splinter went to the kitchen to retrieve ice packs and some water so that they could take the medicine. When he came back out into the living room, Raphael and Michelangelo both had fallen asleep.

Splinter did not want to wake them. They deserved rest and the forgetfulness of sleep.

He longed to join them in that forgetfulness.

But it had to be done. "Boys! Wake up!"

Both of them drew a sharp inhale and opened their eyes. Splinter handed them the water glasses and gave them each some of the medicine. Once they had taken it, he passed them the ice packs.

"Sensei," muttered Michelangelo. "You're hurt too." He pointed toward Splinter's abdomen.

Splinter looked down at the injury. He barely felt it the whole evening, and while his robe was still bloody, the injury itself seemed like it was mostly clotted over. It could be easily treated and posed little threat to him.

He thought of Miwa. He thought of Leonardo and Mei. He thought of the pain that Michelangelo and Raphael were in. He thought of Donatello.

"My son, this is by far the least of all my hurts."


	33. Chapter 33

**Author's Note: Firstly, this chapter comes with a warning for HonorarySistersForever: get your Kleenex. Secondly, special thanks to ThatSunflowerChick for helping me brainstorm about Raph's reaction to all of this. Thirdly, to all my American readers out there, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! Put on your 1770's costumes, read the Declaration of Independence, and be absolutely shocked at just how pissed off the Colonists were at the British. Hooray for July 4, 1776 and our awesome founding fathers! Also: eat barbecue and watch fireworks. Because AMERICA!**

**If you're not American...um, I guess just have a great Saturday!**

* * *

Head in hands and elbows on knees, April sat in the hospital waiting room. The police officer who had taken their preliminary statement stood over by the main desk, talking quietly with the staff members.

Her stomach hurt. She had felt so triumphant after she and Casey managed to fight off the Kraang and Footbots who'd attacked the Shellraiser. They were so relieved, and they'd laughed so hard just because they'd made it, and then more Kraang had pulled up around the building. She had been so relieved when she heard Leo's voice on the other end of the line.

She didn't know it was going to be the last time she'd ever hear his voice. She didn't know that the cab ride she'd taken with Mei would be the last cab ride they'd ever take together.

"Hey," Casey said softly. "Wanna talk about it?"

April sniffed. "I just – I can't believe that Leo and Mei…"

"Hey, if anything I've learned about those guys is true, I'm sure he found a way outta there."

"But what about Mei? She could barely walk, and she was so hurt. And if the blast didn't get them, there were so many Kraang that they must have been killed."

"Or just captured. I'll help you look for them, once Karai is stable and we've finished…'misleading' the police."

April looked up. "You'd really do that? Go back in there with impossible odds to help some people you barely know?"

"Well, we'd get Mikey and Raph and Splinter to help too, right?"

"That doesn't really make them that much less impossible."

"So the turtles have never gotten out of seemingly impossible situations before?"

In spite of everything, April smiled. "Seems like that's _all _they do."

"So, they'll do it again, Red. No need to be worried." Casey patted her on the back.

April's smile faded. Casey didn't know how afraid she really was that Leo and Mei were gone. And he certainly didn't – couldn't – understand how badly the thought hurt. Tears started running down her face.

"Look, Red, I know what it's like to lose people." Casey sighed. "Thing is, I always lost them because they didn't want me. My parents were too full of themselves to care about me, and I went through so many foster parents – one time I went through six in a year. If Leo and Mei _are _actually gone, and if Karai doesn't make it, and if Donnie never snaps out of it, yes, you've lost them. But at least they cared about you as much as you cared about them. That's gotta count for something."

"Yeah, it does. It makes it harder."

"Sometimes harder is better," Casey said. "Trust me."

The police officer walked back over to them. "Kids, I'm going to need to get your parents' contact information and have them come collect you."

"Can't we wait until we hear how that poor girl is doing?" April said.

"You can stay here as long as you want, but I need you to call your legal guardians so that I can ask you some more questions."

"Can't you ask us the questions now?"

"No. Can't question minors without their parents present. It's the law."

"But they do it on TV all the time," Casey said.

"That's TV, kid. Now call your parents." The police officer's voice had an edge of irritation to it now.

April pulled out her phone, called her dad, and filled him in on the fake details. He seemed to pick up pretty quickly what was going on. He was quick on his feet and would help with misleading the police altogether. But Casey's foster parents? They were going to be really suspicious about this whole thing. He'd have to mislead them _and_ the police officer.

After she'd hung up, she listened to Casey's phone conversation.

"Yeah, this girl was being attacked by this gang. We ran to help her…it was really dumb. But I had my hockey gear with me, so, I was able to hit 'em a bit, and April takes karate, so…yeah, yeah, I know I should have called an hour ago. I'm sorry. Can you just come? The police are here…yes, the police. No, Jen, I'm not hurt. Too bad, anyway. No, Jen! I've been with April the whole time. Okay. See you soon."

"Thanks, kids," the officer said. "I'll be over talking to the staff again." He walked back to the desk.

"Karate?" April whispered. "Really?"

"Eh, like Jen and Sean know what ninjitsu is. And like they'd believe me even if they did. "

"It's nin-_jut-_su, not nin-jit-su."

"Whatevs, man. Point is, they're gonna have a hard time believing me. Good thing I'm with you – they trust you." Casey shook his head. "They're still gonna breathalyze me, though."

"They have a breathalyzer?"

"Yeah, they got it after…well, after, you know. Apparently you can get anything online. So what about your dad? He can help us cover, right?"

"Yeah. He's actually scarily good at this kind of thing."

"Well, I hope he can convince Jen and Sean, too."

"Yeah, he can."

"Good. I'd hate to lose hanging-out-with-April privileges."

A surge of affection welled up in April's heart. "I'd hate losing you tonight, too."

"Don't think like that. You gotta be optimistic. If there's anything I've learned, things always work out in the end, even if it's not the way you wanted them to. Don't give up on 'em, Red. Don't make yourself miserable if you don't hafta."

Surprisingly, April felt better. "You know, Casey, you're just the friend I needed tonight. I'm glad I forgave you."

Casey grinned broadly, revealing all of his missing teeth. "Not as glad as I am."

* * *

"Wake up, Raph."

Raphael opened his eyes at the sound of Mikey's voice. He wanted to be angry, wanted to shout that he _knew _he needed to stay awake and that Mikey should just _shut up_ already, but he couldn't muster the energy for it. His head was screaming with pain, despite the Tylenol that Splinter had given him. The sounds of the television, which Splinter had turned on quite loudly to keep them awake, pounded against his eardrums.

He looked at the television screen. It was Mikey's favorite episode of Super Robo Mecha Force Five, but Mikey seemed more interested in staring at his feet.

"Where's Splinter?" Raph said.

"Meditating, I think," Mikey said. "He fixed his cut and then went to the dojo. Don't you remember?"

The whole evening was a blur. Raphael remembered everything up until Ronin had kicked him in the head, but everything since then seemed fuzzy. Just bits and pieces of it stayed in his mind.

"Have April and Casey called yet?"

"Nope."

Again, Raph felt like he wanted to be angry, but he just couldn't do it. Everything was too blurry and foggy, and all he wanted to do was sleep…

"Hey. Wake up."

"I'm not asleep, Mikey."

"You were snoring."

"I was not."

"Raph?"

"What?"

"Do you think Leo and Aunt Mei are gonna come home soon?"

Raph's stomach flipped. "No, Mikey."

"When do you think they're coming home?"

"They aren't, Mikey."

"But we gotta keep hoping, right?"

Anger, whether he had the energy for it or not, surged through Raph.

Hope?

Something inside of him broke. Just when he thought nothing could be worse than losing one of his brothers, he'd lost two. And where losing Donnie had been like losing an arm, losing Leo was like losing a head. Oh, he'd hated Leo every bit as much as he'd loved him, and maybe sometimes more, but Leo was his brother_. _His friend.

His _leader. _

And just when he'd finally started to understand what it was like to have a mom, he'd lost Aunt Mei. It was like he'd been pulled out of his shell and sliced into pieces.

He should have stayed behind to help them. If only he had…maybe…maybe…he'd still have them. And if he hadn't been so careless, Karai wouldn't have had to take that knife for him, and she wouldn't be practically dead in the hospital.

_Hope?_

"Are you stupid, Mikey?" Raph stood up, ignoring how the room spun. "Are you that stupid? There's no point in _hoping _for anything. We _hoped_ we'd get Donnie back – how did that work out? It didn't, because Donnie is _never _coming back. Hoping is _pointless._ Leo and Aunt Mei are _dead, _you idiot! Karai's probably dead too. _We're all that's left, _stupid!_"_

_"_Raphael!" Splinter had emerged from the dojo and was walking toward the den. "If that is truly what you believe, then stop to consider how you are treating the last remnant of your family."

The spinning room caught up with Raph. He fell to his hands and knees and dry-heaved several times. His stomach and head hurt so badly…

His _heart _hurt.

He started crying. Like a pathetic little kid. He tried to force it back, hating every second of it, feeling weak and stupid and helpless…

The blaring sound of the television went silent, and a gentle hand touched Raph's shoulder. He turned to see Splinter kneeling next to him.

"S-s-_sensei…_"

"I am here, my son." Splinter took both of Raph's shoulders and helped him into a more upright position.

"I hate – I don't wanna – crying, so _stupid_…"

"Do you think you are the only one who has wept tonight?" Splinter wiped the tears from Raph's face with the hem of his sleeve. The fur beneath his eyes was wet.

"But, Sensei," Mikey said, sniffing, "you don't think that Leo and Aunt Mei and Karai are all dead, do you? There's still hope, right? Just like there's hope that Donnie will come back?"

"Yes. There is still hope for everyone. In the darkest times, hope is all that is left."

Raph held back a sob. "How can you possibly hope – "

"Because I _choose _to." Splinter gestured toward the couch.

Raph rubbed at his eyes for a moment. Crying had made his headache even worse, and he felt more drained and sleepy than ever. Splinter gently patted the back of his shell and then offered to help him up from the floor. Unsteadily, Raph got up and made his way back to the couch.

Splinter sat down between Raph and Mikey and put an arm around each one of them. "Remember, my sons. If nothing else, we have each other."

"I'm sorry, Mikey," Raph said hoarsely.

Mikey sniffed loudly and rubbed a tear out of his eye. "'S'kay, bro. I'm scared too."

"I'm not – "

But he was. He was terrified out of his mind that the rest of their family was dead.

Was there even any point in pretending he wasn't?

Raph leaned into Splinter's embrace and laid his head against Splinter's shoulder. Mikey did the same, just like when they were really little kids, snuggling while watching a movie or something.

_If nothing else, we have each other. _

Raph closed his eyes and held onto that thought.


	34. Chapter 34

Fear.

Of all of the things Leonardo expected to be afraid of that night, his own sensei was not one of them.

But lying there on the floor, watching the sheer, unadulterated _hate_ in Splinter's features as he killed the Ronin, Leonardo realized once again just how much he underestimated Splinter. Something about the fact that Splinter's mind was his own – not controlled by, say, the Rat King – made what Leo had just witnessed even more frightening. He had not realized that Splinter – stoic, rational, meditative Splinter – could be so…

Ruthless.

But then Splinter sheathed his katana and looked down at Leo. "Make no mistake, Leonardo. Hell is what we make for ourselves. Be cautious, lest you fall into the same pit as your enemies."

A chill went down Leo's spine as he realized what had just happened. Splinter had just confessed that he had violated his own principles. Leo didn't need Splinter's confession to know that was what had happened, though. The blind rage on his sensei's face had told him just as much. Splinter had not killed in the detached manner of the ninja, either defending or meting out justice. He had killed because of vengeance, pure and simple.

It was against everything Splinter had ever taught them, and he knew it.

But then, Splinter's gaze turned. "Miwa…Karai."

Leo followed his gaze and saw Karai, bleeding more heavily than before. She'd pulled out the blade that was staying some of the blood flow to help him while he was knocked down and Splinter was still disoriented. She'd risked her life twice that night – first, to defend Raph, and then to save _him_.

If it weren't for the Ronin, she wouldn't have had to risk it at all.

Leo realized that he didn't think Splinter's desire for vengeance – even his acting on it – was in any way unjustified. That evil monster deserved everything he got, and if Karai didn't make it, he deserved ten times as much.

As he watched Karai fall into Splinter's arms and mutter something softly, he thought that a hundred times as much wouldn't be enough.

"Uggghh," Michelangelo's voice came from down the hall. "You get the number of that bus that hit me? Whoa…that bus is _wrecked._"

"Don't make jokes about it, Mikey," Leonardo said. This was not the time, and Mikey shouldn't have been making jokes about something as serious as death, anyway. Nevertheless, Mikey's waking reminded him that there were other people besides Karai who had been hurt. Aunt Mei was closest to him, so he went to check her first. "Obasan. Obasan, wake up."

She mumbled softly in response and opened her eyes. They were unevenly dilated, and she kept blinking like she couldn't bring the world into focus. Leo tried to suppress the surge of anger that swept through him – hadn't the Foot clan hurt his aunt enough already without adding a concussion to the list of injuries?

Raphael groaned as he pushed himself up from the floor. "My…head…splitting…"

Leo turned to check on Raph – who probably had a concussion too – when his phone started ringing. It startled him so badly that he was sure his heart stopped beating for a second. When he saw it was April, though, he nearly passed out from relief. Everybody had made it through alive. His team was intact, no matter how bad everybody's injuries were.

A leader couldn't ask for more, particularly given how bad this operation had gone.

Leonardo tapped the screen on his phone to accept the call and held it up to his ear. "April, are you okay?"

"_Leo. Thank goodness! Listen, we just fought off a bunch of Kraang and Footbots. We're safe for now, but you have to get out of there! At least twelve Kraang vans have surrounded the building, and…what? Casey says two choppers landed on the helipads…"_

Leo looked around at his team. "You guys, about a dozen Kraang vans just pulled up and two helicopters landed on the roof. We need to blow this popsicle stand."

"_See you soon, Leo," _April said.

Without another word, Leo hung up.

"I…still need…the computers aren't wiped." Aunt Mei pushed herself up slowly from the ground.

Leo frowned. Precision didn't matter anymore, particularly with the Ronin dead. "We don't have time. Just blow it up – literally. Do you think you can cross the circuits somehow?"

"I…maybe…"

It would be too risky for all of them to stay. He could get Aunt Mei out pretty quickly, but they needed to get Karai to somewhere stable as soon as possible. "Sensei, you and the others get Karai to the Shellraiser. I'll stay here with Aunt Mei and we'll follow as soon as we can."

Splinter stared at Aunt Mei. "Mei…"

"Go, Yoshi," she said in reply.

They couldn't afford any delays, and the staircases would be flooding with Kraang soon. "The fastest way will be to rappel down the side of the building," Leo said. "You run less risk of encountering the Kraang."

"Leonardo," Splinter said. "If it becomes too dangerous, leave whether the mission is completed or not. At this point, all that matters is our safety. Hai?"

Leonardo bowed. "Hai, Sensei."

After everyone had vanished through the window, he turned to help Aunt Mei. She was crawling back into the room.

The sight made his stomach hurt. "Please, Obasan, let me help you." He offered her both hands and pulled her up to her feet, where she wobbled dangerously.

"I can't –"

"Here." Leo scooped her up bridal style and carried her over to the computer, where he set her back down on her feet and supported her. "What do you need?"

Aunt Mei blinked rapidly as she stared at the computer. "Access to the wires…down there, I think. Let me kneel down."

Leo eased her into a kneeling position. "Behind that panel?"

"I think so."

He took his katana and pried the panel open, revealing the mass of tangled wires inside. "What else do you need?"

"An instruction manual and about two hours," Aunt Mei muttered, fiddling around with the wires.

"Well, can't you just – "

_…do whatever it is that Donnie does? _

"I can barely see straight! _You_ get in here and short-circuit equipment you don't know!"

Time was running too short. If she couldn't blow the computers, then it would have to be something for another mission. As Splinter had said, nothing mattered beyond their safety. "Forget it. We have to get out of here."

"No…I think I have it. Give me all of your smoke bombs."

Leo retrieved the bombs he still had stashed in his shell and handed them, one by one, to his aunt.

She stacked them in and around the wires, then pointed to a shelf on the other side of the room. "Those tools – is there a wire stripper?"

Leo ran over. When he stared at the assortment of tools, he realized that despite Donnie's best efforts, he wouldn't know a wire stripper from a socket wrench – not to mention that most of these looked rather Kraang-y. He just grabbed all of the tools and dropped them next to Mei. She looked askance at him for a moment, then selected what was, presumably, a wire stripper. Carefully, she started to expose the metal parts of the wires.

_Slam. _

One of the doors on the floor must have opened. Soon, the halls echoed with the mechanical whirring of Kraang droids.

"Aunt Mei…" Leo said. "You better hurry it up!"

"Almost…Leonardo, one I cross these wires, the sparks will set off the gunpowder in the smoke bombs – that should set off a chain reaction with everything else, and the whole thing will go up. But we will have thirty seconds or less to get off of this floor."

Leo had a feeling that Donnie would consider this method messy and imprecise, but if it worked, it worked. They'd gotten out of situations as tight as thirty seconds before, and every second Leo hesitated, more Kraang droids entered the halls. "As soon as you've crossed them, you'll have to get on my back. You'll have to hold yourself up, 'cause I'm definitely going to need my arms."

"Get ready, then," Aunt Mei said. A shower of sparks went off as she used some kind of tool to tug the wires into place. "Let's go!"

Leo helped her up onto his back, ignoring the strain of her arms around his neck. Once she was in place, he ran out into the hall.

Dozens – at least – of Kraang droids had collected in the hall.

"Keep your head down. Here goes nothing!" Leo charged to meet them, blocking blasts of laser fire with the flats of his katanas. The blasts reflected back into the mass of Kraang, shutting down several of the droids. Squealing, the squishy pink creatures bailed out and made a break for it. Leo extended his katanas on either side, slicing through multiple droids at once. He started to fight his way to the window.

"Kraang," said one of the droids. "Block the nearest exit available to those who are enemies."

The Kraang droids thronged around the window in response.

A sudden loud crackling sounded from the room with the computers.

"Leonardo, it's about to go off!" Aunt Mei said.

Leo pretended he wasn't panicking and tried to survey the situation with the cold detachment of a leader who was in total control. The Kraang blocked the stairways, the window…

Yeah, not panicking wasn't going to work out so well.

That was when he spotted the elevator doors only a little way down the, surrounded by only a few Kraang. Shouting, he barged his way past multiple Kraang, katanas extended, slicing them down as he went. He shoved one of his katanas in the gap between the doors and pried them open…

_Boom._

The computer system exploded in a mass of purple smoke, blasting Leo and Mei forward into the elevator shaft. Leo managed to grab on to the main cable, skidding down several feet. Several Kraang droids, less fortunate, plummeted down several floors and exploded when impacted the ground below car.

Ears ringing from the blast, Leo clung to the cable with dizzy relief. "We made it."

That was when he realized that there was no weight on his back.

Aunt Mei hadn't managed to hold on to him through the blast.

Frantically, Leo searched through the smoky air and darkness of the elevator shaft for any sign of her, screaming her name over and over.

He rested his forehead against the cable, forcing himself not to cry. Maybe, if he was lucky enough to get out of this alive, he'd be able to cry. But for now, he had to work his way down the shaft, where he'd probably find Aunt Mei at the bottom floor. At least he'd be able to take her body home...

Hand over hand, he slowly climbed down the cable.

He felt absolutely dead inside.

Leo had managed to climb down a floor when an indistinct female voice reached his ears. His heart pounded at the sound. "Aunt Mei?"

There was a moment of silence. Was he just going crazy with grief, or had he actually heard it?

He heard it again though still faint. "Leonardo, I can't…I can't hold on much longer."

"I can't see you! Where are you?"

"Behind you."

Leo looked over his shoulder. Aunt Mei had managed to dig both of her sai in between the gears that lined the shaft.

"Aunt Mei! I called for you…I thought you'd…"

"I can't…" Her grip on her sai slipped. She was only holding on with by her fingertips.

"Hang on, I'm coming." Leo wrapped one of his arms and both of his legs tightly around the cable and grabbed his rope and flung the grappling hook against the wall. It didn't successfully latch.

As he wound the rope back up, Aunt Mei's grip slipped again. She was only holding on with one hand now. "Hurry…"

Leo swung the hook again. As it took hold, Aunt Mei lost hers.

She fell.

Leo jumped after her, only just grabbing her by the wrist. They came to a jolting stop when the rope ran out of length.

"_Arīgato," _Aunt Mei said weakly.

Leo burst out laughing in relief. "No problem. It was easy. Getting down the rest of the way without biting it? Now that's going to be a little more challenging. Let's see if we can get you up on my back again." Straining, he lifted her as high as he could with one arm. She'd seemed so light earlier, and now she felt as heavy as a load of bricks.

She reached out with her other arm and grabbed onto the edge of his shell. After several minutes of awkward struggling and painful lifting, they had both managed to get her hanging securely around his neck, legs braced around his sides.

"There we go," Leo said, sighing in relief. "Just don't let go this time."

"As long as there are not any more explosions, that should not be too difficult." Though her voice was weak, there was an unmistakable touch of sarcasm.

Good. Leo liked sarcasm, even if it could get annoying now and then. It always meant his team was in good enough mental shape to come up with quips.

There was just barely enough light in the elevator shaft for Leo to see places he could get a hand hold along the side of the wall. There were several cables, too. He'd climbed up the elevator shaft at the old TCRI building – this should be too much more difficult. Slowly, steadily, he began to climb his way down.

"You really scared me, you know," he said.

"Yes, Leonardo," Mei said gently. "I know."

"I thought – you were at the bottom…that you were…" He shuddered at the thought.

"But I'm not."

Leo's heart lifted again. "No. You're not."

Eventually, they made it to the bottom of the elevator shaft. The car was somewhere high, high above them, as they were simply on the ground.

"Hey, I need a second to rest," Leo said. "Can you...?"

"Just ease me down slowly," Aunt Mei replied.

He helped Aunt Mei off of his back and sat her down on the floor, then worked out the kinks in his neck and stretched for a minute. "The others will probably have left. At least, I hope they've left. Karai was in really bad shape." He went cold at the memory of blood flowing freely from the wound in her upper chest. "Hopefully they went to take care of her." He couldn't bear the thought of her dying.

"You know, Leonardo, you don't have to be ashamed."

"Huh?"

"Because of how you feel about Karai."

Heat prickled across Leo's face. "Of course I'm not ashamed. I mean, she's my sister. Of course I care about her. It's perfectly normal."

"Not like that, Leonardo. I know that you feel more than just brotherly love for her. And I'm telling you, you don't need to be ashamed because of it."

Leo put a palm on his face. He always had the idea that Aunt Mei had an inkling, but he'd hoped he wasn't that transparent. But Raph had figured it out, and so had Aunt Mei. Who else knew about it? Did _Karai_? He was mortified by the thought. "But…Obasan, she's my _sister._ It's absolutely wrong and messed up that I do feel about her the way I do."

Mei let out a weak chuckle. "You did not grow up with her. Your biological parents are a couple of turtles somewhere. I would say the fact that you are long-lost adopted siblings pales in comparison to the fact that one of you is a turtle. I see nothing wrong with it – it seems no stranger to me than a brother- and sister-in-law loving each other."

Leo looked at Aunt Mei, wondering if she was implying what he thought. "You and Splinter?"

She nodded.

"I'd started to wonder…I mean, the way he was always staying behind to talk to you, and stuff…"

"Do you think that it is wrong? Do you think that we ought to be ashamed?"

"No way! It's great. You've made Sensei so happy since we found you, and – "

"Then you should not feel ashamed about Karai."

Leo stared at his feet. "It's different."

"Not so very much," Mei said.

Machinery groaned as the cable car pulled into motion, heading down toward them slowly.

"That's our cue," Leo said. He helped Mei up onto his back again and then pried open the elevator doors. Only a few Kraang waited outside. Leo had them dispatched within a minute, and then they were out the door. He ran for the nearest manhole cover and lowered Mei onto the ladder first, then followed her and closed the cover. By the time the Kraang had pursued them out of the building, the cover was back in place. Leo could hear them through the holes in the cover.

"Kraang, the ones for which Kraang was searching are no longer in the place of the searching for them."

"Kraang can see this. Kraang is not that which is blind."

"Yes. Kraang states that which is 'the obvious.'"

"Well, it sounds like we lost them," Leo whispered.

"For looking so much like brains, they do not seem overly bright," Aunt Mei said.

Leo grinned. "All right. We're almost home free. I'll just call Raph…" He felt for his phone, but it was nowhere to be found. "Um…Aunt Mei? Do you have your phone?"

"It's smashed."

"Great," Leo mumbled. "I guess we're walking home."


	35. Chapter 35

April looked at the row of chairs across from her and her dad, where Casey and his foster parents now sat. They were even more worked up than April thought they were going to be. She had respectfully looked away when they asked Casey to take the breathalyzer test – for some reason, April thought that they would at least wait until they weren't in public anymore. She was embarrassed on Casey's behalf. He'd risked a lot to come help them on this mission, and now, as he sat between his foster parents, his face was pink with embarrassment.

Sean, whom April had never met, sat with his arms folded and kept shooting mistrustful looks at her. Meanwhile, Jen kept asking Casey a stream of questions, asking for a detailed description of his whereabouts that evening, and why, for goodness sake, had he spray-painted his hockey mask to look like a skull.

"The police have everything they need, Jen," Sean said. "We should take Casey home."

"Sean, I just want to know if that girl makes it or not," Casey replied. "I kinda got a little beat up rescuing her – is it too much to ask?"

Jen looked at April. "Are you staying to find out?"

"Absolutely," April said, folding her arms. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep unless I know what happens."

"Then she can call Casey when she finds out," Sean said impatiently.

"Sean," Casey said, a note of pleading in his voice. "Dad. Please."

Both Sean's and Jen's eyes widened. The hardened expression on Sean's face softened. He exchanged a glance with Jen, who nodded.

"We can stay, Casey," Jen said, gently patting Casey on the shoulder.

Casey made eye contact with April, giving her a sad smile. April smiled back, not completely sure what had just happened. Was that the first time Casey had called Sean 'Dad'? If so, had he just done it to get his way, or was there some genuineness behind it? She wanted to think better of Casey than thinking he was manipulative, but she had personally experienced what a smooth-talker he could be.

But the sadness in his smile made her think that maybe he was for real. After all, he had said that Sean and Jen were the only foster parents who'd stuck with him for this long.

Casey and April were mostly quiet for the next hour or so. April's Dad made polite conversation with Jen and Sean. Apparently, Sean worked in the headquarters for some company that had just opened a new manufacturing center in South Dakota. April tuned out most of the conversation, nauseous with worry about Karai, Leo, and Mei. It wasn't until sometime after three when a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Excuse me, are you the people waiting to hear about that young Asian woman?" The voice belonged to a woman in a doctor's coat.

"Yes," April and Casey said simultaneously.

The doctor nodded. "Well, you'll be glad to hear that the prognosis looks good. We have her stabilized, and she should even be back on her feet in a few days. She'll need some physical therapy for the muscles that got damaged, but she'll come through it just fine."

April nearly fainted with relief. "That's wonderful."

"Well, she's lucky you brought her in when you did," the doctor continued. "She flatlined within a minute of getting her to the OR. We honestly didn't know if we could save her…but I guess somebody was watching out for her tonight, because she managed to pull through. We gave her significant transfusions, and she'll be on fluids for a couple of days…but like I said, she'll be okay. And don't worry, the police will look for her parents and make sure she's taken care of, okay? You guys helped save a life tonight. You should be proud of that."

"Thank you so much," Kirby said, standing up and shaking the doctor's hand. "It means a lot."

The doctor nodded and then walked back through the triage doors.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going, Case," Jen said. "April, Kirby, you have a good night."

Casey stood up to go with his foster parents. "See ya, Red. Give me a call later, will you?"

April drew her lip into her mouth. Something about Casey going made her feel like crying. He'd offered her so much support tonight, and the thought of him leaving now left her feeling deflated. She leapt up from her chair and threw her arms around Casey, hugging him tightly. "Thanks for everything, Casey."

When she finally let go of him, Casey was red in the face. "Yeah, sure. Anytime. Call me, though?"

April nodded. Casey deserved to know as soon as the found out anything about Leo and Mei. That reminded her that she had promised to call the others as soon as they knew anything.

Once Casey and his foster parents were gone, Kirby turned to April. "You have a lot to tell me." He lowered his voice. "Did everyone make it out?"

April felt herself tearing up. "We shouldn't talk about it here. Let's go…well, you know where."

Kirby put an arm around April and they walked out of the hospital together. April pulled out her phone and dialed Raph. While she waited for him to pick up, she wondered whether he wasn't hurt, too.

_"Hello?"_ Raph's voice was hoarse.

"Raph, she's okay. She made it."

Raph let out an audible sigh of relief.

"Dad and I are on our way – we'll tell you more when we get there. Any word on Leo and Mei?"

There was a moment of silence. _"No."_

April's heart fell. "Oh. Okay. Well, we'll be there soon."

Kirby hailed a cab, and soon they were driving back to the area of town with what April considered 'her' manhole cover. Once the cab had departed, April and Kirby headed for the manhole cover and surreptitiously climbed down.

"Okay. Now tell me everything that happened," Kirby said.

As they walked the rest of the way to the lair, April filled Kirby in on the night's events.

"…and then the explosion went off. We waited as long as we could, but Karai was bleeding so badly, we had to go. We still haven't heard anything from Mei and Leo."

Kirby paused and gave April a big hug. "I'm really, really sorry sweetie." He sniffed, and his eyes were watery. "I know how close you were with Mei and Leo. I – I've gotten pretty attached, myself. We'll just have to hope for the best." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm just so glad that you made it out okay."

"Thanks, Dad," April replied, swiping tears away from her eyes. "We're almost there. We should keep moving."

They walked in through the turnstiles to find Mikey, Raph, and Splinter all huddled together on the couch. As soon as Raph noticed them, he pulled away from Splinter and folded his arms, as if he hadn't just been leaning his head on Splinter's shoulder.

At the motion, Splinter looked up. "April! Raphael said that the news was good."

"Yeah." April walked into the den and plopped down on the second couch. "They said they'd keep her on fluids for a while, and that she's going to need P.T., but that she was going to come through it just fine."

"What's going to most tricky will be getting her out once she's well," Kirby said, sitting down next to April. "With a wound like that, there's going to be police involvement, and since she's a minor…"

A tiny smile crept into the corner of Splinter's mouth. "I confess that the same thing occurred to me. But she is a kunoichi. I doubt that the police and hospital staff will pose any challenge to her."

"That's a fair point," April said. "Karai can handle herself. Plus, Mei can alter the records like she did for…" She bit her lip. "I mean, if she…"

Splinter hung his head.

"Don't worry," Mikey said. "I'm sure she and Leo will be back any minute."

"They've been gone all night, Mikey," Raph said. "What makes you think – "

"Raphael," Splinter said sharply. "All we can do is wait."

"I'm going to my room." Raph stood up from the couch and headed down the hall in a somewhat uneven line.

"Is he…okay?" April said, gesturing toward Raph with her thumb.

"He's concussified," Mikey said. "Me too."

"You mean you have concussions?" Kirby asked.

"Shyeah, that's what I just said. Weren't you listening?"

Kirby glanced in the direction Raph had gone. "Should he be alone, then?"

"I have managed to keep them both awake for several hours," Splinter said. "He may as well rest now. I shall check on him in a while."

"Does that mean I can go to sleep now, Sensei?" Mikey said.

"Yes."

"Finally." Mikey scooted back and laid his head on the arm of the couch, putting his legs over Splinter's lap. Splinter raised an eyebrow and shook his head, but said nothing.

"What about you, Splinter?" Kirby asked. "April said you'd been hurt, too."

"A superficial wound, at best," Splinter said.

"Superficial?" April said. "Sensei, the front of your robe was all bloody."

"I assure you, April, not all of it was mine. I had been holding Miwa, and some of it…" Splinter closed his eyes for a moment. "Some of it was the Ronin's. He no longer poses a threat to this family."

April gasped. "The Ronin was in there?" It was a wonder that any of them had made it out at all.

"Yeah," Mikey said, not opening his eyes. "Splinter got 'im, though." He yawned and smacked his lips.

Splinter glanced down at Mikey, his face a mixture of sadness and affection.

Somehow, April had a hard time envisioning Splinter killing somebody. Not that Splinter wasn't totally capable of it; it was just that he always talked about killing as the last resort. Of course, it made sense. From what she'd heard, the Ronin was absolutely crazy – there wouldn't have been any reasoning with him. Still, the idea of Splinter killing somebody sent chills down her spine.

"You should probably try to get some sleep too, sweetie," Kirby said, patting April on the back.

April didn't think that she'd be able to sleep at all, but she realized at that point just how very tired her body was. "I'm going to go check in on Donnie first, though." She hopped up from the couch and headed into the lab.

Every time she walked through these doors, she felt like she would start crying. She missed Donnie so badly, and now that she wasn't sure about Mei or Leo, she felt his absence even more keenly. Her heart twisted when she saw him lying on the table, totally dead to the world around him. She went over to his side and saw that he was sleeping.

Good. April always felt better when he was sleeping. Asleep, he gave no indication whatsoever that anything was wrong. He seemed perfectly content, and she could always hope that when he opened his eyes, he'd look at her and smile instead of staring blankly at the ceiling.

She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I miss you so much, Donnie."

Donnie gave a sharp inhale and opened his eyes. Instead of a blank stare, though, he turned his head and fixed his eyes on her.

April's stomach leaped in excitement. "Donnie? Donnie!"

Donnie narrowed his eyes as if he was confused – like he hadn't seen her for a while and was trying to place her.

"Donnie, can you understand me?"

He furrowed his brow and squinted, tilting his head to get a better look at her.

"If you can understand me, blink twice."

Slowly, deliberately, Donnie blinked once.

Then again.

"Guys!" April screamed. "Guys, Donnie's awake! He understands! He – "

As she spoke, Donnie's face glazed over, like a light switch had been turned out.

"Donnie? Donnie, can you understand me?"

But he didn't even look at her.

Splinter, Kirby, and Mikey all burst into the lab together. Splinter ran to Donnie's side immediately, while Kirby and Mikey lingered behind a few paces.

"Donatello?" Splinter said. "My son, can you hear me?"

But Donnie just stared at the ceiling for a few moments, then fell back asleep. Splinter's face fell.

"Master Splinter, I swear," April said. "I swear he looked at me, and I asked him to blink twice, and he _did._ I swear it. He looked like he recognized me…I don't know what happened…"

"We should all rest," Splinter said, his voice ragged.

"You've got to believe me!"

Splinter sighed. "I have seen it too – right after he first woke, he seemed to recognize me. And then he was gone. I fear it means little."

"No, wait – if this has happened a second time, then there could actually be hope," Kirby said. He had that crazed, excited look he always got when he was explaining some kind of new psycho-babble he'd brought home when he used to work for the university. "This means that, however deep it's buried, he's still in there. It might come and go, but his sentience isn't totally lost!"

Splinter's expression lightened. "Nevertheless, we should all follow his example and rest."

"That I can agree with," Kirby said. "I'll do some more research in the morning – you can help me, April."

April didn't want to leave the lab, but watching Donnie breath peacefully in his sleep, she knew that if he were awake and sentient, he'd tell her to go to sleep. He might even give her a lecture about how the body needs sleep, and explain all of the scientific things behind it. "Okay, Daddy. Just give me a minute alone with him?"

Kirby gave her a sad smile. "Sure, sweetie."

Splinter patted April on the shoulder and turned to leave the lab. Soon, April was alone with Donnie once again. She kissed his forehead, then left the lab, turning out the lights on her way out.

When she finally crawled into the bed in the room they'd set up for her in the lair, she fell asleep almost as soon as she hit the pillow.


	36. Chapter 36

**Hi, everybody! I'm sorry for the long delay and the not-so-great chapter. I'm not very happy with it, but I think if I fuss around with it for much longer, I'll never finish this story. Also, I have this system in place where I don't italicize the most frequently used Japanese words – hai, sensei, dojo, kunoichi, and since I use it so often, Obasan. But now that I'm introducing more Japanese words, like ****_Otōsan _****and ****_Okāsan, _****it looks weird. Oh well, I guess just bear with me and pretend not to see the inconsistencies, okay? **

* * *

Despite the aches and pains in her body, Mei was just starting to drift off to sleep when Leonardo's voice interrupted her.

"Whoa! You're slipping again."

Mei snapped back to wakefulness and tightened her grip around Leo's shoulders. Her arms ached from hanging on. "I can't…I think I need to rest."

"Yeah," Leonardo said, panting slightly. "I think I could use another rest, too." He eased her down off of his back and set her down on the floor of the sewer tunnel, then sat down next to her. "Oh, man." He rubbed his shoulder, and Mei heard a distinct _pop_ as he flexed his neck. "Sorry we're not there yet. It's not really a straight shot through the sewers – that's why we normally take the rooftops or the Shellraiser."

"I should be apologizing to you." Mei massaged the bridge of her nose, wishing that the screaming pain in her head would go away, wishing that she had a nice soft bed and some undisturbed slumber.

"You don't have _anything_ to apologize for, Obasan. Seriously. Hey, now – stay awake, okay?"

Mei was not even aware that she was dozing off, and she did not much care. Leonardo's voice faded. Her eyelids were heavy and warm, and nothing seemed more important than keeping them shut. It wasn't until Leonardo lightly patted the side of her face that she opened them again.

"No, no, no…Aunt Mei, Aunt Mei, stay with me."

"All right," Mei muttered. She forced herself to look at her nephew. It was hard enough to see in the dark sewers, but he seemed out of focus. She blinked several times, and her vision finally cleared. "I think that I might have a concussion."

"Yeah, no joke," Leonardo replied tensely. "So you know you need to stay awake for a while, right?"

"It's hard."

"What can I do?"

"Talk to me."

"Um, yeah. Sure." Leo was quiet for a moment. "So, you and Splinter. How long has that been going on?"

Mei laughed softly, but stopped short and gasped when she felt a hitch in her ribs.

"Are you all right?" Leonardo's expression was absolutely agonized with worry.

"Yes, Leonardo. Just...my side hurts." Mei decided that maybe keeping the conversation going would be the best thing. "Anyway, I am not even sure myself when it started. But we first talked about it the night I came home from the hospital."

"So…how serious is it?"

"What do you mean?"

Leo stared at the sewer floor for a few moments. "Like, 'am I getting a mom' serious."

Mei couldn't help it. She laughed again, and her side seized up even more, making her cry out this time.

"Are you – "

"Fine," Mei said, catching her breath. "Like I told you, it is complicated. It is different for people who have been married before. I can never forget Kenshin. And I remind Splinter very much of my sister, and…well, it complicates things even further."

"Yeah, I guess I can see that," Leonardo said. "And it's probably even weirder for you, since he's a mutant." He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

Mei had the distinct feeling that Leonardo was carefully gauging her, as if he was trying to decide whether or not she deserved Splinter. From what he had said, he was glad that she made Splinter happy, so it also made sense that he would be so defensive of Splinter's heart – maybe even a little worried that she might eventually reject Splinter because he was a rat.

She was surprised that he would suspect such a thing of her, but then she realized it was amazing that the boys had received her as readily as they did. She was still a newcomer to the family. When she thought about how, all told, she had only known them for a few months, it shocked her that it had only been that short of a time. To her, it had been a new awakening from a cold and sorrowful existence, and it felt much longer.

But she had entered into this – relationship, or whatever it was – with Splinter knowing full well that he intended to remain a mutant. She had, in a short time, become so comfortable with mutants that she hardly even thought of them in those terms. She thought of her nephews more as 'boys' than 'turtles,' and she had grown so accustomed to Splinter's new form that she rarely thought of him in terms of his old human form.

"Yes, it is 'weird,' but I happen to be very fond of mutants." Mei laid a hand on Leonardo's shoulder. "My favorite nephews are mutants, you know."

Leonardo grinned. "So when are you and Splinter telling the rest of the guys about this?"

Mei sighed. "Honestly, we planned to keep it to ourselves for quite some time. If, for whatever reason, it did not work out, we did not want you boys to feel as if you had to pick a side."

Leonardo's smile faded. "So why did you tell me?"

"You seemed to need some guidance. I thought it would help."

"It does, kind of. But still…it's different. Your sister was married to Master Splinter, and that's the only connection you really have. But Karai and I…we have the same father. Mikey even called Tang Shen 'mom' a while back, and I get where he was coming from on that. So that means that Karai and I have the same mother, too…"

"Leonardo, listen. You were not raised as Miwa's brother. She was not raised as your sister. If you had been raised together, it would be different. If Tang Shen had given birth to you, it would be different. But neither is true."

"I don't think Raph sees it that way."

"Raphael knows about it?"

"He said I was being really obvious about it. I guess everyone knows."

Mei smiled. "Not everyone. As far as I can tell, Splinter does not know. But I would wager that Raphael knows you better than most."

"Maybe. But you noticed."

"Call it a woman's intuition. But let Raphael think what he wants to think."

Leonardo sighed. "None of this will matter if Karai doesn't make it."

Mei's memory of the evening was starting to become blurry, but she remembered that Miwa was already injured when she and Michelangelo had arrived. "How did she become injured in the first place?"

"She took a knife for Raph. He was disoriented from a flashbang grenade, and the knife would've killed him. But Karai knocked him out of the way."

Mei's heart swelled with a mixture of pride and sadness. Miwa was the bravest young woman she had ever met. When faced with a horrific revelation about her own past, Miwa had not melted down like some would. Instead, she took charge of the situation. She had bravely lied to the Ronin – knowing that being caught in the lie could mean her – to protect her new family. Even if her methods had been questionable, they required bravery and a tremendous amount of strength. "She is an incredible young woman."

"I can't believe now that I didn't trust her before. I was so willing to believe the worst of her after she betrayed us that time, and since then, she's been perfectly honest with us. I shouldn't have suspected her when things went sideways tonight."

"She has always had our best interests at heart."

"What if she dies thinking that we still don't trust her?" Leonardo turned to Mei, a trace of tears shimmering in his eyes. "I should've believed her right away when she said that she didn't tell the Kraang to start the project."

Mei pressed her lips together. She knew for a fact that Miwa – no, Karai – had lied to everyone else about that. Mei had urged Karai to tell the truth, but Karai was convinced that no one would understand.

"Wait a minute." Leonardo's expression became suspicious. "You know something, don't you?"

Mei silently cursed Leonardo's keen perception. "I do not know what you're talking about."

"Did she actually tell the Kraang to start the project?"

"We should be moving on," Mei said loudly.

Leonardo narrowed his eyes for a moment. "You're right. Let's go." He stood up and stretched before helping Mei up. Her legs were still Jell-o, and she could not climb up onto his back. So, he helped her up again and they continued on.

After about ten minutes, they came to a junction in the tunnels.

"Oh, no," Leonardo said. "I forgot. If we go right, there are two massive sewer ponds connected by a short tunnel, but it's way faster. The other way adds almost a whole hour."

"Do you really think I'm in any condition to swim?" Mei asked.

"Well, I can pull you. The question is, how long you can hold your breath?"

"Maybe a minute?"

Leonardo sighed. "Seriously? That's it?"

Mei rolled her eyes. What did he expect of her? "Well, how long can you?"

"Five or six minutes if I'm moving around a lot."

Of course. Mutant turtle. "Oh, is that all?"

"You're lucky Donnie's not here, or he'd tell you about the time he held his breath for twenty minutes. In painstaking detail. And he'd tell you about the biology behind it. But that's not important. Could you make it two minutes?"

Mei was too exhausted to argue. "I can try."

"Let's do a test run, then. Hold your breath – I'll count."

Mei made it to one minute and twenty-nine seconds before she gasped for air.

"Long way it is, then," Leo sighed.

As they took the tunnel on the left, Mei genuinely wished that she had been able to make it those crucial extra thirty-one seconds. "I am sorry, Leonardo."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just glad you're in one piece." They continued on for several minutes before Leonardo spoke again. "Just so you know, I'd be okay with it if I did get to call you _Okāsan_."

_Okāsan._ Mei remembered teaching Kenji how to sound out the syllables. She remembered the first time Suki used the full form, instead of simply calling her _Kāsan._

Suddenly, all of the aches and pains in her body felt like nothing compared to the huge loss of her sons.

"Me too."

* * *

**Dude. Seriously. What was ****_that_****? Was Leo even in character? I'm so frustrated with this chapter that I can't even 'see' it. I need some criticisms, yo. Where did this go wrong? Glaah…**


	37. Chapter 37

**Hi, all! Thank you so much for your positive and constructive feedback on the last chapter. It really meant a lot to me. I hope that you enjoy this chapter, too. You guys are the best, and I'm not going to lie - looking forward to your comments is part of what keeps me writing! (That and my OBSESSION with these gosh-darn turtles!)**

* * *

Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last time, Splinter was consumed with depression. The decision not to commit seppuku after his whole family was destroyed was one of the most difficult of his life. Once he had decided to fully abandon his honor and move forward in humility, his suicidal urges were motivated by depression, not honor.

After all, what honor could a mutant rat ever hope to possess?

So, he sat under the tree for hours at a time, meditating, struggling to accept his present circumstances and find joy in what he had. And there was much joy to be had. His four sons delighted him – even if they tried his patience continually – and it was his love for them that always stayed him through the depths of his depression.

This particular occasion, Splinter's depression was complicated by the fact that he was exhausted. He had not been sleeping well, and food was in short supply. He ate as little as he could so that his growing boys could have most of it. He sat beneath the tree, meditating to combat his hunger.

"Splinter-san?"

Splinter did not need to open his eyes to know who it was. "Yes, Leo-bo?"

His five-year-old son plopped down on the ground next to him. Splinter opened his eye a sliver and watched as Leonardo tried to pull his legs into the proper lotus position.

After a few feeble attempts, Leonardo sat cross-legged instead. "Are you sad?"

Splinter opened his eyes all the way and looked at Leonardo. "Why do you think that I am sad?"

"You sit under the tree when you're sad."

"No, I sit under the tree when I meditate."

"Yeah, but you're sad. You look sad."

There was no point in denying it. Leonardo was too perceptive to be fooled. Splinter repositioned his legs and gestured for Leonardo to come sit in his lap. Leonardo scrambled to do so and snuggled up against Splinter's chest.

Splinter gently put his arms around his son. "Yes. I am sad."

On cue, Leonardo asked the inevitable question: "Why?"

What could Splinter say that a five-year-old would understand? He did not want to say he was sad that his family was gone, because he did not want his sons to think that they were less important. He did not want to say that he was lonely, because he did not want his sons to think that they were not enough for him.

"Because, Leo-bo, I have no honor."

"Nuh-uh," Leonardo said, in a tone reserved for bossing around his brothers. He pulled away from Splinter's chest and looked up at him sternly. "You have all the honors."

Splinter smiled weakly. "Oh? Why is that?"

"Because I love you."

* * *

Splinter leaned in the doorway of the dojo, looking out over the rest of the lair. It was past five now, and Leonardo and Mei were still not yet home.

On a regular day, they would be getting up for training in a half-hour.

Leonardo lived for training. His whole life, he had been obsessed with it. He had never been late for it. Even on days when they did not have training, Leonardo would sometimes come into the dojo to practice his meditation and katas.

And like he did when he was a little boy, if Splinter was meditating, Leonardo would sit down next to him. It was different now, of course, but every time Leonardo sat down to meditate with him, Splinter could hear his son's tiny five-year-old voice saying, _Because I love you._

Splinter put his head in his hands.

_Leonardo, come home. _

He sighed and walked back over to the tree, where he sat down to meditate. He had a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach that he would never meditate with his son again, but he closed his eyes and focused on his silent mantra.

A faint sound reached him.

_Sensei._

Splinter's eyes snapped open. Had he merely imagined his son's voice?

He jumped up from the floor and ran from the dojo. Kirby sat on the couch, fast asleep. April and the boys were still in their rooms.

He heard the call again.

It came from beyond the turnstiles. Heart racing, Splinter ran into the subway corridor. At a distance, he saw two figures.

Leonardo walked toward the lair with Mei clinging to his back.

Splinter felt like he almost fell out of his own body, he was so consumed with relief. His little boy was alive. His love was alive.

Eyes watering, he sprinted down the tracks toward them.

Leonardo smiled weakly. "You're a sight for sore eyes. And a sore back."

"I was not sure that you had made it out alive," Splinter said, his voice choked.

"Trust me – we weren't sure we had either," Leonardo said. His voice was jaunty, but Splinter could tell that he was masking exhaustion and fear. "Can you help me with Aunt Mei?"

Splinter eased Mei down off of Leonardo's back and held her bridal style.

Mei leaned her head up against his chest. "Now this is more comfortable," she mumbled.

Not even caring that Leonardo was watching, Splinter kissed the crown of Mei's head. "Are you all right?"

"I have seen worse."

"Let us get you somewhere where you can lie down," Splinter said, wishing that he did not know what Mei was referencing. He started walking back toward the lair, and Leonardo fell in step beside him.

"Did Karai make it?" Leonardo asked tensely.

"Yes," Splinter said. "They were able to save her at the hospital."

"The hospital? But won't they start an investigation?"

"Without Donatello, we had no choice."

"But she's all right?"

"Yes."

Leonardo heaved a sigh of relief. "I've been so worried this whole time. We would've called, but I lost my t-phone and Aunt Mei's phone got crushed, too."

Splinter ran his eyes over the many bruises that discolored Leonardo's skin. "But how are you, my son?"

"Banged up a bit, and my head is killing me. But Aunt Mei's in worse shape. She's really weak, and all I know is that she has a concussion."

"She is in good company. Raphael and Michelangelo sustained concussions as well. I would not be surprised if you do, too."

"Are they okay?"

"They will recover well, I think."

"What about you, Sensei?"

"My injuries are insignificant. And most of them have healed, now that my family is once again together." Splinter took Mei over to the couch and laid her down gently. "Please get some ice, Leonardo, and a glass of water."

Leonardo nodded and hurried to the kitchen.

Kirby stirred. He gasped softly and sat up. "Mei! You're all right!"

Mei winced at the noise. "I would not go that far."

"Let me help," Kirby said, getting up and walking over. He pulled a pen light out of his pocket and flashed it in Mei's eyes. "You have a bad concussion. I'll get some ice – and Splinter, do you have acetaminophen? NSAIDs or aspirin can risk hemorrhaging."

Splinter prickled. He had treated concussions before, and he was well aware of the procedures. "Leonardo is already getting the ice. I have the medicine here if she wants it, but she may prefer to meditate."

"That's ridiculous," Kirby said, in scandalized tones. "You can't meditate away swelling in the brain. Besides, she may have reinjured her broken bones. She needs proper medical treatment, not meditation."

"I realize that you are trying to help, my friend," Splinter said, trying to mask the irritation in his voice, "but I have the situation under control."

Kirby held his hands up. "Sorry. I've taken her to so many doctors' appointments, and I know what's going on with her body. I know what she needs better than you do."

Splinter clenched his fists. Jealousy surged through him, immediately followed by guilt. It should have been him who took Mei to the doctor. He should have paid better attention to the inventory of her injuries, but he had selfishly avoided the issue because he wasn't sure he could bear knowing the full extent of what Shredder had done to Mei.

_Nobody_ should have known what was going on with Mei's body better than Splinter did. _Nobody. _

And yet Kirby did. In fact, he had been more of a caretaker to Mei than Splinter had. Mei had not volunteered any detailed information to Splinter, and he had not asked.

He had let Mei down, whether she had said anything to him about it or not.

"Very well," Splinter said, backing up a step.

Leonardo walked back into the room with a glass of water and an ice pack. "How is she?"

"Definitely concussed," Kirby said. He looked up at Leonardo. "Give me that." Leonardo handed the ice pack to Kirby, who promptly applied it to Mei's head. "Now. Where's that Tylenol?"

Biting his tongue, Splinter passed the bottle of medicine to Kirby. He tried to remind himself that Kirby was trying to help, and was fairly knowledgeable about medical things. But still, Splinter had treated enough concussions in his time, and he understood the art of healing through meditation better than Kirby did. Kirby did not even believe that such a thing was possible.

"Sit up, Mei – I need you to take this medicine," Kirby said.

"No. I will meditate through it," Mei said.

"You can hardly keep your eyes open as it is."

"That is because I'm trying to meditate." Mei's voice was a little terse now.

"This isn't an opiate painkiller. It won't interfere with your meditation. Take it anyway. Please?"

Mei grumbled something unintelligible and extended her hand to take the acetaminophen from Kirby. Leonardo handed her the glass of water and she swallowed the pills. "Yoshi, can you help me to the floor? This couch is terrible for Shavasana."

Splinter stepped forward to help Mei, but Kirby held out a hand, signaling him to stop.

"I'm afraid a meditative position might put some additional strain on your muscles," Kirby said. "Can you meditate while lying still?"

Splinter had to draw a deep breath to rein in his temper. Kirby knew absolutely nothing about meditation, and clearly did not understand how much Mei needed it. Ordinarily, Splinter would not have been so irritated by this. After all, Kirby was a friend who was trying to help – a friend whose entire background in science and medicine was drenched in Western concepts and prejudices, through no specific fault of his own.

But Splinter was exhausted, he had spent the whole night worrying about his family, and his temperament was worn thin. It was all he could do not to lash out at Kirby.

"That's what Shavasana is, Mr. O'Neil," Leonardo said politely, saving Splinter from having to explain it. "It's not the _best _pose for meditative healing, but it will still help. Right, Sensei?"

Splinter nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"Oh," Kirby said, his cheeks pinking a bit. "Here, Mei. Let me help you down." He eased Mei down off of the couch and onto the floor.

_She asked _me_ to help her, you ignorant _gaijin.

Though he had not spoken it aloud, Splinter still clapped a hand over his mouth. It was such a base and unfair thing to think, especially after everything Kirby had done for the family over the last several weeks. Especially after everything Kirby had done for Mei.

"Is everything okay, Master Splinter?" Leonardo asked.

_No_. Everything was _not _okay.

He had killed in cold blood.

He had failed Mei by not being more attentive to her care, been a coward for not wanting to know how badly the Shredder had hurt her.

To top it off, he was being possessive and – albeit silently – outrageously rude.

And here Leonardo was, asking if Splinter was _okay. _Leonardo, who had always looked up to Splinter to be a pillar of honor, before Leonardo even knew what honor _was._

What kind of role model for his sons _was _he?

"Please go check on your brothers, Leonardo," Splinter said, evading the question entirely. "I am sure they will be glad to see that you are well."

Leonardo nodded and headed down the hallway toward the rooms.

"Yoshi," Mei said, smiling up at him from the floor. "You are tired. I can tell you have neglected yourself tonight. Won't you join me?"

For an instant, it was Tang Shen's smile.

Then, all he saw was Mei. Beautiful, brave, intelligent, caring Mei.

Nothing in the world sounded better than joining her in meditation.

"I think I'll go check on April," Kirby said, glancing back and forth between them.

Splinter paid no attention to Kirby, though. He sat down on the floor beside Mei, then lay back and settled comfortably into the corpse pose.

He didn't even realize that he had almost immediately fallen asleep instead of into a trance until Michelangelo's loud rejoicing _whoop _snapped him back awake.

"Leo?" Raphael's voice echoed from down the hall. "_Leo!"_

Splinter smiled and closed his eyes again. His family was whole.

In that moment, everything _was _okay.

* * *

**So yeah, I know Splinter was a bit OOC, but I think it fits considering the night he's had, poor guy. Plus, it's always awkward/infuriating when a dude realizes that another dude knows more about his girlfriend than he does...**

**Also, I found a mistake which I hopefully fixed before anyone saw it...LOL. **


	38. Chapter 38

**Oh my gosh…I LOVED the newest episode of ****_TMNT_****, "Tales of the Yokai," but now ALL of my Splinter headcanon is totally inaccurate! I've actually tried to maintain it throughout all of my writings, and now it's off. So, I liked the episode, but it definitely paints a different picture of Splinter's past than what I had imagined for him. Like, I always thought they lived in the country, that it was the house that burned down, not the dojo – and it turns out that the dojo burned down and they lived in an apartment in the city. The notion of Tang Shen being tempted by Saki during a rough patch in her relationship with Splinter was an interesting wrinkle in the metanarrative, though. So, anyway, my AU is now way more AU than ever before, so…I guess just keep on enjoying it!**

* * *

"So, Karai," April said, sitting in the chair in the corner of Karai's hospital room, "where are you going to live now that you're officially homeless?"

Karai, reclining on the hospital bed, frowned. "I've never been so glad to be homeless in my life. It wasn't a home, anyway. It was just a place to live."

_Way to go, April. You could have phrased that a little better._ She had been trying to be funny – she still struggled a little whenever she interacted with Karai, and when she was nervous, she made things into jokes. Feeling like an idiot, she looked toward the window to distract herself. Glimpses of sunlight peeked between the vertical blinds, giving her an idea. "It's so sunny outside. Are you sure that you don't want to open the blinds? It's gloomy in here."

"Whatever."

Taking that as permission, April got up and opened up the blinds. Brilliant sunshine spilled into the room and cascaded over the flowers and balloons that had collected at Karai's bedside. April grinned. Two days, and Karai had already obtained three bouquets of flowers. "Who sent you the daisies?"

"The nurses. I guess they feel sorry for me. Though you all need to stop sending me flowers, or it's going to looks suspicious."

April waved her hand in dismissal. "They just think they're from the families of the two concerned citizens who saved you from that vicious street fight. Oh, and speaking of flowers…" April reached into her backpack and pulled out a small box from inside. Karai was going to _love _this. "Leo wanted me to give you this."

Karai took the box and opened it. Inside was an intricate origami of a cluster of pale pink blossoms.

"It took him hours to make it," April said, grinning. Leo had obsessed over every detail and fold, and had thrown away multiple failures before finally being content with the finished product. "They're _sakura _– cherry blossoms."

"I know what _sakura _are," Karai said flatly. She closed the box again and set it on the table beside her bed.

April was taken aback. She knew Karai wasn't overly sentimental, but she'd expected at least a little bit of a reaction. After all, the origami was breathtaking. April had been astounded at how many tiny folds there were. Leo deserved a little more appreciation than that. Heck, he deserved _any _appreciation. "Don't you like it?"

Karai shrugged.

Feeling disappointed on Leo's behalf, April zipped up her backpack. "So, anyway…where are you thinking of living? You've only got three choices, so that should help you narrow it down."

"Probably in Mei's apartment." Karai sat up. "How close is she to hacking the system and modifying the records? I don't think I can stand this hospital room for much longer."

April folded her arms. "Wow. I'm touched by how concerned you are about _her _health."

Karai just stared out the window.

April clenched her fists. She was trying, really she was, but Karai was so difficult to connect with. Besides their sorta kinda heart-to-heart they'd had before Karai had gone back to take down the Foot, most of their communication was not great. Karai seemed to have constructed some kind of wall – a cold one, at that.

"She's doing okay, by the way," April said. "By some miracle, she didn't re-fracture any of her old breaks. She's really beaten up, but she should recover okay."

Karai nodded.

"Anyway, she's making you wait until you're recovered enough to successfully stealth your way out. _Then_ she'll hack the system. It won't do anything about their paper records, though. That's your job."

"I know what _my _job is."

"And part of that job is recovering, so just take it easy for a few days, will you?"

Karai scoffed.

"I give up. You're _impossible_, you know that?" April stormed out of the hospital room and shut the door behind her. Her eyes watered, and she didn't know if it was because her feelings were hurt or if she was mad or _what_.

Shaking her head, she walked down to visitor check-out. The staff member handed her the clipboard to sign. As she pressed her pen against the paper, she saw the previous line that indicated she had brought in a backpack with her.

Great. Just great. After that dramatic exit, she had to go back for her backpack. "Sorry, I left my pack in there. Is it okay if I go get it?"

The staff member nodded, and April walked back to Karai's room with dread.

When she opened the door, she was surprised to find Karai holding the origami. Karai delicately ran her fingers along the folds. She glanced at April out of the corner of her eye.

"I left my pack," April said lamely.

Karai shrugged slightly.

April clenched her jaw.

_Impossible. _

She grabbed her pack and was almost out the door.

"You'll come see me again?" Karai said, in a tiny voice.

Startled, April turned. Karai still stared at the origami. "Yeah."

Karai simply nodded.

As April walked back to the desk to sign out, she couldn't keep a tiny smile from forming on her face.

* * *

"Mei? What are you doing here?"

Mei jumped and tore her eyes away from the lines and lines of binary on the computer screen in front of her. April stood in the doorway to the lab with her arms folded. "Trying to work on a solution to Donatello's problem."

April walked over to the desk where Mei sat and plopped her backpack down next to the supercomputer's humming CPU. "That's great and all…but you shouldn't even be down here."

"You sound just like Splinter."

April pointed to the crutches that Mei had leaned up against the desk. "How did you get down here with crutches, anyway?

"The boys helped me. They seemed eager enough to have me here." Granted, Leonardo had not been overly thrilled with the notion, but he had still gone along with it against Splinter's wishes. "I think Michelangelo is making dinner."

"And Dad was okay with this?"

"He's your father, not mine. Besides, you know just as well as I do that he is at work."

"I really don't think it's a good idea for you to be galloping all over the sewers while you're still so weak."

"Strangely enough, I do not recall asking for your opinion. I needed to take the codes in the retro-retro-mutagen formula the Kraang gave us and check it against the old research they gave us a few weeks ago."

"Couldn't you have done that in your apartment?"

"I needed the supercomputer's processor. Besides, Donatello set it up with an OCR scanner, so I was able to enter in all the code without doing in manually." Mei glanced back at the dizzying array of codes on the computer screen. April had caused her to lose her place. "Anyway, Leonardo said you were at the hospital visiting Karai?"

April nodded. "She's really antsy about being cooped up. She doesn't like being forced into a decent recovery time – I guess it must be a family trait."

"I have had enough recovery time, thank you very much. Now, I think the boys are getting warmed up for training, so if you hurry you'll be able to join them."

"Yeah, Splinter doesn't like it when I'm late," April said. She laid a gentle hand on Mei's shoulder. Still being sore from the whole ordeal, Mei flinched. "Did that hurt?"

Mei sighed. "Only a little."

"Mei, just promise me you won't push it, okay?"

"I promise."

With that, April turned and said a quick hello to Donatello before she left the lab.

Mei looked across the room at her nephew. He was awake now, staring blankly at the ceiling. It was unfathomable – to think that all of that genius was gone, replaced by an empty body. At least the regular turtle had had some spirit, some enjoyment of life. This Donatello was all but dead.

But if what the others had said about the occasional recognition in Donatello's expression was true, she had to keep trying to find a solution. What was it, exactly, that triggered the development of Donatello's sentient mind?

The answer had to be buried somewhere in the code. In the molecule. Maybe, she could write a program that would translate the binary into a diagram of the retro-retro-mutagen molecule. Maybe that would help her see a little more easily.

So she started writing the program, poring over more and more lines of codes and algorithms. Donatello already had a similar program in place, so all she had to do was make a few tweaks here and there. In a couple of hours, she had finished and had started running the Kraang's code through the conversion program. In a little while, she'd have her diagram, and maybe whatever it was she was missing would stick out to her.

"I presume that you have made some progress?" Splinter's voice came from directly behind her.

She jumped, swiveling the chair to face him. "Yoshi! Don't scare me like that!"

"I cannot help it if your focus was so deep you did not hear my approach." His tone was playful.

Mei couldn't keep a half-smile from creeping onto her face. "I have made some progress, I think. At least, I will know more once this program runs. It could take a few hours."

"Mmm."

Mei hesitated. "Yoshi, something has been bothering me the last two days. Those men you attacked…your force seemed…excessive."

Splinter sighed. "I am aware of this. That night, I did many things I am not proud of. But Mei…I could not stand to lose you."

Mei's stomach felt oddly cold. "So you violated your own principles to keep me safe?"

"Yes." Splinter hung his head. "Mei…the Ronin…I killed him in cold blood. In rage and hatred. He was there, outside – when the Shredder came to destroy me. And he had hurt my family. I – I couldn't hold back my anger."

A brief surge of hate went through Mei at the mention of the Ronin. "That I understand. He was there watching when…" The sound of her boys screaming flashed through the back of her mind.

Splinter drew a sharp breath in between his teeth and clenched his fists.

Mei thought of how many times she had longed to destroy the people who killed her family. How she would have gone to any lengths, no matter how savage, to save them. She had no place to judge Splinter's excessive violence. In fact, in Splinter's place, she might have killed those men, not just viciously disabled them. She had no business judging him for it, in any way.

Unlike Splinter's reaction to killing the Ronin in cold blood, however, she felt no remorse for having blown Shredder's head into pieces.

She put a hand on Splinter's arm. "Had I had the strength, I might have done no better. The lines between defense, justice and revenge are fine, are they not? And it is a line I have already crossed."

Splinter took her hand into his and kissed it. "Then you understand?"

"All too well. I simply didn't want you to violate your beliefs…because of me."

"Trust me. It was not solely on your account." A sad smile crossed his face.

"Sensei? Obasan?"

Splinter pulled away from Mei rather abruptly. "Leonardo. What is it?"

"It's okay, Sensei. Aunt Mei already told me about you guys. Don't worry – I haven't told anyone else."

Splinter raised an eyebrow and shot a glance in Mei's direction. "Oh?"

"In my defense, I had a fresh concussion," Mei said loftily.

"So, anyway," Leonardo said, "Mikey said dinner's almost ready, so you should wrap up whatever you're um…doing."

"The program can run by itself." Mei reached for her crutches.

Leonardo gave her a look that said, _Program, huh? _"Do you need any help with those?"

"I will help her, Leonardo," Splinter said.

A sly grin ghosted across Leonardo's face as he turned to go.

Once he was gone, Splinter turned to Mei. "You _told _him. I thought we had agreed to keep this private."

"He needed reassurance about something." Mei wondered how Splinter would react to knowing about Leonardo's romantic inclinations. "I'll explain it to you later. For now, dinner."

* * *

By the time dinner was over, the program had not yet finished running. However, Mei was exhausted. There was no reason that the program couldn't continue to run overnight. She wouldn't be able to come back until the afternoon, but as long as nobody touched the computer, everything should be fine.

She hobbled her way out of the lab once again and slid the door shut. Everyone else sat in the den, watching some kind of martial arts movie. She went over and sat down next to April.

"Wow," Leonardo commented. "Their stunt guy has really sloppy form."

"What?" April said. "It looked fine to me."

Raphael gave April a light playful punch on the shoulder. "Aw, come on. When they make most of these movies, they figure all they need to do is fool a few million movie-goers who know _nothing_ about martial arts."

Michelangelo scoffed. "Yeah – and if they call that _jō-_staff a _bō-_staff one more time, Donnie's gonna flip out." A hush fell over the room. The enjoyment slid off of everyone's faces. Michelangelo blushed. "Sorry," he muttered.

Mei felt a pang of sympathy for Michelangelo. He was so innocent and hopeful – for him, it was as if Donatello was not in grave danger of never recovering. After everything they had been through recently, they deserved a little levity, so she decided to play dumb to divert their attention. "I don't see the difference."

"Are you kidding?" Michelangelo said. "A _bō _is like, way longer. Like, by a gajillion inches"

"If by a gajillion you meant around twenty-four," Leonardo said in a corrective tone. He looked over at Mei. "I'm surprised you didn't know that – you have both in your collection."

Mei made a show of scrutinizing at the screen. "Oh, you're right. It is shorter. Sorry, I wasn't looking very closely. My eyes are tired from squinting at the computer. Speaking of which…I'm very tired."

"You want help to the room we set up for you a while back?"

"Actually, I'd like to go back to my apartment. I have physical therapy in the morning, and it would just be easier this way – Kirby can drive me in that ridiculous van of his."

Splinter crossed his arms and stared intently at the television.

Mei smiled at the thought of Splinter being jealous. On the one hand, it was ridiculous. On the other…it was decidedly flattering.

Raphael held up the remote and paused it. "Let's get you home, then."

"I guess I'll go home too," April said

One thoroughly uncomfortable trip later, Mei brushed her teeth and settled down into bed. Just before she drifted off, she remembered that she had left the lights on in the lab.

Oh, well – Donatello seemed to sleep or be awake regardless of the lighting, and it wasn't as though they had an electric bill to pay. Still, the thought of Donatello trying to sleep with the bright lights made her feel a little guilty. But surely Splinter would check on him before he went to sleep. He would turn off the lights.

It was enough to reassure her.

She finally fell into sleep, her dreams permeated with lines and lines of coding.


	39. Chapter 39

Day in, day out, he lived in a fog of non-comprehension. He had the faintest idea that there were things happening around him. Occasionally, someone or something would put water or soft, mushy food into his mouth. Reflexes dictated that he swallow.

Reflexes dictated nearly everything. They dictated that he blink, that he breathe, that the three valves of his heart contract in proper rhythm. They dictated when he slept and when he woke.

Everything was fog.

Very infrequently, he would hear a sound that congealed into meaning in the back of his mind. Sometimes, the sound remained a mystery. Others, it seemed like it was something he should have understood. On those rare occasions that it took on meaning, though, the word formed like a haze of pain behind his eyes.

_Donatello._

The pain was always so intense that reflexes shut the word away, robbing it of its meaning.

And he returned to the fog—uninterrupted, numbing, senseless fog.

A faint electronic hum – almost imperceptible – reached him. The fog slowly started to fade. The concept of _now _or _present_ flitted through his mind. He cast his eyes around, looking for something to make sense of; he was completely alone in a brightly-lit room full of things that he felt he should have recognized. He couldn't process all of it at once. Pain threatened to drag him back into the fog. He hated the fog. He closed his eyes until the pain subsided, then tentatively opened them again.

Immediately, his gaze fell on an object on the other side of the room. The rectangular shape held some kind of significance. He needed to examine it more closely.

Reflexes allowed him to stand up and walk—albeit shakily and achingly—across the room. He picked up the aged, tattered rectangular object. It had symbols of some kind on the front. He stared at it until words painfully congealed in his comprehension.

_The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire. _

He groaned aloud in pain; the sound of his voice startled him. He had forgotten that he even had a voice. Something like memory knifed through his head, so painful it threatened to bring him back into the fog permanently.

He let the object fall from his hands and he squeezed his eyes shut. He focused on his labored breathing until the pain was more bearable. When he opened his eyes again, he looked at the shelf that was covered with more rectangular objects. Without really understanding why, he picked up one that was even older than the first. It occurred to him that he should open it. The pages, covered in symbols, startled him with more pain; he dropped the object to the ground. When he dared to open his eyes again, the word at the top of the page triggered some kind of reaction deep inside of him.

If he tried to understand what he was doing, the pain would have killed him.

Then, once again, the almost imperceptible hum registered in his mind.

He stumbled awkwardly over to a large object—his mind excruciatingly formed the word _chair—_and he collapsed into it. Breathing through the pain, he stared at the thing in front of him, begging it to make sense to him.

_Computer. Keyboard. Mouse._

He whimpered as the agony almost took him back to the fog. He fought the pain. He couldn't let it win.

As if by reflex, he tapped a key on the keyboard; the computer's screen lit up. The screen was covered with a large, confusing shape. Nevertheless, the shape spoke to him. It meant something; it meant something crucial. His eyes flitted up to the top of the screen, where he saw symbols strung together.

_Retro-retro-mutagen molecule. _

His eyes watered. He couldn't close them now. He wouldn't be able to subdue the pain; if he didn't keep going now, he wouldn't be able to continue.

Letting his instincts guide him, he clicked on a small icon; a different shape popped up. This one was labeled _retro-mutagen molecule. _ He cried out; it felt as though thousands of needles were being driven into his eyes.

_This means something, this means something, means something, something… _

He clicked back and forth between the two images, staring at each of them until his mind threatened to explode. The fog was trying to claim him again. It crept in around him, its numbing, mindless tentacles started to caress him.

_No. _

He forced it back. Rapidly, he clicked between the two images until the pain of realization struck him right between the eyes. Reflexively, he clicked on a third icon. A third shape appeared; after reading its label to confirm that it was the right one, he scanned the diagram, looking for a specific thing. He found it.

Fog rolled in. He couldn't hold it back much longer. He needed to somehow record this, so that when he came to, he could see it again. The word _pen _lanced through his skull.

_There!_ There was an icon on the screen shaped like a pen. He clicked it. Then, while holding down the button on the mouse, he circled the specific thing. Other icons on the screen made sense to him now; he selected one with a large letter on it. After clicking the cursor near his circle, he turned his attention to the keyboard.

The words that had formed in the back of his head were agony enough, without him trying to translate them onto the computer screen. Slowly, painfully, one symbol at a time, he typed the words onto the diagram. He knew that he was skipping letters. He had to keep going.

The pain was too much. The sound of his own cries was too much. He fell out of the chair and onto the ground, where he convulsed in and out of the fog.

He _had _to fight it.

"Donatello!"

The word _Donatello _reasserted itself in his consciousness. That was him. That was his name. Squinting through the pain, he looked up. The creature in front of him made memories—too many memories, too much to process, too much, too _much_—stab through his mind.

Desperately, a single word tried to form itself. The word came to him letter by painful letter, but he couldn't string them together in something meaningful.

While saying words that Donatello couldn't understand, the creature ran to get a bottle of something. The creature brought it over and held the bottle near Donatello's mouth.

Donatello smacked the bottle away. Nothing was going to help him except what he had found on the computer screen. He tried to say something, tried to tell this creature what he had found, but trying to make sense out of everything was too excruciating. The pain wiped out his cogent thoughts like an eraser flying across a chalkboard.

The fog crept in. In one last coherent moment, Donatello looked into the creature's eyes. He placed his hand on the side of the creature's face; in turn, the creature placed its hand on Donatello's.

Letters desperately fought to congeal amidst the returning haze.

_S – p – l – i…_

The pain overwhelmed him. It won.

Donatello forgot his name—forgot everything—and slipped back into the fog.


	40. Chapter 40

Splinter sat alone in the den, staring at the frozen frame on the television screen. The boys hadn't even bothered to push 'stop' or turn off the movie they were watching - they just hopped up from the couches to help Mei, and then they were all gone within a few minutes.

Leonardo's voice had echoed down the tunnel several moments later. "_Oh-yeah-Sensei-we're-going-on-patrol-after!" _ It was the "not asking for permission" method of asking for permission that Leonardo liked to use sometimes. Leonardo was a great leader and could display great maturity – but then there were those times that he reminded Splinter that he was still a typical teenager.

Splinter rather disliked the idea of his sons going on patrol so soon after this whole business with the Ronin, but they had not gone on patrol since Donatello's accident. In a way, this was a signal that things might be returning to normal, that they were reaching a state of acceptance about their brother's condition. It would be good for them to get some fresh air.

Splinter turned his attention back to the television screen. The character in the frame was in the middle of a poorly postured kata. It was a shame, really. Usually, Korean martial arts films were much higher quality than this – at least the martial arts were, if not the story. But Splinter found that half the fun of watching these movies with his sons was listening to them pick apart every mistake or mislabeled move. Michelangelo had been right – Donatello would have "flipped out" over the nomenclature of staffs.

_Donatello. _

Suddenly, Splinter didn't want to be in the den anymore. He found the remote and turned off the television, then headed to the dojo to meditate.

After he settled into the lotus position, he struggled to quiet his mind. He tried to focus on his breathing, but he was continually distracted by thoughts of loss and sorrow.

And jealousy.

Splinter felt ashamed for being so petty, given the larger picture. It wasn't as though Kirby was, in any way, trying to win Mei's heart, and it wasn't as though Mei had given any indication that she was interested in Kirby. Perhaps what he was most jealous of was the ability to help Mei the way that Kirby was able to. For the first time since Donatello had crafted the retro-mutagen, Splinter was tempted by the idea of being able to return to his human self. If he had his human form, he could have taken Mei to the doctor. He could have visited Miwa as she was recovering.

He had grown quite accustomed to what he had become, had learned to accept it. Above all else, he had decided to remain a rat for the sake of his sons, remembering how unhappy Leonardo had seemed at even the mere suggestion of Splinter returning to his human form. Remaining a rat seemed like the most clear-cut decision in the world. His sons came first.

It didn't make being a rat any easier, nor did it make it any less infuriating that he could not provide for Mei's needs.

Focusing on his breathing, he finally found the peace of mind to acknowledge his thoughts and let them flow away. After a few more minutes, he slipped into a deep trance.

A faint sound reached his keen hearing, but he dismissed it and focused more deeply on his meditation.

Several minutes later, he heard it again, louder this time. He tuned it out again. Nearly sixteen years of living with four boys had taught him how to filter out their noise.

He was at peace.

And yet, somewhere in the depths of his trance, a distracting thought occurred to him.

_Nobody else is here. _

So if anyone was making noise…

_Donatello!_

Splinter abruptly surfaced from his trance, his heart racing. He listened intently, but didn't hear anything. Still, it probably wouldn't hurt to check on Donatello anyway. He climbed up from the floor and headed out of the dojo.

He was halfway to the lab when he heard it again. The sound of screaming escaped through the slightly ajar doors of the lab.

It _was _Donatello.

Splinter ran the rest of the way and burst into the lab. Donatello lay on the floor in front of the computer, flailing and crying out in pain.

"Donatello!"

Donatello looked up. His expression was wild and confused, as though he was desperately trying to understand what was going on. But even worse than his confusion was the pain that twisted his visage.

"Do not worry, my son," Splinter said, suppressing panic. "I will get something for the pain." He ran over to Donatello's medical supplies and found an old bottle of grape-flavored children's Tylenol. It would be much easier for him to swallow. He hurried back over to Donatello and put a hand behind his head to support it, then brought the open bottle near Donatello's mouth.

With a cry, Donatello swatted the bottle away. It fell to the floor, where the sticky purple liquid glugged out slowly. His mouth moved wordlessly, as though he was struggling to say something. That same powerful expression of recognition filled his eyes. He reached out and placed his hand on the side of Splinter's face.

Splinter placed his own hand over his son's, feeling his son's pain, desperately wishing he knew what to do.

Like someone had hit a switch, Donatello's face went totally blank. His eyes glazed over, totally unfocused. His arm went slack and his hand fell away.

"Donatello." Splinter took hold of his son's shoulder's and shook him gently. "Donatello. Donatello!"

Nothing.

Weeping silently, Splinter hugged Donatello's nonreactive body. For several minutes, he breathed his way through the grief, silently chanting, _Acknowledge; let flow_ to himself. Finally, he emerged from his emotionally compromised state and released his son.

Splinter's stoicism allowed him to observe the situation.

Donatello's reflexes kept him from falling forward. Just as before, he seemed to be in some kind of automatic plane of existence. That plane had been interrupted—by the looks of things, quite severely—but now he had returned to it. Splinter had no idea what this meant. If he had enough emotional energy left, he would have cursed the fact that Mei and the others were gone. He was adept enough in field medicine, but this kind of thing was well beyond him.

Splinter hooked his arms under Donatello's and started to hoist him up from the ground. After Splinter had lifted him several inches, Donatello reflexively climbed the rest of the way to his feet. A gentle tug was enough to start him walking. Splinter guided Donatello onto the bed, where he sat, his face impassive and unsearchable.

Splinter got a glass of water. Gently cupping one hand under Donatello's chin, he poured water into his mouth. Donatello swallowed the water as he always did.

Splinter guided Donatello until he was lying down; simple nudges and tugs were enough to cause him to change position. Splinter tried not to think about how eerily similar it was to pushing buttons on a robot.

Donatello's eyes remained wide open, occasionally blinking. He slept on his own schedule.

Once he was certain that his son was comfortable, Splinter turned his attention to the rest of the room. Donatello had apparently knocked a few things over; Splinter picked up some of the "get well soon" tokens off the floor and replaced them next to the bed. He went to get a towel and came back in to mop up the spilled grape Tylenol.

As he stood up, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

The computer was on.

He mentally chastised himself for not noticing it before. It was on the floor in front of the computer that he found his son in the first place. He examined what was on the screen.

Even in Japan, Splinter had never been good with computers. He used an all-paper system for records at his dojo. He only ever used Tang Shen's computer for email, and even then, he preferred to write letters. He had laughed at her for wanting to take computer lessons—now he wished he had joined her.

Not that knowing how to use that simple, old computer they owned would have helped him any now. He stared at the screen for a moment; clearly, it was the chemical diagram of a molecule. When he looked up at the top of the screen, he saw that it was labeled _mutagen molecule._ Had the computer simply been left on this screen, and when Donatello bumped into it, he had brought this up?

Splinter was about to go back to picking things up when he noticed that a spot on the screen had been circled. The circle traced around four atoms, and it had been captioned with a series of letters:

_upredabilyfactrisky_

Splinter glanced back over at Donatello. Perhaps he had just stumbled over to the computer and pressed the keys by random. Perhaps the circle had been placed there by Mei.

His intuition told him that was not the case.

Nevertheless, he would not be able to know until he could talk to Mei again. He would have to call her as soon as he finished tidying things up.

He noticed that two books had fallen on the floor over by the bookshelf. He almost yelled when he saw which two books they were. _The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire_ lay on its front; the dictionary—not just any dictionary, but the one that he had given Donatello over ten years ago—lay on its spine. It was open to the page whose first entry was the word _mutant._

Splinter was dumbfounded. He picked up both books and brought them over to the bed. "Donatello, were you reading these?"

Donatello did not even blink in response.

Splinter tried placing the dictionary in Donatello's hand, but as before, Donatello would not take hold of it. Cursing himself for false hope, Splinter replaced the books on the shelf. But was it false hope? _Something_ had just happened. After two weeks of nothing but the same nonreactive behavior—nothing but blank stares, this had to mean something.

Once everything was tidied up, Splinter sat next to Donatello on the bed and took his hand. "Donatello," he whispered. "What should I do?"

_Donnie-bo. _

Splinter's thoughts wandered to another time he had been unable to assist Donatello. He remembered handing his eight-year-old son a glass of water, saying as confidently as possible, "The fever will pass."

Externally, he had remained stoic, in order to teach calmness during crisis. Internally, he panicked over the intensity of Donatello's fever. None of the boys had ever been this sick before. Raphael had started coughing earlier that morning, and Michelangelo was already running a low fever. With all of the close contact of hand-to-hand combat training, there was no question that all four of them would be very ill soon, and Splinter might very well follow suit.

"It _might_ pass, but I just took my temperature a minute ago," Donatello said, his voice hoarse with phlegm. "It's at 104.5. If it stays this high for much longer, I'm going to suffer permanent damage—possibly to my brain or eyes."

_Heavens, child, _Splinter thought. _Are you trying to make me panic? _He hated that he didn't have the solution to the problem. He hated admitting it. He hated that he couldn't provide for the well being of his sons, that he couldn't take them to a physician. Finally, the sense of helplessness overwhelmed his shame in asking a child for help. "What should I do?"

"I'm going to need a higher dose of that." Donatello said, pointing to the purple bottle of grape-flavored children's Tylenol that Splinter had found behind a pharmacy. "At least twice the recommended dose on the bottle. I'm pretty sure that my system can handle it. We're going to need more of it, too, because I think Mikey and Raph are also coming down with this. Don't they make an adult version?"

Splinter retrieved the bottle and measured out an extra-large dose. "They do, but I never had reason to use it."

Donatello coughed hoarsely. "It's not for the pain, Sensei. It's for the fever. You can't meditate your way out of fever."

Splinter almost said yes, one can, but the point was moot. Only somebody highly experienced could manage it. He couldn't even get his sons to stop fidgeting while he trained them in meditation. "I understand. I will go 'topside' as soon as it is dark and try to find some. What else?"

"I've got to find out if this is a viral or a bacterial infection. It happened fast, which makes me think viral. But if it's bacterial, then we're going to need antibiotics."

Doubt crept over Splinter. Prescription medications were handled with far more care than over-the-counter ones. "I will see what I can do, but you know how tight the regulations are on those."

"Yeah," muttered Donatello. "It's probably a virus. I'm almost sure it is. Antibiotics wouldn't help anyways."

Later that night, Splinter had returned to the lair with several half-used bottles of extra-strength Tylenol. He could hear Michelangelo and Raphael coughing in their bedrooms, but he heard Leonardo's voice come from Donatello's makeshift lab.

"Don't forget to drink water."

Splinter peered through the doorway. Donatello was focused on the microscope, but when Leonardo pushed him, he took a sip of ice water. "Thanks. Now, close that dish up and we'll put it somewhere warm."

Leonardo covered the plate which had been commandeered as a petri dish. "Ew. What exactly is mold gonna do?"

"I'm making penicillin. It will kill the bacterial infection. At least, I hope. I've never done this before."

"I thought you said it was a virus."

"I don't know yet. I'm waiting for my throat culture to mature, and then I'll know. But if it is bacterial, then the penicillin will be ready." Donatello coughed violently. "I hope," he added, with a wheeze.

"Drink more water, Donnie," Leonardo said, pressing the glass into Donatello's hand.

In the end, it did turn out to be a bacterial infection. The penicillin had cured all of them. Donatello had risen up from his own illness and saved himself from it.

_Donnie-bo. _

_Donatello. _

Splinter had never forgotten that, and he could not forget it now. He prayed that the random letters on the computer screen were the answer, just as that first homemade batch of penicillin had been all those years ago.


	41. Chapter 41

_Tap. Tap. Tap. _

Karai sat bolt upright in her hospital bed. Her chest surged with screaming pain at the motion. She clenched her teeth and hissed.

She had known it was a gamble, knocking Raphael out of the way, but if she had known she was definitely going to take the blade for him, she might have reconsidered. The pain was excruciating and the hospital stay was even worse. Still – the thought of Raphael dying, the thought of Leonardo and Michelangelo grief-stricken by the loss of another brother…

No, her decision had been worth it. As painful as her chest was, the thought of Leonardo's pain at losing Raphael hurt worse.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. _

It seemed to be coming from the window. The blinds were still open from when April had pulled them earlier that day, but instead of bright sunlight, the glow of dim streetlights filtered through the glass. Three strange yet distinct silhouettes stood out against the light.

Karai couldn't stop the smile that crept onto her lips. She waved.

One of the silhouettes waved back excitedly. "She's awake! Booyakasha!"

"Does this window open?" Leonardo's voice was low and even, just audible through the glass.

_Leo. _Karai felt an odd tossing sensation in the pit of her stomach, a feeling somewhere between excitement and fear. She slowly got out of the bed, suddenly very grateful that she had put on two hospital gowns, one in front and one in back, so there was no chance that she would totally embarrass herself. She grabbed her I.V. drip cart and made her way over to the window.

Granted, she was still embarrassed. A lot. She had honestly been hoping that no one besides April or Mei would come to see her. Something about appearing so weak in front of the turtles – especially in front of Leo – made her face go hot with shame. For a minute, she considered simply pulling the blinds closed and going back to bed.

She wasn't entirely why she didn't.

Instead, she examined the window, found a locking mechanism, and unlocked it. Leonardo managed to take care of the rest from the outside, using a knife to pry open the window enough to get his fingers in. Then, the three turtles pushed the heavy window pane up until they could fit through the gap. Michelangelo was the first in. He threw his arms around Karai, nearly ripping out her I.V.

"Watch it, Mikey!" Leo hissed, crawling in next. "Be gentle."

"Oh, right," Mikey said, grinning sheepishly. He released her. "Sorry, sis. Hope I didn't hurt you."

Karai winced. "Not too much."

Raphael was the last one in. "Nice place. I like it better than your last one."

"Ha, ha." Karai folded her arms. He could at least show her a little respect, considering she'd saved his butt. Granted, he was right. Just about anywhere was better than continuing to live in Shredder's old lair, filled with memories of a dark, bitter, joyless past.

Leo awkwardly patted Karai on the shoulder. "How are you holding up? April said you were getting a little stir crazy."

"Not crazy enough that I'd want you guys to climb up the outside of a hospital to visit me."

"Oh." Leo scratched the back of his neck and took a step back. "Heh. Sorry, we didn't mean to bother you."

"Yeah," Mikey said. "'Sides, we didn't climb up. We rappelled down from the roof, like a turtle do."

Raph scoffed. "Because that makes _such_ a difference, Mikey." He shook his head. "We'll leave in a sec. I just wanted to stop by and, you know…say thanks."

"It was his idea to come," Mikey said. He cupped a hand over one side of his mouth and leaned over toward Karai. "It's kinda a big deal. He doesn't do this sorta thing a lot."

Karai scoffed. "Well, what was I _supposed_ to do?"

"Honestly?" Raph hung his head. "I kinda figured that you were the sort to just…let me…well...I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I was wrong."

Michelangelo's mouth fell open. "Okay, he _really_ doesn't do that a lot."

"Oh, can it, will you?" Raph said. He smacked Mikey on the back of head. "Look, Karai. I know we've had our differences, but I owe you. Big time. And…well, we are family." He extended his hand. "Are we good?"

Karai hesitated. Trust and forgiveness were still foreign concepts to her, and the fact that Raphael had offered her neither had been one of the things that kept her anchored. Now, that was gone. But so was the part of her life where she'd lived in nothing but mistrust and vendettas. Maybe it was time to move forward. She took Raph's hand and shook it. "We're good."

Raphael grinned. "Good. So, you holding up okay? I hate to admit it, but I've been pretty worried about you."

"Wow, Raph, you've never been this nice to me," Michelangelo said.

"Yeah, well, you never saved my life."

"Hey! Totally not true, bro! I saved your life from those freaky wasps, remember?"

"Well, you've never saved it by almost dying."

Mikey held up a finger and opened his mouth. He shut his mouth and his posture drooped. "Well, you still could be nicer to me."

Karai couldn't stifle a giggle. "Is this what sibling rivalry is usually like? Maybe I don't want to be part of the family."

"Trust me, you don't," Raph said, grinning wryly.

Leo folded his arms. "We're right here, you know."

Karai giggled even more, putting her hand over her mouth in a feeble attempt to hide it. At that exact moment, for the first time and without a doubt, she decided that she genuinely liked Raphael. Taking the knife had been worth it. "Well, then. That's the last time I save any of your butts."

Raphael nodded. "Probably for the best."

"So," Leo interjected, "how _are _you holding up, Karai?"

"Yeah." Mikey gestured around the room. "I'd go nutso if I was stuck in here."

Raph snorted. "Short trip."

Karai laughed again before clapping her hands over her mouth.

"Hey, Raph, ease up, will you?" Leo hissed.

"What? I'm makin' her laugh. It's supposed to be the best medicine, right? Besides, it's only fair to warn her. At least about Mikey." Raph turned to Karai and pointed at Leo. "And don't get me started on _him_. Set one foot in the dojo and Leader Boy here won't shut up about how your form isn't as good as his."

Michelangelo burst out laughing.

Leo scowled. "Oh, I do _not_!"

Karai couldn't help it. Something in Raphael's tone – the dryness of it, maybe, or just how much that type of humor resonated with her – was irresistibly funny, and Mikey's laughter was contagious. She laughed even harder, when suddenly a sharp pain stabbed through her chest. She clutched at her wound and gasped.

"Are you okay?" Leo asked, placing his hands on her shoulders. "You should probably lie back down."

Ordinarily, Karai would have argued, but the pain was dizzying. "Yeah. I probably should."

Tenderly, Leo offered one arm to Karai and took hold of her I.V. cart with the other. He walked her back to the bed, where she stiffly sat back down and reclined onto her pillow.

"Do you want the covers?" Leo asked.

Somehow, lying down made Karai feel even more vulnerable and exposed in front of the turtles. "Yes."

Again, with complete tenderness, Leo pulled the covers over Karai. "There you go." He sat down on the bed near her feet.

Karai's face grew uncomfortably hot.

"Sorry, I can sometimes be too clever for the general good of society," Raph said. "It's the real reason I spend most of my time in the sewers."

Karai barely heard him. Something about Leo's nearness to her made her palms sweaty.

"That was a bit of a reach, bro," Mikey said. He gestured toward Karai. "I think you lost the crowd."

"Yeah, usually the only person you amuse is yourself," Leo said, his tone saucy. He rolled his eyes and grinned at Karai.

Raph shrugged. "Yeah, well, I'm really the only one who counts, so…"

With another eye roll, Leo shook his head. "Don't worry, Karai – " Leo's t-phone started jingling with a bouncy tune. "That's Aunt Mei's ringtone." He pulled his phone out and tapped the screen. "Is everything okay, Obasan?" There was a pause. "What? _Really_?" His whole face lit up. "We'll be there as soon as we can." He hung up and put his phone away.

"What is it?" Raph and Mikey said at once.

"It's Donnie," Leo said, a grin splitting his face. "He _got up."_

Karai's mouth fell open. "What?"

"Apparently he did something with the computer, and Aunt Mei needs to check it out immediately." He looked at Karai. "Sorry. We have to go – she can't get down to the sewers by herself."

"Aw, but I didn't even get to give Karai the card I made," Michelangelo said.

"Well, give it to her now."

Mikey bounced over to the bed and handed a piece of scrap paper that had been quarter-folded to look like a card. Karai took the card from Mikey. The words on the front were in an untidy scrawl, just legible.

_You are amazeballs _

_Savin Raphs life like a bawss_

Beneath that, there was an amateurish but fairly decent drawing of Karai standing in front of Raphael with her arms extended. Nonplussed, she flipped it open.

_Get well soon, sistah!_

"Well, whaddya think?" Mikey said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"I think I've never seen 'amazeballs' in a haiku before," Karai said.

"I know, right? I'm a total poem-ing genius!"

"You're a total something, all right," Leo said, apparently unable to keep up a façade of maturity. Karai grinned broadly. It was this sarcastic, quick-witted Leo that she liked best. Something about his kindness and tenderness unnerved her.

"Now who needs to ease up?" Raph said, making his expression mock serious. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Leo. He spent hours on it. You know how hard it was – he's never counted as high as seven before."

Mikey nodded vigorously. "Yeah, Leo, I – hey, wait a second!"

"We should really get going." Leo stood up from the bed. "See you soon, Karai."

Raph and Mikey made their way to the window despite exchanging a series of small kicks and punches. Shaking his head, Leo followed after them.

A sudden confusing twinge shot through Karai's chest, totally unrelated to the pain. "Leo, wait. I want to talk to you…alone."

"Oh," Leo said, scratching the back of his neck. Karai was beginning to suspect that this was his tell of nervousness. "Sure. Go ahead guys, I'll catch up."

Rolling his eyes, Raph climbed out through the window. Mikey followed him, and soon they were on their way back to the roof.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Leo said, standing awkwardly halfway between the bed and window.

"I…" Karai looked away. She couldn't look at him. It was too strange, too confusing…why did she feel this way? She'd never felt uncomfortable around him when they were enemies, but since they were allies, things had become strange. And they had become even stranger with all of the lies and deceptions she had perpetrated since. "Thanks for the origami."

Leo's whole face lit up. "You liked it?"

Karai nodded.

"Well, it's the least I could do. I mean, you saved my brother's life. As much as we fight, I don't know what I'd do without Raph. Thank you."

Karai looked at him, locking onto his eyes. For the first time, she realized that they were blue. "I didn't do it for him, Leo. I did it for you."

Leo's expression went blank. "Wait…I…"

"I've lied to you. I've hurt you. I couldn't let something else hurt you, too."

Leo nodded and stared at the floor. "Well…thanks." There was an awkward period of silence. "Karai? Tell me the truth. Did you tell the Kraang to start the project?"

Karai buried her hands in her face. She couldn't lie to Leo anymore. Not now. Not after all the hurt. If he wanted to cut ties with her, fine. She could handle coldness, aloneness. But the weight of the lie was crushing her. "Yes." She squeezed her eyes shut. The room grew silent except for the sound of the medical equipment. She didn't dare to open her eyes, because she knew he would be gone.

She jumped when he laid a hand on her shoulder. She snapped her eyes open and looked up at him, her heart racing and her stomach churning.

His face was plastered with hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You know why," Karai whispered. "You wouldn't have forgiven me then."

"I guess we'll never know," Leo sighed.

"I don't deserve for you to forgive me now. But please…don't tell the others."

Leo nodded. He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "Why did you do it? Why did you tell the Kraang to start that horrible thing?"

"Ronin found out I hadn't. He lied about going back to Japan. He said he'd kill me if I didn't."

"Why didn't you run? Why didn't you come to us?"

"It was before the retro-retro-mutagen was finished. I couldn't fail my mission for Donnie, even if I couldn't take down the Foot."

Leo drew a deep breath and released it slowly. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For what you've done for my brothers. What you've done for me." He took her hand and squeezed it gently. "I have to go." Without another word, he silently made his way back to the window, slid it closed, and disappeared.

Alone, Karai stared at the ceiling while tears ran down the side of her face and seeped into the pillow.

* * *

**Special thanks to Firebird Scratches for getting the notion of haiku stuck in my head. **


	42. Chapter 42

Mei concentrated as she sat in front of Donatello's supercomputer, trying to tune out the cacophony of questions that Splinter and the turtles were throwing at her.

"What does it mean?" Leonardo said, leaning over Mei's shoulder.

Michelangelo stood over by Donnie's side. "Is Donnie back or not? He seems all out of it again."

Mei squinted at the molecule. "I wish I knew." Something caught her eye. "Wait a minute. I think…what he circled is the cluster of atoms that differentiates the mutagen from the retro-mutagen." She clicked over to the diagram of the retro-mutagen molecule. "Yes. It is. I wonder…" She switched to the retro-retro-mutagen molecule and ran her eyes over the chemical structure. "It's not in the retro-retro-mutagen either."

Leonardo blinked. "So…what does that mean?"

"I am not entirely sure. Before we got the solution from the Kraang, I had formed a theory that this cluster was the agent of change in the mutagen – that this was what determined what the mutation would be. After all, not one of the elements in that cluster appears in any quantity in the retro-mutagen. The mutagen molecule itself is huge, but the retro-retro-mutagen molecule is only a fraction of the size."

"Do any of the chemicals in the cluster appear in the retro-retro-mutagen?" Splinter asked. He stood tall, absentmindedly stroking his beard, staring at Donatello. He appeared to be the picture of calm, but Mei knew better.

She ran her eyes over the diagrams again. "Only one of them. Five 'unknown element three' atoms attached to the main molecule by a long hydrocarbon chain. Huh…the same hydrocarbon chain is what attaches the cluster to the original mutagen molecule. The chain isn't even part of the retro-mutagen."

"What exactly is 'unknown element three'?" Leonardo asked.

"It's unknown, genius," Raphael said. "If Donnie had known what it was, he'd have said somewhere in his notes."

Mei shuffled through some papers. "Actually, Donatello noted that unknown elements two, three, and four are some kind of actinoid."

"God bless you," Michelangelo said.

Leonardo frowned. "Actinoid? What the heck does that mean?"

"Uranium is an example of an actinoid," Mei said.

"So it's radioactive?"

"Yes. They have a relatively long half-life, if I'm remembering his notes correctly. Eventually, all three of them will totally decay into unknown element one, which is a metalloid of some kind." Mei found the paper she was looking for, a dog-eared page covered in Donatello's untidy scrawl. "Except that when they're exposed to oxygen, they decompose faster. Mutagen that's been exposed to air ceases to be efficacious after about two hours."

"Not that this isn't fascinating and all," Raphael said, "but what about what Donnie wrote? What does _that_ mean?"

Mei clicked back to the mutagen diagram and read what Donatello had typed: _upredabilyfactrisky _

"I do not know. It could be anything. The only actual words I can make out are up, red, fact, and risky. But that could just be how I am reading it – clearly, there are things missing. It could actually be saying any number of things."

Michelangelo popped up next to Mei's side. "Hmm. Not 'risky'. 'Is key.' You know, I can totally hear him saying, 'Blah blah blah science blah is key!' Like super important."

"Yeah, that sounds like Donnie," Leonardo said. "Huh. You think maybe an 'o' is missing? 'Something something factor is key'?"

Raph scoffed. "So then what's up-red-a-billy supposed to mean?"

Splinter drew a sharp breath. "Ability. When he first learned the word, he omitted the 't' several times until he could pronounce it correctly."

"Ability factor is key," Mei said. "Ability factor. Wait a minute." She flipped through the notes that she held until she found one with "Theories" scrawled across the top. She scanned the page until she came to an underlined bullet point.

_Unpredictability Factor_

_Something in the mutagen causes it to behave in an unpredictable manner: some victims retain their mind, like Master Splinter. Others, like Mr. O'Neil and Timothy, lose their self-awareness altogether. Some animals gain sentience, as in our case, while others remain completely bestial, like the wasp or the squirrelanoids. Whether this is the chemical structure overall or simply a certain part of the molecule, I'm not sure. Any successful retro-mutagen is going to have that factor removed. _

"Unpredictability," she whispered. "Unpredictability factor is key. That chemical cluster _is _the unpredictability factor. It's not present in the retro-retro-mutagen. That's why Donatello's sentience hasn't fully come back – the unpredictability factor is what caused it in the first place."

"But if Donnie's sentience hasn't come back," Leo said, "how was he able do this?"

"It must have been partway restored by the presence of unknown element three. The Kraang must have removed the full cluster so that they could eliminate the unpredictability, in order duplicate the mutation exactly – except in those cases that the unpredictability was the key to a certain element of the change, like sentience. Xever's sentience was never affected in the first place."

"We now know _why _Donatello has not returned," Splinter said. He looked over Mei's shoulder at the screen. "But how do we proceed? Can the factor be isolated and added to the Kraang's serum?"

Mei drew her lip into her mouth. "It's not that easy, Yoshi. In theory, I suppose that the hydrocarbon chain could be 'swapped,' but I haven't the foggiest idea of how to do that. The only way to do something like that is through a long series of subsequent chemical reactions, like what Donatello did to make the retro-mutagen. Now, I have his notes. I can copy his method exactly for that. But I honestly don't know what to do with this. Everything I know about chemistry is from my undergraduate science requisite course and what I've learned out of books in the last two months."

Splinter nodded.

Mei looked over a Donatello. He was asleep now, his chest rising and falling softly. He would have solved this problem by now, or at least have had an idea or a theory about how to proceed. He was less than half her age and had lived isolated in a sewer for most of his life, and he had enough knowledge in his mind to merit several PhDs.

She had a Master's in computer science, and that was it.

She buried her face in her hands. She was ridiculously inadequate for this. Even with Kirby's help – and he was fairly knowledgeable about chemistry, having taken two semesters of organic chemistry back when he was considering medical school – there was no way that they could stumble upon a solution anytime soon. How had Donatello managed to create the retro-mutagen in such a relatively short period of time?

A computer program. She even had helped him write some portions of its code.

She sat up straight, dropping her hands to her lap. That was the answer. She could still never reach his level of genius and intuition for this kind of thing, and she still needed help with the chemistry, but if she could write a program to create the laboratory solution…

That still left the problem of how to administer it. How would they proceed? What would happen if she made an error? Would the serum kill him? Would they need to apply the serum to him as he was, or would they need to un-mutate him again so they had a 'blank slate' to start from? Would his brain survive the process? Clearly, there was something of it left. His inherent genius was still there. Would adding more chemicals to it scramble it beyond recognition?

"What's wrong, Auntie M?" Michelangelo's voice interrupted Mei's thoughts.

Mei sighed. "We need to consider something. As a family." Everyone looked at her. She squirmed internally, hating what she was about to say. "Obviously, we must try everything possible to get him back. But there may come a point where we need to decide what is most ethical. Most…merciful."

"What are you saying?" Raphael's voice had an edge of fear and anger to it.

"If we cannot bring Donatello back, it may be kinder to return him to his un-mutated form. A regular turtle can live a happy life. This…" She gestured toward Donatello lying on the table. "This is not a life. This is simply _existing_. He is not happy. While _we _may want him to stay this way because he is closer to the Donatello we remember, he cannot thrive this way." She squeezed a few tears out of her eyes, unaware that they had even collected there.

"You are right, Mei," Splinter said. "But this is not a decision we should make without April and Kirby. Miwa also deserves to have a say in it." He ran his hand down the length of his beard. "It is also a decision that we need not make immediately."

Michelangelo's lip quivered. "No. We're gonna find a way to fix him, and it's gonna be all right!"

"That is the hope, my son, but we must accept – "

"I _can't!" _Michelangelo clenched his fists. "I won't." His face contorted in anger, and he ran from the room.

Leonardo started after him. "Mikey…"

"Leonardo, stop," Splinter said. "I will go speak with him. You and Raphael must rest, as your aunt will need your help early in the morning."

Mei wiped a tear off of her face. "I will reschedule the physical therapy appointment."

Splinter nodded. "You should rest anyway. We will accomplish nothing by staying awake any longer." With that, Splinter headed after Michelangelo.

"Come on, Obasan. Raph and I will help you to your room," Leonardo said heavily.

Mei put the computer in sleep mode and allowed Leonardo and Raphael to help her up from the chair. They left the lab, shutting off the lights, and made their way down to Mei's room.

She had forgotten just how much she liked her room in the sewers. It was simply furnished with second-hand things, and the walls were painted with brush drawings that Michelangelo had done – a minimalistic outline of the New York skyline graced one wall, while an enormous blooming cherry tree covered the other.

Michelangelo. He had been the one to suggest to Splinter that Mei come live with them in the first place. He was full of so much love, so hopeful, so exuberant…

Losing Donatello would be hard on all of them, there was no question of that. All of them would be changed by it, permanently.

Splinter had already proven that he could suffer loss. Leonardo could cope with it – as a leader, he understood risks and was prepared for loss. Raphael's inherent cynicism protected him from crushed hope, even if it wasn't the happiest way to live. April had enough maturity to overcome it.

But Michelangelo, the innocent, cheerful, optimistic soul…

He would never be the same again.


	43. Chapter 43

Suddenly, tap-dancing ninjas attacked them. They defeated them, and one dropped a magical doo dad. Donatello picked it up and said "Hey, I'm cured!"

Then the surprisingly-resurrected Shredder detonated his nuke.

They all died.

The end.

* * *

**Oh, man…I let my husband get a hold of my laptop after complaining about how long this story is. I guess he was inspired by the season finale? Holy crap, they killed Splinter! Anyone else a little shocked that Nick ACTUALLY showed Shredder's blades sticking out in front of Splinter? I mean, it didn't bother me, but some little kids somewhere are crying because Master Splinter got gored!**

**Anyway, despair not. The world in my little AU is still totally intact and Triceraton-free. Nobody voiced by Michael Dorn will be crashing my party. (By the way, as a long-time Trekkie, I recognized his voice almost immediately.)**

**So…the story continues. **

* * *

April popped open the tab on her energy drink, dreading the fact that she was going to have to leave the air conditioning soon.

"Ohhh my gosh, I freakin' _love_ Slurpees," Casey said, swinging the door to the Seven Eleven open for April.

April glanced at the violently colored slush and made a face. "Mmm. Red dye 40."

"Oh, like what you're drinking is any healthier. You know that taurine is in cat food, right?"

Shrugging, April walked through the door and back into the late summer heat. "I need something to wake me up. This heat is melting my brain. At least taurine is naturally occurring, and not cooked up in some lab."

"I love summer." Casey noisily slurped at his drink. "I can't believe school starts again in a few weeks." He glanced sideways at her. "Are you sure you want to keep going with the homeschool thing?"

"I keep telling you, I actually kinda like it," April said. They continued their walk. "It helps out with my bizarre schedule. You never know when the Kraang are going to send another hit squad." She looked at him and tilted her head coyly. "Are you sure you just don't want me back at Roosevelt?"

Casey grinned broadly. "Hey, it'd be cool to have my friend back at school. Mostly I'm just mad your old man didn't give you summer break."

"Meh." April shrugged. "He lightened my course load, at least. But I actually don't mind as much as I thought I would. So, now that you've passed trig, what math course are you taking this fall?"

"Statistics. I figured since that's what your dad has you working on now, you could help me out again."

"It's not hard…just meticulous."

"There you go with your million-dollar words again, Red."

April rolled her eyes. "Meticulous is not that odd of a word. Now, paronomasia? That's an odd word."

"Paro-what?"

"Paronomasia. It means 'pun.'"

"Wow. Where'd you dig that one up?"

April took a long sip from her energy drink. "I don't remember…I think…"

_Donnie. _

After a long pause, Casey frowned sympathetically. "You learned it from Don, didn't you?"

"Seven months," April said, chucking her unfinished drink into a trash can as they walked past. "I can't believe it. Seven months, and still…" She stopped. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Didn't you say that Mei is getting really close on a possible cure?"

April sighed. "She's been really close for two months now. Problem is, we have no way of testing it without actually giving it to Donnie. And we're not sure whether to re-un-mutate him first…" She shook her head. "I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Hey. C'mere." Casey extended his arms.

April leaned in and laid her head on his shoulder, desperately trying to fight back tears. Casey gave her a quick hug and released her, but she kept her arms clasped around him. She was afraid if she let go, she'd start crying.

Casey awkward patted her on the back. "It's gonna be okay, Red."

"You're such a good friend, Casey." April pulled away and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She folded her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, I know. I'm such a good friend that I'm not even annoyed that you threw away that energy drink I bought you."

April gave a half-hearted laugh and started walking again. Casey fell in step beside her.

Seven months. The world had continued on in its unrelenting spin around the sun, not caring that the brilliant mind of Hamato Donatello had all but vanished from its surface. His absence still left a giant hole in the hearts of his friends and family, but they too had moved forward one grieving step at a time.

April found that the best way to deal with it was generally by not thinking about it, and redirecting her focus onto the other things around her. Her friendship with Casey in particular had blossomed, and she had facilitated reconciliation between Casey and the turtles. They actually all hung out on a routine basis now, and Master Splinter had even sanctioned Casey's first visit to the lair a month ago.

April suspected that Casey's presence had helped the turtles move forward, too.

"So…uh, what's up with Leo and Karai?" Casey asked, after a long pause.

A smile crept onto April's lips. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when I had everyone over last week, they sat next to each other the whole night. Is there something up with them?"

"I still can't believe Jen and Sean let you throw a party while they were out of town," April said, thinking back to the night. Sean had taken a business trip to South Dakota and took Jen with him, and they had given Casey special dispensation to have friends over. So, Casey had invited April, Karai, and the turtles over for an evening of games and food.

"Yeah, well, what can I say? I've turned over a new leaf. But you're dodging the question."

"I honestly have no idea. I mean…don't tell Leo I told you, but he's always liked her. And I think she likes him."

"That's so weird. They're siblings."

"Well, if Sean and Jen suddenly found a long-lost daughter, would that make you siblings?"

"No, but Sean and Jen haven't adopted me."

"You know what I mean. But yeah…they're pretty much together all the time. Practically every time I go to the lair, those two are sparring in the dojo."

Casey laughed. "Is that what they call it these days?"

"Ew. You're such a boy, Casey."

"Oh, you liked it. I saw that grin on your face."

April couldn't help but laugh. Somehow, Casey always managed to make her feel better whenever she started to feel depressed about Donnie. Surprisingly, he'd even helped her recover from her trauma more fully – she hadn't had a nightmare in months, now. She couldn't imagine her life without him.

Every time he made her feel better again, she couldn't help but think of one other time he had helped her feel better: when she had been upset about her dad, and Casey had kissed her in the kitchen of her apartment.

She always chased the thought away, telling herself that Casey was her _friend_ and nothing more, that she was still Donnie's girlfriend. But somewhere, deep down inside, a tiny voice had started telling her that Donnie was never coming back. She had promised Donnie that she would wait for him even if it meant that she had to die an old maid, but that was starting to look like more of a reality than ever before. Mei had hit dead end after dead end after dead end, to the point that whenever she said that she was getting close, April assumed that it meant she was just close to one more failure.

Would Donnie really want her to keep that promise? A promise she had made from an emotionally compromised state, a promise that made her sad every time she thought of it?

Wouldn't he want her happiness, no matter what?

"Whatcha thinking about?" Casey asked, nudging April with his elbow.

"Huh?"

"You've been really quiet for the last block or so. What's on your mind?"

April blushed. "Nothing."

"Come on…that face is not a 'nothing' face. What's up?"

"I miss Donnie. A lot. I don't think we're ever getting him back."

Casey frowned. "Don't think like that. Stay positive."

"There's staying positive, and then there's ignoring reality. We all decided that if Mei can't find a cure within a year, we're going to un-mutate Donnie again and just let him live out the rest of his life as a turtle, remember? Even Mikey has finally started to accept that Donnie's gone."

"Yeah, but you still have five months left. That's a lot of time."

"Mm." They continued walking for several blocks, and Casey mercifully changed the subject to hockey. He had managed to get April and the turtles deeply involved in following the New York Islanders, who had done a rather miserable job last season.

"I can't wait for next season," Casey was saying. "Everybody's getting geared up for football right now. Wimps. Anyway, the Islanders better actually accomplish something this year."

"Could be worse," April said. "We could be rooting for the Capitals." April's phone went off. "Huh. That's Leo's text tone." She pulled the phone out of her pocket and unlocked the screen.

_Where are you? Training starts in five. _

"Oh, shoot."

"What's up?"

"Afternoon training. I totally lost track of time. I'm dead twice over, now."

"Why?"

"Mei. She's been getting on me for being late, and well…you know Splinter." Ever since Mei had passed the test that officially made her a kunoichi, Splinter had been having her assist in leading training on the weekends.

"Isn't she supposed to be at work?"

"She gets a flex day every month – the last Friday."

Casey twisted up his face and made a counting motion on his knuckles. "Yeah. You're pretty much screwed."

"I've gotta go."

"See ya, Red."


	44. Chapter 44

They had just finished afternoon training a few minutes ago, and Karai stood alone in the lab.

Well, not alone. Donatello lay in his customary position, his eyes wide and staring blankly at the ceiling.

Over the past seven months, Karai had gotten to know all of her brothers fairly well. She knew how to make Michelangelo laugh and how to make Raphael angry. And she'd gotten closer to Leo than anyone before in her life. She had never had somebody that she could call a 'best friend,' and now she did.

She had gotten to know her brothers fairly well.

Except one.

Oh, the others had regaled her with stories of his antics, had told her all about him, but it was not the same. She tried to remember all of her interactions with him. Most of them had involved fighting him in some capacity or another. When she and the turtles had first formed their sort-of alliance to stop the Kraang ship, it had been Leo and Raph that she listened to the most. But Donatello had been willing to trust her then.

No. Not her. Leo. He was willing to trust his brother's judgment.

She tried to remember the first thing she'd really heard him say. She had been eavesdropping on them, and heard him say something about the Kraang. When she leapt onto the roof to ask them more about them, they'd attacked her.

She'd called him scrawny. He countered that he was svelte, not scrawny.

Karai snorted a laugh at the memory.

After that fiasco, when they'd turned on her and tried to kill her father – _no,_ the Shredder – she had very little interaction with him. Until she'd tried to kill April O'Neil, that is.

She'd always assumed that he was a weak fighter. Compared to Leo, he was nothing. But when he'd leapt to April's defense, something in him had shifted altogether. He fought her with every bit of the strength and precision that the student of a grandmaster as great as Splinter should have.

The only reason he'd quit fighting her was because he needed to find a way to deactivate the robot the Kraang had made. Leo had stepped in and finished the fight.

Donatello. Donnie. Don. She'd even heard Michelangelo refer to him as 'D' once. Four names, and not one of them told her the things she needed to really know him.

For the first time, she had a family – and she had already lost one of her brothers. The longer she was with her family, the lower her defensive wall became, the more she realized how much it hurt. Not just sympathetic pains for her other brothers. Actual pain and loss.

The doors to the lab slid open, and Leonardo stepped in. "Hey. We were gonna order from Murakami's for an afternoon snack. You want anything?"

"I'm not very hungry," Karai said, her eyes drifting back to Donatello.

Leo walked over and laid a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"I barely knew him. He was never anything more than my enemy. And now that he's not…I know I didn't know him. But I miss him all the same. There's a hole in this place that he's supposed to fill." She turned to Leo. "And I don't even know the half of it."

The expression on Leo's face drooped. He nodded, then cleared his throat. "What about that snack?"

"How can you think about food right now?" Karai folded her arms.

Leo pointed over at Donnie. "Because he needs to eat, too. He can't chew the pizza gyoza very well, but he does all right with the udon noodles. As long as we cut them up first."

Karai's face felt hot. "Oh." Everyone took turns feeding Donatello – everyone except her. For some reason, she could never bring herself to do it, and nobody pressed her into it. The way he blankly swallowed when food was placed into his mouth disturbed her.

But not Leo. Leo was so fiercely dedicated to his brother that he put his own obvious discomfort aside to do what needed to be done.

Leo had been more than a friend and brother to her. He had been a guidepost, showing her what trust and love could feel like.

Love. Sometimes, every now and then, she would catch something in the fringes of his expression when he looked at her. Something that was not just the affection a brother might have for his sister. Something that made her insides squirm and her palms sweat.

And she had begun to realize that maybe – just maybe – she felt something beyond brotherly affection for him, too.

It was ridiculous, of course, and neither of them ever spoke about it. But the truth was that it always lingered in the air between the two of them.

Maybe it always had.

"So?"

"Oh," Karai said. "I suppose gyoza would be fine for me. But not the pizza…the chicken ones."

"Eh, those are alright."

"You guys and your pizza obsession."

"Hey – the first thing you eat after a lifetime of algae and dumpster scraps makes an impression. Especially if it's pizza."

Karai laughed. She always felt like her laugh was stupid around him. But every time she laughed, a huge grin crept its way onto Leonardo's face and a slight hint of pink would dance across his cheeks.

They stood there stupidly for a few more moments, staring at each other for no reason at all. The whole atmosphere of the room was bathed in awkwardness, and Karai got that strange flipping sensation in her stomach she felt more and more often, especially when they were alone together.

It was easier when they practiced their ninjutsu together. There was no awkwardness. In fact, fighting seemed to be the only time she was ever actually truly comfortable around him.

It always had been.

Suddenly, Aunt Mei strode purposefully into the room. She jumped slightly. "Oh. I didn't expect anyone to be in here." Her eyes darted between the two of them, and she turned to go.

"It's all right, Obasan," Leonardo said. "I was just asking Karai what she wanted from Murakami's." He narrowed his eyes at her. "I thought you were taking the day off from looking for the solution."

"I was," Mei said. "But I keep having this idea that I need to test out. I can't stop thinking about it."

"Okay. But remember what Master Splinter said about burnout."

"You weren't supposed to be listening to that."

Leo shrugged. "I can't help it if I overhear things from the dojo while I'm in the kitchen." He pulled out his t-phone. "Well, I better ask Raph if he wants anything specific." He flashed a small, shy smile at Karai before turning to go. He shut the door behind him.

"You did well in training today, Miwa," Mei said, smiling warmly.

Miwa. Even after all this time, Karai couldn't get used to thinking of herself by that name. She had, on a trial basis, had everyone call her Miwa. But it never sounded right coming from anyone other than Splinter or Mei, so she went back to going by Karai. Miwa seemed like more of a pet name to her than it did like an actual name.

"Thanks," Karai said.

"So, you and Leonardo seem like you have become very close."

Karai couldn't keep her face from becoming warm. "I connect with him better than the others for some reason. He was the first one I actually talked to."

Mei nodded. "Understandable. But despite how close you are, I notice that you often become fidgety when you're around each other. Why is that?"

Total embarrassment swept through Karai. She looked at her feet. "I'm not sure."

"Does he make you uncomfortable?"

_Yes. No. I've never been as comfortable around anyone as I am around him. _

_…or as uncomfortable. _

"I don't know, Aunt Mei. It's confusing. Maybe…it's just something that April said back after..."

_After Shredder died and I found out my whole life was a lie. _

Mei seemed to know what she meant. "What did she say?"

April had said that Leo, at one point, had feelings for Karai. Karai then had admitted to April that at one point, she had felt a twinge of something too. But how she explain that to Mei? Even now, openness was not something that came easily. Maybe with Leo and April, but even then it was difficult.

"It doesn't matter," Karai said.

Mei gave her an evaluating look. "Because you are technically brother and sister?"

Karai's stomach flopped. It was as if Mei had read her mind – the thoughts that skirted her mind when she was around Leo, or thought about him. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I am not naïve," Mei said, with a shrug. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Karai didn't know what to say to that, but her discomfort had reached fever pitch. She stormed past Mei and walked out of the lab, making a beeline for the room that they had set up for her. Once there, she slid to the floor and sat with her back propped against the door, resting her head on her knees.

Aunt Mei didn't understand. It wasn't that Karai felt uncomfortable because Leo was her long-lost adopted brother, though that was a small part of it.

It was because, on a fundamental level, despite all of the love her new family had shown her, she still didn't know how to trust. Leo had shown her what it could feel like, but it was terrifying as it was comforting.

Maybe even more.

* * *

Mei watched as Karai stormed out of the lab. She mentally chastised herself for pushing the point. The truth of the matter was that she liked the idea of her niece and nephew finding happiness in each other, despite the strangeness of the situation.

Splinter too had noticed the attraction between them. At first, he had been put off by the notion, but Mei had explained to him what she had explained to Leonardo. After a few weeks of thinking the idea over, he came around.

Which was good, because it was painfully obvious to almost everyone – Raphael and Michelangelo often sent furtive winks and devilish grins toward each other whenever Karai would sit down next to Leonardo. They teased Leonardo mercilessly, but only when Karai was out of earshot.

At least they weren't _totally _classless. Just mostly.

Shaking her head, Mei walked over to the computer and flipped it on. While it booted up, she went over to the medical lab supplies and grabbed a few glass slides and slide covers. The truth was that she couldn't take the day off – the chemical solution she had put together had reached maturation. So, she needed to test how it reacted with Donatello's cells. She took a cotton swab and went over to Donatello, and she roughly swabbed the inside of his cheek. As always, he did not react.

He hadn't reacted to anything since he had made notes on the molecules seven months ago.

She wiped the swab all over the first slide and gently placed it on the tray. Then she took another swab and repeated the process. She just needed one more for her control sample. As she inserted the fresh cotton swab into Donatello's mouth, he flinched and grabbed her wrist.

Mei gasped, her heart racing. Her nephew's eyes were focused on her, wild and panicky.

"No," he rasped, forcing the swab out of his mouth. With his other hand, he pointed at the slides. "Accurate…won't…test…" His mouth moved wordlessly for a few moments.

"What do I need to do?" Mei was at a loss.

Donatello's eyes rolled back into his head, and he moaned softly in pain. His grip on her wrist tightened. "Full…" he whispered, panting. "Full scale."

He fell unconscious, and his grip went slack.

"Donatello?" Mei gently shook his shoulders. He didn't respond.

A strange thought occurred to her. How often did Donatello have lucid moments, and they simply didn't catch them? Was it possible that he was absorbing the sounds around him, as was commonly heard of in coma patients? Had he heard her talking about her plans for the experiment today?

If that was the case…

Did that mean she'd reached the solution?

Ignoring the slides that she'd set aside, she ran back over to the computer to analyze the molecule she'd created. It was nothing more than the unpredictability chemical cluster, minus unknown element three, tied to the hydrocarbon chain. It had taken months for her to formulate the theory that this might actually be just enough to restore Donatello's cogent mind, months for her to balance the equation properly, months for her to actually take the mutagen through the necessary transformative chemical reactions to obtain the solution that she now had.

Her theory was that the Kraang's retro-retro-mutagen was still present in Donatello's system, and if she injected this, it would be enough to push the transformation into completion. She had been planning to test it on his cells today – she was going to un-mutate one sample, then add the new solution, add the solution to one of the unmodified samples, and use the third sample for comparison.

But if Donatello knew what he was talking about, that wouldn't be enough to give her the information she needed.

_Full scale. _That meant nothing more than injecting the solution directly into Donatello's system.

Goosebumps prickled all over Mei's body at the thought. So many things could go wrong. And should she trust him, anyway? Was what he said really worth considering?

His observation on the unpredictability factor had been correct. Why wouldn't this be?

It was a huge risk, but in the worst case scenario, she could simply use the retro-mutagen and start over from scratch.

Unless…what if the worst case scenario was that it killed him? The thought made her stomach turn.

This was something that she needed to discuss with the others. It was not a decision that she should make by herself. But as she turned to call everyone together, she stopped in her tracks.

Splinter would not agree to this. Nobody would, except maybe for Michelangelo. Everyone else would consider the risk to be too high. But they hadn't seen Donatello's face. They hadn't heard the way he forcefully insisted on a full scale test.

This was what _Donatello _wanted.

That steeled Mei's resolve. Nobody else was going to go along with this, no matter how much she insisted.

She knew what she had to do.

Swallowing back fear, she took an empty syringe and filled it with the unpredictability solution. Just the name she had assigned to it made her hesitate. She stood there for several minutes, debating whether this was, in fact, the correct course of action.

No. She had to do this. Hesitation was the enemy of the kunoichi.

Without another thought, she strode over to Donatello and injected him with the solution before she had time to change her mind.

Her heart raced loudly in the minutes that followed. There seemed to be no reaction whatsoever. Mei wasn't sure whether she should be disappointed or afraid. She watched the time.

Ten minutes.

Fifteen.

Twenty.

Still nothing.

Mei hung her head. Seven months of work and it had all proved useless. Now she only had five months to –

Abruptly, Donatello started thrashing around. He fell off of the table that had been his bed for so long and crashed to the floor with a _thud. _Clutching at his head, he screamed and writhed in pain. Mei ran around the table to where he had fallen and tried to restrain him so that he wouldn't injure himself.

The door to the lab slid open wide, and Splinter rushed inside, followed by the others.

"Donatello!" Splinter ran to Mei's side and helped her hold him down. "Mei, what has happened?"

April picked up the used syringe and stared at it, wide eyed. "Mei, did you…?"

Everyone gaped at the syringe for a moment.

Splinter turned to Mei, his eyes filled with anger. "You did this before consulting _us_?" His face seemed to say, _before you consulted me._

What could Mei say to that?_ It was a calculated risk? It was what he wanted? _All of it seemed too ridiculous for her to say aloud. Hesitation may have been the enemy of the kunoichi, but haste was an enemy as well.

So she said nothing as tears rolled down her face. She continued to restrain Donatello so that he would not hurt himself, and Splinter said nothing.

And Donatello kept on screaming.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update, guys. I've been really busy. And, unfortunately, while I might have something up before November starts, you won't be hearing anything from me during the month of November. I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year, so yeah...50K words in 30 days. You understand why fan fiction will be put on hold. Sorry to leave it on such a cliffhanger. Well...sorry/not sorry! ~evil grin~**


	45. Chapter 45

April was nauseous.

She both desperately wanted to leave so that she wouldn't be able to hear Donnie screaming anymore, and desperately wanted to stay to make sure that he would be okay. She couldn't believe it. She just couldn't _believe _that Mei would do something this serious and not tell anyone that she was going to do it.

Abruptly, Michelangelo threw his arms around April and squeezed her tightly. April let him bury his face in her shoulder. She could feel tears seeping through the fabric of her shirt. April wanted to join him, but she was too horrified to cry.

Beside her, Karai stood with her hand over her mouth in shock. Raph clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. Leo stared, wide eyed, over where Donnie and Mei and Splinter were. The table obstructed their view partway, but April could see Donnie's feet, kicking wildly as if he was having a seizure. He kept on screaming.

He hadn't even gone on this long when they first gave him the Kraang's serum. It had been a couple minutes, tops. But the clock on the wall of the lab showed that a full ten minutes had passed since April came into the lab, and Donnie was still screaming. His voice had gone completely hoarse.

April was surprised that it was only ten minutes. It felt like centuries.

Finally, after a few more minutes, he fell silent. He stopped thrashing and became still. April nearly keeled over in relief.

Master Splinter and Mei struggled to lift Donnie back onto the table. Leo and Raph ran over to help them hoist him up the rest of the way.

"Is he okay?" Leo asked.

"Stand back," Mei said, her voice as pale as her face. "I need to check his vitals." She gestured over to the medical supplies. "Get me that stethoscope." As Leo hurried to get it, Mei leaned over Donnie and pressed her fingers against his carotid. Almost immediately, she stood up, her face painted with horror.

Splinter grabbed her by the shoulders. "Mei?"

"His heart stopped. He's not breathing!" Mei planted her hands over Donnie's heart and starting compressing. "His shell – I can't push hard enough!"

Splinter knocked Mei out of the way and took over, compressing so fiercely that April thought she heard a faint _crack._ He paused for a moment to take Donnie's pulse. He shook his head and started again.

Mei ran to Donnie's medical supplies, searching frantically until she found the electrodes that Donnie had once used as a makeshift AED. "Get back," she shouted to Splinter. Splinter stood out of the way while Mei pressed the electrodes against Donnie's chest. "Clear!"

Donnie's whole body jumped.

Mei checked his pulse. She applied the electrodes again.

Donnie gasped loudly and opened his eyes. He panted wildly for a few seconds, but his breathing rate slowed gradually. His eyes wandered around the room for a few moments, a hint of recognition dancing through them.

Everyone exhaled in relief. Michelangelo cheered. April ran over to the table, her eyes watering.

"Donatello," Splinter said softly, taking Donnie's hand. "My son."

Donnie turned his head slowly and looked at Splinter, narrowing his eyes as if he was concentrating.

"Do you understand me?" Splinter said.

For a long moment, Donnie stared back at Splinter, not saying anything. But his eyes were clearly focused on his Sensei. He clearly recognized Splinter.

_He's back,_ April thought. She couldn't hold back tears at the thought. After seven months, Donnie was _back. _

But then, Donatello's gaze went blank – totally and completely blank, that same horrible blankness that had filled them all this time. His eyes slowly shut.

Mei carefully checked Donnie's vitals again. "His pulse and breathing are fine."

Nobody else said anything. There was nothing to say.

The solution hadn't worked after all.

There was a long period of silence.

"What were you _thinking?" _Splinter roared, shattering the silence. April could count on one hand the number of times she had seen Splinter this angry.

Mei closed her eyes and shook her head. "I – I was taking sample of Donatello's cells for the test, when he woke up. He said 'full scale.' The small scale test wouldn't have told me anything useful. Yoshi, I think he's been able to hear us this whole time – he _wanted _me to do this."

Splinter's mouth fell open. He drew a deep breath and started running his hand along his beard. "Still," he said, his voice still tense, "you should have consulted us."

"Would _any_ of you have gone along with this?" Mei snapped.

"I support Mei's decision," Karai said. "I doubt any of us would have agreed. She did what she thought was right."

Raph scoffed. "Of course _Karai_ would support a plan that involves going against everyone else."

"Really, Raph?" Leo scowled. "That was a long time ago. Get over it."

Raph folded his arms. "Sorry, Aunt Mei, but your plan made Donnie suffer for _fifteen minutes_! He almost _died_!"

"It does not matter now," Splinter said, waving his hand. "It has passed, and Donatello is as well as can be hoped for.

"Doesn't matter? Sensei –"

"Enough, Raphael."

Raph stormed out of the lab. Part of April agreed with him – she wanted to lob accusations at Mei. What she had done _hurt_ Donnie, even if Donnie supposedly wanted it himself. "Mei, how did you _know_ that Donnie wanted you to give him the serum? All he said was 'full scale,' right? That could mean any _number _of things! It wasn't fair for you to leave us out!"

"April," Mei began.

"And I can't believe you didn't talk to me or my dad about this!" April threw her hands up in the air, and heat rose to her face. "We've been helping you with the chemistry on this for _months_!"

"_Yame,_" Splinter said sharply. "April, you must calm yourself." He drew a deep breath. "We all must calm ourselves. We can only move forward now."

"Forward?" April couldn't believe how calm Splinter was about the whole thing now. Donnie had nearly died, and here he was, talking about moving _forward_? "You mean spend the next five months trying to find the magic solution that's going to bring Donnie back, only to have that fail too?"

Mei let out a single sob. She clutched at her chest and turned away.

"Everyone out," Splinter said firmly. "Now."

April followed Raph's example and stormed out of the lab, stomping her feet as angrily as she could. Of course Mei felt bad. She _deserved _to feel bad, after that stunt she pulled.

Once she was outside the lab, Leo grabbed April by the arm. "Hey. I know you're upset."

Karai brushed past both of them and headed down the hall to her room.

April turned to Leo and scowled. "Yeah? What tipped you off?"

"We're all upset. But taking it out on each other isn't going to fix anything. We need to pull together, not push each other apart."

"Thanks, mini-Splinter," Raph said. He was sitting on the sofa, staring angrily at the blank television screen.

"I'm serious," Leo said. "Look, don't you think Aunt Mei feels bad enough about this _without_ you two piling it on?"

April squeezed her eyes shut. Leo was right, of course.

Mikey exited the lab and shut the doors. "Splinter said nobody goes in." He gave April an angry look. "I expect Raph to be a jerk, April – not you."

"I – I just…"

_I miss him so badly. _

Finally, all the tears she was holding back rushed out of her. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably.

Gently, Leo guided her down into the den and sat her down on the couch. He sat next to her and patted her on the back. "I get it, April," he said softly. "I really do. Don't you think that hurt me every bit as much as it did you? It hurt _all _of us."

"I'm a terrible person." April wiped tears and snot onto her sleeve.

"Nah, you're just a person who screws up," Mikey said, sitting down on the floor. "As far as humans go, you're not too bad."

"Gee, thanks."

"Oh come on, April," Raph snapped. "This isn't about you. Not everything is about you."

"Whoever said that it _was_?"

Leo and Mikey both started talking at the same time.

"_Yame!" _Splinter's voice cut through the noise. Everyone fell silent. Splinter pulled the lab doors shut behind him and strode into the den. He gave them all looks of profound disapproval.

April squirmed internally.

Splinter held up one hand. "Grief," he said, then held up his other hand, "and anger. Wherever there is grief, anger follows. Times like these, however, are when anger is at its most destructive. We must not allow anger to tear us apart when we most need to pull together."

"What did I tell you?" Raph mumbled. He glared at Leo. "Mini-Splinter."

"What was that, Raphael?" Splinter cupped a hand around one of his ears.

"Nothing, Sensei."

"Mm. Just as I thought."

Mikey raised a hand. "Is Aunt Mei okay?"

Splinter sighed. "She is disappointed and grieving, just as the rest of us are. She needs time to herself. But even more than that, she needs forgiveness." He folded his hands behind his back, the picture of calm. "Raphael. April. You will apologize to her as soon as she comes out."

April nodded and wiped her face on her other sleeve.

"Hai, Sensei," Raph said, a hint of remorse in his voice.

"I think I need some time alone, too," April said. "I'm going to go to my room."

"You may," Splinter said.

April got up from the couch and headed down the hall to the room that had been hers for so long. It wasn't just convenient for nights when April stayed late. It had provided shelter from the Kraang and the Foot, been a place she felt safe when she'd been recovering from the worst of her PTSD, and now it was safe haven where she could grieve without hurting anyone else.

Once inside, she collapsed onto her bed and buried her face into her pillow.

* * *

As he opened his eyes, he flinched at the bright light above him. He put his hand over his eyes to block the light and sat up. He looked around blearily for a moment; he was in his lab. Everything had been rearranged. He felt a sort of emptiness in response, but he was certain that the emptiness was supposed to be filled with something else. Instead, it was filled with heavy, meaningless fog.

A woman sat at the chair in front of his desk. She faced away from him, but he thought that maybe he recognized her. He was trying to remember her name when he realized she was crying. More fog danced at the fringes of his consciousness, and a sudden pain stabbed through his temples. He grabbed his head and hissed through his teeth.

The woman jumped and wheeled around. "Donatello!"

His own name assaulted him like a volley of arrows. Memories came flying back to him, each of them stabbing at him like a hundred knives. It was so painful that he thought he was going to faint. It was too much to process—

And yet, it all made sense.

For the first time, for as long as he could remember, everything made sense.

"Aunt Mei?" His throat was so hoarse that talking was painful, too.

"Oh, Donatello!" Aunt Mei flew across the room and put her arms around him. "I can't believe it!" She planted a kiss on his cheek. "My sweet nephew!"

Fog occupied a part of his mind that he was certain should have contained something else. "What…what happened?"

Aunt Mei shook her head. "It is a long story. Tell me how you feel."

"My throat hurts," Donatello said. "And I have a bad headache. And—this fogginess I can't seem to shake."

Aunt Mei's face twisted in worry. "Foggy in what way?"

Donatello shook his head. "Like there's something I'm forgetting. Or missing. Something important."

"That's okay. We'll monitor your condition as we go. Do you mind if I do some simple tests?"

"No. Go ahead."

She proceeded to test his reflexes; she shone a bright light in his eyes, then tapped just above his knees. "Seems like your reflexes are still good."

"'Still?'"

"Yes." She sighed. "Tell me the last thing you remember."

As Donnie thought, his temples throbbed. "The retro-mutagen. We were trying to give it to Mr. O'Neil, and…ah!" He grabbed his head.

"What is it?"

"Just—it hurts when I try to think back. I—I was injected with it, wasn't I?"

Mei nodded.

"How…how long?"

"It's been seven months now," Mei said.

"Seven months?" Another stab of pain shot through his temples; the sensation of fogginess rose up, once again making Donnie think that something else should have been in its place. "How's April? Is Mr. O'Neil—"

"Kirby is fine. I administered the final vial of the serum to him. He actually has helped work on a cure for you, along with April and me. But…a lot has happened."

Donatello's head throbbed. He thought he was going to black out for a minute. Images flashed through his mind, but they were vague, with a perspective as if he were lying on the floor looking up. None of them made a lot of sense.

"You seem to be coherent, more or less," Mei said. She shook her head. "I can't believe it. Do you feel up to a few more tests?"

Despite his aching head, Donnie nodded.

"What is the Pythagorean theorem?"

"A squared plus B squared equals C squared," Donnie blurted out immediately. The answer came easily, without any pain. It almost soothed him.

"Good. Quadratic formula?"

"Negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4AC over 2A."

A smile broke onto Mei's face. "Well, I'm convinced. Your memories immediately before the injection are intact, and you seem to remember some basic formulas. You really are back, aren't you?"

"I…guess?"

"What's your earliest memory?"

Donnie groaned as he tried to think back. "Master Splinter teaching me how to write in Japanese."

_"Do you remember how to speak it?" _Aunt Mei asked, slipping into Japanese.

_"Of course I do," _Donatello answered, in kind. _"A little rusty, but yes." _He switched back to English. "I remember everything, Obasan, but I feel like something is missing. Something really big."

"Seven months is a long time. For most of it, you were non-responsive."

"What?" Donnie's mind swam.

"When we first injected you with the retro-retro-mutagen, it changed your physical body back. But you were completely catatonic. Until you solved the problem for us."

"You're not making any sense," Donnie said, massaging his head.

"One day, you just got up and went over to the computer. You found the compound that makes the mutagen unpredictable, and then you just—slipped back into whatever hiding place your mind was in. And then just an hour ago, I was getting ready to do a test, and you told me it had to be full scale. I wasn't sure whether it would help—but I guess it did. You're back." She wiped a tear out of the corner of her eye. "You're having a conversation with me."

"But _something_ is missing," Donnie said. More fog rose up where something else should have been.

"It's okay. Your recovery will be a process. Do you feel up to having visitors? Everyone will be dying to see you."

"Maybe—maybe just one at a time. I already feel overwhelmed. It makes my head hurt. It makes me feel foggy."

"Who do you want to see first?"

"Splinter," Donnie said immediately, surprising himself. If his memories were right, April should have been at the top of that list. The strange foggy emptiness swirled around in his consciousness.

"I'll go get him," Mei said. She left the room; but Donatello could still hear her through the open door. "He's awake and aware."

"What?"

"Booyakasha!"

Donnie recognized Mikey's voice, immediately followed by Leo's: "I don't believe it!"

"Can we see him?" Raphael's voice was eager.

"He's feeling a little overwhelmed," Mei said evenly. "He just wants to see Master Splinter, first."

There was a noise of general disappointment from his brothers. More fog swirled in response. Donnie tried to ignore it.

As he watched the door, Master Splinter walked through it.

"Donatello," Master Splinter said. His voice was slightly shaky, as if he could hardly believe what was happening.

"Hai, Sensei?" Donnie replied automatically. The fog nagged at him.

At that, Splinter burst into a run and flew across the room. He wrapped Donatello in an embrace so tight that Donnie could hardly breathe for a moment. He was startled when he felt moisture against the side of his face. Master Splinter was crying.

According to his memories, Master Splinter did not cry. Except for once, now that he thought about it. It had been when Mikey flat-lined after being stabbed by the Shredder. A huge amount of the strange fogginess rose up in response to the thought.

"I thought I would never hear you speak again," Splinter said, finally releasing Donnie.

"Well, you thought wrong, I guess," Donnie said.

Splinter laughed. "Oh, my son. Your voice. I can hardly believe that I am hearing it. You cannot possibly understand my joy."

Fogginess and confusion swirled around Donnie's head like buzzing flies. The word _joy_ triggered nothing but a dictionary definition in his mind. "I certainly don't ever remember you being this happy."

Splinter hugged him again; it triggered more of the fog. Donnie shied away from the embrace. "Aunt Mei said it's been seven months?"

Splinter nodded. "Much has changed."

"That's what she told me. I want to know what's happened, but I'm just so…disoriented."

"There is time later, my son. Your brothers want to see you; they have missed you as much as I, if not more. Will you see them?"

The thought made a painful haze form behind Donnie's eyes. Something was missing. Something huge was missing. It was missing, and he didn't know what it was. "Yeah. But…just one of them at a time. Leo first. No—Raph. Raph first."

"I will get him," Splinter said. He went to embrace Donnie once more, but Donnie pulled back.

"I don't—I don't really want to be touched," he said. Physical contact seemed to make the fog even stronger, stronger to the point of physical pain.

"Of course; forgive me. I am simply so relieved that you are back, my son. I will send in Raphael in a moment."

As soon as Splinter left, there was a moment of quiet outside. Then, Donnie thought he heard Splinter say quietly, "He wants to speak with you now."

Seconds later, Raph burst into the room. "Donnie!" he shouted. Like Splinter, he sprinted across the room.

Donnie allowed Raph a single hug; it seemed logical, and like it was the only polite thing to do. As he tried to return the embrace, he fought to ignore the fog.

Raph stood back and just shook his head. "I'm so glad you're back, bro. You have no idea."

A twinge of pain brought a memory back to Donatello's consciousness. It was a strange memory, where his perspective made it seem like he'd been on the floor at the time. "I did understand you," Donnie said. He was suddenly keenly aware of how flat his voice sounded.

Raphael's eyes flew wide open. "You did?"

"Yeah. You said…" Donnie hesitated. The memory was so vague, but he did remember Raph asking if Donnie understood him. "Something…about needing me. Or that I was a nerd. Or that…you cared…or something." Raph went in for a second hug; Donnie flinched. "That hurts, Raph."

"Sorry," Raph said. He pulled away. His eyes were shiny. "Dude. You have to see Mikey now. He went berserk when it happened. He destroyed like half of everything he owned. He's out there freaking out right now. He wants to see you really badly."

Donnie felt slightly awkward. Everyone was so worked up over him. And he still couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. He couldn't handle everyone having all of these emotions at him—

_Emotions. _

"I can't feel anything!" Donnie shouted. Fog rose where horror should have been. "Raph—I can't feel anything. I can't _feel_ anything."

Raph's face suddenly became panicky. "Hang on, bro. I'll get Aunt Mei." He ran to the door. "Aunt Mei! Donnie says he can't feel anything."

"What's going on?" Mikey's voice squeaked, full of anxiety.

"Is he okay?" Leo shouted.

Donnie could hear in their voices how badly they wanted to see him. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the fog it triggered. He should have been feeling guilt, or affection, or _something…_

But there was only fog.

Aunt Mei and Splinter came running into the room; Mei shut the door behind them. Donnie wished that Mei had come alone; he wasn't sure he could handle another emotional outburst from Splinter. However, he was relieved to see that Splinter's face had reassumed its customary stoicism.

Mei was at his side in a moment. "Where did you lose feeling? Everywhere?" She poked at him. "Do you feel that?"

"Stop, Aunt Mei," Donnie said. Fog rose up; Donnie couldn't imagine what emotion it represented. "I can physically feel things just fine."

"What do you mean?" Mei said, her face taut with confusion.

"I don't—I don't have any feelings. Emotions. That's what's missing. That's the fogginess. They're completely—gone."

Aunt Mei put a hand over her mouth and was silent for a moment.

Splinter ran his hand down the length of his beard, cocking an eyebrow. "Clearly you understand what they are; otherwise you would not know they were absent."

Donnie nodded. "I remember what they felt like." Once again, he was keenly aware of how expressionless his voice was. "I understand their definitions. But instead of having them now, I have…fog."

"Perhaps it will wear off, Donatello," Aunt Mei said. Her tone of voice sounded like she was trying to reassure herself as much as she was trying to reassure him. "You've only been awake for a few minutes. Give it time."

"Okay," Donnie said quietly. "It's all so overwhelming. I know Leo and Mikey want to talk to me, but…I just want to be alone."

Splinter nodded. "I will tell them." He turned and left.

Mei placed a gentle hand on Donnie's shoulder. "Let us know if you need anything. I'll come back to check on you in a half-hour or so."

Once alone, Donnie drew a deep breath. Hopefully, his emotions would come back soon. He'd never felt so strangely empty. At the same time, he was filled to bursting with the fog that swirled where he feelings should have been.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, he lay back down and closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep.


	46. Chapter 46

**Author's Note: Greetings from the end of NaNoWriMo, everybody! I am currently on track to win by Monday. I just topped 45k words earlier today, and I felt like I needed a break from my story (Which is really, really dark. Surprise, surprise, right? I just killed off the heroine's four-year-old son, after the poor thing had his right arm amputated only a few chapters ago.). So, I thought I'd work on my fanfic, which is steadily getting less dark-ish and more drama-ish. (And it doesn't have dead babies in it like my novel does, which is a definite mood-booster! Wow. What is wrong with me?) Plus, I already had most of this written before NaNo started, so it only took me a half-hour or so to put this together. I figured everyone was probably ready for an update of sorts. Well, happy day after Thanksgiving (US)!**

* * *

Leo's pulse raced the whole time that Mei and Splinter were in the lab. He and Mikey were holding onto each other like scared kids. Raph was pacing back and forth.

Karai emerged from the hall. "What's going on out here? I heard shouting."

"You're not gonna believe this," Mikey said, pulling away from Leo and grabbing Karai's shoulders. "Donnie's _back._"

Karai's eyebrows shot up. "What? That's incredible! How…" She looked at Raph. "Wait, what's wrong?"

"I'm not entirely sure," Leo said, gently tugging Mikey out of Karai's personal space. "Raph said – "

"He can't feel anything!" Raph interjected.

Karai looked at Leo, her eyes filled with alarm. "Like, he's lost feeling _everywhere_?"

"That's just it, we don't know for sure." Leo looked back over at the closed lab door, his stomach tossing slightly. "But at least he's awake. That counts for a lot."

Karai glanced over her shoulder down the hall. "Does April know about this?"

Raph scoffed. "Little Miss Drama Pants? She huffed off to her room and hasn't come back."

Karai leaned toward Leo. "He's one to talk," she whispered.

A tiny grin found its way onto Leo's face. "I should probably go tell her."

"I'll go," Karai said, laying a gentle hand on Leo's shoulder. "You should wait here with your brothers."

Heat spread across Leo's cheeks at Karai's touch. He'd noticed that she'd been finding lots of excuses to touch him over the last couple of months – all innocent enough, but she used to avoid physical contact like it actually hurt her. "Thanks, Karai."

Karai nodded and hurried back down the hall. Not a moment after she was out of sight, Master Splinter and Aunt Mei came out of the lab.

"What's wrong with Donnie?" Mikey said, his voice strained.

"He is well enough," Splinter said. His tone was calm and reassuring. "However, he is having difficulty 'coming back' to himself. "

"What do you mean, Sensei?"

"Think about it, Mikey," Leo said. "If you'd just been knocked out really hard, you'd feel a little fuzzy coming to, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, but Donnie said he'd lost feeling!" Raph said.

"I assure you, Raphael. Donatello is fine. He is simply disoriented."

Raph didn't look convinced.

"Donnie's awake?" April's voice echoed off the walls of the lair as she galloped down the hall, with Karai in tow. "Is he okay?" A touch of hysteria colored her voice.

"I assure you, Donatello is _fine_," Splinter repeated. "He is simply resting now."

"What if he doesn't wake up? Shouldn't someone be in there with him?"

"He asked to be alone," Aunt Mei said. "I think that he'll be fine. I'm going to check on him every half-hour or so, just to be sure. But he was very specific about needing rest and space."

"Everyone should remain calm," Splinter said. "Find something to occupy you for the rest of the evening, and we will let you know when he is ready to see more of you. Keep in mind that may not be until tomorrow."

"Okay," Mikey sighed. He slouched his way over to the couch and threw himself down like a sack of potatoes. He turned on the TV – but his eyes didn't seem to focus and he kept shooting glances over at the lab doors. Raph sat down on the other couch and stared firmly at the floor.

"Ladies," Aunt Mei said, "why don't we go into the dojo? Your reflexes were a bit slow earlier today, April – you could use the extra practice. It will help all of us get our mind off of things."

April stared at the lab doors for a moment longer. "Fine." The three of them headed toward the dojo.

Karai shot Leo a tiny encouraging smile as she walked past him.

Splinter drew Leo aside, out of earshot of the others. "Leonardo, I need to explain to you what is happening. The others…would not react well to knowing at this point."

Leo's relief faded. "So, Donnie isn't fine?"

Splinter frowned. "He is very disoriented and confused, which is to be expected. But he also claims that his emotions have not returned along with the rest of his awareness."

"What? So when he said he couldn't feel anything…"

"He meant that he had no emotional perception whatsoever. He says that emotions are replaced by 'fog' and physical pain. Physical touch seems to worsen this."

Leo was at a loss. He couldn't even begin to imagine what that would be like – to be totally aware that you should be feeling something, like happiness, and feeling pain instead. "So…what do we do now?"

"There is nothing to do but wait. Either his emotions will return or they will not. Regardless, he does not have them right now. Leonardo…I need your help in preparing your brothers for this. Especially Michelangelo, as he will probably take this…poorly. But I do not think we should tell them until tomorrow, in case Donatello recovers during the night."

"Hai, Sensei." Leo bowed slightly.

Splinter returned the bow. "Will you join us in the dojo?"

Casting one last glance back toward the lab, Leo drew a deep breath. "Yeah."

As he followed Splinter to the dojo, Leo could only think one thing.

They might have found the path, but they were by no means out of the woods.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Leo couldn't stand it anymore. He had to go see Donnie. After months of not knowing, he had to see his brother. He didn't care if Donnie was asleep—seeing his brother asleep now would be completely different, now that he knew Donnie was back. He had to make sure his brother was safe.

He tiptoed into the lab. In the dim light, he saw Donnie lying on his side. A blanket had fallen onto the floor. Leo walked over and started to put the blanket back on.

"I'm awake, Leo," Donnie said softly.

Leo jumped. "Donnie!" Immediately, he lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to check on you…I didn't want to wake you up or anything."

Donnie sat up. "I can drowse for a few minutes, but I keep waking up. I feel like I'm being punched in the face with all of these memories that keep coming back. A lot of them don't make sense." Donnie's voice was slightly monotone; his normal inflections were gone.

Leo held back the instinct to hug his brother. According to Splinter, Donnie had been very sensitive earlier. And if what Splinter had said was true, hugging would probably only make Donnie feel awkward. "Do you want to talk about them?"

"I think—I _bit_ Karai. In the dojo. But that makes no sense on multiple levels."

Leo couldn't suppress a snort of laughter. "That actually happened. Didn't Aunt Mei and Splinter tell you anything?"

Donnie shook his head. "It's just too much to process. I feel like my head is going to explode."

"Donnie, if there's anyone who can process a lot of information, it's you." Leo hesitated. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Donnie scooted over on the table-turned-bed and gestured toward the empty space. Leo sat down. Unsure of what to say, he was simply silent. But there was hardly anything to be said. For the first time in months, Leo felt whole again. Even if Donatello was still struggling to recover his full self, he was back.

That was all that mattered.

After several minutes, Donnie broke the silence. "Thanks, Leo."

"For what?"

"For not…freaking out like everyone else has."

"Trust me, I'm freaking out on the inside, bro. I'm really glad you're back."

"Yeah, 'glad,'" Donnie said softly.

Leo frowned. "Hey, Splinter told me that you weren't exactly…that you didn't have everything back yet."

"You don't have to be delicate about it," Donnie said. "It's not like you're going to hurt my _feelings._"

"So…you really don't feel anything?"

"I feel _fog," _Donnie replied. "Just emptiness. Intense emotions—or what I suppose what must be intense emotions—make the fog painful, like walking on broken glass. It was so difficult talking to Master Splinter and Raph, because they were so emotional. That naturally triggered a response in me—I guess I should have been happy, or something. But all I could feel was fog. It started to hurt- physically."

"If you need me to leave, I can."

"No. You're keeping it low key. It's fine. I don't want you to leave. Besides, I need someone to help me figure out what to do about April."

Leo's heart sank on behalf of his brother's. An emotional Donnie would have been ecstatic to see April. But if emotions were replaced with nothingness, and intense emotions with pain, then seeing April would be extremely difficult. "I can talk to her. I'll let her know what's going on, and tell her to keep it low key, too. She's really mellowed out a lot."

"There are just so many people who want to talk to me. It makes sense, I imagine that everyone has missed me. I want to see them too. But—Leo—"

"It's going to be okay, Donnie," Leo said. "No matter what. Whether your feelings come back or not. It will be okay. We'll help you get through this."

Donnie turned and looked at Leo. His face was strangely void of expression. "Thanks, Leo."

Leo nodded. "I'd hug you, but…"

Donnie shook his head. "I don't think I'd like that."

"That's what I thought. Hey, I'll talk to Mikey for you too, okay? And everyone else. April, Kirby, Karai, and Casey are going to be dropping in tomorrow to see you. I'll be sure everyone plays it cool."

Donnie's face twisted in confusion. "Karai and Casey?"

"Oh, yeah—they're cool now. Karai's been on our side for, well, seven months now, and Casey's really turned over a new leaf. He even invited us to a party as his house – it was a lot of fun."

Donnie reached up and started rubbing his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. "I guess it's good I can't feel any emotions," he muttered.

Leo frowned. "I know it's going to be hard to trust people who used to be enemies. April convinced us to give Casey another chance, and it's really paid off."

"Ow." Donnie put his hands over his face.

Mentally slapping himself, Leo realized that what he'd said probably triggered all kinds of very strong non-existent emotions for Donnie. "April and Casey didn't get back together," he said hastily. "They're just friends."

Donnie drew a deep breath and opened his eyes; apparently some of the pain had eased. "I don't know what I'm going to tell April," he said. "I know that I love her, and I understand what love is, but I don't feel it."

"You know, Aunt Mei once said something about love being an action, not an emotion," Leo said. He chuckled. "She's just about as full of platitudes as Master Splinter. So, you're covered. You can act without feeling. You can still tell her that you love her, because it's the things you do that make love what it is. Or something."

"Okay," Donnie said flatly. "But…if she hugs me or something…I think it's going to be too foggy, hurt too much." He sighed, and the two of them were silent. "So, Karai's been working against the Shredder? How did that happen?"

"Actually, Donnie, Shredder's dead. Aunt Mei killed him."

That brought an expression to Donnie's face. His eyebrows shot up, his eyes widened. Still, the expression was missing something that Leo couldn't quite define. "What? When?"

"About seven months ago. He and Karai infiltrated the lair. That was when you bit her, actually. She was attacking April."

"I really have missed a lot," Donnie muttered, returned to massaging his temples.

"Look, I'll tell everyone to keep it cool, okay? We'll help you fit the story together piece by piece. And trust me – it's a _long_ story."

"Thanks."


	47. Chapter 47

**Hey, everybody! November was a struggle, but in the end I won the NaNoWriMo challenge! Final word count: 50,515. Woooo! It feel pretty good to strut around in my winner's t-shirt. But now it's back to real life responsibilities...except for when I'm working on fan fiction! ;)**

* * *

Donnie woke the next morning with a splitting headache. He had finally managed to fall asleep some time around six, but it was by far the least refreshing sleep that he could recall. He massaged his temples as he sat up.

Immediately, he felt overwhelmed. There were so many more memories that had visited him during the night, and he hadn't even begun to piece them together. Today would mark the long and arduous task of putting the past seven months back together, and it was a daunting thought.

He thought of the others. The lab's clock said that it was almost ten, which meant that everyone had probably already gone through morning training. That was, assuming that Splinter hadn't totally changed their training schedule. Surely they wanted to see him by now.

Was April outside waiting to see him? Or was she in school? Wait, what time of year was it, anyway? If it really had been seven months, then it would be summer by now. So maybe she was out there, waiting to see him. The thought made him feel foggy. He seemed to hear her voice speaking to him like it was out of a dream: _I love Hamato Donatello, and that will never change. _

The memory tinged the fog with pain.

The door to the lab opened, and Donnie jumped in response.

"Sorry, Donatello," Aunt Mei said, as she stepped in and shut the door behind her. "I didn't mean to startle you. How do you feel this morning?"

"Like street pizza, if street pizza could feel anything."

Aunt Mei smiled. "Well, at least you haven't lost your sense of humor. Do you need anything for the pain?"

"Master Splinter doesn't like for us to take painkillers."

"Do you feel up to the task of regenerative meditation?"

"Honestly, I'm not so great at regular meditation, let alone regenerative."

"That's what I thought. Here, take some Tylenol."

"I think I'd rather have an NSAID. They work better on headaches."

"And they also thin your blood, and I don't like the idea of that given what you've been through in the last twenty-four hours." Aunt Mei pressed the tablets and a glass of water into Donnie's hands.

Donnie knocked back the pills and drained the water glass. "My throat still kind of hurts. Why is that?"

"Well…" Mei looked down at the floor. "You screamed after I gave you the injection." Her voice became small. "A lot."

"Oh."

"So…what about the other thing? Do you feel emotions?"

"No," Donnie said. "Just fog still."

"Well, we can only hope that it will clear with time. Are you hungry?"

The thought of food turned Donnie's stomach. "Er…no. Not now. But I should probably talk to the others, shouldn't I?"

"Everyone is very eager to see you, but if you are not feeling up to it, then they will understand."

"No…I don't think it's right to keep them waiting. But just one at a time, okay?"

"Should I get April?"

The thought made Donnie feel foggy. It seemed to him that at one point, April would have been at the top of the list. But logically, that didn't make sense. Sure, he was close with April, but he had known his brothers his whole life. And Raph had said that Mikey took the accident very badly.

"No. Send in Mikey."

"Of course." Aunt Mei walked out of the lab, and Donnie could hear her calling for Michelangelo.

Mikey's voice echoed through the lair. "Boo-yah-frickin'-sha!"

_Oh, no. Here we go. _

When Mikey walked in the door, however, a sort of nervous expression was on his face. "Hey, Donnie," he said, his voice low and even. "I'm really glad that you're back now."

Donnie forced his face into what he remembered smiles feeling like. "It's good to see you, Mikey."

Mikey looked like he was about to detonate.

"It's okay, Mikey, come here and give me a hug."

Gently, hesitantly, Mikey hugged Donnie. Clearly, Leo had been true to his word in helping to prepare Mikey for this encounter.

"I missed you, bro." Mikey's voice was full of so much restrained emotion that it almost hurt Donnie.

"I wish I could say the same," Donnie said. "It mostly feels like I was asleep for a really long time."

"Well…I should probably go now. I don't want to upset you or anything. I mean—make things complicated and stuff."

"Don't go," Donnie said, taking a risk. Mikey's emotional needs were certainly worth tending to, even if it meant a little extra pain for himself. "I want to know how you've been."

Mikey's face brightened. "Good, now. We've been busting the Purple Dragons like crazy! Also, Master Splinter says I've really taken my nunchuk-ing to the next level."

Donnie forced a smile. "I doubt he said it that way."

"Well, yeah, but that was what he meant. Things have been pretty good…but I really, really missed you. Raph and Leo still yelled at me and stuff, but it was weird not having you yell at me."

A large amount of fog rose up in Donnie's mind; he imagined that maybe it represented laughter or joy, or maybe grief and guilt. Based on Mikey's facial expression, Donnie decided that he should laugh. He laughed the way he remembered it sounding; but it came out of his mouth awkwardly and flatly.

Mikey tilted his head. "Were just laughing 'cause you thought you should?"

Donnie was certain that if he'd had feelings, he would be feeling sheepish now. "Yes. It met the definition of the word funny, so I figured…well…"

"Well, it was creepy," Mikey said, putting his hands on his hips. He grinned. "Look, Donnie, you don't have to pretend everything's normal just to make me feel better."

Donnie was startled; his memories of Michelangelo were not of an individual this calm and mature. Of course, Leo had said that he would prep Mikey for the encounter. "Thanks, Mikey."

"Like a turtle do," Mikey said. "So, who do you wanna see next? April's dying to see you."

"Uh," Donnie cringed at the thought of seeing April. Just seeing her would trigger so much emotional fog…"um, actually, who else is here?"

Mikey looked surprised. "There's Mr. O'Neil, Casey, and Karai."

"I'll talk to Mr. O'Neil."

A few minutes later, Kirby walked into the lab. "Hello, Donatello. When Mei said you were back, I could hardly believe it." He grinned, but there was something else in his expression that Donnie found difficult to read. Maybe without having emotions, it made it more difficult to 'read' expression? Still, Kirby's calm, rational attitude soothed the rawness of Donnie's foggy non-emotions.

"I still can't believe I was gone for so long."

"You know, I just want to thank you for what you did for me," Kirby said. "You've helped me out of a couple of tight spots now. I really truly appreciate it. I kind of feel like it's my fault that this happened to you, though."

"No, it was my decision. I should have used the projectile delivery system. But that's in the past—could have, would have, should have, and all that stuff. Aunt Mei said that you worked really hard to help find a solution for my problem. So thanks for that."

Kirby nodded. "I am sorry to hear that you're not quite yourself yet. Mei and I think it might pass the longer you are awake, so to speak. Well, I'll let you have a minute to collect yourself before I send April in to see you."

"Not April," Donnie said hastily. "Not yet. If I see her now I don't think I'll have energy to talk to anyone else."

Kirby frowned. "She _really _wants to see you."

Painful fog danced around Donnie's head. "I know. I want to see her too. But, it has to be last. No offense."

"So who should I send in, then?"

"Casey. Karai. It doesn't really matter which to me."

After a few more minutes, Casey walked into the room.

"Casey," Donnie said, by way of acknowledgement. He was startled by the amount of fog; he supposed it was anger regarding Casey's betrayal. But Leo had said that Casey was a good ally now—a trustworthy one.

"Donnie." Casey nodded, then put his hands in his pockets. He took a few steps forward, but didn't approach all the way. "I'm, uh—well, this is really awkward. But your family's stoked about you being awake, and I'm glad too. Especially 'cause of how happy April is."

"April, huh?" Donnie said, ignoring the increasing pain of the fog. "So, you two are friends now?"

"Yeah—just friends, dude, I promise. Bro code, you know? I've really gotten myself cleaned up. Master Splinter has even taught me some meditation techniques that help me fight off my addiction. It's been pretty sweet."

Donnie nodded.

"Well, um, this has been awkward," Casey said, chuckling nervously. "I'll get April for you."

"Karai next," Donnie said insistently.

Casey shrugged and left.

After what seemed like a long time, Karai timidly entered the lab. She was not dressed in her ninja gear; she wore jeans and an emo-style jacket. "Hello, Donatello," she said quietly.

"Hello," Donnie replied, unsure of what else to say. There was a moment of silence. "Sorry I bit you," he said.

Karai laughed. It was a laugh altogether different from the one he remembered—filled with fun, not cruelty. "I deserved it. And if it hadn't been for you, for this whole situation, I never would have found out that Splinter was my true father."

"What now?" Donnie said, pushing down a lot of fog.

"Oh, they didn't tell you?" Karai said.

"I've just been processing things in stages."

"Oh. Well, I was born Miwa, then Shredder captured me." She said Shredder's name like it was a curse word. "Since he died, I've been living either here or with Aunt Mei."

"I have so many gaps in my memory that I need to fill." Donnie shook his head.

Karai smiled softly. "From what your brothers and April have said, you're a genius. You'll figure it out." She sighed. "I'm really looking forward to getting to know myself – not just from everyone's stories. I'm…a different person from who I used to be."

"That's what Leo said."

A faint hint of pink came to Karai's cheeks. "Did he?"

"Or something like that."

Karai shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Do you want to see April now?"

Donnie drew a deep breath. It would be unfair to keep April waiting any longer. "Yeah."

Karai nodded and left.

When April finally came in, Donnie's head swam with so much foggy pain that he almost fainted. "April," he whispered through the pain.

"Hi, Donnie," she said, her voice a little shaky. "You're really back, aren't you?"

"More or less," he muttered. He reached up to his temples and rubbed them.

"Are you in pain?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I guess this just means you still really feel strongly about me—even if you can't feel it the way you used to."

The pain eased slightly; Donnie imagined that if he had emotions, he would have been cheering up somewhat. He was able to open his eyes and look at her. "Are you okay? Last I remember, everything was really bad for you."

April smiled a huge, beautiful smile. It brought a stab of pain to Donnie's head, but he forced himself to keep looking at her. He didn't ever want to look away from that smile, even if the pain killed him.

"I'm doing great now, Donnie. Lots of therapy and meditation have helped. Plus, making peace with Casey and Karai really helped too. And now that Shredder and the Ronin are dead, things are even better. I mean, the Kraang are still after me, but what else is new?"

"Ronin?"

"Shredder's fruit-loop crazy next in command," April said. "It's a _long_ story." She grinned again. "But now that you're back—I don't think I've been this happy in ages!"

Donnie made himself smile despite the pain in his head. "I love you, April," he said.

It was true. As Leo had said, love was more than emotions. Clearly there were emotions to accompany this, however, as he was becoming dizzy with fog.

"I love you too, Donnie," April said, still standing a few steps back. She stared at her feet. "Can I hug you?"

"Yes," Donnie said, wanting to feel her body close to his. When she threw her arms around him, the pain became almost unbearable. When she placed her lips over his, the pain became so intense that he blacked out.


	48. Chapter 48

Three months. Three month, and Donatello's feelings had not returned.

It had been a difficult time for him. Adjusting to life without emotions was a lot more challenging than he expected. He never realized just how much he relied on them to determine how to act in certain situations, and it made all of his interactions with April unbearably complex.

For the first couple of weeks, just thinking about April was painful, let alone talking to her. They quickly learned that they couldn't kiss without the pain causing him to black out. But steadily, the amount of fog and pain her felt around her decreased. He missed it; it was an indication to him that he did indeed at one point have feelings. But at least he could now kiss her without fainting.

Soon, it got to the point where he only felt the fog when he imagined he would have been feeling extremely intense emotions—and even then, it was only slight. The rest of the time, he didn't feel anything.

It made certain parts of ninjutsu incredibly easy. He had quickly regained his musculature and was now fighting with both increased and decreased skill. Nothing made him angry, or sad, so emotions could not break his concentration. But emotions had not really ever been his main problem with ninjutsu. It was always the tendency to calculate. Without any emotions, any _gut_ responses, it seemed like he had to rely on calculations more than ever—which slowed him down.

His existence was completely flat.

On the plus side, he wasn't upset about it. Sometimes, he wished he could be upset about it. He wished he could be angry when Mikey did something that messed up his lab. He wished he could even feel annoyed, because Mikey had made it his mission in life to annoy Donnie persistently in hopes that it would bring back his feelings.

It didn't.

* * *

"What are you thinking about, my son?"

Donnie stood in front of the small shrine in the dojo, looking at Splinter's family portrait. "Hmm?"

Splinter laid a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "You have been standing there a while. What are you thinking about?"

"It hurt when you lost her, didn't it, Sensei?"

Splinter tilted his head to the side, as if he hadn't been expecting this question. "Tang Shen?"

"Yeah."

Splinter sighed. "As much as if my own heart had been cut from my chest."

"What if—what if you hadn't been able to feel that? What if when she died, all you felt was _nothing, _knowing that you should have been feeling _everything_?"

"Hmm. A curious question." Splinter stroked his beard absentmindedly. "I fear that it is one I cannot answer. But I sense that this is not the true question on your mind."

"I miss having feelings, but I'm not even upset about it. I should be, by all rights. And things happen around me all the time that I _know_ should make me feel something. I'd give almost anything to have _one _feeling—even if it were a negative emotion." Donnie shook his head. "Sometimes, I think about hurting myself, just so that I can prove to myself that I'm still alive. Pain is the closest thing I have to emotions."

Splinter raised his eyebrows. "Have you ever acted on this?"

"Huh? No. No, that wouldn't make any sense to actually do that."

"Good. Surely there are other physical sensations which can prove to you that you are alive."

"Well, yeah. Kissing April, for example. That's a nice one. It still hurts a tiny bit, but other than that, it feels great."

Splinter put a hand over his mouth. Donnie couldn't tell if he was hiding a smile or masking embarrassment. In fact, at one point in time, Donnie would have been mortified to admit such a thing to Splinter. Now, he viewed the conversation as objectively trying to work through a conundrum.

"Sorry, Sensei. I didn't mean to make things awkward for you. It's just that you would think I'd have lots of emotions when April kisses me, but I don't feel anything beyond the physical. And I used to feel so strongly. I miss it."

"I cannot even begin to imagine what this must be like for you," Splinter said.

"I keep telling April that I love her. And I know that I do. I'd do anything for her. But…we seem to be arguing a lot. The fact that I don't have emotions really seems to bother her. I get the idea that she doesn't think I can really love her without feelings."

Donnie's phone went off. He pulled his phone from his belt and checked it. "April. She wants to go for a walk in the park tonight."

"It seems that she still wishes to spend time with you," Splinter said, his tone encouraging.

"Yes, but it's not the way it used to be. It's changed even since I 'woke up.' She's gotten colder, somehow. Like she's spending time with me out of a sense of duty, not that I make her happy. I want her to be happy."

"Hmm." Splinter picked up his old family portrait. "The simplest definition of love is putting another's needs ahead of one's own: sacrifice. That you are concerned with her happiness, regardless of your own feelings—or lack thereof—shows that you do indeed love her." He sighed. "You should stop trying to guess at what is in her mind. You must ask her about these things that trouble you."

"Yeah." Donnie took out his phone and started to text April back. "Thanks, Sensei. It's kind of ironic, really."

"What is?"

"The fact that if she doesn't want to be with me anymore, I won't be upset about it."

Splinter's expression was a mystery to Donnie. He had more and more trouble reading expressions the longer he went without feelings. Almost everything he suspected about April's attitude was based on little things she said and what he remembered about her body language, not actual emotions that he was able to pick up from her face and voice.

"Good luck, my son," Splinter said, laying a gentle hand on Donnie's shoulder.

"Thanks."

* * *

The night breeze rustled softly through the trees in Central Park. Leo and Karai stuck to the shadows, staying away from the lamps that lit the path.

Leo grinned. "You know, someday I'd like to come here during the day, when it's a little less creepy."

"Trust me, daylight doesn't make it any less creepy," Karai countered.

Leo chuckled. "All right. That stand of trees over there will be good for practicing camouflage and ambush. Do you want to go first, or should I?"

"I don't know, Leo. I think our training routine is getting a little stale. We need to change things up. Maybe see about getting some of the others to help us out."

Leo's heart sank slightly. His favorite thing about these training sessions was that it was just him and Karai—where they could be away from the teasing of his brothers, where they could talk freely about anything that was on their minds. "Well, um, Donnie is out with April tonight, and Raph and Mikey are on patrol, and Mei and Splinter are probably busy too…"

Karai grinned. "I think there's something going on between those two. April said that one time, Mei got all formally dressed up for Splinter."

"Er…well, maybe she just wanted an excuse to dress up or something."

"Are you really that naïve? There's obviously something there. I don't know why they haven't just come out and said it."

Heat rose to Leo's face. He wanted to cover for Splinter and Mei, but wasn't sure how to go about doing it. Because it really was undeniable at this point that something was going on—even Mikey had picked up on it—yet they still wanted to maintain silence on the issue. Leo casted about for something to say, something that might ease Karai's curiosity enough to eventually redirect the focus back to training. "Sometimes…it's hard to officially take that step forward together. Something might be there, but it's hard to admit it to others. Maybe even harder to admit it to themselves."

Karai's face suddenly went void of expression. "Are you talking about them, or us?"

Chills shot down Leo's spine. "Wh—what do you mean?"

"I know you feel it too, Leo," Karai said. Even in the darkness, Leo could see a hint of pink dance across her cheeks. "Maybe it's always been there. But…maybe it's time we stop pretending that there's nothing between us."

"Th—there's something between us?"

"I know you feel the same way I do."

Leo opened and closed his mouth a few times. "I didn't know that you felt…the way I do."

Karai looked down at her feet. "I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to trust you. Trust is…it's not easy for me. Especially since it's only been about ten months since we stopped being enemies. Especially since I've betrayed you so many times." She hesitated. "Especially since we are sort of related to each other."

"Aunt Mei says that it's not such a big deal that we're long-lost adopted siblings."

"So she talked to you, too?"

"Yeah. Like…ten months ago."

"Well." Karai shuffled her feet.

Leo scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah."

"You've always been there for me, Leo. Even when…even when I didn't deserve it."

"Well…I…"

"How long have you felt this way about me?"

Leo chuckled lightly. "Since we first fought in that alley."

Karai hugged herself. "I was afraid of that."

"What? Why?"

"I don't—I don't know how to do any of this."

Leo smiled. "You're not good at saying thank you. I don't expect you to be any better at…well, love." Just saying the word made his stomach flop. Was he really having this conversation with her? After all this time?

"You know, last week, I was talking to Mei about my mother. About how she and Splinter met, about how they fell in love. She said that Tang Shen liked Splinter ever since they met, and how she used to quote Shakespeare about how she felt about him."

Leo tilted his head. "Really? I knew Tang Shen liked Renaissance artists, but I didn't know she liked Shakespeare, too."

Karai nodded. "I'm not sure I'm remembering it right…but…it was something like this.

_"It is to be all made of sighs and tears…_

_It is to be all made of faith and service…_

_It is to be all made of fantasy,_

_All made of passion and all made of wishes,_

_All adoration, duty, and observance,_

_All humbleness, all patience and impatience,_

_All purity, all trial, all observance…"_

Chills shot down Leo's spine again. He had never heard Karai say anything like it before, so beautiful, so tender, so…_not Karai…_

"It's disgusting," Karai said, her voice angry. "Mushy. I almost hate it."

"Oh. Well. Um."

"But it's so…_you_, Leo. And I almost hate that you…I almost hate that I…I don't know how to feel. I don't really know what love is." She swore. "I certainly never learned what it was from my father."

Leo was at a total loss. "Um…"

"But maybe…maybe I can learn what it is from my mother." She stepped closer to Leo, making his skin prickle with sweat. "And from you."

Leo's hands started to shake. "Uh…I…uh…"

Karai stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Leo's cheek.

Hesitantly, he put his arms around her and hugged her gently, placing an awkward kiss on her forehead.

"This is weird," Karai said.

His heart sinking, Leo let Karai go. "Yeah."

Karai frowned. "I didn't tell you to stop."

Just as Leo was about to put his arms back around her, he heard voices. "We'd better hide."

They stole away deeper into the shadows to wait for the people to pass. As they grew closer, Leo realized he recognized them. "It's Donnie and April," he whispered. He took a step forward.

"No," Karai whispered. "I don't want them to know we're here."

"I can't believe you, Donnie!" April's voice was filled with anger. "Is this you trying to break up with me?"

"No, April, I swear," Donnie said, his voice customarily flat. "I'm not trying to break up with you. But I don't think I'm making you happy anymore. I just want you to be happy."

"You want me to be happy? And you think that this will make me happier? Gah—if you had any feelings left at all, you'd know what a stupid thing it is to say that!"

"April, I can't help that my feelings are gone. But you know I love you."

"I do, huh? How am I supposed to know that when you don't feel anything? How am I supposed to know that when you're asking me if you make me happy anymore?"

In the dim light, Leo could see Donnie look at the ground. "If I still made you happy, the answer would be 'yes.' You wouldn't be angry at me."

April's mouth dropped open. She folded her arms. When she spoke, her voice was small and full of hurt. "How am I supposed to be happy when you _can't _love me? I know you're not doing it on purpose. It's not your fault that you're incapable of love."

"I still love you!" Even when Donnie's voice was raised, it was still flat. "Love isn't just feelings. It's sacrifice. And you know I'd sacrifice anything for you."

"You'd sacrifice for your brothers too. For Splinter and Mei and my Dad. For some random person who needs to be saved from the Kraang or the Purple Dragon. That's not proof that you love me."

"Hit me," Donnie said.

"What?"

"Just punch me in the face. If you're going to hurt me, you might as well do it in a way I can feel it."

_I'm going to punch _her _in the face, _Leo thought, steaming.

"I'm hurting you? I know you aren't trying to hurt me, but you hurt me every time I know you can't feel anything for me. Donnie, will you honestly feel any differently if we're together than if we're not together?"

"Of course I'd care, April—"

"I didn't ask if you'd care. I asked if your feelings would change."

"My feelings can't change if I don't have any." A hint of defeat colored Donnie's voice now.

"That's the point," April said.

"Well…if you'll be happier without me, then I guess we should break up."

"Maybe we should!"

"April…can we still be friends?"

Tears started rolling down April's face. "This is really happening, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I guess it is."

April sniffed loudly. "You'll always be my friend, Donnie. No matter what. I'll always care about you. But you're right. I'm not happy."

"Your happiness is all I care about," Donnie said, brushing a strand of hair out of April's face.

April took a step back. "I'm sorry, Donnie. I'm sorry I can't be with you."

"I know. Me too."

"Well, I guess we should go home."

"Yeah. We should."

"Want me to walk you back to your apartment?"

"Sure. Fine."

Without another word, the two walked away in silence.

"She's a freaking idiot," Leo said, fuming. "She's being selfish and immature. You know what? Donnie deserves better than her anyway."

"You deserve better than me," Karai said quietly.

"Karai—I didn't mean…"

"I know. But I don't think we should stop being friends with her—not if Donnie is still friends with her. You gave me a second chance. Give her one, too. Even if she is an idiot."

"You're right," Leo said. "Maybe we should go home, too."

But when he turned around, Karai had disappeared.

Leo found himself grinning. He drew his katanas. "So camouflage and ambush hasn't gotten stale, huh?"

Karai leapt out of nowhere, slashing her tanto. Leo blocked it just in time.

"What do you think?" Karai said, in a playful tone. "Should I hit you with some blinding powder?"

"No, I don't think that's—"

A sudden cloud of powder flew into Leo's face. He coughed and his eyes watered. "Karai!"

A minute later, Karai had Leo pinned to the ground.

"Not funny," Leo muttered.

"But definitely fun," Karai said. She kissed Leo full on the mouth.

And suddenly, the blinding powder didn't seem so bad after all.


	49. Chapter 49

After saying goodbye to Donnie, April climbed the stairs to her apartment in a mixture of sorrow and fury. Anger at herself. At Donnie. At the Universe.

Was she being stupid? Was it selfish of her to not love this new, emotionless Donnie the way she had loved the old one? And he even had said he wanted her to be happy.

Yeah. He was the one who'd broken up with her, not the other way around. Maybe if he'd left it alone, she would have eventually found a way to cope—if not happy, then at least not unhappy. But clearly, she wasn't good enough for him if she wasn't happy all the time. Kind of ironic, coming from a guy who had no feelings at all.

When she finally made it to the apartment, she walked right past her dad without a word and made a beeline for her room. She wanted nothing more than to be alone, so that she could work through her misery in peace.

After she shut the door, the full weight of what had just happened slapped her in the face.

She had promised Donnie she'd wait for him forever. And now that he was back, she'd broken his heart.

_If you're going to hurt me, at least do it in a way I can feel it. _

But she hadn't hurt him. There was nothing to hurt. He didn't have feelings, he couldn't be happy one way or the other. He would go home, perfectly content and without hurt, while she was here, her insides twisting in agony.

_Donnie. _

Donnie, who caught her as she fell to her death from the Kraang's helicopter.

Donnie, who worked tirelessly to help her find her dad.

Donnie, who never stopped being her friend even after she'd rejected him and his brothers completely.

Donnie, who saved her from Shredder's grasp, who clothed her when she was naked, who loved her even when she had chosen somebody else, who gave up his sentience so that her father could find his…

Donnie, whose capacity for love had cruelly been taken from him.

April ran to her bed, planted her face in the pillow, and started sobbing.

It was all so _unfair_! And somehow, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was the badguy in all of this. She was the one who was being unreasonable. She was the one who was selfish and stupid and heartless…

She wailed aloud.

Kirby burst into the room. "April! What's wrong?"

"Leave me alone!" April screamed into her pillow.

"Sweetie, are you hurt?"

"Go away!"

"What's wrong?"

April sat up. "You couldn't possibly understand."

Kirby raised an eyebrow. "Try me."

"Just—just leave me alone, Dad!"

"You and Donnie broke up, didn't you?"

Pain surged through April anew and her sobbing redoubled. "Yes! There, I told you—are you happy? Go away!"

"Fine," Kirby said, with a sigh. He left the room, muttering "Teenagers" under his breath.

April collapsed back on her bed and cried until she didn't have any tears left.

She paused to consider the fact that this might not be the end of the world. She and Donnie could still be friends. It might take her a while to get over the hurt, but it would be easier knowing that he wouldn't harbor any ill feeling toward her. His brothers, on the other hand—how would they treat her? Would they still be her friends? Wouldn't they see her as just abandoning Donnie, when none of this was his fault at all?

She started crying again. Everybody was going to see her as the bad person in this. Splinter, Mei, Leo, Mikey, Raph—heck, probably even Karai would think that April was being selfish and heartless. Her Dad probably would think so too. Nobody could possibly understand.

Except maybe…

Casey. He knew what it was like to lose people, even people you really wanted to stay with, through no fault of your own. After all, it wasn't her fault that Donnie had lost his feelings, wasn't her fault that Donnie didn't make her happy. And since Casey wasn't exactly Donnie's best friend, maybe he'd be able to forgive her where the others couldn't. And she and Casey were such good friends, so close, that he would be sure to at least consider where she was coming from.

She was suddenly filled with the overwhelming desire to talk to him.

She got up and blew her nose, then grabbed her t-phone and started to text Casey.

_Casey. I need to talk. Can we take a walk? _

She waited breathlessly for Casey to respond. Finally, her phone chimed.

_hafta check w the rents hang on_

After several minutes, the phone went off again

_yah i can where u wanna meet_

April hesitated. She didn't want her dad knowing that she was going for a walk with Casey. She didn't want her dad to know _any _of this, because he'd probably hit her with a bunch of psycho-babble.

_The gas station convenience store a few blocks from my apartment. _

Her phone chimed.

_k give me a few be there soon_

As quietly as possibly, April went to the window and slid it open. She climbed out onto the fire escape, and taking advantage of her kunoichi training, she moved silently down the ladders. When she finally hit the ground, she took off running, just in case her dad had come to check on her and found the window open.

A few short minutes later, she was at the gas station, nervously waiting for Casey. It took him another ten minutes to show up.

"Hey, Red, sorry. I came as fast as I could. What's wrong?"

"Let's walk," April said.

The two of them walked down the streets. April couldn't even find the words to say what she wanted to say. She just reached over and took Casey's hand. Fortunately, he didn't say anything. He seemed to understand that she needed time to gather her thoughts. His hand steadied her as they walked, made the whole thing seem a little more bearable.

Soon, they arrived at the little playground where she and Casey had first met for trig homework. How long had that been? Two years, now? She wasn't even sure.

But a pang went through her for another reason, too. She and Donnie used to come here, too.

Heavily, she sighed. Letting go of Casey's hand, she went and sat on one of the swings.

Casey followed suit, sitting on the swing next to her. "C'mon, Red. What's going on?"

"Donnie and I broke up."

Casey was quiet for a moment. "Wow. That's—wow. I'm really sorry. What happened?"

"He asked me if he made me happy—and the answer was no."

"Yeah, I know you'd mentioned how hard things were for you guys since—well, you know."

"And he said he wanted me to be happy…so…"

"So he broke up with you?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I guess we both kind of agreed on it." April buried her hands in her face and stifled a sob. "It still hurts. And now I'm afraid everyone will hate me—think I'm selfish for dumping him."

"Well, from what you've said, it sounds like it was something you decided together. Are you guys still friends, at least?"

"Yeah," April whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's just—I don't understand. I loved him _so_ much. He meant everything to me."

Casey was silent for a long time.

"You think I'm a monster."

"No," Casey said hastily. "I never said that. It's just—if you broke up because of this, it sounds like you never really loved him in the first place."

"Wait—what? Of course I loved him!"

"If you did, then you'd be just as worried about him bein' happy as yourself. No, you'd be _more _worried about it."

"Casey, he doesn't have feelings—he can't be happy one way or the other."

"I get that. I'm not saying I think you're bad for breaking up with him. I'm just saying that if this is enough to pull you apart, then you didn't really love him. Trust me—I know a thing or two about not being loved."

"Casey—I—"

"I totally understand, Red. I'm not mad at you. You made the decision that's best for you. But maybe you'll feel better about all of this if you admit the truth to yourself. He definitely used to love you, before he lost his feelings and stuff. But that doesn't mean you really loved him, know what I'm saying?"

"So all my feelings were just—"

"Love's more than feelings, Red. You know how I know that? Because I loved you—had all the feelings-but my feelings just weren't enough to keep me from caving in to Karai. That's not real love."

April's stomach turned. "That wasn't your fault. You were sick, Casey."

"I know. But real love's stronger than feelings. That's something Jen and Sean have taught me. Cause they hate me sometimes, I know it—at least they feel that way. But it's what they do that shows me they love me, you know?"

"Wow…Casey…I had no idea that you were so…"

"Deep?" Casey laughed. "I'm more than just smashing stuff and playing hockey, Red. But anyway, I don't feel any different about you because of this thing with Donnie. You're my best friend, and I want you to be happy, too. I saw how unhappy you were with him for the last few months. Honestly, I think it's probably good for you that you broke up. Probably good for him to, so he can stop wasting energy on wondering if you're happy. It'll just be easier on you if you realize you didn't _really _love him to begin with."

"How would that make me feel better? It just means I've been a poser."

"No, it means you were confused. You weren't exactly having an easy time. You needed somebody to get you through that."

"So I used him. That makes me feel a lot better."

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. Like I said, you were confused."

"Great."

Casey reached over and took April's hand. "Stop beating yourself up. Nobody beats my friends up, okay? Not even themselves."

April looked up into Casey's eyes and realized something. Maybe it really was Casey she'd loved all along. After all, she loved him first. She was miserable until they started to patch up their friendship. And over the last ten months, she'd begun to realize that those old feelings were creeping back in. Had she just been pushing them down, ignoring them because she had tricked herself into believing that Donnie was the one?

Before she realized what she was doing, she leaned over and kissed him. Casey jumped at first, but seconds later, he leaned into the kiss and closed his eyes.

They had been kissing for around a minute when he pulled away from her.

"No," he said, his voice unusually harsh. "No, Red. I'm not going to be your rebound, okay? You're just doing this because you're still confused."

"No, I'm not confused—I'm finally seeing clearly."

"Seriously?" Casey stood up from the swing and folded his arms. "Is that what you thought when you started dating Donnie almost immediately after _we _broke up?"

April's stomach flipped. It wasn't exactly those words, but her thought process had been similar. "I—"

"You need to work through your issues," Casey said. "And I'll always be your friend. But as much as I want you—want this—I _know _it's not real. And I can't take anymore relationships in my life that aren't real, okay? I've been hurt too much."

Tears started to roll down April's face. "Casey…"

Casey looked away. "It's just as well we don't date, Red. I'm moving to South Dakota in a few months."

"Wait—what?"

"Yeah. Sean's got a job at the new factory there. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go—and since I'm 18 now I have the choice whether I want to or not—but I decided that staying with Jen and Sean is best for me." He chuckled dryly. "Guess you'll have to tutor me over Skype."

This wasn't happening. She was losing Casey and Donnie in the same night. "Casey—please! Stay! You can stay with the turtles…"

"Sorry. My mind's made up. Like I said, I think it's for the best anyway. I don't think that…I don't think that I can say no to you kissing me again."

"Then don't," April pleaded. "Casey, I—"

"You what? Love me? Red, you need to get your head screwed on straight before I'll believe that you really mean anything by that other than that we're friends. Give it a year, okay? And if you still feel this way…then…then we'll see where to go from there." Casey sniffed. "Hey, I think that we probably shouldn't hang out one-on-one between now and the move, okay?"

"O—okay."

"I do care about you, April. That's why we can't be together right now."

April couldn't even find anything to say.

Casey pulled out his phone. "It's almost 11. Jen and Sean said to be back by 11:30. I need to get going."

April nodded.

"Are you good to walk yourself home?"

April nodded again, feeling a numb place in her chest where her heart should have been.

"See ya," Casey said, sounding supremely awkward. He turned and walked away.

_He's right. I _do _need to get my head on straight. _

But the fact that he was right didn't do anything to alleviate the despair that set in over her as she realized she had hurt and betrayed her two best friends in the world.

And all because she thought she had loved them.

A soft mournful breeze stirred the other empty swings, reminding her of how alone she was.


	50. Chapter 50

Brimming with excitement, April stood near the terminal exit at LaGuardia. Her eyes searched the crowd, waiting for that one familiar face to emerge from the hundreds of people who poured out of the terminal.

She bounced on the balls of her feet. Today was going to be the best day ever.

"Red?"

April turned her head toward the sound. There was Casey, emerging from the crowd with a huge grin on his face.

"Casey!" April extended her arms and ran to him, drawing him into a huge hug. "Oh my gosh! I'm so excited to see you!"

"Me too," Casey said. He pulled away from the hug and adjusted his backpack. "Today's gonna be awesome. Sorry you had to drive to LaGuardia to pick me up."

"Well come on, let's go. Your flight delay means we only have two hours to get there in time."

"Oh, like they'll start without us."

"Do _you _want them mad at you?"

Together, they got on the lightrails that took them to the parking lot where April had left her car.

"Sweet ride," Casey commented, as April popped open the trunk. "This the new one you were telling me about? Somehow, it suits you."

April grinned. The bright yellow car was about ten years old and kind of worn, but she'd scrimped and saved to be able to buy it. "Thanks." She climbed in and started the car, waiting until Casey was in and buckled up before she started the slow trip to merge back onto the main freeway.

"I can't believe you're actually here," April said, unable to stop smiling. "It's been what—two years?"

"Just about. How's community college treating you?"

"Not too bad. Being a commuter student is really nice, too. Even if it's an hour on the subway to get there, it's nice to actually live with my Dad still. And what about you? How's the license coming?"

"Well, I've still got a few hoops to jump through before I actually get to be a bail enforcer." He grinned. "That sounds so lame. I mean…_bounty hunter! _Yeah!"

April laughed. "And what do Sean and Jen think about your career choice?"

"Eh, they'll get over it. Melanie thinks it's hot, so, you know."

"How is Melanie?"

"Great, great! I wish she could've come for this, but…well, what with the turtles and all…plus we've only actually been together for a few weeks."

"Yeah, it's probably best to wait at least a few more months before spilling the fact that some of your best friends are mutants."

"She's pretty chill, though. I think she'll be cool with it."

April grinned again and turned her focus back to traffic. She was so happy for Casey. He and Melanie looked so adorable in all of the photos he'd sent, and she had to admit, she couldn't have picked a better match for one of her best friends in the whole world.

Since that night two years ago, when April had broken up with Donnie and learned that Casey was moving to South Dakota, April decided to refocus her life on family, friendships, ninjutsu, and her studies. And she had to admit—staying focused on those things had helped her finally get her head back in the right place. So when Casey had told April that he liked this other girl, April hadn't been jealous at all. Just happy for her good friend.

Yes, life was pretty good without the complications of romance and dating to muck it up. Friendships were simple and sweet—and her friendships with Casey, Mei, Karai, and the turtles were stronger now than ever before. And she could say without hesitation that her two best friends were Casey Jones and Hamato Donatello.

But something was missing. April usually tried not to think about what it was.

Yet, as she listened to Casey gush on about how happy he was with Melanie and she thought about what the day ahead of them held, it was harder than ever not to think about what had been missing in her life.

"Enough about me, though," Casey said. "What's going on with you?"

"Oh, well, you know it's been schoolwork, Kraang-fighting, and wedding planning."

"Heh. Only one of those things sounds like it's any fun. How much planning does a wedding like this need? It's not like you need to book a preacher or anything."

"Well, you know Leo. He wants as much traditional stuff as possible—American _and _Japanese. Plus, they're throwing in a few twists of their own. It's funny. I think Karai would be happy to have a five minute ceremony and then just go on with life. But Leo wants the whole nine yards."

"So he's a groomzilla?"

April giggled. "Yeah…pretty much."

After an hour or so of navigating New York traffic, April pulled her car into her designated parking spot in front of her apartment building. "I have to grab my dress, and then we'll head down into the sewers."

The two of them climbed the stairs to the O'Neil's apartment. Casey waited in the living room while April went to her room to get the pretty maroon bridesmaid's dress that Leo had picked out. Since the whole thing was sort of an East-meets-West affair, Leo and Karai had chosen traditional Japanese dress for themselves, whereas April and Casey were instructed to dress in American formal wear.

As April grabbed the garment bag, she felt a sudden sinking feeling. Sure, being single was easier and less complicated, but she saw the joy that Leo and Karai took in each other. Of course, April had watched their relationship develop over the last two years, and it had not been an easy road for them. But gradually, Leo had drawn Karai out of the harsh, abrasive shell she had inhabited for so long. Certainly, her quick biting wit and her fierce spirit remained, but she had become kinder, more open…

Happy.

Truly happy.

April tried to remember the last time that she herself had been truly happy—because despite how good these two years had been for her, the sense of something missing plagued her as much as Donnie's lack of emotions plagued him.

And like Donnie, April would never be able to shake that sense of something missing. Not because it had been taken from her, but because she had given it up willingly.

She had been given one of the best gifts in the world, and she had tossed it away.

Surely, after so long, there was no chance that she could regain it, no chance that she could find that same happiness that Leo and Karai had found in each other.

Through her own foolishness, April had closed that door forever. There was no way that she would be able to open it again, not after all this time…

April sighed. She headed back out into the living room, where Casey sat, playing a game on his phone.

"You ready to go, Red?"

"Yeah. I'm ready."

* * *

Splinter sat under the tree in the dojo in a light trance.

The whole room had been decorated with painstakingly made paper lanterns in preparations for the wedding ceremony. While there would be no true legality to the wedding—no marriage licenses, no judge or ordained minister to pronounce the marriage—Leonardo and Miwa's marriage would be as strong and true as their promises to each other, made before the whole family.

At the sound of footsteps, Splinter opened his eyes. Miwa stood before him, dressed in a beautiful wedding kimono. It was pale pink—almost white—with deeper pink stitching in the _rinzu_. The _obi _was a deep maroon, embroidered with the Hamato crest in the same pale pink color as the kimono. Her hair was done elaborately, studded with cherry blossoms.

Simply put, she was perfect. The very picture of her mother.

Smiling, Splinter climbed to his feet. "Ah, daughter. You look beautiful. Are you ready?"

"I hope so," Miwa said, rolling her eyes. "If Mei and April fuss around with my hair one more time, I'm going to scream. I keep telling Leo that none of this is necessary." She paused. "But he's going to love seeing me in this getup, isn't he?"

Splinter chuckled. "He will indeed. But it was not the readiness of your apparel that I inquired after. Is your heart ready?"

Miwa's expression softened. "I admit, this whole day has felt…well, strange. I've come to realize that I'm a completely different person from when I first met Leo."

"No. You are the same person. You have changed, and grown, but you remain true to yourself. You have always been true to yourself, my daughter, and so you must remain."

Smiling, Miwa bowed. "I will, Father."

Splinter chuckled as he reached up and touched one of the cherry blossoms in Miwa's hair. "_Sakura._ Your mother loved them."

"I know. It was the one true thing that—that he ever told me."

Splinter's ears drooped slightly. He did not need to ask of whom she spoke. While she had grown in her capacity for love and trust, dark remnants of the past still lurked in the corners of her outlook on life. While they had all moved forward, the Shredder would haunt them forever. All they could do was focus on what they had now. And what they had now was a life overflowing with love and joy—even admidst everyday difficulties and an ever-growing Kraang threat looming over their heads.

Secretly, however, Splinter was grateful for the Kraang's existence. Without them, he never would have met his sons.

April stepped into the dojo, wearing an American-style bridesmaid dress that matched the maroon of Miwa's _obi _perfectly. "Hey, Karai, it's just about time. Are you ready?"

Miwa snorted. "Ready for this to be over with."

"It will be soon enough," April said, grinning broadly. "Try to enjoy it. For Leo's sake."

"If I'd known marrying him was going to be such a chore, I wouldn't have agreed."

Mei poked her head around the corner. "Are we all set in here?"

"Looks like," April said. "Oh, hey, Karai—come with me. We still need to set you up with the stuff."

Rolling her eyes, Karai followed April out of the dojo.

Laughing, Mei walked in and started fiddling with some of the decorations. Splinter paused for a moment to admire her. She had purchased a new formal kimono for the occasion, one that maroon with a pale pink _obi_, to offset Miwa's. A single cherry blossom was tucked into the hair behind one ear.

And with a sudden twist in his stomach, Splinter realized that this was it. He had been planning on waiting until some other time, but he now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the time was now.

"Mei, a moment?"

Smiling radiantly, Mei turned around. "Is this about you thinking that nineteen is too young to be married again? You know I will never take your side on that."

Splinter could not help but reflect the glow of her smile. "No, I know full well how old you were when you married Kenshin. That is not what I want to talk to you about. Come with me."

Mei followed Splinter into his room. He slid the screen partition shut so that they would not be interrupted before he had a chance to say his piece.

"Mei. I do not know how to say this. Things for us have always been—difficult."

The smile faded from Mei's countenance. "Yes. They have."

"When we met once again, we were both people broken by our pasts. You hated the very sound of my name. You blamed me for your sister's death."

"Yoshi, I—"

Splinter held up a hand. "And I—I too was unable to let go of the past. I blamed myself for Shen's death. And as you and I grew closer, it was a never ending struggle not to see her when I looked at you."

"I know."

"Mei, that struggle will never go away for me. For though I see you, and care for you, and know who you are, I cannot ever forget the first true love of my life. I will carry her in my heart forever. And as such, I cannot give my heart fully to you."

"We have spoken of this before. I understand, Yoshi. And as you know, that first part of my heart will always belong to Kenshin. We said it a long time ago—we can only give each other our second-best."

"Yes." Splinter put his hands on Mei's shoulders. "We are two broken people. We can only give each other half of our hearts." He turned away and found the small wooden box he had been keeping beside his bed for weeks now. Picking it up, he handed it to Mei. "But between the two of us, we have enough for one full heart."

Mei opened the box and gasped softly. "It's beautiful." She held it up the box's contents: a misshapen ring, half silver, half gold, with empty settings that did not match each other, strung on a white gold chain. The twisting of the metal gave it an attractive asymmetry, and the metals sparkled except for where they had been fused together. "Strange, but beautiful. What kind of necklace is it?"

"Outside a jewelry store, I found two broken rings. They were different sizes and different metals, and both of them had lost the gems from their settings. They were bent and misshapen. There is no way that they would ever be a seamless whole. It would take the trial of a smith's fire to fit them together. Neither of them would be as beautiful as they once were. But together, they have a chance to be one ring again, beautiful in their own way, beautiful in a way neither could have been on its own." Splinter took the chain and fastened it around Mei's neck. "Mei—"

The words caught in his throat. For a moment, they did nothing but stare at each other, wide-eyed and trembling.

"Mei. My love. Will you marry me?"

Mei still stood frozen, her lips parted slightly. She held the ring in her hands, staring at it. "Yoshi…"

"Will you?"

Mei raised her eyes to his as her face turned radiant with joy. "Yes. A thousand times yes."

They embraced each other for a few moments. Splinter wiped away the tears that stung his eyes. "We should go. The others are doubtless ready for the wedding. We shall tell them some other time. After all, today is for Leonardo and Karai."

Taking each other by the hand, they walked back out into the dojo, made whole by each other.


	51. Chapter 51

"So," Karai said, dreading the next phase of her bridal preening. "Just what is this tradition we're supposed to be doing?"

"You know," April said. "You're supposed to have some things on you when you get married—something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue!"

Karai put a hand on her face. "Can it all be the same something? I already feel like a stupid doll without _more _accessories."

"Don't touch your face—you'll mess up your makeup!"

Karai groaned. She was so ready for this day to be over. As much as she was glad to be marrying Leonardo, she was still full of misgivings and fears. She was still uncertain of her own capacity for love, still uncertain whether the darkness of her past would haunt her future forever.

But Leo didn't care about any of that. His certainty was strong enough for both of them, his love and purity enough to hold them together.

It always had been.

"Fortunately for you, I decided to streamline the somethings a bit," April said. "Here's the something new and blue." She opened a box and produced a blue garter.

Karai clucked her tongue. "I still can't believe that we're doing a garter toss and a bouquet toss."

"Just keep telling yourself, 'It's for Leo.'"

"I do, I do. What's the other thing?"

"It's something old and something borrowed," April said, with a wide grin. She pulled her tessen from her waist and handed it to Karai. "I think that technically, this is yours anyway. Keep it."

Karai's mouth fell open. "But April—"

"I have that new set of tessens that I bought for myself. And while I'm sad to say goodbye to this…well, it was a present to Tang Shen when she was married. I thought that maybe it would make a good gift for you, too."

Unexpectedly, Karai's eyes stung with tears. "April, I…I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Just take good care of it." April gently hugged Karai. "I'm so happy for you, Karai."

Karai tucked the tessen into her sash. A tear rolled down her face.

"Oh no…your mascara is running. I thought I told Mei to get the waterproof stuff." April grabbed a tissue and dabbed the offending streak away. "There." She glanced at her watch. "Okay…it's time. Are you ready?"

A second of hesitation gripped Karai's innards. But she thought of Leo's smiling face and his gentleness, and the fears and misgivings faded. "Yes. I'm ready."

The next several minutes were a complete and total blur for Karai. There might have been music playing in the background as she walked into the decorated dojo, each one of the paper lanterns a glowing blur in her vision. Several other people stood around too—Karai only vaguely recognized them as Splinter, Mei, April, Casey, and the other turtles.

Everything else faded as she saw Leonardo standing beneath the tree, dressed in a hakama. She didn't hear anything else, barely even heard herself as she participated in the long elaborate ceremony, lost in a mixture of fear and joy.

Finally, the words that Leonardo said started to register in her mind.

"What is love?" he said, his whole countenance a smile. _"It is to be all made of sighs and tears."_

Suddenly, Karai remembered that she was supposed to be saying something, and this time she was aware of the words that came out of her mouth. "_It is to be all made of faith and service."_

_"It is to be all made of fantasy…"_

_"…All made of passion and all made of wishes…"_

_"…All adoration, duty, and observance…"_

_"…All humbleness, all patience and impatience…"_

_"…All purity, all trial, all observance."_

Leo gently placed his hand on the side of Karai's face. "And so am I for Karai."

"And so am I for Leonardo," Karai whispered, putting her hand over Leo's.

They kissed, and the whole room erupted into applause. Michelangelo whistled, while Raphael and Casey cheered and whooped.

"Is it finally over?" Karai asked, triggering laughter from everyone.

Leo grinned. "Yeah. It's finally over, love."

Karai rolled her eyes. "Please never call me that again."

"Fine. Have it your way. All right everybody, are you ready to party?"

Everyone chorused their enthusiasm.

As they all processed out of the dojo, Karai held tightly onto Leo's hand, wondering if the glowing sensation that came from inside of her was that alleged bliss that brides were supposed to feel.

* * *

April had to admit, the party was a blast.

The food was excellent, the dancing was fun, and even though they were all underage, Mei provided sake for the celebration. With a grin on his face, Casey politely declined. April was so proud of him that she was ready to explode—though she knew that Mei and Splinter weren't going to let him have any of it anyway. April had never had sake before, and after trying the one tiny little serving that she was allowed to have, she was not sure she wanted to try it again. Still, it was fun to try something new.

After the festivities were over, Leonardo and Karai took off to head to the small but cozy apartment that Karai had picked out for them to live in. Excellent ninja that he was, Leo wasn't worried about living topside, convinced that he could easily avoid detection.

Plus, it wasn't like the newly married couple _wanted _to live with the rest of the family anymore.

"Good riddance!" Raph called playfully as Leo and Karai departed. Master Splinter smacked him on the top of the head with his staff.

Everyone settled down on the couches in the den for some conversation and catching up. It had been a while since everyone got together, so there was plenty to tell.

"So what's this I hear about Mikey having a girlfriend?" Casey asked, grinning widely.

"He doesn't have a girlfriend," Raph said. "He has some person on the internet that he writes to."

"Hey, Renet and I have been considering each other BF and GF for a couple months now," Mikey said.

"You've never seen a picture of her. She could be a dude. With warts."

"Well, she's never seen a pic of me either. She doesn't even know that I'm turtle yet. It's just a different kind of relationship, that's all." Mikey grinned. "I can't help it if you're jealous."

"Yeah, Raph," Donnie said, attempting a smile. "At least Mikey _has_ a girlfriend."

"Shut it, Donnie," Raph growled.

"She's totally great," Mikey continued. "She's a hockey fan, too. And she can _always_ tell who's going to win. It's like…she can time travel or something. It's super crazy."

"Somebody's super crazy," Raph mumbled.

Donnie yawned widely and stretched. "I'm worn out. I think I'm gonna go check on my project in the lab and then hit the proverbial hay."

"Yes, I would say that rest is in order for us all," Splinter said. "Today has been joyous"—he exchanged a tiny glance with Mei—"but exhausting."

"Yeah, and I promised I'd write Renet and tell her about the wedding," Mikey added.

"And who exactly is going to clean up this mess?" Mei asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"All of us—tomorrow," April said, grinning. "I promise." Everyone else agreed.

"All right, then. Casey, if you'll come this way, we've made up a room for you to stay in tonight."

"Thanks!" Casey said. "G'night, guys!" He followed Mei down the hall.

Splinter went into the dojo, and Donnie disappeared to his lab. Mikey sprinted to his room, and Raph trudged away to his. Soon, April was left sitting alone in the den.

And her heart sank.

She looked over at the doors to the lab, which were slightly ajar. There was something she had to do. Because if she didn't at least try it…

Drawing a deep breath, she got up from the couch and knocked lightly on the lab doors before walking in.

"Oh, hey, April," Donnie said flatly, looking up from his computer. "What's up?"

"Oh…um…I guess I was just wondering what you're up to."

"Trying to figure out a more efficient was to filter our water supply. The old filter I made years ago is starting to break down some."

"Oh."

There was a period of awkward silence. April bit her lip. It was now or never.

"Listen, Donnie," she said. "I've been so selfish these last couple of years."

Donnie raised an impassive brow. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I started to realize it after we broke up. You know, you said you wanted me to be happy, and I took that and ran without giving a second thought to your happiness. I figured, 'Hey, he doesn't have feelings anymore. Whatever.'"

"I have been content this whole time. I don't harbor any resentment toward you."

April smiled. "You have no idea how glad that makes me. Because I still consider you my best friend."

Donnie made an attempt at a smile. He had developed a knack for a few select facial expressions – saying that sometimes nonverbal communication was better than words – though they still seemed wooden. With Mikey's help, Donnie had even managed to make a couple of them very convincing.

"I've been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about the way that Leo and Karai act with each other. I don't want you to think I'm just caught up in wedding fever or anything, because I'm not."

Donnie switched to a puzzled expression. This particular one was always dead-on, though Donnie had said in the past that this was because it was rooted in confusion, not emotion.

April sighed. "I should have realized this a long time ago. Love isn't about anything besides loving the other person, regardless of the form that it takes. Love is love whether it's reciprocated or not, whether it makes you happy or not – because – because it's sighs and tears and trial and faithfulness and observance" – her voice caught in her throat as she added the word Donnie had once used to describe love – "and sacrifice."

Donnie's face was an impassive mystery. Softly, he took April's hand and gave it a quick, reassuring squeeze. "It's okay, April. I understand why you made your choice. After all, love is also described as passion – you know, feelings. I don't have that anymore. Your choice was perfectly logical."

April felt angry heat rising to her face. She smacked away his hand. "No. No, Donatello. It was the most illogical choice of my life. That passage from Shakespeare – that passage that Karai and Leo turned into their _wedding vows _– has fifteen words to describe love, and only _one _of them has to do with feelings."

Donnie tilted his head as if he was considering this. "Sighs, tears, fantasy and adoration could be construed as the result of feelings."

April rolled her eyes. He wasn't getting what she was saying at all. "I believed you couldn't _really_ love me without having feelings. I was wrong. I was an idiot. A selfish idiot. You wanted me to be happy, but I haven't been really, truly happy since we broke up."

There was a long pause. Donnie's face was blank, but April thought she could see the gears turning inside his head as he tried to work through this concept without the aid of emotional intuition. Finally, he said in a small voice, "Really?"

"Really. Donnie, I know that we haven't been – involved – for two years now, but, if there's any way that you still – still lo – "

Donnie grabbed the sides of April's face and pressed his lips up against hers. Feelings behind it or no, it seemed to April like it was one of the most passionate kisses she had been given in her life. She returned it with enough passion and feelings for the both of them as Donnie released her face and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.

When they finally broke apart, Donnie looked April straight in the eye. His face was deadly serious, but his voice was soft. "I'm all patience, remember?"

April laughed. The sound of her laugh echoed in the lab, startling her with how bright and vibrant it sounded – as bright and vibrant as she felt, overflowing with mirth. "I _love _you, Donatello."

Donnie forced his face into a smile, and April realized for the first time that whether feelings triggered them or not, all of his smiles were genuine. They were genuine because he intended them to be, because he realized that actions – like smiling – were more powerful than words could ever be. He put his arms around her again and kissed her, and April's mind exploded in bliss like she hadn't felt in what seemed like an eternity.

* * *

_I _love _you, Donatello. _

The sound of those words coming from April's mouth was still the most beautiful sound on the earth that Donatello had ever heard. It was like music, but tuned to the feelings inside her soul, the feelings that he still secretly longed to have. He was content, but he had long come to realize the flatness of an existence without discontent, without the waves of normal 'human' experience.

He wished that he could feel the emotions that the smile on his face indicated.

He loved her too. He was honestly confused that she thought his love for her could ever waver. He had loved her from the first, and he would love her to the last. Maybe he no longer could experience _feelings, _but he had devotion and sacrifice in abundance. And_ agape, _sacrificial love, was the keystone to the full experience of love.

And it was enough for her. She was happy. It was all that mattered to him, all that had ever mattered to him. April's happiness.

As he engaged himself fully in the pleasant physical sensation of kissing, devoted every ounce of his concentration to sensation of her hands on the back of his neck and her mouth gliding against his, the way that her touch raised goosebumps across the whole surface of his body, he was suddenly assaulted by the fog. He hadn't experienced it for well over a year. It was not acutely painful – not like it had once been – but faint, like a dull ache. It was hardly enough to counter the physical pleasure he was experiencing, so he ignored it, stuffed it away, and refocused his attention on kissing and being kissed by April.

The fog rippled at the surface of his subconscious like the surface of a lake, separating water from air. Somewhere in the depths of the lake, a bubble rose, higher and higher, until it reached the surface and went past the barrier.

It broke.

And inside it, a word, or a concept, or a sensation – something altogether abstract and incredibly powerful – spread its way throughout his conscious mind.

_Happy. _

Fin

* * *

**Thank you so much to everyone for sticking with me through this story. You have all been great! Booyakasha!**


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